Tin Cup (1996)
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well, I tend to think of the golf swing as a poem.
Clint: Ooh, he's doing that poetry thing again.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: The critical opening phrase of this poem will always be the grip. Which the hands unite to form a single unit by the simple overlap of the little finger. Lowly and slowly the clubhead is led back. Pulled into position not by the hands, but by the body which turns away from the target shifting weight to the right side without shifting balance. Tempo is everything; perfection unobtainable as the body coils down at the top of the swing. Theres a slight hesitation. A little nod to the gods.
Dr. Molly Griswold: A, a nod to the gods?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Yeah, to the gods. That he is fallible. That perfection is unobtainable. And now the weight begins shifting back to the left pulled by the powers inside the earth. It's alive, this swing! A living sculpture and down through contact, always down, striking the ball crisply, with character. A tuning fork goes off in your heart and your balls. Such a pure feeling is the well-struck golf shot. Now the follow through to finish. Always on line. The reverse C of the Golden Bear! The steel workers' power and brawn of Carl Sandburg's. Arnold Palmer!
Romeo Posar: Unnhh, he's doing the Arnold Palmer thing.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: End the unfinished symphony of Roy McAvoy.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: If I had it to do all over again, I'd still hit that shot.
Romeo: Man, you'd bury yourself alive just to prove you could handle the shovel.
[In preparation to shoot over the water hazard at hole 18 at the US Open]
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: This is for Venturi who thinks I should lay up.
Romeo: What does he know? He only won this tournament before you were born.
[Roy wants to bet his car, but Boone isn't interested]
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: That's because you think of it as transportation, Boone. Think of it as bragging rights. Think of yourself sitting around the bar, crowing to your cronies about the Cadillac you won from me. They'll forget all about the Winnebago you lost to me.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: [Explaining the golf shot he made as David's caddy] When a defining moment comes along you define the moment or the moment defines you.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Keep shooting pars, asshole!
Dave Simms: I'll take 18 of them, all day long!
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Do it and I'll own you.
Molly: Why do men always insist on measuring their dicks?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: You know why I still hit that shot?
Romeo Posar: Yeah, because it's the only way you could beat Dave Simms.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: No.
Romeo Posar: 'Cause it was that look in your face...
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I hit it again because that shot was a defining moment, and when a defining moment comes along, you define the moment... or the moment defines you.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: You don't think I can knock it on from there?
Commentator: Let's just say it's a low-percentage shot.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well, so am I! I mean, look at me, all right, what I'm wearing. I mean, I'm playing for Rio Grande Short-Haul Trucking, Briggs and Brown Sanitation, First State Bank of Salome, Woody's Smokehouse... You think a... you think a guy like me bothers to worry about the percentages?
[Roy tried to sneak into Molly's office the back way]
Dr. Molly Griswold: Roy, Roy... why are you here?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Therapy.
Dr. Molly Griswold: You've come for therapy? Okay, look, Roy, you know, you really need to make an appointment. Because I have a client in a half an hour.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: That's enough time. Thirty minutes? Hell, I'm not THAT fucked up.
[Asking Romeo to be his caddy again instead of Earl]
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Look, I love Earl, okay, but... I need you.
Romeo Posar: You don't love me?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Yeah, yeah, I-I love you too, goddammit.
Romeo Posar: Well, as much as Earl?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I don't know! I mean, when I was with Earl, I was thinking of you... Yes, uh, as much as Earl. More than Earl. More than Earl.
Romeo Posar: Am I special?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well, if you can remove the sexual overtones and add a golf theme, then Romeo, I am your Juliet.
Romeo Posar: Well, David Simms may be a "soulless robot", but he's a rich, happy, soulless robot... with a beautiful doctor lady girlfried. Besides, how's getting in the Open going to change what she thinks about you?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well, it'll show her that I'm not who she thinks I am.
Romeo Posar: But you are who she thinks you are!
Dr. Molly Griswold: Doreen, how did he get the name Tin Cup?
Doreen: Oh, he was the catcher on the high school baseball team. The star pitcher had a big-league curve... not all of his pitches hit Roy in the mitt, ouch. The team thought Tin Cup was a whole lot better than Clank.
Dr. Molly Griswold: I find him... mildly attractive when he's obnoxious and arrogant like this.
Romeo Posar: Oh, good. That's his best side.
Dr. Molly Griswold: Oh, you amuse me, Roy, but I'm the only woman in America born after World War II that thinks astrology's a crock of shit.
[after Simms refuses to attempt a 250 yard shot over a water hazard]
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Fifteen years on the tour an' you're still a fuckin' pussy.
Dave Simms: Thirteen years on the driving range and you still think this game is about your testosterone count.
Molly: [watching Roy break all of his clubs over his knee as he argues with his caddy during U.S. open qualifying] Is this normal for him?
Earl: Well, the words "normal" and "him" don't often collide in the same sentence.
Guy at Bar: [about a trick shot McAvoy is about to attempt from inside the bar] I'll give you 4-to-1 odds.
Dave Simms: 4-to-1?
Dave Simms: Shit, give him 10-to-1!
Dr. Molly Griswold: [after hitting a terrible shot on the driving range] Oh... fuck!
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well, you talk like a golfer. Here, try again.
Dr. Molly Griswold: [Molly hits another terrible shot] Shit!
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: "Fuck." "Shit." These are highly technical golf terms and you're using them on your first lesson. This is promising.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: [At the first tee in the first round of the U.S. Open] I got time for a quick bucket?
US Open Starter: Tee it up.
Romeo: Man, it took awhile to get you off the floor this morning, hoss. And may I say you don't handle the hooch like you used to.
[looking down the fairway]
Romeo: Oh yeah, I saw this hole on TV. Just hit the big dog the hell up the chute.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: No, I've learned my lesson. Just going to play it safe, smart, conservative, fairways and greens.Give me the 2-Iron.
Romeo: Are you sure?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Yeah.
[takes the 2-Iron and hits his drive]
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Be humble, be humble.
Romeo: [after the round is over] 83. Well, you're humble now, holmes.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I was hungover.
Romeo: Well... that may have been a coaching error on my part.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Yeah, I think maybe it was. Thanks, amigo.
Himself - CBS Coordinating Producer: McCord? What's he got? What's... what's he doing?
Gary McCord: I think he's gonna try the ol ricochet of the portalet with a hooded 7 iron. He is, he's gonna hit it right off the shitter!
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: When was the last time you took a risk?
Dr. Molly Griswold: Well, I'm with you, Roy. I'm with you.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Okay, so how do I do it? Therapy, I mean, I mean, wh - how do I start doing it?
Dr. Molly Griswold: Ooo-kay, Roy. Well, in parlance you might understand, just kick back and let the big dog eat.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Suppose there's this guy, and he's standing on the shore of a big wide river, and the... river's full of all manner of disaster, you know, piranhas, alligators, eddies, currents, shit like that... nobody'll even go down there to dip a toe. And on the other side of the river's a million bucks, and on this side of the river... is a rowboat.
Dr. Molly Griswold: Mm-hmm?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I guess my question's this: What would possess the guy standing on the shore to swim for it?
Dr. Molly Griswold: He is an idiot.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: No, see, he's a helluva swimmer. His problem's more like why does he always have to... rise to the challenge?
Dr. Molly Griswold: He is a juvenile idiot.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: You don't understand what I mean by the river.
Dr. Molly Griswold: Roy, we're talking about you, and what you like to call your inner demons - that human frailty you like to blather about - not some mythopoetic metaphor you come up with in a... feeble and transparent effort to do yourself credit.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: You mean you're going to make me feel lousy?
Dr. Molly Griswold: No.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I came here to feel better. I mean, what kind of therapy is...
Dr. Molly Griswold: Roy, Roy, Roy, you don't have any inner demons. What you have is inner crapola, inner debris... garbage... loose wires, a few...
Dr. Molly Griswold: horseshit in staggering amounts.
Dr. Molly Griswold: There's no such thing as semi-platonic.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well there ought to be.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: "Not tonight" means maybe some other night?
Dr. Molly Griswold: No, I didn't mean it that like that.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Maybe consciously you didn't mean it that way, but how about unconsciously? Come on, you're the expert... did you mean it unconsciously?
Dr. Molly Griswold: Roy, unconsciously, I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well, I feel we're making progress...
Dr. Molly Griswold: Well, I do too. I have no idea what it's progress towards, though. None.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I assume I have the confidentiality of the doctor-client privilege in regards to this outfit?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: It won't always be like this, you know.
Dr. Molly Griswold: What?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: With me surrounded by all these guys, snoring... stripper ex-girlfriend laying across from us... caddy sleeping next to her. It won't always be like this.
Dr. Molly Griswold: Yes, it will.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: This is everything, ain't it? This is the choice it comes down to - this is our immortality.
Romeo Posar: You don't need to be thinking immortality - you need to be thinking hit the 7 iron!
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well, I'm stuck, and I'm buried. I need help, and I need advice. I need counseling, I need a... I need a shrink.
Romeo Posar: You don't know no shrinks.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I know one!
Romeo Posar: No-ooo, no no no. Not the doctor lady.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Why not?
Romeo Posar: You can't ask for advice about the woman you're trying to hose FROM the woman you're trying to hose!
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Why not?
Doreen: You're not one of those women who tries to fix men, I hope. I mean, men cannot be fixed, and especially him.
Romeo Posar: Look, boss, I only got one rule. And that's never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper.
Romeo Posar: Now THAT was a defining moment. And the definition was "shit."
Dr. Molly Griswold: I'm a, like, terrible shrink, probably. I should have never gotten out of real estate, shit, actually, I should have never left Ohio for that cowboy in Amarillo, but... Have you ever been to Amarillo?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Cowboy?
Dr. Molly Griswold: Yeah. It's not as romantic when you're actually with one, trust me.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Do you find me sexy?
Dr. Molly Griswold: You have your moments.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Well, you let me know which moments are my moments and I'll try and duplicate 'em.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: It's a lock! I hit my 7-iron like John Daly hits the 3.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: [to Simms, while carrying Molly away from the tournament] Nice par, David.
Dr. Molly Griswold: [after hitting several terrible shots on the driving range] This is without a doubt the stupidest, silliest, most idiotic grotesquery masquerading as a game that has ever been invented.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Yes, ma'am, that's why I love it!
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I'm gonna qualify for the U.S. Open and I'm gonna kick your boyfriend's ass!
Dr. Molly Griswold: Please leave.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: [Roy starts to leave the office and then turns around] And whatever you think of me, you should know that your boyfriend hates old people, children and dogs. And that broad is still out here crying in the exit room.
[turns and says to the woman as he leaves]
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: You're still in the exit room.
[woman starts crying again]
Dr. Molly Griswold: All you have to do is walk up to this, this woman, wherever she is, look her in the eye - look at me, Roy - just look her in the eyes, that's right, let down your guard, and don't try to be cool or smooth or whatever; just be honest and take a risk. And you know what, whatever happens, if you act from the heart, you can't make a mistake.
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: Dr. Griswold...
Dr. Molly Griswold: Yes?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: I think I'm in love with you.
Dr. Molly Griswold: What?
Roy 'Tin Cup' McAvoy: From the moment I first saw you, I knew I was through with bar girls and... strippers and motorcycle chicks, and... when we first started talking I was smitten with you, and I'm smitten with you more every day I think about you, and the fact that you know I'm full of crapola only makes you more attractive to me. Usually I can bullshit people, but I can't bullshit you, and in addition you got, you got great legs, and... most women I'm thinking about how to get in their pants from day one, but with you I'm just... I'm just thinking about how to get in your heart, and...
Romeo Posar: You'd bury yourself in lye just to prove you could handle the shovel.