Charles Barkley: It was this girl, five-feet-nuthin'. Blocked my shot!
Psychiatrist: When did you first start having this dream?
Charles Barkley: It wasn't a dream, it really happened!
Shawn Bradley: I've got other skills. I could go back and work on the farm. Or maybe... I could go back to the jungle and be a missionary again.
Tweety Bird: I tought I taw - I did! I did! I did tee Michael Jordan!
Daffy Duck: We've got to get a new agent. We're getting screwed!
Daffy Duck: Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys.
Daffy Duck: Oh, fear clutches my breast!
Daffy: How's this for a new team name: The Ducks!
Bugs: Please! What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name their team The Ducks?
[Stan is digging up the golf hole that Michael got sucked down]
Golfer: What are you doing?
Stan Podalak: I'm uh, I'm fixing a divot.
[shouting back to someone off camera]
Golfer: He's fixing a divot!
Daffy Duck: Mother!
Muggsy Bogues: What are you saying? That I'm trying to disobey my mama?
Psychiatrist: I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.
Muggsy Bogues: But I love my mama.
Bill Murray: It's 'cause I'm white, isn't it?
Michael Jordan: No. Larry's white, so what?
Bill Murray: Larry's not white. Larry's clear.
Bill Murray: It is alive!
Michael Jordan: Whatever you do, don't forget my North Carolina shorts.
Daffy Duck: Your shorts? From college?
Michael Jordan: I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.
Looney Tunes: Eeewwww!
Michael Jordan: Hey! I washed them after every game!
Michael Jordan: I did!
Larry Johnson: I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-Rayed, Laser beamed...
Tweety Bird: Those Monstars'd wished they'd been never born!
Taz: Lemony fresh!
[Tweety Bird flies through a hole that's just been shot in Sylvester]
Tweety Bird: Holey puddy-tat!
Stan Podalak: The mouse? He picked the mouse?
Bugs: Look at our facilities.
Daffy: We've got hoops!
Elmer Fudd: We've got weights!
Sylvester: We've got balls!
Michael Jordan: You sure do. This place is a mess.
Daffy: Just how did you get here, anyway?
Bill Murray: Producer's a friend of mine. He sent a Teamster to drop me off.
Daffy: Aha. Well, that's the way it goes.
Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.
Stan Podalak: C'mon, Michael! It's game time! Get your Hanes on, lace up your Nikes, grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade, and we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.
Michael Jordan: [after winning the game] Thanks guys, you got a lot of... a lot of... well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it.
[Stan prepares to take a picture of Michael after the hole in one]
Stan Podalak: Let me get a picture of this. All right, here we go, you want to smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball and then you smile. OK?
Michael Jordan: Yes.
Stan Podalak: And you think this is good.
Michael Jordan: Just take the picture!
Stan Podalak: All right.
[a rope comes out of the hole and pulls Michael in]
Bill Murray: [after a pause] What kind of camera is that?
Stan Podalak: It's just a
Bill Murray: [interrupts] Would you not point it at me please and close the lens cap?
Stan Podalak: I didn't do anything! I just took...
Larry Bird: Where'd he go?
Jeffrey Jordan: Does everyone get mad at you?
Michael Jordan: No. Worse. Everyone's real nice about it.
James Jordan: Michael? What are you doin', son? It's after midnight.
Michael Jordan at 10: I can't sleep, Paps.
James Jordan: Well, neither can we with all that noise you're making. C'mon, let's go inside.
Michael Jordan at 10: Just one more shot?
James Jordan: All right, just one.
Michael Jordan: Let's do some drills.
Lola Bunny: [Bugs has just been squashed after pushing Lola out of the way] Bugs, Bugs, are you okay?
Bugs: Oh, I'm fine.
Lola Bunny: Oh Bugs, thank you.
Bugs: Aww, it was nothin'.
Lola Bunny: That was the nicest thing you've ever done for me.
[she kisses him and his eyes eyes turn into hearts]
Michael Jordan: Hey, Bugs?
Bugs: Yeah, Mike.
Michael Jordan: Stay out of trouble.
Bugs: [to Lola] You know I will.
Bugs: Show me!
[he grabs her and kisses her on the lips]
Player: That was a strike-out, Mike. But that was a good-looking strike-out. Real good.
Player: I mean, you look good when you strike out, man. When I strike out, it looks nasty, man. But at least you look good, man.
Larry Bird: What's the matter, Bill?
Bill Murray: [after seeing Michael's fancy return to the NBA] Larry, that could have been me.
Larry Bird: Would you get over it? It's over. It's done with. You can't play.
Bill Murray: Okay.
[voice breaking with emotion]
Bill Murray: Let's go, Bulls!
Bill Murray: Okay, here's how I see it. Daff?
Daffy Duck: Yes.
Bill Murray: You dish it off to the girl bunny.
Michael Jordan: Bill...
Bill Murray: Then you dish it off to the guy bunny.
Michael Jordan: Bill...
Bill Murray: Then it goes to the big man. You go to the hole and dominate!
Michael Jordan: Bill! We're on defense!
Bill Murray: Whoa hoa hoa! I don't play defense.
[Bill Murray enters the court as a substitution]
Mr. Swackhammer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't know Dan Aykroyd was in this picture!
[saying a prayer]
Charles Barkley: I promise I'll never swear again. I'll never get another technical. I'll never trash talk...
Charles Barkley: I won't go out with Madonna again.
Bill Murray: Larry, I'm gonna give us both twos back there. We weren't in any emotional state to putt.
Foghorn Leghorn: Did you order the Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?
Daffy Duck: But Mommy, I don't want to go to school today. I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you!
Mouse announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Toon Squad: Standing two foot four, The Wonder from Down Under: The Tasmanian Devil!
[Taz squeezes two balls in his mouth, pops them, and spins around]
Mouse announcer: At small forward: standing a scintillating three foot two, The Heartthrob of the Hoops: Lola Bunny!
[Lola dribbles and spins the ball on her finger]
Mouse announcer: At power forward, The Quackster of the Court: Daffy Duck!
Daffy Duck: Thank you! Thank you!
[Silence from the audience, crickets chirping]
Daffy Duck: [disappointed, but sarcastically] Very funny. Leth's all laugh at the duck!
Mouse announcer: And the point guard, standing three foot three, four feet if you include the ears, Co-captain of the toon squad, the Doctor of Delight: Bugs Bunny!
Bugs: Thank you! Thank you!
Mouse announcer: And now, the player coach of the Toon Squad, at six foot six from North Carolina, his Royal Airness: Michael Jordan!
Woman Fan: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.
[the Monstars arrive at the gym]
Monstar Bupkus: I'm here!
Monstar Blanko: Me too.
[he hits his head on a backboard]
Monstar Blanko: That hurt.
Bugs: You wanna play a little one on one, doll?
Lola Bunny: [angrily, with fire in her eyes] Doll?
Bugs: [with hearts over his head] Uh huh.
Lola Bunny: On the court, *Bugs*.
Tweety Bird: Ooo, she's hot.
[Touches his rear and steam appears with a hissing sound]
Lola Bunny: [starts dribbling] Ready?
[she gets past him]
Bugs: I got it, I got it!
[she spins around him, he winds up into a knot and she makes a basket]
Michael Jordan: The girl's got skills.
Bugs: [Lola comes over to him seductively] Yes?
Lola Bunny: Don't ever call me "doll".
[blows her ears out of her face]
Lola Bunny: [as she is leaving] Nice playin' with ya.
Michael Jordan: Very smooth.
Bugs: Ahh, she's obviously nuts about me.
Michael Jordan: Obviously.
Michael Jordan: What's going on here?
Bugs: Why Michael! I thought you'd never ask! You see these aliens come from outer space and they wanna make us slaves for their theme park. Eh, what do we care? They're little, so we challenge them to a basketball game! But then they show up and they ain't so little,
Bugs: they're huge! We need to beat these guys, 'cause they're talking about slavery! The same jokes every night for all etoinity! We're going to be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to peform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, bad-headed, humor-challenged *aliens!* Eh, what I'm trying to say is...
Bugs: we need your heeeeeeeelllp!
Michael Jordan: Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now!
[gets out rabbit skull]
Bugs: And I'm a Shakespearean actor.
[One of the Monstars hurts Tweety]
Michael Jordan: [to Tweety] Are you OK?
Monstar Blanko: Yeah, are you OK?
[the other Monstars gets angry at him]
Monstar Blanko: Oops!
Nerdluck Pound: You ever heard of the Dream Team? Well, we're the Mean Team, wussy man.
Female Seer: [while the Nerdlucks, hiding in a trench coat, watch Charles Barkley in the game] Sweetheart?
Male Fan: What?
Female Seer: Thought you were gonna get better seats this year.
Male Fan: This is as good as I could get.
Female Seer: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.
Male Fan: Honey, will you just let me watch the game? Barkley's killing us!
Stan Podalak: [after all of his attempts to dig to find Michael have failed] This is it! THIS IS IT! I don't know where you are, Michael! But wherever you are, you obviously enjoy bein' there more than spendin' time with me!
Daffy Duck: [after Stan enters the Toon Squad dressing room burned to a crisp by the Monstars] Looks like Stan just had a close encounter with a bug zapper.
Daffy Duck: Very funny. Leth's all laugh at the duck.
Nerdluck Bang: We seek the one they call Bugs Bunny.
Nerdluck Nawt: Yeah, Bugs Bunny.
Nerdluck Bupkus: Have you seen him?
Nerdluck Blanko: Is he around?
Bugs: Hmmm... Bugs Bunny... Bugs Bunny... Say, don't he have, uh, great big long ears...
[pulls his ears]
Bugs: like this?
Bugs: And does he hop around like this?
[hops around the forrest]
Bugs: And does he say, "What's up, doc?" like this?
Bugs: Eh, what's up, doc?
Nerdlucks: [excited] YEAH!
Bugs: [leaves] Nope, never heard of him.
Bugs: [to the audience] Y'know, maybe there *is* no intelligent life out there in the univoise after all.