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Hard Men (1996)

 -  Crime  -  28 February 1997 (UK)
5.7
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Ratings: 5.7/10 from 442 users  
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A Cockney thug becomes a daddy just before he and his two colleagues are supposed to put the screws to some unfortunate deadbeat. The new dad decides that he has had enough killing and ... See full summary »

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Cast

Credited cast:
Layla Aldridge ...
Girl at Bar
Victoria Bensted ...
Night Club Hostess 1
Ross Boatman ...
Bear
Keith Brown ...
John
Rocky Byron ...
Pimp 1
...
Maltese's Boyfriend
Ken Campbell ...
Mr. Ross
Biba Caprez ...
Tone's Child (2 years)
Emma Caprez ...
Tone's Wife
Mark Channon ...
Hardstore Shop Assistant
Min Clifford ...
Waitress
Stuart Jason Cole ...
Winston
Eamonn Collinge ...
The Maltese
...
Chantal
Alec Ewe ...
Chrystal - Transvestite Hostess 1
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Storyline

A Cockney thug becomes a daddy just before he and his two colleagues are supposed to put the screws to some unfortunate deadbeat. The new dad decides that he has had enough killing and wants to start anew. Unfortunately, his partners have other plans, as does his boss who is angry that the thug killed one of his best customers. Written by Anonymous

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

You Call. They Deliver. It Ain't Pizzas.

Genres:

Crime

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for strong violence, pervasive strong language, drug use and some sexuality | See all certifications »
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Release Date:

28 February 1997 (UK)  »

Also Known As:

Skliroi antres  »

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User Reviews

A bloody terrible film. An embarrassment to the British film industry.
4 February 1999 | by (London, England) – See all my reviews

You've got your "Nil by Mouth." Then you've got your "Face." Then you've got your "Full Monty." Then you've got your "Career Girls," which was not only made by a British production team, but it was also financed by one too. 100% British. British movies are clearly on the up. All of these movies, plus many others are British, and, more importantly, are often critically acclaimed productions, which, whilst on the subject, didn't do at all badly at the box office either.

But then, someone, somewhere called JG Amalou, went and directed a movie called "Hard Men." And, suddenly, the apparent spate of British movies being brilliant again didn't look quite so fresh or appealing any more. The movie lasted in the few cinemas it played at for some weeks, and then got released on video. The video cover alone should be enough to put you off: Below a picture of a group of men dressed in suits, we have the slogan "When you call, they deliver...And it ain't pizzas."

What I don't get is whether "Hard Men" was meant to be as bad as what it is. There really isn't anything good to say about it at all. Right from the word go, this one has 'Bloody awful' written all over it. It contains acting so bad, I can't believe this move ever happened (The guy who played 'Speed' was so terrible, it's almost hard to put into words). But the acting is just one problem. The script is terrible too; As well as blatantly ripping off from movies such as "Reservoir Dogs" it completely steals huge chunks from its narrative. In "Reservoir Dogs," for instance, the benefits and 'beauty' of Madonna's "Like a Virgin" are discussed. In "Hard Men," its the apparent 'beauty' behind Abba's "Dancing Queen."

And so forth. The film has a go at portraying lots of nasty designer violence, but you'll end up in hysterics mid-way through, especially during a confrontation scene in some toilets. And the final showdown must rate as one of the all-time classic moments in bad cinema.

Quentin Tarantino's influence is all over this movie, right from the word go, and that's a sad thing (His influence was also much too apparent in "Face," but this isn't a movie worthy of being put into any other comparison). The 'Witty' dialogue is thrown all over the picture, as is the constant swearing and the pathetic storyline about several of the men having to 'Knock off' one of their fellow gangsters because he wants out of the little group.

All in all, "Hard men" is an extraordinarily bad picture, but, because of its ultra badness (Also don't forget to watch out for the boom mike), it has the predictable effect of consequently being watchable and entertaining. This sounds like a completete contradiction, I know, but when a movie is this bad, you can't help laughing loads whilst watching it. And, if you're laughing loads, I guess you're having a good time in some way or another....


7 of 14 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

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