The Devil's Advocate (1997)
John Milton: Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.
Kevin Lomax: "Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven", is that it?
John Milton: Why not? I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him. In spite of all his imperfections, I'm a fan of man! I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist.
John Milton: Let me give you a little inside information about God. God likes to watch. He's a prankster. Think about it. He gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition. It's the goof of all time. Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, don't swallow. Ahaha. And while you're jumpin' from one foot to the next, what is he doing? He's laughin' His sick, fuckin' ass off! He's a tight-ass! He's a SADIST! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!
Kevin Lomax: What are you?
John Milton: Oh, I have so many names...
Kevin Lomax: Satan.
John Milton: Call me Dad.
John Milton: Eddie Barzoon, Eddie Barzoon. Hah! Oh, I nursed him through two divorces, a cocaine rehab, and a pregnant receptionist. Heh. God's creature, right? God's special creature? Hah! And I've warned him Kevin, I've warned him every step of the way. Watching him bounce around like a fucking game, like a windup toy! Like 250 pounds of self serving greed on wheels. The next thousand years is right around the corner, Kevin, and Eddie Barzoon-take a good look, because he's the poster child for the next millennium! These people, it's no mystery where they come from. You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire, you build egos the size of cathedrals, fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse, grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold plated fantasies until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own god, and where can you go from there? And as we're scrambling from one deal to the next, who's got his eye on the planet? As the air thickens, the water sours, and even the bees honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity. And it just keeps coming, faster and faster. There's no chance to think, to prepare. It's buy futures, sell futures, when there is no future! We got a runaway train boy, we got a billion Eddie Barzoons all jogging into the future. Every one of 'em getting ready to fist-fuck god's ex-planet, lick their fingers clean as they reach out toward their pristine, cybernetic keyboards to total up their billable hours. And then it hits home! You gotta pay your own way, Eddie. It's a little late in the game to buy out now! Your belly's too full, your dick is sore, your eyes are bloodshot, and you're screaming for someone to help! But guess what? There's no one there! You're all alone, Eddie. You're god's special little creature. Maybe it's true, maybe god threw the dice once too often. Maybe he let us all down.
John Milton: Free will. It's like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.
[In Milton's Penthouse]
Kevin Lomax: [quietly] Is there more to it?
Eddie Barzoon: Just this room.
Kevin Lomax: And a bedroom?
Eddie Barzoon: No bedroom.
Kevin Lomax: Where does he sleep?
Eddie Barzoon: Who said he sleeps?
Kevin Lomax: Where does he fuck?
John Milton: [coming up to them] Everywhere.
John Milton: Freedom, baby... is never having to say you're sorry.
Kevin Lomax: What about love?
John Milton: Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.
John Milton: Don't get too cocky my boy. No matter how good you are don't ever let them see you coming. That's the gaffe my friend. You gotta keep yourself small. Innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd... the leper... shit-kickin' surfer. Look at me.
[stops and pauses]
John Milton: Underestimated from day one. You'd never think I was a master of the universe, now would ya?
John Milton: Guilt is like a bag of fuckin' bricks. All ya gotta do is set it down.
John Milton: There's this beautiful girl just fucked me forty ways from Sunday... we're done, she's walking to the bathroom, she's trying to walk, she turns... she looks... it's me. Not the Trojan army just fucked her. Little ol' me. She has this look on her face like: "How the hell did that happen?"
John Milton: Who, in their right mind Kevin, could possibly deny the twentieth century was entirely mine.
John Milton: What about you? Your family, you gotta miss 'em.
[Mary Ann shakes her head no]
John Milton: No?
Mary Ann Lomax: I told Kevin the only thing worse than not having a father was having mine.
John Milton: I can relate. I can, believe me.
John Milton: You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?
John Milton: A woman's shoulders are the front lines of her mystique, and her neck, if she's alive, has all the mystery of a border town. A no-man's land in that battle between the mind and the body.
John Milton: I'm the hand up Mona Lisa's skirt. I'm a surprise, Kevin. They don't see me coming: that's what you're missing.
John Milton: Your vanity is justified, Kevin. Your seed, is the key to a new future. Your son is gonna sit at the head of all tables, my boy. He's gonna set this hold thing free.
Kevin Lomax: You want a child?
John Milton: I want a family.
Kevin Lomax: The Anti-Christ?
John Milton: [laughing] Whatever...
Kevin Lomax: In the Bible you lose. We're destined to lose dad.
John Milton: Well consider the source son.
Alice Lomax: Behold I send you out as sheep amidst the wolves.
John Milton: So... have we been treating you well?
Kevin Lomax: Very well, thank you.
John Milton: And your wife? She had a good time?
Kevin Lomax: She sure has, it's been great. The whole thing's been great.
John Milton: That's our secret. Kill you with kindness.
Kevin Lomax: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I know you've spent all morning listening to Mr. Broygo talk; I know you're hungry; what I need to tell you won't take very long at all. I don't like Alexander Cullen. I don't think he's a nice person. I don't expect you to like him. He's been a terrible husband to all three of his wives; he's been a destructive force in the lives of his stepchildren; he's cheated the city, his partners, his employees. He's paid hundreds of thousands of dollas in penalties and fines over the years. I don't like him. I'm going to tell you some things during the course of this trial that are going to make you like him even less. But this isn't a popularity contest; it's a murder trial.
Alice Lomax: Let me tell you about New York.
Kevin Lomax: Let me guess.
Alice Lomax: Fallen, fallen, is Babylon the great. It has become a dwelling place of demons." Revelation 18. Wouldn't hurt you to look it over.
Kevin Lomax: Couldn't forget it if I tried.
Alice Lomax: Oh, really? And what *happened* to Babylon?
John Milton: [chanting in Latin] Diaboli virtus in lumbis est. Diaboli virtus in lumbis est.
[continues chant in English]
John Milton: The virtue of the devil is in his loins.
John Milton: That day on the subway, what did I say to you? What were my words to you? Maybe it was your time to lose. You didn't think so.
Kevin Lomax: [raging] Lose? I don't lose! I win! I win! I'm a lawyer! That's my job, that's what I do!
John Milton: I rest my case.
Mary Ann Lomax: Say I can handle it.
Kevin Lomax: You can handle it.
Mary Ann Lomax: Say something nice.
Kevin Lomax: Something nice.
John Milton: It's your wife, man. She's sick, she needs you... she's got to come first. Ah, wait a minute, wait a minute. You mean the possibility of leaving this case has never even entered you mind?
Kevin Lomax: You know what scares me? I quit the case, she gets better... and I hate her for it. I don't want to resent her, John, I've got a winner here. I've got to nail this fucker down, do it fast, and put it behind me. Just get it done. Then - then. - put all my energy into her.
John Milton: I stand corrected.
Christabella Andreoli: Hey. In two minutes, you won't be thinking about Mary Ann ever again. Come here.
John Milton: She's right, my son.
[Milton lays a nuded Christabella on the altar]
John Milton: It's time to step up and take what's yours.
Kevin Lomax: You're right. It's time. Free will, right?
[Chuckles, then shoots himself in the head]
John Milton: [Screaming] No! NOOOOOOO!
John Milton: Maricela, ¿su esposa? El momento que saliste del apartamento, ella estaba arriba con Carlos. Mira, amigo, están a la pipa fumando crack. Están en la cocina compartiendo un "jumbo", y después, en tu misma cama, él se la va a meter por el culo. Y a ella le va a gustar, en tu cama verde especial.
Big Guy #1: ¿Cómo? How the fuck you know?
John Milton: Sal de mi vista y pon ese cuchillo donde merece. Enjoy yourself. You still got time. There's a train coming the other way, you'll just catch her. You'll thank me in the morning.
Big Guy #1: Hope you're right, man.
John Milton: Oh I'm right. You'll see.
Kevin Lomax: God dammit, what did you do to my wife?
John Milton: Well, on a scale of one to ten... ten being the most depraved act of sexual theatre know to man... one being your average Friday night run-through at the Lomaxes' household... I'd say, not to be immodest, Mary Ann and I got it on at about...
[counts on his fingers]
John Milton: ... seven.
Kevin Lomax: Walter, as your lawyer I'm advising you to stay the fuck away from me.
Mrs. Jackie Heath: Look, you've got three choices - the Holy Trinity: you can work, you can play, or you can breed.
John Milton: Law is the ultimate backstage pass. There are now more students in law schools than lawyers walking the streets.
John Milton: And as we're straddling from one deal to the next, who's got his eye on the planet, as the air thickens, the water sours, and even the bees' honey takes on the metallic taste of radioactivity? And it just keeps coming, faster and faster. There's no chance to think, to prepare; it's buy futures, sell futures, when there is no future.
John Milton: [On the roof] What do you think? Some people can't handle it
Kevin Lomax: It's peaceful
John Milton: My sentiments exactly, fill in the resume for me, what does your father do?
Kevin Lomax: I never got to know my father, he passed away before I was born my mother raised me just the two of us
John Milton: That can't be easy in a town like Gainesville can it?
Kevin Lomax: I don't think it's easy anywhere
John Milton: A little different when you looking down isn't it?
Kevin Lomax: Yes it is
John Milton: Your mother, what's she like?
Kevin Lomax: She's a preacher's daughter she's tough she's worked at the same poultry as I can remember she's got a church she really likes, she's usually there or they go out and do a lot of volunteer work
John Milton: Did it rub off? The book or the church?
Kevin Lomax: No I'm on parole early release for time served
John Milton: A lot of potential clients down there
Kevin Lomax: why do you need a criminal department?
John Milton: Our clients break the law like anyone else just tired of sending their business across the street
Kevin Lomax: Are you offering me a job?
John Milton: I'm thinking about it, I know you got talent, I knew that before you got here its just the other thing I wonder about: Pressure it changes everything some people you squeeze them, they focus others fold can you summon your talent at will? Can you deliver on a deadline? Can you sleep at night?
Kevin Lomax: When do we talk about money?
John Milton: Money? That's the easy part
Mary Ann Lomax: I know we've got all this money, and it's supposed to be OK, but it's not.
John Milton: Now with this? Now that you're down? I'd get ready for one of those, Class-A, New York-style pigfucks.
Alexander Cullen: This ain't no Beverly Cleary novel, you Goddamned son of a bitch.
Kevin Lomax: [Defense opening statement] Men kill animals and eat their flesh. Phillipe Moyez killed a goat and he did it at home in a manner consistent with his beliefs. It's certainly not a religious practice performed by everyone, it's not as common as circumcision, it's not as common as the belief that wine transforms into blood, some people handle poisonous snakes to prove their faith, some people walk on fire. Phillipe Moyez killed a goat and he did it while observing his constitutionally protected beliefs. This case is not about keeping goats transporting goats or goat licensing, the city was clearly less concerned with the care of the animals than the manner in which they were slaughtered. The city timed this police action to catch my client exercising his constitutionally protected right to religious freedom.
Kevin Lomax: [about Mary Ann] I left her behind and just kept going
John Milton: You can't keep punishing yourself it's awesome how far you've come I didn't make it easy I couldn't, not for you or your sister half-sister to be exact
Christabella Andreoli: [Christabella walks in] Suprise
John Milton: Some scene in that courtroom
Christabella Andreoli: [walks up to Kevin] Don't let him scare you
John Milton: I've had so many children so many disappointments, mistake after mistake and then there are the two of you
Christabella Andreoli: [in front of John and Kevin, takes off her robe, naked, stands in the middle of the room, stretches out her arms, crosses both ankles cross each other, left on top of right foot, impersonating Jesus Christ smiles, softly] who am I?
John Milton: [in his master room, inside his tower] right about one thing, I have been watching, I couldn't help myself, watching waiting and holding my breath I'm no puppeteer I don't make things happen, it doesn't work like that
Kevin Lomax: [pointing a gun at him] What did you do to Mary Ann?
John Milton: [after Kevin shoots John seven times] Step it son that's good you've got to hold on to that fury that's the last thing to go that's the final hiding place, it's the final fig leaf
Kevin Lomax: Who are you?
John Milton: Never lost a case, why? What do you think? Because you're so fucking good? Yes, but why?
Kevin Lomax: Because you're my father
John Milton: I'm a little more than that, awfully hot in that courtroom wasn't it? What's the game plan? It was a nice run it had to close out some day, nobody wins them all
Kevin Lomax: Mary Ann she knew it so you destroyed her
John Milton: You blaming me for Mary Ann? I hope you're kidding you could've saved Mary Ann whenever you wanted all she wanted was love but you were too busy
Kevin Lomax: That's a lie
John Milton: Mary Ann in New York, face it you started looking to better deal her the minute you got here
Kevin Lomax: That's not true, you don't know what we had
John Milton: [playfully] hey, I'm on your side
Kevin Lomax: [shouting, pointing at John] You're a liar
John Milton: There's nothing out there for you, don't be such a fucking chump stop deluding yourself I told you to take care of your wife, I said the world would understand.Who told to pull out all the stops on the Getty's case?
Kevin Lomax: I know what you did, you set me up
John Milton: Who made you make that choice? And Moyez the direction you took Popes, Swamis, snake handlers all feeding at the same trough who's ideas were those?
Kevin Lomax: You played me, it was your test
John Milton: And Cullen knowing he was guilty and seeing those pictures, you put that lying bitch on the stand
Kevin Lomax: You brought me in, you put me there you made her lie
John Milton: I don't do that, vanity is so basic, its self-love, it's the all-natural opiate, it's not that you didn't care for Mary Ann it's just that you were a little more involved with someone else which was yourself, Don't be too hard on yourself you wanted something more believe me
Eddie Barzoon: What's up john?
John Milton: How many hours did we bill Alex Cullen last year?
Leamon Heath: Sixteen thousand two hundred forty two
Eddie Barzoon: What the fuck did he do now?
John Milton: Alex Cullen has just been charged with murdering his wife her stepson and a maid
Eddie Barzoon: When did this happen?
John Milton: Just now, tonight I sent Pam downtown to make bail arrangements
Eddie Barzoon: They're going to fucking crucify him they're going to line up
John Milton: I want Kevin on this case
Eddie Barzoon: I hope you're kidding, Alexander Cullen in a Manhattan triple murder with excuse me Kevin? You're dreaming
John Milton: I've shaken hands with every marquee defense attorney in this town I take Kevin and I don't look back
Eddie Barzoon: You've got a great eye for talent, no you're the master I just see this happening
Kevin Lomax: I appreciate the vote of confidence but maybe Eddie has a point here
John Milton: We can get this case, the man's our client we know him better than he knows himself we've got the inside track we've got the best damn trial lawyer in the city, its ours to lose
Alexander Cullen: You better be every fucking inch as good as he says you are.
John Milton: What can I say? Outstanding, go figure it a guy like Moyez living in some subterranean shithole. All the while he's walking around with fifteen million dollars in the bank
Kevin Lomax: You're kidding
John Milton: What do you think he's paying us in? Goat's blood? We're billing you out at four hundred an hour I don't see a lot of pro bono work in you immediate future that's your only weakness as far as I can see What is that? It's the look, that Florida stud thing: "Excuse me ma'am did I leave my boots under your bed?"
Kevin Lomax: Never worked a jury that didn't have a woman.
John Milton: You know what you're missing? You're missing what I have.
John Milton: Free will. It's like butterfly wings. Once touched, they never get off the ground. No. I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.
Florida Prosecutor: Go on, Barbara.
Barbara: We go back to our homeroom for dismissal. Unless you have a pass for sports or somethin'.
Florida Prosecutor: And is that what you did on the day in question?
Barbara: No. Mr. Gettys asked me to stay after class.