Mrs. Pascal:
Jackie and Marty belong to each other. Jackie's hand was holding Marty's penis when they came out the womb.
Lesly:
I can't talk that way about your brother.
Jackie-O:
Pretend he is not my brother, I do.
Jackie-O:
I watch soap operas. I bake brownies. Normalcy is coursing through my veins.
Jackie-O:
Were you poor? Did you eat chicken pot pie?
Jackie-O:
You be him, and I'll be her.
Mrs. Pascal:
Oh my God, I sounded just like a mother! Didn't I sound just like a mother?
Marty:
You are a mother.
Mrs. Pascal:
I know, but I still can't believe it. I look at you people and wonder, how did you ever fit in my womb?
Lesly:
This is how you raised them?
Mrs. Pascal:
People raise cattle. Children just happen.
Lesly:
You were spying on us?
Mrs. Pascal:
A mother doesn't spy. A mother pays attention.
Jackie-O:
We all have our secrets.
Lesly:
[
about Marty's ex-girlfriend] Is she still here, in Washington?
Jackie-O:
Very much so. I wonder...
Lesly:
What?
Jackie-O:
No, it's none of my business.
Lesly:
What?
Jackie-O:
Well, if he plans to get together with her while he's home.
Lesly:
Why didn't he marry her?
Jackie-O:
He couldn't.
Lesly:
Why not?
Jackie-O:
It was a family thing.
Lesly:
Families objected?
Jackie-O:
Something like that.
Lesly:
He never told me.
Jackie-O:
Men and their secrets.
Lesly:
Not all men have secrets.
Jackie-O:
We all have our secrets.
Lesly:
So what if I slept with his brother? He slept with his sister!
Anthony:
Would you like a glass of Liebfraumilch?
Lesly:
No thank you. I'll just have a glass of wine.
Marty:
That's the name of the wine.
Lesly:
Oh!
[
laughs]
Lesly:
I don't speak french.
Jackie-O:
Who does?
Anthony:
You do.
Jackie-O:
Oh, that's right, I do.
[
smiles]
Lesly:
So what does that name mean?
Jackie-O:
In french?
Lesly:
[
nods]
Jackie-O:
I think it means something German.
Marty:
It means, "loving mother's milk."
Lesly:
You speak french?
Marty:
No. German.
Marty:
Leslie, this is Jackie-O.
Lesly:
Hi!
Marty:
My Mother. Anthony. Meet Leslie. Leslie and I are engaged!
Jackie-O:
[
screams hysterically, then laughs hysterically]
Jackie-O:
[
still laughing] I have to find my hairbrush.
Lesly:
Oh, I have a comb.
Jackie-O:
[
squints angrily, then runs away]
Jackie-O:
It's okay, Anthony. I understand.
Anthony:
Understand what?
Jackie-O:
Just because Marty's attracted to girls doesn't mean you have to be.
Anthony:
I'm attracted to girls!
Jackie-O:
Really? Are you sure?
Anthony:
Yes!
Jackie-O:
Hmm...
Anthony:
[
to Jackie] I hear you crying at night alone in your room.
Anthony:
[
to Marty] I hear her crying at night alone in her room.
Marty:
[
to Jackie] You cry at night alone in your room?
Anthony:
Hey, don't make fun of her! I won't let you make fun of her.
Marty:
I wasn't going to make fun of her. I was going to ask her what she cries about.
Jackie-O:
[
turns away] What do you think? You want somebody for a very long time. And then you have them. And they love you. And they make love to you. But it's not enough. This is the truth about sex.
Anthony:
Is that why Peter was lousy in bed?
Jackie-O:
I'm not talking about Peter, Anthony.
Jackie-O:
[
turns towards them, crying] Jesus, I'm talking about Marty.
Jackie-O:
Marty and I tell each other everything.
Lesly:
Everything?
Jackie-O:
We're twins.
Lesly:
Did he tell you about his other girlfriends?
Jackie-O:
Did he tell *you* about his other girlfriends?
Lesly:
There was one, he said.
Jackie-O:
[
eyes open wide] Did he tell you about her?
Lesly:
No, what was she like?
Jackie-O:
Who?
Lesly:
The girl.
Jackie-O:
She wasn't a girl. She was a woman.
Lesly:
She was *older* than Marty.
Jackie-O:
No, they were almost exactly the same age. Talk about glamorous. She was glamorous.
Lesly:
I thought so.
Jackie-O:
Sorry, no pancakes today, I'm afraid!
Marty:
Are you being wise?
Jackie-O:
One day I woke up wise.
Marty:
One day I woke up stupid.
Jackie-O:
What'd you do?
Marty:
I went back to bed.
Jackie-O:
That was wise.
Jackie-O:
Goo is what tape is all about. Goo is what makes it tape instead of *paper*.
Jackie-O:
Well, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. There's this thing I've heard, and if I thought for one second it was true I'd probably kill myself. Does your fiancee work - in a doughnut shop?
Jackie-O:
I went through all this trouble to get sane, so you can't just leave.
Mrs. Pascal:
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go baste the turkey and hide the kitchen knives.
Jackie-O:
Pennsylvania's just this state that's in your way when you're trying to get someplace else.
Jackie-O:
Love is for tiny people with tiny lives.
Jackie-O:
What about what *we* have?
Marty:
*Had*
Jackie-O:
I don't recognize the past tense.
Jackie-O:
Sorry about that, by the way, I didn't mean to maim you. I only meant to kill you.
Marty:
These things happen.
Mrs. Pascal:
I really have no idea who my children belong to.
Jackie-O:
No, Peter and I have nothing in common. You and I, Marty, have a lot in common; parents, dna, bone structure.
Anthony:
I always carry crazy glue.
Jackie-O:
They've switched me - I used to be green, now I'm brown. I wanted my pills to match my eyes. Color me beautiful!
Anthony:
Nobody *buys* matches. People *find* matches.
Mrs. Pascal:
There is no television and no food. What else is there to stay up for?
Anthony:
What did it look like?
Jackie-O:
It looked like a hairbrush, like a brush you brush your hair with.
Mrs. Pascal:
Was it pink?
Jackie-O:
Yes, it was pink, goddamn it! It was pink! It was pink and now is gone!
Mrs. Pascal:
What's that gun doing there?
Jackie-O:
It's not a gun. It's a camera.
Mrs. Pascal:
It's a gun.
Jackie-O:
It's a camera that looks like a gun.
Marty:
Relax, Mama, it isn't loaded.
Mrs. Pascal:
How do you know?
Marty:
I checked.
Mrs. Pascal:
What's it doing there?
Jackie-O:
Being gunlike, gunesque, gunonic.
Mrs. Pascal:
Where did it come from?
Jackie-O:
God?
Jackie-O:
Guess where I am? I'm in a box and I can't get out.
Marty:
No. I'm in a box and I can't get out.
Jackie-O:
Well, I'm sorry that wasn't a very good mime, Marty, I didn't see that at all.
Lesly:
I don't think you're insane.
Jackie-O:
You don't?
Lesly:
No.
Jackie-O:
You don't think I'm an eensie weensie bit insane?
Lesly:
I don't think you're insane. I think you're just spoiled.
Jackie-O:
[
exasperated] Oh please, if everyone around here is going to start telling the truth, I'm going to bed.
Jackie-O:
I suppose you think I'm going insane just to be fashionable.
Mrs. Pascal:
Did you give your sister her medication?
Anthony:
Uh-huh
[
eyes Jackie-O]
Lesly:
Does this happen a lot?
Jackie-O:
Every goddamned hurricane!
Mrs. Pascal:
Don't forget your toothbrush!
Jackie-O:
I see Anthony wears a lot of layers around me, don't 'cha Anthony? He's got a tee shirt, a dress shirt, a vest, and a jacket.
Anthony:
I'm wearing a jacket because it's Thanksgiving
Jackie-O:
You weren't wearing it before.
Anthony:
I put it on after Marty got here.
Marty:
I appreciate it. It looks nice.
Anthony:
I think it belonged to a Kennedy.
Marty:
Why? Is there a bullet hole?
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