Dead Man on Campus (1998)
Cliff: They hate it when you do this.
[shoots gun at cops]
Matt: [after he gets caught singing a show tune by Cooper] Oh fuck me!
Cooper: What were you just doing?
Matt: What? Nothing!
Cooper: Oh no, don't tell me nothing, you were just singing a show tune!
Matt: You're crazy, I'd never do that.
Cooper: You can't be suicidal if you're singing show tunes!
Matt: I am suicidal.
Cooper: You're not even depressed!
Matt: Of course I'm depressed, look at me.
Matt: I'm very fucking depressed.
Cooper: You fucking poser!
Matt: [loses his accent] Hey man, I'm not a fucking...
Cooper: You're not even British!
Cliff: I really shouldn't be driving, I have a suspended license.
Cooper: Really? For what?
Cliff: Attempted vehiclular manslaughter... whatever the FUCK that means!
Cliff: I live in a Frat House, right? And these fuckers wanna kick me out for not observing quiet hour!
Cliff: Well, they can SUCK my QUIET COCK!
Cliff: [rapping] My name is Cliff, brother of Joe. I got me some crack. I want me some hoes!
Cooper: Young man! Where have you been? I was up all night worried sick. Do you know what time it is?
Josh: I LOVE college. I love everything about it. The people, the freedom. This room. This chair. Look at this chair!
Cooper: You had sex last night didn't you?
Josh: That's a nice shirt.
Zeke: This is my brother's Ritalin. Ritalin's good for studying math or science, just don't try to write English papers on it or it won't make any sense. Enjoy that.
Cliff: [looking at a poster of Van Gogh's "Starry Night"] Whoa. Which one of you painted this?
Rachel: Uhh... I did.
Cliff: It's soooo smooth.
Zeke: [terrified] Cliff!
Cliff: How you been man? I haven't seen you since high school!
Zeke: I-I thought you were dead.
Cliff: No! But about THIS close though!
Josh: It was so easy. I mean, I didn't have to do anything. To make it happen. It was just like. "Time for sex. We're gonna have sex now. Prepare for sex."
Josh: I'm not gonna commit suicide, if that's what you're thinking.
Cooper: Aw come on Josh, you're fucked anyway. At least this way, one of us comes out on top.
Josh: Then you kill YOURself.
Cooper: Naw, I just couldn't see that working.
Cooper: My father's right. I'm a fuck-up. I'm a total fuck-up. You may be having this little holiday in Fuck-up Land, but I live here permanently.
Cooper: You know what my dad does for a living? He cleans toilets. Yeah, he own this whole, toilet cleaning company and it's big. It's huge. And he's an incredible... asshole!
Cooper: Yeah I call him Flushles, the Toilet Cleaning Clown...
Matt: [singing] My words in my sperm, spewing forth my tragic...
Matt: What the fuck do you two what?
Josh: Are you a musician?
Cooper: Are you in a band?
Matt: Kiss... My... Arse.
[Josh and Cooper look at each other puzzled]
Matt: That's the name of the bleeding band.
Josh: Oh, you're gonna be playing the big pre-finals party.
Matt: Yeah, that's right - if I'm still around.
Cooper: What do you mean?
Matt: And who the fuck are you? Fucking Kurt Loader!
Matt: WOULD YOU PISS OFF AND SHUT MY FUCKING DOOR!
[Josh and Cooper hurriedly close the door, but remain in the room]
Matt: Piss off!
Josh: Oh, Piss off.
Cooper: [On the way out of the room] What the fuck does piss off mean?
Cliff: [Josh is about to drink yellow liquid] That one's not beer!