Ritter, usually Hollywood's Mr. Niceguy, plays a holy terror in this tale of raging spousal abuse. Very effective film showing how a family can be torn apart for years by a lunatic who was created by the actions of his own father. Realistically played out, this picture could serve as the 'poster' movie for a problem which is apparently more pervasive than I had supposed. A definite must see.
19 Reviews
Excellent portrayal of a real life batterer
givennewlife4 March 2014
A good film about an ugly subject: male-on-female domestic violence.
Here's some valuable back-story (not a spoiler): I've known Paul Hegstrom and his wife personally. According to them the film is an accurate portrayal of what an incredibly messed up man Paul Hegstrom was. Paul no longer *physically* beats his wife. However there are plenty of ways the physically abusive can continue the cycle of abuse without raising a hand. Anger issues and deep seated insecurities can be manifested in many ways than physically.
Another reviewer said, "I believe it was very courageous for the real life Paul Hegstrom to put himself out there and tell the world what he'd done. We all make mistakes, not many of us can admit it." Big assumption there. Paul Hegstrom has made a lot of money by promoting through his books and "counseling ministry" the stereotype that men are abusive and women are victims and that the inverse is rarely ever true; and where it is true the man must have done something to deserve it.
Take what good you can from this film, but don't presume that the central figure on which the film is based is a role model of genuine redemption. Unfortunately there are many physically abusive men (and although Hegstrom would deny it, women too) who overcome their physical abusiveness only to continue being equally abusive emotionally and psychologically. ALL forms of abuse are wrong and, unfortunately, this film may only perpetuate the stereotype that physical abuse is more evil than other abuses, and that only men are responsible for abuse.
Here's some valuable back-story (not a spoiler): I've known Paul Hegstrom and his wife personally. According to them the film is an accurate portrayal of what an incredibly messed up man Paul Hegstrom was. Paul no longer *physically* beats his wife. However there are plenty of ways the physically abusive can continue the cycle of abuse without raising a hand. Anger issues and deep seated insecurities can be manifested in many ways than physically.
Another reviewer said, "I believe it was very courageous for the real life Paul Hegstrom to put himself out there and tell the world what he'd done. We all make mistakes, not many of us can admit it." Big assumption there. Paul Hegstrom has made a lot of money by promoting through his books and "counseling ministry" the stereotype that men are abusive and women are victims and that the inverse is rarely ever true; and where it is true the man must have done something to deserve it.
Take what good you can from this film, but don't presume that the central figure on which the film is based is a role model of genuine redemption. Unfortunately there are many physically abusive men (and although Hegstrom would deny it, women too) who overcome their physical abusiveness only to continue being equally abusive emotionally and psychologically. ALL forms of abuse are wrong and, unfortunately, this film may only perpetuate the stereotype that physical abuse is more evil than other abuses, and that only men are responsible for abuse.
The wife beater
Prismark1021 July 2014
John Ritter was well known for playing nice guys so in Unforgivable he takes a turn to the dark side playing a hard drinking, wife beater in this true life television film.
Ritter plays Paul Hegstrom a whiny car salesman who abuses his wife has a girlfriend (Beth) on the side and when he walks out on his wife and kids he soon turns on Beth as well hospitalizing her in a bout of rage.
Beth forces Paul to join a counselling group for abusive men or else she will press criminal charges. He reluctantly joins a radical therapy group with other spousal abusive men like him and eventually realises the extent of his abuse and the effect that it had on his wife and kids, especially his daughter who wants nothing to do with him.
Ritter relishes playing a more darker character but the TV movie does pull its punches a little because of its medium. Paul is shown to be rather one dimensional, a charmless loser, he is argumentative with his boss and even testy with his friends. Usually these types of guys are charming at work and with their friends to highlight their Jekyll/Hyde nature.
Kevin Dunn plays the counsellor who gives his usual good performance but the rest of the therapy group did not convince me, looking like a bunch of stereotypes causing friction with each other, eventually having some sort of comradeship when they each realise the errors of their ways.
Of course Paul has to make amends with his family but although his wife might be prepared to forgive him, his daughter is not. Like a lot of American movie of the week true stories I am not sure how faithful it is to the real life scenario, an intriguing film but not wholly successful.
Ritter plays Paul Hegstrom a whiny car salesman who abuses his wife has a girlfriend (Beth) on the side and when he walks out on his wife and kids he soon turns on Beth as well hospitalizing her in a bout of rage.
Beth forces Paul to join a counselling group for abusive men or else she will press criminal charges. He reluctantly joins a radical therapy group with other spousal abusive men like him and eventually realises the extent of his abuse and the effect that it had on his wife and kids, especially his daughter who wants nothing to do with him.
Ritter relishes playing a more darker character but the TV movie does pull its punches a little because of its medium. Paul is shown to be rather one dimensional, a charmless loser, he is argumentative with his boss and even testy with his friends. Usually these types of guys are charming at work and with their friends to highlight their Jekyll/Hyde nature.
Kevin Dunn plays the counsellor who gives his usual good performance but the rest of the therapy group did not convince me, looking like a bunch of stereotypes causing friction with each other, eventually having some sort of comradeship when they each realise the errors of their ways.
Of course Paul has to make amends with his family but although his wife might be prepared to forgive him, his daughter is not. Like a lot of American movie of the week true stories I am not sure how faithful it is to the real life scenario, an intriguing film but not wholly successful.
A different type of domestic violence movie ...
Xapora14 August 2004
Paul (John Ritter -- R.I.P.) is a nasty, cheating wife-beater who struggles to control his anger at home and at work. I won't re-cap the plot, instead I'll simply say this is an excellent TVM about domestic violence. It explores the reasons WHY men beat their wives/girlfriends and what can be done about it.
In a jaded, cynical world, this movie gives hope that some people CAN change and there's help out there if you need it -- all you have to do is ask.
The cast do a magnificent job in their respective roles and being a true story, there's a little epilogue at the end. I believe it was very courageous for the real life Paul Hegstrom to put himself out there and tell the world what he'd done. We all make mistakes, not many of us can admit it. A must see!
In a jaded, cynical world, this movie gives hope that some people CAN change and there's help out there if you need it -- all you have to do is ask.
The cast do a magnificent job in their respective roles and being a true story, there's a little epilogue at the end. I believe it was very courageous for the real life Paul Hegstrom to put himself out there and tell the world what he'd done. We all make mistakes, not many of us can admit it. A must see!
the older girl understood
killercharm7 April 2022
TV movie based on a true story about a wife-beating man who storms out on his family and then proceeds to beat his new fiancé even worse. The new fiancé insists he go to group or she will press charges. This is high quality TV fare like few made-for-TV movies are. John Ritter is a joy to watch once again, and he is surrounded by a great cast.
Battered
lavatch7 August 2021
Warning: Spoilers
"Unforgivable" was an intense drama of spousal abuse and recovery. The performances were first-rate, and there was a strong set of scenes in a support group where the perpetrator Paul Hegstrom was remanded in order to stay out of jail.
There was an effective transformation in Paul portrayed by actor John Ritter. But the more memorable character was the wife Judy as played by Harley Jane Kozak. Gradually, we saw that Judy was becoming her own person, taking a responsible job and providing a nurturing environment for the kids.
Perhaps the best scene in the film was when Judy finally stood up to Paul in a park and communicated the impact she felt from living in the shadows of years of abuse. For his part, Paul was able to draw on his experience from the support group and call "time out" before another one of his meltdowns. The filmmakers also effectively depicted the life-damaging effects on the children, one of whom never reconciled with her father.
While the film was based on a true story, there may have been slightly too much sentimentality conveyed as the abusive father completes his Q. U. I. T. program and is seemingly cured forever. The ending was a bit too tidy in the context of the "unforgivable" sins of a raging, out-of-control father.
There was an effective transformation in Paul portrayed by actor John Ritter. But the more memorable character was the wife Judy as played by Harley Jane Kozak. Gradually, we saw that Judy was becoming her own person, taking a responsible job and providing a nurturing environment for the kids.
Perhaps the best scene in the film was when Judy finally stood up to Paul in a park and communicated the impact she felt from living in the shadows of years of abuse. For his part, Paul was able to draw on his experience from the support group and call "time out" before another one of his meltdowns. The filmmakers also effectively depicted the life-damaging effects on the children, one of whom never reconciled with her father.
While the film was based on a true story, there may have been slightly too much sentimentality conveyed as the abusive father completes his Q. U. I. T. program and is seemingly cured forever. The ending was a bit too tidy in the context of the "unforgivable" sins of a raging, out-of-control father.
Victim Culture ?
Theo Robertson24 February 2003
John Ritter plays a car salesman ! Don`t know about the States but over here in the UK car salesmen are treated as a bit of a joke so a TVM starring a TV sitcom actor as a car salesman has got to be a comedy right ? No . UNFORGIVABLE is about a car salesman who likes to beat up women
To be honest Ritter doesn`t make a very good job of playing Paul Hegstrom but he`s not helped by the way the character is written . In most of these types of domestic abuse stories the character should have a large amount of juxtaposition - cruel to his wife and family but charming to customers and work colleagues . But UNFORGIVABLE shows Hegstrom to be an abrasive bad tempered jerk to everyone and the viewer will be surprised as to why on earth anyone would want to go for an after work drink with him.
But the main problem I have this TVM is that it comes close to painting Hegstrom as a victim too . As a child young Paul saw his father beat his mother and UNFORGIVABLE insinuates that this is the root core of his violence . Can anyone give me scientific proof that this is the case ? Likewise can anyone offer clear evidence that group therapy will break a cycle of violence ? It`s a bit like saying the Middle East conflict can be solved by world leaders attending a meeting three times a week where they can all shout at each other
To be honest Ritter doesn`t make a very good job of playing Paul Hegstrom but he`s not helped by the way the character is written . In most of these types of domestic abuse stories the character should have a large amount of juxtaposition - cruel to his wife and family but charming to customers and work colleagues . But UNFORGIVABLE shows Hegstrom to be an abrasive bad tempered jerk to everyone and the viewer will be surprised as to why on earth anyone would want to go for an after work drink with him.
But the main problem I have this TVM is that it comes close to painting Hegstrom as a victim too . As a child young Paul saw his father beat his mother and UNFORGIVABLE insinuates that this is the root core of his violence . Can anyone give me scientific proof that this is the case ? Likewise can anyone offer clear evidence that group therapy will break a cycle of violence ? It`s a bit like saying the Middle East conflict can be solved by world leaders attending a meeting three times a week where they can all shout at each other
To much support group.
bazookamouth-221-89809729 September 2021
Problem here is there is not enough of the domestic violence and to much support group. After the character Paul attacks his mistress and puts her in the hospital it goes downhill quickly and becomes a complete borefest.
This is a treasure that sadly, many may never unearth
mtexas22 April 2005
This movie should not be viewed from the perspective of entertainment. It is truly a treasure tool that many may never unearth if they are only wanting to be entertained. If you look at for its acting merits or production qualities only you will miss the message that it has for trouble people. It is a true story based on the life of Paul Hegstrom. Its very difficult to think that someone could really live a life such as his. But, the truth is that there are millions of people in our world struggling with their abusive behavior not even recognizing it as such. They have not known where or how to get help. Paul Hegstrom's life did not end with this movie. After remarrying his wife Judy, they went on to build a ministry called Life Skills International based in Denver, CO. They have helped huge numbers of couples restore their marriages. His work has saved many womens lives from the abuse of their partners and he has defined abuse in terms that brings healing to troubled marriages. I know because I have just experienced a week at Life Skills, have just viewed this movie and it has been life changing!
Not a bad story, but unfortunately unrealistic
SusieSalmonLikeTheFish20 March 2015
Warning: Spoilers
This film is your run-of-the-mill domestic abuse story, but it was incredibly unrealistic, mainly because of John Ritter. He's a brilliantly talented actor but he was miscast in this film as a violent, cheating, sleazy and abusive husband. When you've grown up watching him in sitcoms like Three's Company and TV movies like Stephen King's It, it's difficult to see him as a violent man even when he plays one in a movie. His portrayal of Paul Hegstrom is about as realistic as a sheep trying to play a wolf.
That being said, the film itself has overall decent acting, good background soundtrack and a fairly original storyline. It's not a bad film to pass the time with, and at least it raises awareness of the issue of spousal abuse and domestic violence.
That being said, the film itself has overall decent acting, good background soundtrack and a fairly original storyline. It's not a bad film to pass the time with, and at least it raises awareness of the issue of spousal abuse and domestic violence.
The best TV film ever produced, dealing with Domestic Violence, that if watched would help some of the over 4 million women that are Physically Abused, realize that their is hope and help for their own hurti
Videoman-1210 July 1999
This movie shows from a true story Domestic Violence,Spouse Abuse and Battering and is truly "Unforgivable" in any family in America. A.R Simoun did a fantastic job writing this movie and letting it make it to the screen, without watering down the story like so many movies do. Many movies show the damage of physical violence, but few go into the Emotional Abuse, Threats, Economic Abuse, Intimidation, Isolation. The only negative of the movie is that it didn't go far enough at the end to show how the real Paul and Judy Hegstrom not only re-married and have been Violence-Free, and developed a program that gives Hope and Help to hurting families all over the world. A few years ago the Surgeon General classed domestic abuse as the leading cause of injuries to women ages 15-44, more common that auto accidents, muggings, rapes, and cancer deaths combined. Life Skills International was developed by Paul and Judy to help women and men who need help. This movie should be seen by every couple in our country, whether they are dating, living together, or married. Too many of our children are growing up in violent homes and we wonder why our society is so violent. But instead of dealing with the real issues, our society continues to blame Hollywood movies, video games and guns for the problems with violence. Please push TV stations all over our country to play this 1996 movie again and tell others to watch it. No segment of society is exempt from domestic violence. It knows no boundaries; neither religious, ethnic, or social. A****
Hey Theo
vorlonhomeworld20 June 2007
This is more for Theo Robertson - but it can be for anyone with a similar viewpoint. Therapy CAN change an abusive person IF they decide they want to change. I am proof! I went into group therapy because I thought I had "a problem with my anger". I saw a lot of parallels between myself and Paul Hegstrom. I wasn't nearly as abusive, but I had the same type of characteristics, right up to the point of telling the counselor that I had "an anger problem", pretty much like Paul Hegstrom did. Just like he, himself, I learned that I had been taught that behavior, that's where it started. Knowing exactly what the problem was gave me a starting point to change it! Just like he did. The movie's excellent and I was blown away by John Ritter's portrayal. At first I didn't even believe it WAS him because I've never seen him play anything other than a humorous character. The movie's excellent!
The best TV movie I have ever seen!!! *slight spoiler*
SnowWhiteSal17 September 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Unforgivable is about a young girl who witnesses her father, Paul (John Ritter), beating her mother. Paul escapes to the home of his mistress (Beth) where she too suffers physical abuse at his hands. Beth threatens Paul by telling him that if he doesn't get himself help and join a group for abusive men, she will file attempted murder charges against him. Now, I am a MASSIVE John Ritter fan, I think he was one of the finest actors of our time, and I could tell how in to the movie I was, I actually hated him in it. He portrayed Paul to be this raging lunatic, and was incredibly believable in the part (as were all the other members of the cast)
This story was a really effective movie; it shows you just how much damage one person can do to an entire family. Like someone has said in a previous review, this was a true story, and it was amazingly brave and honest of the real Paul Hegstrom to admit to the world what he had put his family through many years ago, his family should be very proud of how far he has come.
It's so sad to believe there are many people living lives just like Paul and Judy, and this mustn't be ignored whilst watching the movie.
It has to be one of, it not the best TV movies I have ever seen and I highly recommend it!
This story was a really effective movie; it shows you just how much damage one person can do to an entire family. Like someone has said in a previous review, this was a true story, and it was amazingly brave and honest of the real Paul Hegstrom to admit to the world what he had put his family through many years ago, his family should be very proud of how far he has come.
It's so sad to believe there are many people living lives just like Paul and Judy, and this mustn't be ignored whilst watching the movie.
It has to be one of, it not the best TV movies I have ever seen and I highly recommend it!
Therapeutic Perspective on Unforgivable
pete00518 January 2007
As a clinical counsellor working in the treatment area of relationship violence, I found John Ritter's portrayal of a man coming to terms with his own violent behaviour to be astonishingly realistic. Ritter manages to play the real life character in Unforgivable with a depth that reaches past a surface presentation of the overt behaviour of the individual he plays. Ritter, his co-stars and the filmmakers have achieved this masterful work by richly exploring the character's thoughts, feelings and learned behaviours that ultimately manifest in his abusive personality. Themes such as cycles of abuse perpetuating through family systems and the discovery of empowerment to change through overcoming denial and accepting accountability are also well presented in the film. Unforgivable can actually make for more than quality entertainment for general audiences, as its story telling, realistic outcome, and the quality of its performances bode well as education for audiences genuinely concerned with changing their own abusive behaviours.
Very good!
tempted_rebel3 August 2021
Gotta give this one credit
kaideneve7 September 2021
I expected a cheesy 1990s era B or C movie coming into this, but was pleasantly surprised. This is not normally the kind of movie that I would review, but seeing as though it has had such little attention, I thought I would leave my thoughts.
This is actually a fairly solid movie that has a tangible and believable message. You actually feel connected to the characters, and I must say that Ritter performs his role masterfully. No spoilers here, but I think that this is a tight and tidy script with above decent acting that deserves some kudos for not trying to be more than it is.
This is actually a fairly solid movie that has a tangible and believable message. You actually feel connected to the characters, and I must say that Ritter performs his role masterfully. No spoilers here, but I think that this is a tight and tidy script with above decent acting that deserves some kudos for not trying to be more than it is.
Sometimes I write
rcshoff2 August 2021
Sometimes I write a review before I get deep into a film. The idea of my boy Jack Tripper putting his hands on anyone is so preposterous this must have been a personal project to change his image. He was a gentle kind soul. Too obvious to ignore. Love it so far.
My feelings..
ts-00003 May 2023
Remember this movie years back & thought what spouse would stay,being abused with kids being put at risk.
Fast forward to marrying a guy who ticked all the correct boxes,only to be anything close upon saying.."I Do!" Only difference is did something about it,for myself & anyone who encountered him.. I wanted him to never abuse,again.
He was good at making others feel he changed,with that said.. Don't feel in the long-term,leopards change their spots.
Once he felt.. It was safe to resume being himself,his rein of terror carried on with a new relationship & friends. He's now in prison for life,so.. Was cast ok & acted fine,but a bit unrealistic how it played out.
Always thought if this was learned early on by his childgood,which means he must of been this way before they married.. Why did she marry him? He no doubt manipulated her,played victim & all that.
Worth a watch,other than that.. Better movies on this topic,so decide for yourself.
Fast forward to marrying a guy who ticked all the correct boxes,only to be anything close upon saying.."I Do!" Only difference is did something about it,for myself & anyone who encountered him.. I wanted him to never abuse,again.
He was good at making others feel he changed,with that said.. Don't feel in the long-term,leopards change their spots.
Once he felt.. It was safe to resume being himself,his rein of terror carried on with a new relationship & friends. He's now in prison for life,so.. Was cast ok & acted fine,but a bit unrealistic how it played out.
Always thought if this was learned early on by his childgood,which means he must of been this way before they married.. Why did she marry him? He no doubt manipulated her,played victim & all that.
Worth a watch,other than that.. Better movies on this topic,so decide for yourself.
Yea Right
cottoncandycloudpod20 August 2023
This is an "exception to the rule" movie. This movie is an ode to domestic abusers, has intention for people to sympathize with domestic abusers, and is ultimately unrealistic. It's a science-fiction movie of how an idealist would hope a scenario like this would go about this. It felt more like an episode of an Outer Limits episode, it was that outrageous. Very pro villain. If you're into watching things with an undertone like that, then watch. Otherwise, it can be triggering for people who have actually dealt with this with an ending not at all similar.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233.
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