Space Jam (1996)
Bill Murray: It's 'cause I'm white, isn't it?
Michael Jordan: No. Larry's white, so what?
Bill Murray: Larry's not white. Larry's clear.
Michael Jordan: What's going on here?
Bugs: Why Michael! l thought you'd never ask! You see These aliens from outer space want to make us slaves in their theme park. They're little. So we challenged them to a basketball game. Eh, what do we care? They're little, so we challenge them to a basketball game! But then they show up and they ain't so little,
Bugs: they're huge! We need to beat these guys, 'cause They're talking about slavery! They'll make us do stand-up, the same jokes every night every night for all eternity! We're going to be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, bad-headed, humor-challenged aliens! Eh, what I'm trying to say is...
Bugs: we need your help!
Michael Jordan: Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now!
[gets out rabbit skull]
Bugs: And I'm a Shakespearean actor.
[Stan is digging up the golf hole that Michael got sucked down]
Golfer: What are you doing?
Stan Podalak: I'm uh, I'm fixing a divot.
[shouting back to someone off camera]
Golfer: He's fixing a divot!
Charles Barkley: It was this girl, five-feet-nuthin'. Blocked my shot!
Psychiatrist: When did you first start having this dream?
Charles Barkley: It wasn't a dream, it really happened!
Michael Jordan: Whatever you do, don't forget my North Carolina shorts.
Daffy Duck: Your shorts? From college?
Michael Jordan: I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.
Looney Tunes: Eeewwww!
Michael Jordan: Hey! I washed them after every game!
Michael Jordan: I did!
Daffy: Just how did you get here, anyway?
Bill Murray: Producer's a friend of mine. He sent a Teamster to drop me off.
Daffy: Aha. Well, that's the way it goes.
Bill Murray: Larry, I'm gonna give us both twos back there. We weren't in any emotional state to putt.
Bugs: You wanna play a little one on one, doll?
Lola Bunny: [angrily, with fire in her eyes] Doll?
Bugs: [with hearts over his head] Uh huh.
Lola Bunny: On the court, *Bugs*.
Tweety Bird: Ooo, she's hot.
[Touches his rear and steam appears with a hissing sound]
Lola Bunny: [starts dribbling] Ready?
[she gets past him]
Bugs: I got it, I got it!
[she spins around him, he winds up into a knot and she makes a basket]
Michael Jordan: The girl's got skills.
Bugs: [Lola comes over to him seductively] Yes?
Lola Bunny: Don't ever call me "doll".
[blows her ears out of her face]
Lola Bunny: [as she is leaving] Nice playin' with ya.
Michael Jordan: Very smooth.
Bugs: Ahh, she's obviously nuts about me.
Michael Jordan: Obviously.
Tweety Bird: I tought I taw - I did! I did! I did tee Michael Jordan!
Daffy Duck: You think she's got enough toys?
Bugs: Speaking of toys, remember those mugs and t-shoits and lunchboxes with our pictures on 'em?
Daffy Duck: Yeah.
Bugs: You ever see any money from all that stuff?
Daffy Duck: Hah, not a cent!
Bugs: Hmm... me neither.
Daffy Duck: [sighs] It's a crying shame. We gotta get new agents, we're gettin' screwed!
Daffy: How's this for a new team name: The Ducks!
Bugs: Please! What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name their team The Ducks?
Bugs: Look at our facilities.
Daffy: We've got hoops!
Elmer Fudd: We've got weights!
Sylvester: We've got balls!
Michael Jordan: You sure do. This place is a mess.
Shawn Bradley: I've got other skills. I could go back and work on the farm. Or maybe... I could go back to the jungle and be a missionary again.
Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!
Michael Jordan: What can you do?
Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
Sylvester: And large.
Daffy Duck: And a dork.
Michael Jordan: [after winning the game] Thanks guys, you got a lot of... a lot of... well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it.
[saying a prayer]
Charles Barkley: I promise I'll never swear again. I'll never get another technical. I'll never trash talk...
Charles Barkley: I won't go out with Madonna again.
Foghorn Leghorn: Did you order the Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Toon Squad: Standing two foot four, The Wonder from Down Under: The Tasmanian Devil!
[Taz squeezes two balls in his mouth, pops them, and spins around]
Announcer: At small forward: standing a scintillating three foot two, The Heartthrob of the Hoops: Lola Bunny!
[Lola dribbles and spins the ball on her finger]
Announcer: At power forward, The Quackster of the Court: Daffy Duck!
Daffy Duck: Thank you! Thank you!
[Silence from the audience, crickets chirping]
Daffy Duck: [disappointed, but sarcastically] Very funny. Leth's all laugh at the duck!
Announcer: And the point guard, standing three foot three, four feet if you include the ears, Co-captain of the toon squad, the Doctor of Delight: Bugs Bunny!
Bugs: Thank you! Thank you!
Announcer: And now, the player coach of the Toon Squad, at six foot six from North Carolina, his Royal Airness: Michael Jordan!
[One of the Monstars hurts Tweety]
Michael Jordan: [to Tweety] Are you OK?
Monstar Blanko: Yeah, are you OK?
[the other Monstars gets angry at him]
Monstar Blanko: Oops!
Sylvester: [after a few suggestions of what to challenge the Nerdlucks to] Suffering succotash! What's wrong with all of ya? I say... we get a ladder
[as you see a mental image of him on a ladder outside of a window where Tweety Bird is sitting in his cage]
Sylvester: ... wait till the old lady gets out of the room... then grab that little bird!
[grabs Tweety Bird, then the scene transitions back to Sylvester holding on to one of his thumbs, hyperventilating]
Bugs: Whoa, whoa! Take a deep breath, Sly!
Daffy Duck: Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys.
Tweety Bird: Those Monstars'd wished they'd been never born!
[Tweety Bird flies through a hole that's just been shot in Sylvester]
Tweety Bird: Holey puddy-tat!
[Bill Murray enters the court as a substitution]
Mr. Swackhammer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't know Dan Aykroyd was in this picture!
[Stan prepares to take a picture of Michael after the hole in one]
Stan Podalak: Let me get a picture of this. All right, here we go, you want to smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball and then you smile. OK?
Michael Jordan: Yes.
Stan Podalak: And you think this is good.
Michael Jordan: Just take the picture!
Stan Podalak: All right.
[a rope comes out of the hole and pulls Michael in]
Bill Murray: [after a pause] What kind of camera is that?
Stan Podalak: It's just a
Bill Murray: [interrupts] Would you not point it at me please and close the lens cap?
Stan Podalak: I didn't do anything! I just took...
Larry Bird: Where'd he go?
James Jordan: Michael? What are you doin', son? It's after midnight.
Michael Jordan at 10: I can't sleep, Paps.
James Jordan: Well, neither can we with all that noise you're making. C'mon, let's go inside.
Michael Jordan at 10: Just one more shot?
James Jordan: All right, just one.
Lola Bunny: [Bugs has just been squashed after pushing Lola out of the way] Are you okay?
Bugs: Me? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?
Lola Bunny: Oh Bugs, thank you.
Bugs: Aww, it was nothin'.
Lola Bunny: That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
[she gives him a long kiss, then leaves]
Michael Jordan: Bugs?
Bugs: Yeah, Mike?
Michael Jordan: Stay out of trouble.
Bugs: [to Lola] You know I will.
Bugs: [grabbing her arms] Come here!
[he gives her a long kiss, she howls and then quickly changes to the next scene by pulling it down over them like a window shade]
Larry Bird: What's the matter, Bill?
Bill Murray: [after seeing Michael's fancy return to the NBA] Larry, that could have been me.
Larry Bird: Would you get over it? It's over. It's done with. You can't play.
Bill Murray: Okay.
[voice breaking with emotion]
Bill Murray: Let's go, Bulls!
Bill Murray: Okay, here's how I see it. Duck?
Daffy Duck: Yes.
Bill Murray: You kick it in to the girl bunny. Down in the post. Then you dish it back out to the guy bunny.
Lola Bunny: Got it.
Bill Murray: Swing it around to Mike, over here. You go to the hole and dominate!
Michael Jordan: Bill! We're on defense!
Bill Murray: Whoa ho ho! I don't play defense. Okay, you're gonna have to listen to Mike on this guys, listen up.
Michael Jordan: Okay, somebody steal the ball, give it to me, and I'll score before time runs out.
Bill Murray: Don't lose that confidence, okay, paws and wings in here, all right!
Daffy Duck: But Mommy, I don't want to go to school today. I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you!
Female Seer: [while the Nerdlucks are hiding in a trench coat at a basketball game] Sweetheart?
Male Fan: What?
Female Seer: Thought you were gonna get better seats this year.
Male Fan: This is as good as I could get.
Female Seer: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.
Male Fan: Honey, will you just let me watch the game? Barkley's killing us!
Nerdluck Bang: Hey, someone's killing someone.
Nerdluck Blanko: Nah... seriously?
Nerdluck Pound: A killer? Let me see...
[Gets a closer look]
Nerdluck Bupkus: [Points to Charles Barkley as he's playing] That's him, the killer! He's big!
Nerdluck Blanko: He's good.
Nerdluck Bang: He's *mine*!
Nerdluck Bang: We seek the one they call Bugs Bunny.
Nerdluck Nawt: Yeah, Bugs Bunny.
Nerdluck Bupkus: Have you seen him?
Nerdluck Blanko: Is he around?
Bugs: Hmmm... Bugs Bunny... Bugs Bunny... Say, don't he have, uh, great big long ears...
[pulls his ears]
Bugs: like this?
Bugs: And does he hop around like this?
[hops around the forrest]
Bugs: And does he say, "What's up, doc?" like this?
Bugs: Eh, what's up, doc?
Nerdlucks: [excited] YEAH!
Bugs: [leaves] Nope, never heard of him.
Bugs: [to the audience] Y'know, maybe there *is* no intelligent life out there in the univoise after all.
Muggsy Bogues: What are you saying? That I'm trying to disobey my mama?
Psychiatrist: I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.
Muggsy Bogues: But I love my mama.
Larry Johnson: I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-Rayed, Laser beamed...
Stan Podalak: C'mon, Michael! It's game time! Get your Hanes on, lace up your Nikes, grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade, and we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.
Jeffrey Jordan: Does everyone get mad at you?
Michael Jordan: No. Worse. Everyone's real nice about it.
Player: That was a strike-out, Mike. But that was a good-looking strike-out. Real good.
Player: I mean, you look good when you strike out, man. When I strike out, it looks nasty, man. But at least you look good, man.
Woman Fan: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.
[the Monstars arrive at the gym]
Monstar Bupkus: I'm here!
Monstar Blanko: Me too.
[he hits his head on a backboard, then puts his hands over most of his face]
Monstar Blanko: That hurt!
Nerdluck Pound: You ever heard of the Dream Team? Well, we're the Mean Team, wussy man.
Stan Podalak: [after all of his attempts to dig to find Michael have failed] This is it! THIS IS IT! I don't know where you are, Michael! But wherever you are, you obviously enjoy bein' there more than spendin' time with me!
Daffy Duck: [after Stan enters the Toon Squad dressing room burned to a crisp by the Monstars] Looks like Stan just had a close encounter with a bug zapper.
Mr. Swackhammer: [after the Monstars have lost] Losers!
Mr. Swackhammer: Choke artists!
Monstars: Sorry again.
Mr. Swackhammer: Wait'll I get you back on Moron Mountain!
Michael Jordan: Someone has to go to my house and pick up my basketball gear.
Daffy: To your house? In 3-D land?
Mr. Swackhammer: [after berating them for losing to the Looney Tunes] Alright, the party's over! Get in the spaceship!
Michael Jordan: [to the Monstars] Why are you taking from this guy?
Monstar Bupkus: Because he's bigger!
Monstar Pound: He's bigger?
Monstar Bang: Then, we *used* to be...
Mr. Swackhammer: [the Monstars realize they are now bigger than Swackhammer and look at him menacingly] What are you doing?
[They seize him and stuff him on a rocket and blasts it off into space to crash onto the Moon]
Michael Jordan: Had it in you all the time, didn't ya?
[the Monstars look embarrassed for a moment]
Psychiatrist: Are there any other areas, besides basketball, that you find yourself...
Barry White's voice: Yeah?
Psychiatrist: ...unable to perform?
Barry White's voice: Yeah, yeah...
Patrick Ewing: [irritated] No!
Psychiatrist: I'm just asking.
Larry Johnson: [after a while trying to find out why they suddenly can't play basketball after their talent was unknown to them, stolen by the Nerdlucks] Y'know, maybe there is nothin' wrong with us, maybe it's just in our heads.
Muggsy Bogues: Yeah, we're all right. It's just some psychosomatic deal, or something to do with the alignment of the Moon or another planet.
Daffy Duck: [On the court opposite of Monstar Bupkus as he's about to pass it to Monstar Pound with a football helmet on] It's gut-check time!
[His legs quickly jerk back and forth with the sound of a gun cocking, then once it's passed to Monstar Pound, he charges headfirst into his gut, making him drop the ball and it bounces towards Bill Murray]
Bill Murray: This must be mine!
[Picks it up and heads up court as Monstar Nawt goes in front of him]
Bill Murray: This belongs to me. I'm going left! I'm going left! I'm going left!
[Quickly passes the ball to the right where Michael Jordan catches it]
Bill Murray: Don't ever trust an Earthling!
Bugs: Okay, okay, which one of you maroons has ever played basketball?
Bugs: Yeah, Sure, let the little pipsqueaks knock themselves out,
Daffy Duck: l have, Coach. And there's an important question l must ask you.
Daffy Duck: So, what do you say we go for a little spin? Let's see what we got inside here.