Rough Riders (1997– )
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: [after leaving an officer's conference] That General Shafter is way over his head... WAY over. And he's big as a house to boot!
Lt. William Wheeler: I just hope you were polite in there, Daddy.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: What if I wasn't? What the hell are they gonna do to me?
Lt. William Wheeler: I just meant that...
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: Now, you listen to me, boy! I am a US Congressman, I am a volunteer, I am here on the personal request of the President of the United States... and I am a Reb!
Lt. William Wheeler: I understand, Daddy...
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: Now listen to me very closely... I have got these Yankees by the long johns!
Col. Swayles: General Wheeler! I hope you won't mind this brief intrusion, but I'm Horatio Swayles. I was with the Union cavalry that opposed you in the fighting around Atlanta.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: Nice to meet you. This is my son, William. You'll forgive me if I tell you that Atlanta isn't one of my fondest memories.
Col. Swayles: Well, of course...
[the Wheelers walk on]
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: [to William] I should have killed that son of a bitch long ago to keep him from breeding!
Theodore Roosevelt: Will you be so kind, Mr Crane, with your camera, to take a picture of this regiment on this glorious hill, for we will always live in its shadow.
Stephen Crane: You're wounded, sir.
Craig Wadsworth: A red badge of courage... it's not like your book, old man. I would have run if I could have.
Stephen Crane: Why didn't you?
Craig Wadsworth: Because they were watching, my fellows; they didn't run.
Wadsworth Sr.: Life is hunger. Life is anger. Life is pain and dirt. Your grandfather knew life. He didn't recommend it. That's why we're rich.
Wadsworth Sr.: To be wealthy, warm, and well-thought of... that's what a man really wants, if he's honest. And you have it.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: We've got the Yankees on the run!
Lt. William Wheeler: Spaniards, sir; and they're falling back onto prepared positions.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: Don't spoil it, son.
Indian Bob: What are you thinking about, Craig?
Craig Wadsworth: My father. He gave me some advice, before I joined the regiment.
Indian Bob: Was it good advice?
Craig Wadsworth: Yes.
Indian Bob: Did you follow it?
Craig Wadsworth: No.
Henry Nash: I miss you, boys. Been more that twenty years. My God, we were young. Well, it was a young country then, full of promise and hope. Anything was possible then if you were an American.
Henry Nash: I'll see you boys soon. Adios compadres.
Henry Bardshar: [Roosevelt has expressed concern over the upcoming attack] Don't worry, colonel; you're the closest thing most of these boys have to a father. We won't let you down.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: [after his shot was shot] I haven't had a horse shot out from under me in 30 years.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: It's still a Thrill.
Woodbury Kane: [after shooting a Spaniard who tried to surrender] He who has no stomach for this fight, let him depart.
Theodore Roosevelt: When we were good, and not misbehaving, she made us cheese grits!
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: This isn't a regulation war. That ain't how we do things here in the South.
Theodore Roosevelt: [frustrated and waving a pistol as a captured German provides instructions on how to use a machine gun] I can see it feeds from the right!
Theodore Roosevelt: If it were up to me, we'd drive every European flag from this Hemisphere at bayonet point!
Mademoiselle Adler: Mon dieu, help me, I feel faint.
Edith Roosevelt: Feel free. By all means, fall right over!
Theodore Roosevelt: [greeting dignitaries at a party] Oh, more good Republicans!
President William McKinley: Where are the Spaniards? It says they've landed at... Daiquiri.
Secretary of State John Hay: Daiquiri? Isn't that a new summer cocktail?
President William McKinley: NOW you're getting the idea, Mr. Hay...
President William McKinley: Alright, you sons of bitches - do it!
Secretary of State John Hay: [examining the New York Journal's account of the Maine sinking] I think you're a scoundrel, Randolph - completely without conscience.
William Randolph Hearst: What, did Freddie go too far?
Frederick Remington: You don't really think that those people blew up that boat, now do you?
Secretary of State John Hay: A naval blockade is in the offing, gentlemen.
Frederick Remington: A naval blockade is hardly a war.
William Randolph Hearst: Furnish the pictures, Freddie, and I'll furnish the war!
Frederick Remington: Very good, Willy.
Secretary of State John Hay: Well said, Randolph!
William Randolph Hearst: Thank you, Mr. Secretary.
Secretary of State John Hay: Cheers.
William Randolph Hearst: Remember the Maine, and to HELL with Spain!
Capt. Bucky O'Neil: To the officers: May we all be killed, wounded or promoted.
Secretary of State John Hay: General, you were one of the finest cavalry officers in the Confederacy.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: [shakes his head] Let me tell you something... Bedford Forrest had 32 horses shot out from under him, but he killed 33 Yankees.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: Forrest was better!
Craig Wadsworth: [having tamed a horse Nash was unable to break] Spirited mount!
Henry Nash: Well, I'll be damned... Where'd he learn to ride like that?
Woodbury Kane: Craig Wadsworth is the finest polo player in the country. Do you play polo?
Henry Nash: Oh, yeah, every day, right after my bubble bath!
Frederick Funston: [after O'Neill and Funston's men accidentally fired on one another] These are insurrectos! And I'm Major Funston! You killed some of my men!
Capt. Bucky O'Neil: MAJOR FUNSTON! I can't take it back. We're all going the same place, now let's get there together!
Col. Leonard Wood: [examining an account of the Battle of Manila Bay] He was your appointment, was he not?
Theodore Roosevelt: Oh, I had a hand in it!
Col. Leonard Wood: And it was your plan to have Dewey coal his warships and set sail for Manila Bay.
Theodore Roosevelt: Secretary Long was on vacation in New England.
Col. Leonard Wood: So, YOU took the initiative?
Theodore Roosevelt: I suppose so... But that Commodore Dewey was like a wolfhound slipped from the leash, wasn't he, Leonard?
Col. Leonard Wood: I suppose he was, Theodore... And Roosevelt is like a young second lieutenant: Ambitious, often overreaching, frequently insubordinate, brash... but, successful - this time. Don't try it with me!
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: [eating a stew] You stole this hog!
[makes oinking noises, to the consternation of Wood and Roosevelt]
Eli: We caught the gator and the snake.
Eli: Footless animal stew, sir.
Woodbury Kane: It is the duty, the honor, of the patrician class to lead its countrymen by the sword.
Capt. Bucky O'Neil: Any of you boys ever see a bullfight? The Spanish enjoy bullfighting. The Spaniards are a cruel people. Do any of you know what the greatest feat of arms in history is?
George Neville: The defeat of the Texans at the Alamo?
Capt. Bucky O'Neil: WRONG! The Spanish conquest of Mexico. 900 Spanish soldiers under Hernan Cortes defeated 100,000 Aztec warriors! And they did this with SWORDS! And they raped all the women and took all of the gold.
Henry Nash: [Nash and the buffalo soldier come up to Remington painting the battlefield] Hey, painter man! Where's the 1st Cavalry?
Frederick Remington: How should I know? I'm a non-combatant, God damn it!
Frederick Remington: [listening to Hearst dictate a report] There were no gleaming helmets! We're in the jungle.
William Randolph Hearst: Shut up and finish your painting, Freddie.
Frederick Remington: But it's not... true!
William Randolph Hearst: Truth is the first casualty of war, Freddie. You'd ought to know that.
Capt. Bucky O'Neil: [to Nash, grabbing his throat] Nash! Where were you the night Roosevelt came in? Hmm? I know you are and I know what you did. You should have got out while you had the chance, because you ain't getting out now. If any of my men dies because of you, I'll have you pulled apart by horses! Understand? Savvy?
Henry Nash: Captain, hadn't you better get down?
Capt. Bucky O'Neil: There ain't a Spanish bullet made that can kill me! Nash...
[is shot by a Spanish sniper]
Henry Nash: [after O'Neill is killed] I swear that I'll make people remember you, old man. Remember what you did for us. I'll build a statue if I have to!
Col. Leonard Wood: All in all, Theodore, you're shaping up to be a competent officer. Don't let it go to your head.
Theodore Roosevelt: No, sir. I shall not do that!
Theodore Roosevelt: [after being wounded by Spanish artillery] Like a hornet sting! YOU'LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT!
Young Black Jack Pershing: [before the charge on San Juan Hill] Buffalo soldiers! This what they pay you thirteen dollars a month for!
Gen. Shafter: Our transport ships haven't even got here yet! And now I hear supplies are still aboard trains? And our quartermaster tells me he has no idea WHICH trains! I've never seen anything like it. My God, I've never seen anything like it in my lifetime!
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: That's because nothing like this has ever happened in your lifetime.
Indian Bob: [after Kane, Tiffany and Wodsworth begin reciting Henry V's Agincourt speech] What are they talking about?
Henry Nash: [shrugs] They're educated men.
Theodore Roosevelt: [trying to convince Wood to be Colonel of the Rough Riders] Come on, Leonard, you already know you're going. Why not at the head of the wildest mad cap regiment since the Mongols rode the Steppes?
Col. Leonard Wood: Theodore, do you know that you're mad?
Edith Roosevelt: Well, it's never bothered him before...
Newsman: Colonel Roosevelt, what do you think of this regiment, the Rough Riders?
Theodore Roosevelt: I think this regiment could whip Caesar's Tenth Legion! I think they could ride with Genghis Khan! They are the best examples of American manhood. We have cowboys, Ivy Leaguers, football players, polo players, bronco busters, New York City policemen... and one man, I regret to say, who used to work for the Internal Revenue Service!
Hearst's Man: Are you Mr. Hearst?
William Randolph Hearst: Of course I'm Hearst.
Hearst's Man: An urgent dispatch, sir - from Washington.
William Randolph Hearst: [reads it closely, and his face goes wide with excitement] WAR!
[Hearst and his entourage rush inside]
Capt. Bucky O'Neil: War's an argument! Best way to win that argument is to kill the other fella.
Henry Bardshar: A man's gotta do what he has to do, Sara.
Sara Bardshar: Yeah, and a woman's got to do everything else.
Stephen Crane: [describing the batttle to Teague] Any American would give an arm to see this.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: [to McKinley] But don't worry too much about them people in the South. there's nothing they like better than a good fight.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: Good day.
[He starts to leave]
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: Oh, we don't even celebrate the Fourth of July.
Gen. Joseph 'Fighting Joe' Wheeler: Maybe after this, we will.
Stephen Crane: [Drunkenly to Teague] When the time comes, I'll walk to the sound of the guns.
President William McKinley: [to Hay] Well, God takes care of drunks, madmen, and the American army.
Henry Nash: [Pointing out the Apache] Look at that Indian. There ain't nuthin' human about him. He don't even talk.
Indian Bob: He ain't got nuthin' to say.
Henry Nash: But he's a wild Indian. What are you?
Indian Bob: Sioux. You know, the ones who got Custer.