The MatchMaker (1997)
Sean Kelly: If you lay a hand on me again, I'll be mailing it back to you.
Moira Kelly: It's like gum in your hair. It comes out eventually.
Marcy Tizard: Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
Sean Kelly: No, it's like being constantly right.
Marcy Tizard: Oh yes, I'm so very Mary Tyler Moore, everyone says so.
Marcy Tizard: I... I... I long to fax someone
Sean Kelly: I have a fax.
Marcy Tizard: [gasps] You do!
Marcy Tizard: It's so beautiful here. If it just had the New York Times, it would be perfect.
Sarah Kelly: You should come to the dance, Marcy, come and have a bit o' craic.
Marcy Tizard: Crack?
Sarah Kelly: Yah, it's brilliant craic.
Marcy Tizard: By crack I'm assuming that you don't mean incredibly hard drugs.
Sarah Kelly: Oh no! It just means havin' a laugh, like havin' a bit o' fun!
Dermot: There's a time in every relationship when you'll both bend over to pick something up and hit your heads together. Best to get it out of the way.
Nick: Okay. Plan 2.
Senator John McGlory: You mean Plan B?
Nick: Plan B, 2, what's the difference?
Senator John McGlory: What's Plan B-2?
Senator John McGlory: I always thought you were just really good at your job. But you really are an asshole, aren't you?
Nick: They go hand in hand, Senator.
Matchmaking patron: I'll tell you me favorite color; bollix!
Marcy Tizard: [gasps] You little slut.
Bettina: I'm sorry?
Marcy Tizard: I said good morning.
Marcy Tizard: Is this a humiliate-the-tourist scenario?
Sean Kelly: [nodding] No.
Marcy Tizard: Yes, hello? I'd like to call the United States from the SMALLEST FUCKING ROOM IN THE WORLD!
Millie O'Dowd: The management reserves the right to refuse admission to old farts!
Sean Kelly: Things rarely go according to one's youthful, heroic master plans.
Marcy Tizard: What do you think, tending bar in a tasteless shirt is a more profound and valid way to spend your time?
Sean Kelly: Yes, I do think that tending bar in a tasteless shirt is a more profound and valid use of my time, yes I do, that's why I do it.
O'Hara of Aran Isle: Tell me, is that fella Dermot O'Brien still conning tourists into marrying complete strangers?
Marcy Tizard: I take it you've never had need of his services?
O'Hara of Aran Isle: Feck off! Me and Eileen, childhood sweethearts. Ah God, I miss her sometimes. That's her there.
[indicates a picture hanging on the wall]
Marcy Tizard: Oh, pretty. I'm sorry, when did she pass away?
O'Hara of Aran Isle: Huh? Oh Jesus, she's not dead! She's away on her holidays!
Marcy Tizard: Oh God, I'm sorry! I misunderstood...
O'Hara of Aran Isle: [laughs hysterically] God, that's priceless! Oh geez, I must remember that! Ha ha! Well, will you have some coffee? You will, you will, you will, you will...
Senator John McGlory: [as reporters surround his limo] Yes, yes, I hate you all. When I'm President I'll have you all killed.
Marcy Tizard: He's crazy! He threw a rock at me!
Sean Kelly: What do you mean he threw a rock at you? He threw a rock at both of us.
Marcy Tizard: Well say something in Irish to him. Maybe he'll like you better.
Marcy Tizard: Go back to your wife!
Sean Kelly: My EX-wife. We're going through with the divorce.
Marcy Tizard: They don't have divorce in Ireland.
Sean Kelly: They do. It just got in.
Marcy Tizard: Hey Paddy! Paddy! Guess what! I'm gonna stay here and fuck these two guys.
Local Lad No. 1: [to his friend] And you wanted to go see a film.
Sean Kelly: You could never live here.
Marcy Tizard: What makes you say that?
Sean Kelly: You're a big city kind o' girl. You're-you're Mary Tyler Moore.
Marcy Tizard: Oh, yes. I am so very Mary Tyler Moore. Everyone says so.
Sean Kelly: No, but you're- It's like you need to be hooked up to the city otherwise your batteries go flat.
Marcy Tizard: Okay. So, I'm like a battery operated Mary Tyler Moore? If you flatter me any more I'm gonna have to toss your pale, Irish ass off the side of this boat.