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Bordello of Blood (1996) Poster

Quotes

Katherine: A whorehouse?

Rafe: A house inhabited by whores.

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Lilith: Two! Four! Six! Eight! You can watch me masturbate.

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Vincent Prather: You're a smart boy, Miguel. Because of that I'm gonna let you have some of what we find.

Miguel: Ah! Remember that you said that.

Vincent Prather: I will. I'm gonna let it have some of you, too.

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Caleb Verdoux: Oh my God, it's a necrophiliac's wet dream!

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Lillith: Don't eat your heart out, baby - that's MY job.

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Rafe Guttman: You're reminding me why being married to you drove me to the brink of homosexuality.

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[Zeke's shot knocks a beer onto a girl]

Rafe Guttman: Six pack in the side cleavage!

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Zeke: Step outside!

Rafe Guttman: Sorry, Zeke - I'm just not in the mood for a blowjob.

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[Rafe is trying to gain access to the whorehouse, which is disguised as a funeral home]

Rafe Guttman: I'm here for the, um, Cunningham wake.

McCutheon: I'm afraid the wake is closed tonight. Come back tomorrow.

Rafe Guttman: I, uh, really must pay my respects right now.

McCutheon: Then I suggest you come back TOMORROW.

Rafe Guttman: Maybe you don't understand me. I'm feeling excruciatingly SAD.

McCutheon: I'm so sorry.

Rafe Guttman: And if I don't grieve right now - maybe even grieve two or three times - I'm going to go out of my mind, okay?

McCutheon: Then I suggest you go mourn somewhere in private - with a box of tissues!

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Rafe Guttman: I'm not going to tell you those aren't the Breasts of the Century, but I'm just not digging the owner, so why don't you put those away; you're just not my type.

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Rafe Guttman: Ah, the girls! Let them eat a guy named "Cake."

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Tamara: Guess where you just landed, lover?

Rafe Guttman: Larry Flynt's id?

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[after ripping Jenkin's head off]

Lillith: I just love a man who gives you head - and lets you keep it!

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Rafe Guttman: I feel like I'm in a bad episode of Tales From The Crypt!

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[talking to a she-vampire]

Rafe Guttman: I'd rather Crazy Glue my dick to the bullet train than fuck you.

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[seeing a televangelist's glitzy chapel]

Rafe Guttman: Nice place, Katherine. Kind of like Superman's dad's place on Krypton.

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[On the phone with his ex-wife]

Rafe Guttman: I gotta go. Fuck you.

[hangs up]

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Rafe Guttman: Sorry Katherine, but that wasn't your brother anymore.

Caleb: Wrong! I'll always be your brother, sis.

Rafe Guttman: Katherine, run from your brother.

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Miguel: [to Vincent] You drive us all the way to the end of the earth... for a fuckin' stiff?

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[Katherine attempts to swing on a chain from one platform to another]

Rafe: That is the craziest fuckin' thing I've...

[Rafe attempts to leave, but sees the Vampire Caleb following close, and returns to Katherine]

Rafe: That is the second craziest fuckin' thing I've...

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[a vampire bursts into flames after being squirted with Holy water]

Rafe Guttman: Cha-Ching!

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Rafe: [after finding and confronting Rev. Current in the bordello] Come on, Rev, I'm feeling a little jumpy - friend or foe?

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Rafe: [to Police Deputy Noonan] You know, Noonan, you don't wear irony too well. Why don't you leave that to the big boys, okay?

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Noonan: [after Rafe wakes up in the hospital] It's about fucking time!

Rafe: I've gone to hell and it's worse than I thought? Noonan, where am I?

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Rafe: [after Tamara stands in front of window letting in sunlight] Tammy! Tell me again why vampires hate sunlight?

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Bordello Vampire: Hey boys, want to take the Skin Train to Tuna Town?

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Lilith: I'm afraid God can't help you.

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The Crypt Keeper: [to the mummy's head] Trust me, quit while you're ahead.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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