Hard Men (1996)

User Rating:

5.5/10   

Director:

J.K. Amalou

Writer:

J.K. Amalou (writer)

Release Date:

28 February 1997 (UK)

Tagline:

You Call. They Deliver. It Ain't Pizzas.

Cast

Layla Aldridge	...	Girl at Bar
Victoria Bensted	...	Night Club Hostess 1
Ross Boatman	...	Bear
Keith Brown	...	John
Rocky Byron	...	Pimp 1
Dallas Campbell	...	Maltese's Boyfriend
Ken Campbell	...	Mr. Ross
Biba Caprez	...	Tone's Child (2 years)
Emma Caprez	...	Tone's Wife
Mark Channon	...	Hardstore Shop Assistant
Min Clifford	...	Waitress
Stuart Jason Cole	...	Winston
Eamonn Collinge	...	The Maltese
Mirella D'Angelo	...	Chantal
Alec Ewe	...	Chrystal - Transvestite Hostess 1
Nadio Fortune	...	Beggo
Frankie Fraser	...	Pops Den
Marilyn Fraser	...	Blood Flossy
Joe Garner	...	The Cockroach
Alex Georgijev	...	Kazz
Finola Geraghty	...	Duddha's Assistant
Roger Griffiths	...	Lenny
Michael Darcy Johnson	...	Annabelle - Transvestite hostess no 2
Robyn Lemis	...	Leila
Corin Mellinger	...	Waiter
Irene Ng	...	Suki
Julian Nicholls	...	Bar Fly
Abigail Oleck	...	Stripper
Richard Recardo	...	Kemal
Vincent Regan	...	Tone
Michael Riley	...	Card Player 3
Lee Ross	...	Speed
Pablo Sat-Bhambra	...	Shop Keeper
Vic Tablian	...	Turkish Café Owner
George Tardios	...	Card Player 1
Natasha Taylor	...	Night Club Hostess 2
Andrew Weatherall	...	Buddha
Brian Wheeler	...	Card Player 2
Gordon Winter	...	Barman
Humphrey J. Yoghurt III	...	Pimp 2
Rachel Young	...	Tone's Baby (6 months)

MPAA:

Rated R for strong violence, pervasive strong language, drug use and some sexuality.

Runtime:

86 min

Country:

UK | France

Color:

Color

Certification:

South Korea:18 | UK:18 | USA:R

Company:

Dacia Films

Hard times

Back in the Fifties, many a movie seemed to require one or other of its characters to say: 'hey, let's put on a show!'. In what may have passed for the gestation of this film, someone, perhaps the writer / director, said: 'Hey, let's make a movie!' The result now is much the same as the result way back then, except that in those Fifties disasters the people on each side of the camera had a reasonable idea of what they were doing. No such luck here: if I'd had to sit through this as a graduation piece from young film makers, the most charitable verdict would've been that 'Hard Men' is to movie making what Jeffrey Archer is to English Literature. In other words, no connection.

The movie doesn't so much take to the screen as set up house in a cliche -- guns, shouting, more guns, more shouting, bad language, guns, bad language, guns. As reportage it's dismal. As fiction it's unsustainable. The acting is of a standard to make one wish to hand out Oscars to those responsible for 'Night of the Lepus' ('Attack of The Killer Rabbits') and the direction as consistent as a weathervane in a hurricane.

But that ol' Fifties magic lingers on, for a third of the way through the director finally loses the plot altogether and it's time for 'hey, let's put on a show!' -- whereupon one or other of the mass murderers turns to the camera and sings about his newborn baby.

Come back, Ed Wood. All is forgiven.

Rating: unrateable.