Good Burger (1997)

Jan Schweiterman: Kurt Bozwell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kurt : I want you to bail on Good Burger. You make your sauce for Kurt.

  Ed : Who's Kurt?

  Kurt : I'm Kurt.

  Ed : I'm Ed.

  Kurt : I'm aware!

  Ed : You said you were Kurt.

• Kurt : From now on, your LIFE is Mondo Burger! You can forget about your friends; you can forget about your family... because Kurt is now both your mother AND your father.

  Dexter : [under his breath to a girl beside him]  Kurt must look awfully strange naked.

• Dexter : Check it, Ed, it's the Mondo Idiot!

  Ed : Oh, nice to meet you, Mondo Idiot, I'm Ed.

  Kurt : Well, Ed, you better watch your butt man!

  Ed : Okay.

  [Tries and ends up spinning around and around] 

  Ed : I give up. There's no way a guy can watch his own butt.

• Kurt : You mess with Kurt, and you go in the grinder.

  Dexter : Okay, now this "grinder" of yours. Is it a real grinder or is it just some kind of metaphor?

• Kurt : Can I give you a lift, Ed?

  Ed : I don't know, I weigh about 150.

  Kurt : Just get in the car.

• Kurt : OK, Hot Pants! I want to know what's in your sauce!

  Ed : Dude, you need a tic-tac!

• Kurt : Unbelievable. Two days ago, we had Good Burger CRUSHED. Now look at them.

  Troy : I think it's the sauce, boss.

  Kurt : [headbutts Troy]  DUH! I know that!

  [to Griffin] 

  Kurt : You think Kurt's stupid?

  [Griffin shrugs before quickly shaking his head] 

• Kurt : Yeah! Is everybody liking my party?

  [crowd cheers] 

  Kurt : And now... I'm psyched to present to you people... Mondo BURGER!

  [Mondo Burger sign lights up, causing a fuse to blow in Good Burger] 

  Kurt : And now people, welcome to Mondo Burger!

• Kurt : Triampathol is WAY illegal. But I'll tell you what, it sure makes burgers nice and enormo!

  Dexter : Yea, but what happens to all those nice, innocent people when they eat your "enormo" burgers?

  Kurt : Uh-oh. DON'T CARE... ladies!

  [Troy and Griffin rip off Ed and Dexter's old lady disguises and laugh when they see that Ed is wearing a corset underneath his] 

• Dexter : [busted at Mondo Burger disguised as two women, get their disguises ripped off and Dexter's wearing a T-shirt and boxers, Ed's wearing a teddy, Kurt's henchmen laugh]  Yeah yeah, laugh it up, but when those people find out that you've been putting illegal stuff in their food, you're going to jail!

  Kurt : That's why nobody outside of this room is going to find out.

  Dexter : What do you expect us to do, keep our mouths shut?

  Kurt : No, I'LL shut them for you.

  Dexter : Ed, run!

  [Ed runs straight into a wall] 

• Otis : What's that junk you're pouring into our sauce?

  Troy : Shut up, old man!

  Kurt : Don't be rude to the elderly. The old man asked us a question. Now, it's called shark poison, and it's gonna make all your little Good Burger customers very, very sick.

  Troy : So sick that I doubt any of them will ever want to eat here again.

  Otis : I'm calling the cops!

  Kurt : You're not calling anyone.

• [Roxanne shows up to Mondo Burger with crutches and multiple injuries] 

  Roxanne : I quit!

  [an unstable Roxanne falls on the ground] 

  Griffen : I'm guessing she didn't get the sauce recipe.

  Kurt Bozwell : [Disgusted]  I'm aware!

• Kurt : Listen, I can explain everything. This is all just a big misunderstand.

  [Siren wails] 

  Kurt : I don't understand. I don't know what happened.

  Dexter : Oh, sure, you do. Why don't you go on ahead and tell your little police friend that you made your big Beefy Burgers all big and beefy by using illegal food additives.

  Police Officer Perkins : Is that true?

  Kurt : No! He's lying! You're lying! You're full of crap!

  Police Officer : Yeah? Well, why don't we just check these out, and we'll see who's lying.

  Police Officer Perkins : I think you better come with us.

  Kurt : Man, you're out of your minds. You're crazy, man! You know who I am? Huh?

  Police Officer Perkins : Yeah, I know, I know.

  [the Police officers placed Kurt Bowell under arrest and put him in the car] 

  Dexter : Bye-bye.

  Ed : Hey, hey, remember: when you mess with Good Burger...

  Dexter , Ed : you go in the grinder!

  [Ed laughing] 

  Dexter : Oh, dog, you enjoy prison now.

• Kurt : Alright, PUNK! The game is over.

  Dexter : No, YOUR game is over, because right now my man Ed is on his way to the police station with a CAN of your illegal Triampathol. Ha!

  Ed : [with said can]  Hey Dex, look what I got!

  Kurt : GET IT! Nice try dudes, but you mess with Kurt, you go in the grinder. Hey... this can's empty. What an idiot! Stole an empty can!

  Dexter : Ed, you stole an empty can?

  Ed : It wasn't empty when I found it!