Con Air (1997)
["Sweet Home Alabama" plays in background]
Garland Greene: Define irony. Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.
Cameron Poe: [to Larkin] Sorry boss, but there's only two men I trust. One of them's me. The other's not you.
Garland Greene: [talking about Billy Bedlam] He's a font of misplaced rage. Name your cliché; Mother held him too much or not enough, last picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now he's so angry moments of levity actually cause him pain; gives him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts.
Garland Greene: What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn't you consider that to be insane?
Little Girl: Are you sick?
Garland Greene: Why do you ask?
Little Girl: You look sick.
Garland Greene: I am sick.
Little Girl: Do you take medicine?
Garland Greene: There is no medicine for what I have.
Larkin: Contingency plans for something like this don't *exist!* A situation like this has never been contemplated.
Duncan Malloy: Well, you BETTER start contemplating, because this is a situation that needs to get UN-FUCKED, RIGHT NOW!
[Holding a gun up to the head of a stuffed pink bunny]
Cyrus Grissom: Make a move and the bunny gets it.
Duncan Malloy: Beautiful? Sunsets are beautiful, newborn babies are beautiful. This... this is fucking spectacular!
Vince Larkin: Where are you going with my plane, Cyrus?
Cyrus Grissom: We're going to Disney Land.
Vince Larkin: You're lying, Cyrus.
Cyrus Grissom: So are you, Vince.
Cyrus Grissom: Ohh... nothing makes me sadder than the agent lost his blader in the... aaaiirrrplane.
[Larking throws the headset he's using]
Cameron Poe: They somehow managed to get every creep and freak in the universe onto this one plane. And then somehow managed to let them take it over. And then somehow managed to stick us right smack in the middle.
Vince Larkin: This one's done it all: kidnapping, robbery, murder, extortion.
Man on P.A.: Foxtrot Charlie, perimeter is secure. You are clear to release.
Vince Larkin: His name is Cyrus Grissom, A.K.A. Cyrus the Virus. Thirty-nine years old, twenty-five of them spent in our institutions. But he's bettered himself inside. Earned two degrees, including his juris doctorate. He also killed eleven fellow inmates, incited three riots, and escaped twice. Likes to brag that he killed more men than cancer.
Guard Falzon: Okay, open wide. Lift your tongue.
Vince Larkin: Cyrus is a poster child for the criminally insane. He's a true product of the system.
Duncan Malloy: What's that supposed to mean?
Duncan Malloy: What is he, one of these sociology majors who thinks we're responsible for breeding these animals?
Vince Larkin: No, but I can point a few fingers if it would make you feel comfortable.
Pinball: What's up, man. So, you Swamp Thing?
Swamp Thing: That's right.
Pinball: Flyin' the plane?
Swamp Thing: That's right.
Pinball: It's amazing the shit you white trash know.
Swamp Thing: That's right.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [getting Poe's attention] Yee-haw! What's on your mind, Hillbilly?
Cameron Poe: What was I thinking about? Oh, yeah, "yee-haw", that's right. I was just wondering what a black militant - that would be you - was doin' takin' orders from a white boy on a power trip? Don't you think that's strange?
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: It's a means to an end, my white friend. A means to an end. See, I's can play house nigger tills we get to where we're goin'. And then, the Day of the Dog begins.
Cameron Poe: [upon seeing Malloy's Corvette Stingray attached to the flying plane] On any other day, that might seem strange.
Vince Larkin: [to Sims] We pick up Mr. Cindino in Carson City. From then until the plane hits Alabama, we've got two hours to get him to talk. We got you a seat right next to him, and he's known to be somewhat garrulous in the company of thieves.
Duncan Malloy: Garrulous? What the fuck is garrulous?
Vince Larkin: That would be loquacious, verbose, effusive. How about "chatty"?
Duncan Malloy: [to Devers] What's with Dictionary Boy?
Vince Larkin: "Thesaurus Boy", I think, is more appropriate.
Cyrus Grissom: We let you out, you gonna play nice, Billy?
William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford: [smiles viciously] Probably not.
[referring to Malloy's Corvette falling from the plane]
Vince Larkin: I know a good body shop in Fresno if it's insured.
Duncan Malloy: I was bored with that car anyway.
Vince Larkin: It worked out nicely, then.
Vince Larkin: "The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by observing its prisoners." Dostevsky said that... after doin' a little time.
Duncan Malloy: "Fuck you!" Cyrus Grissom said that after putting a bullet in my agent's head, okay?
Cyrus Grissom: Considering my audience, I'm going to make this very quick and very simple.
[points to objects in the sand]
Cyrus Grissom: This is the boneyard, this is the hanger, this is our plane.
Viking: [points] What's that?
Cyrus Grissom: That's a rock.
[knocks it out of the way]
Larkin: Nathan Jones, A.K.A. Diamond Dog. Former general of the Black Guerillas. He blew up a meeting of the National Rifle Association saying, and I quote, "They represented the basest negativity of the white race." He wrote a book in prison called, "Reflections in a Diamond Eye." New York Times called it a wakeup call for the black community. They're talking to Denzel for the movie.
Officer at Leaving Ceremony: Army Rangers have a proud history. Since the 1700s, Rangers have led the way in every major confrontation in which the United States has been involved. You men are a credit to that fine heritage, and I'm sorry to see you go. But you've served your country well, and you've displayed the ability to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete its mission, never leaving behind a fallen comrade no matter what the odds or the enemy. I thank you. America thanks you. And I wish you luck wherever you go. And remember: Rangers lead the way.
Cameron Poe: Christ in a cartoon.
Johnny 23: Shit, that's Garland Greene man.
Cameron Poe: The Marietta Mangler.
Baby O: That skinny little man butchered thirty-something people up and down the eastern seaboard. They say the way he killed those people, makes the Manson Family look like the Partridge Family.
Cameron Poe: Well, he's on the right flight.
Cyrus Grissom: [to Johnny 23] I despise rapists. For me, you're somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you're really thirsty. But, in your case, I'll make an exception.
[they can't reach Vince Larkin]
Duncan Malloy: Of course you're having trouble reaching him. He's off saving the rain forest, or recycling his sandals or some shit.
Agent Sims: I'm DEA, d'you know what the fuck that means?
Pinball: It means you're the most crooked nigger on this plane!
William 'Billy Bedlam' Bedford: You lost your mind?
Cyrus Grissom: According to my last psych evaluation, yes.
Cyrus Grissom: [Poe and Cyrus stopped Johnny from going for Guard Bishop] Do you fly, Johnny?
Johnny 23: No.
Cyrus Grissom: You keep that in mind when you look at her. Because if your dick jumps out of your pants, you jump off this plane.
Baby O: [refering to Garland Greene] What's wrong with him?
Cameron Poe: My first thought would be... a lot.
Vince Larkin: If you can't trust a South American drug lord, who can you trust, huh?
Vince Larkin: That was a joke.
Cameron Poe: I'm glad you told me.
Garland Greene: One girl, I drove through three states wearing her head as a hat.
Cameron Poe: If this thing goes bad, Larkin, I don't think my daughter will... understand. If you speak to my wife again, you tell her: that I love her. She's my hummin'bird. But, I couldn't leave a fallen man behind. You'll do that for me, won't you, Larkin?
Vince Larkin: Sure, I will. What are you gonna do for me?
Cameron Poe: What do you think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna save the fuckin' day!
Larkin: [tosses a folder onto a table] Here's the jacket on Cameron Poe. His wife's on the way here now. A U.S. Ranger, highly decorated. Did a litte hellraising when he was a kid, but nothing serious.
Duncan Malloy: Explain to me why any of this matters.
Larkin: Fact 1: we've got a plane up there filled with killers, rapists, and thieves and we've got this guy Cameron Poe: in on an involuntary manslaughter beef, non-gang affiliated. He's a parolee hitching a ride home. Fact 2: Poe has a chance to get off the plane, doesn't do it. Why? Fact 3: our guard Falzon said a convict named Cameron Poe planted Sims's tape recorder on him.
Larkin: These are interesting facts. You do the math on this... and we got an ally on that plane.
Cameron Poe: Just so's ya know, Marshal Larkin, there's now three people I trust.
Vince Larkin: Am I one of them?
Cyrus Grissom: Thanks Poe. You've proven to be a most useful mammal.
Cameron Poe: Many hands make light work. My daddy taught me that.
Cyrus Grissom: Ya know what my daddy taught me?
Cameron Poe: What's that?
Cyrus Grissom: Nothing.
Cameron Poe: Self-educated man.
Vince Larkin: He brought a gun on the plane!
Duncan Malloy: If I knew the way you guys run things I would have told him to bring a fuckin' UZI on board!
Cameron Poe: [smashing Johnny 23's head into the cage wall on each word] Don't... *treat*... *women*... *like*... *that*!
Cyrus Grissom: Guard Falzon?
Guard Falzon: What?
Cyrus Grissom: [in squeaky voice] Oh, stewardess? Stewardess? What's the in-flight movie today?
Guard Falzon: Well, I think you'll like it, Cyrus. It's called "I'll Never Make Love to a Woman on the Beach Again", and it's preceded by the award-winning short, "No More Steak for Me, Ever".
[Guard Falzon walks away chuckling]
Cyrus Grissom: [mumbles] Funny fucker, aren't ya?
Garland Greene: [singing in the crashing plane] He's got the who-ole wo-orld in his hands...
Cameron Poe: [taking daughter's picture back] Told you I'd get that back.
Guard Falzon: Fuck you, trailer trash!
Cameron Poe: HEY! My mama lives in a trailer! Now put those on! I just saved your life.
Cyrus Grissom: Where's the plane, Francisco?
Francisco Cindino: I don't know, have patience.
Cyrus Grissom: The last guy who told me to have patience, I burned him down and bagged his ashes.
Guard Falzon: My, my. As I look around, I see a lot of celebrities among us. I see eleven Current Affairs, two Hard Copies and
[looking in Diamond Dog's cage]
Guard Falzon: a genuine Geraldo interviewee. But, I gotta tell you gentlemen, none of this impresses me. Becuase we have rules on this aircraft, and they're gonna be enforced. It's a lot like kindergarten, you'll keep your hands to yourself, you'll keep the decibel level down, and if any of you should feel the need to scream, spit or bite, you'll get the treatment.
Con #2: [spits on Falzon's feet] Fuck you, pig.
Guard Falzon: [to the other guards] Gag and bag this Nazi muffin.
[hits the con and the other guards use tape and put a breathable bag over his head]
Guard Falzon: See, this kinda thing puts me in a foul mood. These rules will be enforced. If there's a hint of trouble, if any of you so much as passes gas in my direction it offends my delicate nasal passages, your testicles will become my personal property.
Larkin: Well, we told you today's flight would be special. That's William Bedford, aka "Billy Bedlam."
Agent Sims: The mass murderer?
Larkin: The same. He caught his wife in bed with another man. Left her alone, drove four towns over to his wife's family's house. Killed her parents, her brothers, her sisters, even her dog.
Cyrus Grissom: Someone alerted the authorities at Carson city, someone told them about our Lerner rendezvous, someone even killed poor Billy Bedlam. Now, could this all be coincidence? Perhaps. But then someone went and tied a rope to our plane. So, I ask you what is going on? And I answer. We have a traitor in our midst. Now how do we flush a traitor?
[pulls guard Bishop out of her cell and puts his gun to her head]
Cyrus Grissom: I don't know but at the count of three I will find out who is on my team and who is not. That would be one, two...
Baby O: [pushes Poe out of the way as Poe was standing up to confess] Wait! It was me. It was me.
Cameron Poe: Don't listen to him, man. T-The insulin, it made him crazy.
Cyrus Grissom: You have been near death the entire trip?
Baby O: Yeah, motherfucker, it was me.
Cameron Poe: Nah, he's-he's flipped out, man. He's nuts.
Baby O: That's pretty clever, huh, bitch?
[Cyrus shoots Baby O in the stomach]
Cameron Poe: Jesus!
Cyrus Grissom: [shouting] No, that's clever!
Cameron Poe: [after killing Bedlam in self-defense, looking disappointed at Bedlam's corpse] Why couldn't you put the bunny back in the box?
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [Holding 3 guards at gun point, singing] Swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me home...
Cameron Poe: What's going on here?
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: It's time to off the pigs.
Cameron Poe: You can't.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: Why not?
Cameron Poe: They're hostages, we need them.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [Points the gun at Poe] Now why the fuck do you care?
Cameron Poe: Hey, man. I can think of anything I'd like...
[Kicks the first guard]
Cameron Poe: ...better, than to put a...
[Kicks the second guard]
Cameron Poe: ...bullet, into the brain-base here of every one of these...
[Kicks the third guard]
Cameron Poe: FUCKERS! But the fact of the matter is how well do you know this Cindino? I don't know him that well, myself. Just what I read. Like how he firebombed that Senator's yacht with 2 of his cousins on board. Now, why would think he'd sweat about eliminating some hired guns after they have served their purpose, now think about that.
Cyrus Grissom: [Coming in] What exactly are we discussing here?
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: Poe don't want me to off the pigs.
Cyrus Grissom: [to Poe] Well, I can understand Nathan's feeling about killings guards and my own proclivities are well known facts of penal lore. What I want to know is, why you have any opinion at all?
Cameron Poe: Hey, Cyrus. It's your barbecue man, and it tastes good. But I was just explaining to Mr.
[Points to Diamond Dog]
Cameron Poe: "Dog" here that if it was "my" barbecue, I would wait for that ol' jumbo jet in the sky before I start killing my only leverage.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: Shut the fuck up.
Cameron Poe: Don't you want to get high and get laid, shit.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [Picks up a guard] Oh, fuck this.
Cyrus Grissom: [Seeing Diamond Dog about to kill the guard] Put the gun down. *Put the gun down, Nathan!* Poe's right. We're going to plan B. We're going to get a tractor and a fuel truck, get everybody here, and we're going to dig the plane out.
[Poe winks at Diamond Dog]
[Baby-O calls guard Bishop to get insulin shot]
Baby O: Hey, lady!
Guard Sally Bishop: Lady's a dog in a Walt Disney movie. My name is Bishop. Guard Bishop to you.
Baby O: Well, I gotta be gettin' my shot before we go gettin' on some aeroplane, Guard Bishop.
Guard Sally Bishop: What's your name?
Baby O: O'Dell. They didn't give me my shot last night.
Guard Sally Bishop: Okay, you're diabetic? Alright, your insulin's on board. We'll give it to you in flight.
[to the pilot whom he is holding at gunpoint]
Cyrus Grissom: And if you say a word about this over the radio, the next wings you see will belong to the flies buzzing over your rotting corpse!
Local cop: We got a problem here with a corpse.
Local cop: Yeah, it fell outta the sky. I don't think he's an astronaut.
Larkin: What's this got to do with me?
Local cop: It's got your name written all over it.
Pinball: You didn't mean that "dirty nigger crackhead" shit, did you?
Cyrus Grissom: Give me that gun.
[takes the gun]
Cyrus Grissom: Hell yes, I meant it.
Vince Larkin: You with me, or do you need me to draw it in crayon, like usual?
Pinball: I don't know how to tell ya this, Cyrus, but we are three white guys short. Or as they say in Ebonics, "We be fucked."
Sally Can't Dance: What can I do?
Cyrus Grissom: Take this.
[hands Sally a gun and stuffs ammo down his shirt]
Cyrus Grissom: Go into the boneyard, yeah? Anybody gets through, you scratch their eyes out.
Sally Can't Dance: You got it!
Cyrus Grissom: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I have the only gun on board. Welcome to Con Air.
Garland's Craps Dealer: New shooter coming out, new shooter. Does the new shooter feel lucky? Well, does he?
Garland Greene: Yes... yes he does.
Baby O: I got a bad feeling, son. I'm feeling like maybe I'm not supposed to make it.
Cameron Poe: You gonna make it.
Vince Larkin: [over radio] Cyrus Grissom, this is special agent Vince Larkin. We will shoot the plane down if you do not respond now.
Baby O: All I can think about is like... there ain't no God, like he don't exist.
[Poe gets up and starts walking away]
Baby O: Hey! Where you going?
Cameron Poe: I'm going to show you God does exist.
Johnny 23: [boasts that he got his nickname according to the number of women he raped] They'd call me Johnny 600 if they knew the truth.
Francisco Cindino: Don't they have a way of tracking these planes?
Swamp Thing: Oh, yeah. It's called a transponder. Every plane's got one, Cindino.
Nathan 'Diamond Dog' Jones: [sarcastic] Swamp, where is the transponder?
Cyrus Grissom: [looks at the empty bay] Ah! Where, indeed?
Cyrus Grissom: [to Agent Sims] You know, the next time you choose a human shield, you're better off not picking a two-bit negro crackhead.
Cameron Poe: [on why he's going back to the plane] I can't trade a friend's life for my own, Larkin, that's all.
Larkin: You got a friend on board? See, I knew I was right about you.
Baby O: Not only did you not save this dude's life, you done made best friends with Cyrus the damn Virus!
Cameron Poe: Well, Baby-O, it's not exactly mai-thais and yatzee out here but... let's do it!
[runs through hail of gunfire, explosions, etc]
Cameron Poe: Nice jet. You can take Cindino and leave the rest to rot for all I care. You fire that weapon, twenty pissed-off prisoners are gonna hear it. Comprende, Ese?
[Cindino's man screws a silencer to his gun, and scoffs]
Cameron Poe: Well, hooray for the sounds of *fucking* silence!
Guard Falzon: [searches Poe and finds his picture of his daughter] What's this shit?
Cameron Poe: That's my daughter.
Guard Falzon: Well, I don't care if it's the weeping mama o' Christ, there's no personal possessions on this airplane.
Cameron Poe: Just as long as you know, I'll be getting that back at some point.
Guard Falzon: [raising his voice] Are you telling me what I'm gonna be doing here, numb nuts?
Johnny 23: [as he's trying to undress Guard Bishop] When you wake up, Bishop, I'll be Johnny 24.
Cameron Poe: [to Cyrus] You ain't getting near my daughter! Buckle up!
Cameron Poe: Yeah, but like at this new prison you're goin' to, who's gonna watch your back?
Baby O: The Brothers got my back. You know what I'm sayin'?
Cyrus Grissom: [holding a gun to Cameron Poe's head] Before I kill you, Poe. I just wanted you to know the last thing that little Casey Poe ever gets to smell will be *my* *stinking* *breath*!
Vince Larkin: [desperately trying to start a truck] Come on, you stinking piece of shit car!
Billy Joe: [to Poe] Chicken shit. 'Cause of pussies like you we lost Vietnam. I'll tell you that.