Air Bud (1997)
Referee #1: Ain't no rules says a dog can't play basketball.
Judge Cranfield: By the powers vested in me, I award custody of the dog to Josh Framm.
[Bang his Gavel]
Judge Cranfield: Case closed. Thank God.
Norm Snively: You can't do that! That dog is my dog! I got pictures!
Judge Cranfield: Will somebody suppress that clown?
[the bailiff and the two police officers dragged the clown Norm Snively away and placed him under arrest. And the clown Norm Snively shouting]
Norm Snively: [on phone] No, no, I don't want my dog doing beer commercials.
Josh Framm: It's the gavel, sir.
Judge Cranfield: What? Speak up!
[Dog Barking. Judge Cranfield bangs his Gavel in order in the court. Dog barking]
Judge Cranfield: Bailiff!
Bailiff: You said speak.
Judge Cranfield: Speak!
Judge Cranfield: Will somebody please suppress that dog?
Norm Snively: Shh!
Judge Cranfield: Oh, what a day. What a day.
[Judge Cranfield drinks his glass of water]
Judge Cranfield: Ugh.
Judge Cranfield: Now then - young man, have you any evidence... that this man abused your dog? Did you ever see him hit the dog?
Josh Framm: Well... no.
Judge Cranfield: Then how did you know the dog was abused?
Josh Framm: Because Buddy doesn't like him. Buddy's my friend. I know what he's feeling, so he knows what I'm feeling. I spilled beer all over my wife.
Jackie Framm: He's telling the truth, Your Honor.
Judge Cranfield: Who's that?
Bailiff: Boy's mother.
Judge Cranfield: Oh, it's all right, you may sp - You may address the court.
Jackie Framm: When we first moved to this town, um, my son... was uh, very unhappy. And then he found Buddy here. And, um, Buddy's given him somebody to look forward to. Please, please, don't take Buddy away from my son.
Judge Cranfield: Mrs. Framm, as far as this court is concerned, the dog is property unless you have evidence...
Jackie Framm: Your Honor. All these people here did not come here because of a piece of property, Your Honor. They came here because of Buddy. He's part of this town. And he's part of the team, and he's part of our family now, Your Honor.
Norm Snively: Well, he's part of my family, too!
Norm Snively: He's like a son to me!
Norm Snively: Aw, shut up!
[Judge Cranfield bangs his gavel in order in the court. Dog barking. Court case of Snively vs. Framm just started and Timberwolves Coach Arthur Chaney just walked into the courtroom, unexpectedly]
Arthur Chaney: Why not let the dog choose, Your Honor? They say a dog is man's best friend. If that's the case, shouldn't the dog be able to choose who he wants to be friends with?
Judge Cranfield: Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?
Arthur Chaney: Arthur Chaney, Your Honor.
Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, do you reali -
[stammers in shock]
Judge Cranfield: Arthur Chaney? New York Knicks, '56? Huh. I was at that Celtics game where you did the turnaround jumper at the buzzer. I - I spilled beer all over my wife.
Bailiff: Your Honor.
Judge Cranfield: What? Oh, yes, yes, yes.
[Clears his throat. Bangs Gavel. Dog Barking]
Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney.
Arthur Chaney: Well, I've been thinking. Uh. This dog's what, three, four years old. That makes him an adult in our years. I say let Buddy decide.
Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, during my 40 years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lamebrain cockamanie proposals, but this one... I like.
Josh Framm: [a day or two after Principal Pepper fired Coach Barker; knocks on her office door] Mrs. Pepper?
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm.
Josh Framm: Um, have you found a basketball coach yet?
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm. Yes, Larry's father volunteered. Just until we find a new P. E. teacher.
Josh Framm: [starts to leave, but then goes back to her door] Okay.
Principal Pepper: Mm-hmm.
Josh Framm: [opens her door, the second time] Would it be weird, if I make a suggestion?
Andrea Framm: [Just after Josh did a light quick kiss, on her forehead, as he was about to leave the house] What's with Josh?
Jackie Framm: [just after lightly hitting Buddy's cage, and opening it, in the street] Is everyone OK?
Andrea Framm: [in the car seat] No.
Musical Band Teacher (cameo): [Josh is trying to play a trombone] No, no, no. Don't blow so hard.
[Josh blows his trombone softer]
Musical Band Teacher (cameo): Okay, blow a little harder.
[Josh then blows the trombone's slide completely out; it falls to the ground, then other classmates and band members laugh at him]
Bailiff: Next case: Snively vs. Framm.
Judge Cranfield: This one of your high-profile divorce cases?
Bailiff: No, sir. Custody.
Judge Cranfield: Oh, custody.
[Then sees Buddy, unchained, in his courtroom]
Judge Cranfield: Holy Toledo! What is that dog doing in the courtroom?
Bailiff: That's the uh, child, sir.
Judge Cranfield: That's a pretty ugly kid.
[Observers laughing. Courtroom attendants laughs at his remarks]
Bailiff: It's a dog.
Judge Cranfield: What?
Bailiff: The case is about custody of a dog.
Judge Cranfield: All right, I'll take it, but we have to do this seriously. I will not have my courtroom turned into some kind of a circus.
[Norman Snively walks into the courtroom, dressed as a clown, shocking Judge Cranfield]
Judge Cranfield: Who the hell are you?
Norm Snively: Mr. Norman F. Snively, Your Honor. I'm the plaintiff.
Judge Cranfield: You look like an idiot.
Norm Snively: Why, thank you, sir. See, I'm a clown by profession. Happy Slappy's the name. Clown and the Hound. Begging your humblest pardon, I thought it might be helpful to Your Honor, if I appeared here today in the guise most pertinent to the cogent and unequivocal stating of my case.
Judge Cranfield: Whatever, whatever. Y-Y-You got first, clown.
Norm Snively: Well, the fact is, Your Honor, that dog's my property, and I have papers to prove it.
Judge Cranfield: Well, would you show them to me, please?
Norm Snively: Well, actually, Your Honor, I-I had papers to prove it. But that boy - that young hooligan - because of his irresponsible and criminal activity, is responsible for what you see.
[Crowds murmuring. And Judge Cranfield bangs his gavel in order in the court]
Judge Cranfield: Order!
Norm Snively: You see, sir, when I lost my dog for the first time, it broke me up real bad. When I lost him the second, it darn near killed me. Hell's bells, Your Honor, All I wanna do is get Old Blue back. So it can be him and me together just like it always was.
Josh Framm: Why? So you can abuse him some more?
Judge Cranfield: That will be enough, young man.
[Judge Cranfield bangs his gavel. Dog barking]
Norm Snively: I raised that dog from puppy. I wouldn't harm a hair on his head!
[Crowds yelling. Judge Cranfield bangs his gavel in order in the court. Dog barking]
Judge Cranfield: Bailiff, what is that?
Bailiff: The dog, Your Honor.
Judge Cranfield: Oh.
Judge Cranfield: Order!
[Judge Cranfield bangs his Gavel in order in the court. Dog barking]
Judge Cranfield: Quiet!
[Judge Cranfield bangs his gavel in order in the court. Dog barking]
Josh Framm: [starts looking for Buddy after he wakes up Christmas morning] Buddy
[not seeing him under the bed where he expected]
Josh Framm: Buddy?
[leaps out of bed alarmed by not finding him]
Josh Framm: Buddy!
Jackie Framm: [he runs downstairs, finds Buddy, beside Jackie, with a Christmas ribbon on his forehead] Merry Christmas, Josh!
Josh Framm: [hugs Buddy, extra heavily, causing Buddy to whine] Thank you mom. thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
[after Josh's 3-point field-goal, leading the Timberwolves to victory over Warriors]
Jackie Framm: That's my son!
Larry Willingham: Water boy! Nice shot.
Arthur Chaney: [after Larry scores an unassisted field-goal, alone] Larry, out!
Larry Willingham: What are you taking me out for?
Buck Willingham: What the hell do you think you are doin'?
Arthur Chaney: Time, ref!
[referee then blew whistle, for time-out]
Buck Willingham: Why are you takin' my kid out for?
Arthur Chaney: 'Cause he's playin' like he's a one-man team.
Buck Willingham: This boy *is* the team!
Arthur Chaney: Maybe, he is to a worked-up father, but to me, he's a player who's got a whole lot to learn. Now, kindly to take your seat, Mr. Willingham, and let me get back to coaching my team.
Buck Willingham: [angrily] Come on, Larry. We're leavin'!
Larry Willingham: But Dad.
Buck Willingham: [More irate and quicker] Now!
Principal Pepper: May I have your attention, please? Uh, we have a real treat for you folks. I'd like you to all welcome our own guard, Josh Framm. And the new mascot, for the Timberwolves basketball team, Air-Bud!
[Josh brings Buddy to the basketball rim, tosses a basketball to get Buddy pop up and through the net. Buddy was not ready, the audience laughs while teammate Timberwolves lightly moan]
Josh Framm: [sighs] Let's go. Let's go. Come on, I'm just playing. Yeah, good boy. Just, like we always do. You already showed me that. Don't worry about all those people out there. Hey, good boy. Yeah, good boy. Let's go. Come on. Let's go, boy.
[bounces basketball on floor once]
Josh Framm: Come on. Let's go. Good boy. You wanna play?
[tosses basketball towards Buddy; while it is in the air in front of Buddy's face, Buddy knocks it up and into rim for a basket; the audience cheers]
[Josh comes into gymnasium late]
Coach Barker: Framm! You're late!
Josh Framm: I'm here to try out for the team.
Larry Willingham: [laughing] He can't try out. He's the water boy.
Larry Willingham: Framm! Where did you get that?
Josh Framm: It was in my locker.
Coach Barker: Well, it wasn't supposed to be.
Josh Framm: Would it be too much trouble if I tried out anyway?
Basketball Player - Timberwolves: Coach, just let him.
Basketball Player - Timberwolves: All right, but if you slow down my tryout, I'm gonna have to pull you out.
[after Buddy got to basketball championship game. Josh and other Timberwolves hugs Buddy. Coach Chaney quickly put Buddy into the game, replacing a fouled-out Timberwolf]
Both Warrior headcoaches: Are they nuts?
Arthur Chaney: What's the matter, gentlemen? Afraid your team might get beat by a dog?
Both Warrior headcoaches: [the two Warriors coaches answer together] Put him in.
[Coach Chaney quickly and quietly laughs, slightly diabolically]
Jackie Framm: [off-screen] Josh, I'm home!
Josh Framm: Buddy, stay here and don't move until I come back.
[leaves the bathroom quickly and walks downstairs]
Jackie Framm: [doing something for Andrea] There, you go.
Josh Framm: Hi, Mom. Can I help with the groceries?
Jackie Framm: Excuse me?
Josh Framm: Can I help with the groceries? How was your day?
Jackie Framm: Okay, what's going on?
Josh Framm: Nothing! Can't a guy help his mom with the groceries?
[upstairs, Buddy quietly nudges the basketball Josh used to get him into the tub out of the bathroom to the top stair of the staircase]
Jackie Framm: What did you do?
Josh Framm: Mom, do you remember, when I had a hamster?
Jackie Framm: Do you want another hamster?
Josh Framm: No! Not exactly.
Jackie Framm: Josh, spit it out!
[Buddy nudges the basketball off of top stair and as it bounced downstairs, it starts causing numerous paint spills]
Josh Framm: [shrieking] Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Jackie Framm: [as Buddy is chasing the basketball downstairs, he got wrapped up and covered by a new piece of wallpaper that come back off the wall Then a five-gallon bucket of white paint spills over Buddy's backbones causing Buddy, to shake off a majority of the paint, off of his fur onto Jackie and Josh's faces] No!
Josh Framm: Buddy! Ew! So, can I keep him?
[Jackie quietly gets the paint off her eyelids and looks at Josh, as if shouting "How dare you!"]
Josh Framm: [During first Timberwolves & Warriors basketball game, Buddy comes into gymnasium and knocked basketball out of a Warrior's grip] Buddy!
[Both teams start chasing Buddy, to try to get the basketball back, saying "Get him!"]
Josh Framm: Buddy, stop!
Referee #1: Hey, gimme that ball.
Jackie Framm: [Loose basketball then hits a Gatorade ice-chest, causing a big spill on gymnasium floor] Excuse me.
Josh Framm: Get back here.
[basketball hits referee in his forehead, making him walk to bench. Meanwhile, the other referee loses his balance and slides into a table, hitting one set of legs, causing the table to fold on end nearly injure him]
Josh Framm: Buddy, no!
[Buddy then causes a rack of basketballs to spill, onto floor]
Josh Framm: Buddy, no!
[Josh gets the basketball, then Buddy knocks it, out of Josh's hands and up into basketball rim for a bucket. Audience and referees are a -first in shock and then start cheering for Buddy]
Josh Framm: Buddy, bad dog!
Jackie Framm: Sorry, Josh. Come on, Buddy.
Josh Framm: [after the game] Hey, boy.
Jackie Framm: Did you know that Buddy could do that? Did you know that Buddy could play basketball?
Principal Pepper: [chuckling] There he is! Oh, the man of the hour! And the dog! I swear, I wouldn't have believed it, if I hadn't seen it with my own two eyes! A basketball-playing dog! A regular Michael "Woof" Jordan! You've been keeping this under your hats! Oh, I'm going off like a faucet. Melissa, this is Mrs. Framm... and her talented son, Josh.
Josh Framm: Hi.
Melissa: I'm the president, of the Booster Club and wondered if you and...
Josh Framm: Buddy.
Melissa: Buddy could do that trick, at the next half-time show.
Principal Pepper: Wouldn't he be a great mascot?
Josh Framm: [Buddy leaves them, going back to the gymnasium, having overheard Coach Barker shouting at and mistreating Timberwolf Tom Stewart] Buddy? Buddy!
Coach Barker: You're never going to drop another ball, Stewart!
[starts throwing a group of basketballs at Tom Stewart too hard and to fast for him to successfully catch any of them, to vent out his anger]
Principal Pepper: [opens the gymnasium door] What's going on here?
Coach Barker: Just running Tom through a little drill.
Principal Pepper: That'll be enough, Joe. That will be enough.
Josh Framm: [Josh pets Buddy's head at gymnasium door] Good boy!
Norm Snively: [after seeing a tear in his shirt] Oh, darn it!
[dresses Buddy; of a newspaper]
Norm Snively: Okay, mutt, show time! Okay, come here. Hold it. Hold it. Do not make me use this, Okay?
[rings doorbell; it opens]
Norm Snively: Hi, Clown and the Hound!
Norm Snively: Ow!
Norm Snively: Okay, kids, it's "Happy Slappy Time!" All right now, we'll start off with a little plate-spinnin', okay?
[never gets balance of the spinning plate]
Norm Snively: I bet you won't be able to guess what this one is.
[tries tying two balloons but they quickly bust as he is trying to tie them up and together]
Norm Snively: Pick a card. Any card.
[no result; he tries to swing a hula-hoop around his waist, but cannot]
Norm Snively: Now, we put the plate in our mouth.
[coughing and speaking at same time, almost]
Norm Snively: Went down a little bit too far!
[the stick touches Snively's esophagus, causing him to cough heavily; then he hums a melody and starts a tap-dance, and quickly gets tired; the children moan in frustration at the dullness]
Norm Snively: Okay, dog, your turn.
[Snively starts tossing balls that Buddy catches, exciting everyone in the house, who all start smiling]
Norm Snively: One more.
Party kids: Yeah! That was the only exciting thing!
Party kids: And now, for the grand finale, kids!
[Snively tosss a beach ball to Buddy and Buddy makes it bounce back to Snively, unexpectedly knocking him down, angering him!]
Party kids: Where are you?
[family and mom shriek as Snively starts chasing Buddy]
Party kids: Come back here!
[his neck hits the corner of a chair during the chase]
Party kids: Ow!
Party Mom: My cake!
Norm Snively: [after falling on ground and sliding outside] Would it be okay if I get a couple of references?
[leaving, puts Buddy back in the cage]
Norm Snively: Come on! I warned you! You had hour chance, you flea-bitten mongrel! You're going to the pound! You hear me? You're going to the pound!
[slaps Buddy's cage with the newspaper]
Norm Snively: I hate birthday parties! I hate kids! I HATE BEING A CLOWN!
[in the truck on the phone]
Norm Snively: Yeah, dog pound? I got a vicious dog! No, It's a horrible dog. It's a menace. I'm bringing him in now. No, I don't know where you are. That's why I'm calling you. What? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know where that is. I should be there in fifteen to twenty minutes.
[Buddy's cage is in progress of tilting and sliding out of Snively's truck]
Norm Snively: Yeah, well no. I got a map. I got a map, here, in the truck.
[Buddy's cage then slid out of Snively's truck and slid a long distance, before stopping]
Josh Framm: What's the matter Buddy?
Josh Framm: Sorry I don't have any sausages left, they fell out of my pocket while I was skateboarding to the zoo.
Josh Framm: [Suddenly looks serious] No Buddy I'm not a sinister agent for the underground reptilian agenda that seeks to enslave all dogs and stop them from eating sausages. Are you utterly insane?