Spy Hard (1996)
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: You carry a UB-21 Schnauzer with a Gnab silencer. That's KGB. You prefer an H&K over an A.K. Your surveillance technique is NSA. Your ID is CIA. You received your Ph.D. at NYU. Traded in your GTO for a BMV. You listen to CDs by R.E.M. and STP. And you'd like to see J.F.K. in his BVDs, getting down with O.P.P. And you probably put the toilet paper back on the roll with the paper on the inside.
[about to infiltrate Kikiree Island]
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: I'm going in there.
Veronique Ukrinsky, Agent 3.14: That's crazy!
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: No, crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, muttering "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
Veronique Ukrinsky, Agent 3.14: Have a nice flight, and I wish you adieus
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: Thank you, but I am quite satisfied with the do I have.
[Two thugs are dragging McCluckey up some stairs, hitting his head on every step]
Thug: That's for Getting Even With Dad. And that's for My Girl. And that's for My Girl 2.
McCluckey: I wasn't even in My Girl 2!
Both Thugs: We don't care!
Coleman: Good God! He must be stopped!
General Rancor: Dick Steele couldn't stop me fifteen years ago, and all the Dicks you got won't stop me now!
Coleman: Well, apparently he hasn't, uh, seen the size of some of our newer members!
Bus Driver: [driving the bus] Next stop, Sunset Boulevard! I guess it's Sunset Boulevard.
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: Operator, get me Washington.
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: D.C.
Agent Steve Bishop: Sir, we have intercepted a disturbing video on the rock of gabraltar.
The Director: Well, what is it?
Agent Steve Bishop: It's this really big rock sticking out of the water on the south coast of Spain.
Kabul: Do you have lighter?
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: I only use matches.
Kabul: Does your mother know you smoke?
Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: Yes. But I don't inhale.
[Steele gives him puzzled look]
Kabul: I'm Kabul