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Teen Angel (TV Series 1997–1998) Poster

(1997–1998)

Quotes

Marty DePolo: What a tangled web we weave, to get a date for Steve... Beauchamp.

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Aunt Pam: Steve, I don't know why you want to sing "Frog Went A-Courtin'" in a British accent at 3am, but cut it out!

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Marty DePolo: I knew he'd leave me one day, but did it have to be for a blonde? It's so typical!... there, I said it.

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Marty DePolo: [to Nia] Even heaven can't compare to you.

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Marty DePolo: [to an angel in the opening sequence] Hey, what'd you die of?

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Steve Beauchamp: No, no, wait a minute. This isn't happening to me.

Marty DePolo: No, no, it's true, check it out! I've got retractable wings! Come on. Feel it.

Steve Beauchamp: Nah, a guy doesn't feel another guy's wings, man.

Marty DePolo: Come on. Get with the times.

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Angela: Oh, Marty, Marty. I've been doing this a long time, Hon. I know what you must be feeling, but don't you worry. The good have nothing to fear.

Marty DePolo: Uh oh!

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God's cousin Rod: It is only because of your extreme youth that we are considering your admission into Heaven.

Marty DePolo: All right, tried as a minor!

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Marty DePolo: Hey, I'll visit whenever I can. I get all the Jewish holidays off.

[whispers]

Marty DePolo: The boss' son is Jewish.

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Marty DePolo: [tries to hug Steve, but goes right through him] Not solid enough; I gotta eat more bananas.

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Marty DePolo: No way! There really is a Cupid?

God's cousin Rod: Of course! How do you think Claudia Schiffer ended up with that Copperfield fellow?

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Judy Beauchamp: And Aunt Louise is an angel now, and so's Grandpa Joe.

Marty DePolo: He must be the 'fall asleep with his hands in his pants' angel.

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Judy Beauchamp: Heaven is a very special place. All your loved ones go there.

Katie Beauchamp: Even my sea-monkeys?

Judy Beauchamp: Even your sea-monkeys.

Katie Beauchamp: So, everything you flush down the toilet goes to heaven.

Judy Beauchamp: Well, not everything.

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Marty DePolo: Let me do some research here.

[walks down to where Edie and her friend are at their lockers. He snaps his fingers and Edie's friend goes over to her]

Friend: Edie, would you ever go out with a guy who couldn't sing?

Edie: Gross!

Marty DePolo: I was afraid of that. Hey, I could find out a lot of things.

[snaps his fingers again and Edie's friend walks back over to her]

Friend: Edie, what did you think of Marty DePolo when he was alive?

Edie: Gross!

Marty DePolo: I'm not licked yet!

[snaps his fingers again]

Friend: Edie, what would you think of Marty DePolo if he were alive and he could sing?

Edie: Gross!

Marty DePolo: [goes to snap his fingers again but thinks better of it] I give up.

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God's cousin Rod: We'll start things off with a nice gift basket.

Marty DePolo: Gift basket?

God's cousin Rod: It's full of goodies to help with your adjustment.

Laurie: Ooh, turtle wax!

Marty DePolo: I didn't get a gift basket.

God's cousin Rod: Marty.

Marty DePolo: Where's my turtle wax?

God's cousin Rod: Marty, don't you have someplace else to be?

Marty DePolo: Not really.

[to Laurie]

Marty DePolo: You gonna eat that salami?

God's cousin Rod: Go help Steve with the talent show!

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Kyle: Hello, Last Boy! Ha ha ha... Hey, I made a pun!

Steve Beauchamp: That wasn't a pun.

Kyle: What is it?

Steve Beauchamp: Er, unprovoked abuse?

Kyle: Fine by me. I'm outta here.

[starts to walk away]

Marty DePolo: Hey, have a nice trip!

[sticks out his foot and Kyle trips over it and goes sprawling across the floor]

Marty DePolo: Now THAT was a pun.

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Marty DePolo: All right, should I help him or shouldn't I? On the one hand, he really wants to do this for himself. On the other hand...

Steve Beauchamp: [being thrown by Kyle] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Marty DePolo: ...there's that.

[He jumps to his feet]

Marty DePolo: Kyle, by the awesome power of Heaven I give you an invisible wedgy.

[He pulls at the air and Kyle falls over clutching his bottom]

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Jordan Lubell: Your new locker.

[opens it for Steve]

Jordan Lubell: Voila, dude.

Steve Beauchamp: Wow.

Jordan Lubell: And every night the janitor leaves a little mint on the top shelf.

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Coach Fortner: Beauchamp, are you talking to thin air?

Steve Beauchamp: Uh...

Coach Fortner: Whatever floats your boat.

[waves to the air]

Coach Fortner: Good-bye, Steve's invisible friend.

Marty DePolo: Good-bye, Steve's hypertensive coach.

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Katie Beauchamp: Well I have a loose tooth, and I hear the tooth fairy's giving a hundred dollars now.

Judy Beauchamp: Now, Katie, don't make things up.

Steve Beauchamp: I made the wrestling team.

Judy Beauchamp: You, too, Steve, don't make things up.

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Aunt Pam: Oh yeah? You wanna arm wrestle?

Steve Beauchamp: Oh come on. Well, I'm a guy and you're...

Aunt Pam: Yeah?

Steve Beauchamp: You're my aunt.

Katie Beauchamp: Aunts can lift 17 times their body weight.

Judy Beauchamp: No, Katie, honey. You're thinking of those pesky ants that steal your food at picnics.

Katie Beauchamp: Yeah, like Aunt Pam.

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God's cousin Rod: Steve's on the wrestling team but he can't beat his aunt Pam. What's wrong with this picture?

Marty DePolo: Well the contrast is a little off, and you only seem to be able to get this one channel, but I've got a cousin who could hook you up with a little box that...

God's cousin Rod: We don't steal cable in Heaven!

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Announcer: Steve Beauchamp. You've just gone from a total unknown to the top ranked wrestler in the district. How did you do it?

Steve Beauchamp: [takes the mic] Well, I'm afraid I have a confession to make too. I owe all my success to, well, the forces of heaven.

All: Awww.

Steve Beauchamp: No, I'm serious. I had a guardian angel on my side.

All: Awww.

Steve Beauchamp: No, I'm not kidding. He's right there.

[He points to Marty who's motioning to him to shut up. Coach takes the mic from him]

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Marty DePolo: [reading fan mail] Dear Teen Angel, how do I get out those water marks left by soda cans on my coffee table? That's easy. Use your magic powers. Thanks for writing.

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Marty DePolo: [during Grandpa Jerry and Grandma's Italian dinner] O sole mio... my car's a Geo... our busboy Leo... has a bad case of B.O.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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