Quotes

Shawn Bradley: I've got other skills. I could go back and work on the farm. Or maybe... I could go back to the jungle and be a missionary again.

Daffy Duck: We've got to get a new agent. We're getting screwed!

Daffy Duck: Oh, fear clutches my breast!

[Stan is digging up the golf hole that Michael got sucked down]

Golfer: What are you doing?

Stan Podalak: I'm uh, I'm fixing a divot.

Golfer: Oh.

[shouting back to someone off camera]

Golfer: He's fixing a divot!

Muggsy Bogues: What are you saying? That I'm trying to disobey my mama?

Psychiatrist: I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.

Muggsy Bogues: But I love my mama.

Bill Murray: It is alive!

Larry Johnson: I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-Rayed, Laser beamed...

Taz: Lemony fresh!

Stan Podalak: The mouse? He picked the mouse?

Bugs: Look at our facilities.

Daffy: We've got hoops!

Elmer Fudd: We've got weights!

Sylvester: We've got balls!

Michael Jordan: You sure do. This place is a mess.

Daffy: Just how did you get here, anyway?

Bill Murray: Producer's a friend of mine. He sent a Teamster to drop me off.

Daffy: Aha. Well, that's the way it goes.

Stan Podalak: C'mon, Michael! It's game time! Get your Hanes on, lace up your Nikes, grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade, and we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.

[Stan prepares to take a picture of Michael after the hole in one]

Stan Podalak: Let me get a picture of this. All right, here we go, you want to smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball and then you smile. OK?

Michael Jordan: Yes.

Stan Podalak: And you think this is good.

Michael Jordan: Just take the picture!

Stan Podalak: All right.

[a rope comes out of the hole and pulls Michael in]

Bill Murray: [after a pause] What kind of camera is that?

Stan Podalak: It's just a

Bill Murray: [interrupts] Would you not point it at me please and close the lens cap?

Stan Podalak: I didn't do anything! I just took...

Larry Bird: Where'd he go?

[first lines]

James Jordan: Michael? What are you doin', son? It's after midnight.

Michael Jordan at 10: I can't sleep, Paps.

James Jordan: Well, neither can we with all that noise you're making. C'mon, let's go inside.

Michael Jordan at 10: Just one more shot?

James Jordan: All right, just one.

Lola Bunny: [Bugs has just been squashed after pushing Lola out of the way] Bugs, Bugs, are you okay?

Bugs: Oh, I'm fine.

Lola Bunny: Oh Bugs, thank you.

Bugs: Aww, it was nothin'.

Lola Bunny: That was the nicest thing you've ever done for me.

[she kisses him and his eyes eyes turn into hearts]

Player: That was a strike-out, Mike. But that was a good-looking strike-out. Real good.

Player: I mean, you look good when you strike out, man. When I strike out, it looks nasty, man. But at least you look good, man.

Bill Murray: Okay, here's how I see it. Daff?

Daffy Duck: Yes.

Bill Murray: You dish it off to the girl bunny.

Michael Jordan: Bill...

Bill Murray: Then you dish it off to the guy bunny.

Michael Jordan: Bill...

Bill Murray: Then it goes to the big man. You go to the hole and dominate!

Michael Jordan: Bill! We're on defense!

Bill Murray: Whoa hoa hoa! I don't play defense.

[saying a prayer]

Charles Barkley: I promise I'll never swear again. I'll never get another technical. I'll never trash talk...

[later]

Charles Barkley: I won't go out with Madonna again.

Foghorn Leghorn: Did you order the Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?

Mouse announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Toon Squad: Standing two foot four, The Wonder from Down Under: The Tasmanian Devil!

[Taz squeezes two balls in his mouth, pops them, and spins around]

Mouse announcer: At small forward: standing a scintillating three foot two, The Heartthrob of the Hoops: Lola Bunny!

[Lola dribbles and spins the ball on her finger]

Mouse announcer: At power forward, The Quackster of the Court: Daffy Duck!

Daffy Duck: Thank you! Thank you!

[Silence from the audience, crickets chirping]

Daffy Duck: [disappointed, but sarcastically] Very funny. Leth's all laugh at the duck!

Mouse announcer: And the point guard, standing three foot three, four feet if you include the ears, Co-captain of the toon squad, the Doctor of Delight: Bugs Bunny!

Bugs: Thank you! Thank you!

Mouse announcer: And now, the player coach of the Toon Squad, at six foot six from North Carolina, his Royal Airness: Michael Jordan!

[the Monstars arrive at the gym]

Monstar Bupkus: I'm here!

Monstar Blanko: Me too.

[he hits his head on a backboard]

Monstar Blanko: That hurt.

Michael Jordan: What's going on here?

Bugs: Why Michael! I thought you'd never ask! You see these aliens come from outer space and they wanna make us slaves for their theme park. Eh, what do we care? They're little, so we challenge them to a basketball game! But then they show up and they ain't so little,

[shouts]

Bugs: they're huge! We need to beat these guys, 'cause they're talking about slavery! The same jokes every night for all etoinity! We're going to be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to peform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, bad-headed, humor-challenged *aliens!* Eh, what I'm trying to say is...

[shouts]

Bugs: we need your heeeeeeeelllp!

Michael Jordan: Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now!

Bugs: Right.

[gets out rabbit skull]

Bugs: And I'm a Shakespearean actor.

Nerdluck Pound: You ever heard of the Dream Team? Well, we're the Mean Team, wussy man.

Stan Podalak: [after all of his attempts to dig to find Michael have failed] This is it! THIS IS IT! I don't know where you are, Michael! But wherever you are, you obviously enjoy bein' there more than spendin' time with me!

Daffy Duck: Very funny. Leth's all laugh at the duck.

Sylvester: Suffering succotash!

Sylvester: What's wrong with you?

Sylvester: Let's get a ladder... wait till the old lady's gone... and grab that little bird!