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Space Jam (1996) Poster

(1996)

Quotes

Bill Murray: It's 'cause I'm white, isn't it?

Michael Jordan: No. Larry's white, so what?

Bill Murray: Larry's not white. Larry's clear.

Michael Jordan: What's going on here?

Bugs: Why Michael! l thought you'd never ask! You see These aliens from outer space want to make us slaves in their theme park. They're little. So we challenged them to a basketball game. Eh, what do we care? They're little, so we challenge them to a basketball game! But then they show up and they ain't so little,

[shouts]

Bugs: they're huge! We need to beat these guys, 'cause They're talking about slavery! They'll make us do stand-up, the same jokes every night every night for all eternity! We're going to be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, bad-headed, humor-challenged aliens! Eh, what I'm trying to say is...

[shouts]

Bugs: we need your help!

Michael Jordan: Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now!

Bugs: Right.

[gets out rabbit skull]

Bugs: And I'm a Shakespearean actor.

[Stan is digging up the golf hole that Michael got sucked down]

Golfer: What are you doing?

Stan Podalak: I'm uh, I'm fixing a divot.

Golfer: Oh.

[shouting back to someone off camera]

Golfer: He's fixing a divot!

Charles Barkley: It was this girl, five-feet-nuthin'. Blocked my shot!

Psychiatrist: When did you first start having this dream?

Charles Barkley: It wasn't a dream, it really happened!

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Michael Jordan: Whatever you do, don't forget my North Carolina shorts.

Daffy Duck: Your shorts? From college?

Michael Jordan: I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.

Looney Tunes: Eeewwww!

Michael Jordan: Hey! I washed them after every game!

Sylvester: Sure...

Michael Jordan: I did!

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Daffy: Just how did you get here, anyway?

Bill Murray: Producer's a friend of mine. He sent a Teamster to drop me off.

Daffy: Aha. Well, that's the way it goes.

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Bill Murray: Larry, I'm gonna give us both twos back there. We weren't in any emotional state to putt.

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Bugs: You wanna play a little one on one, doll?

Lola Bunny: [angrily, with fire in her eyes] Doll?

Bugs: [with hearts over his head] Uh huh.

Lola Bunny: On the court, *Bugs*.

Bugs: Sure.

Tweety Bird: Ooo, she's hot.

[Touches his rear and steam appears with a hissing sound]

Lola Bunny: [starts dribbling] Ready?

Bugs: Yes.

[she gets past him]

Bugs: I got it, I got it!

[she spins around him, he winds up into a knot and she makes a basket]

Michael Jordan: The girl's got skills.

Bugs: [Lola comes over to him seductively] Yes?

Lola Bunny: Don't ever call me "doll".

[blows her ears out of her face]

Bugs: Check.

Lola Bunny: [as she is leaving] Nice playin' with ya.

Michael Jordan: Very smooth.

Bugs: Ahh, she's obviously nuts about me.

Michael Jordan: Obviously.

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Tweety Bird: I tought I taw - I did! I did! I did tee Michael Jordan!

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Daffy Duck: You think she's got enough toys?

Bugs: Speaking of toys, remember those mugs and t-shoits and lunchboxes with our pictures on 'em?

Daffy Duck: Yeah.

Bugs: You ever see any money from all that stuff?

Daffy Duck: Hah, not a cent!

Bugs: Hmm... me neither.

Daffy Duck: [sighs] It's a crying shame. We gotta get new agents, we're gettin' screwed!

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Daffy: How's this for a new team name: The Ducks!

Bugs: Please! What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name their team The Ducks?

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Bugs: Look at our facilities.

Daffy: We've got hoops!

Elmer Fudd: We've got weights!

Sylvester: We've got balls!

Michael Jordan: You sure do. This place is a mess.

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Shawn Bradley: I've got other skills. I could go back and work on the farm. Or maybe... I could go back to the jungle and be a missionary again.

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Daffy Duck: Mother!

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Taz: Lemony fresh!

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Monstar Bupkus: That's mine!

Bugs: [stealing the ball] Not today.

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Tweety Bird: Feed me! Feed me!

Sylvester: Feed you? Feed me!

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Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!

Michael Jordan: What can you do?

Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.

Sylvester: And large.

Daffy Duck: And a dork.

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Michael Jordan: [after winning the game] Thanks guys, you got a lot of... a lot of... well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it.

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[saying a prayer]

Charles Barkley: I promise I'll never swear again. I'll never get another technical. I'll never trash talk...

[later]

Charles Barkley: I won't go out with Madonna again.

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Foghorn Leghorn: Did you order the Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?

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Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Toon Squad: Standing two foot four, The Wonder from Down Under: The Tasmanian Devil!

[Taz squeezes two balls in his mouth, pops them, and spins around]

Announcer: At small forward: standing a scintillating three foot two, The Heartthrob of the Hoops: Lola Bunny!

[Lola dribbles and spins the ball on her finger]

Announcer: At power forward, The Quackster of the Court: Daffy Duck!

Daffy Duck: Thank you! Thank you!

[Silence from the audience, crickets chirping]

Daffy Duck: [disappointed, but sarcastically] Very funny. Leth's all laugh at the duck!

Announcer: And the point guard, standing three foot three, four feet if you include the ears, Co-captain of the toon squad, the Doctor of Delight: Bugs Bunny!

Bugs: Thank you! Thank you!

Announcer: And now, the player coach of the Toon Squad, at six foot six from North Carolina, his Royal Airness: Michael Jordan!

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[One of the Monstars hurts Tweety]

Michael Jordan: [to Tweety] Are you OK?

Monstar Blanko: Yeah, are you OK?

[the other Monstars gets angry at him]

Monstar Blanko: Oops!

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Sylvester: [after a few suggestions of what to challenge the Nerdlucks to] Suffering succotash! What's wrong with all of ya? I say... we get a ladder

[as you see a mental image of him on a ladder outside of a window where Tweety Bird is sitting in his cage]

Sylvester: ... wait till the old lady gets out of the room... then grab that little bird!

[grabs Tweety Bird, then the scene transitions back to Sylvester holding on to one of his thumbs, hyperventilating]

Bugs: Whoa, whoa! Take a deep breath, Sly!

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Daffy Duck: Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys.

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Tweety Bird: Those Monstars'd wished they'd been never born!

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[Tweety Bird flies through a hole that's just been shot in Sylvester]

Tweety Bird: Holey puddy-tat!

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Stan Podalak: The mouse? He picked the mouse?

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[Bill Murray enters the court as a substitution]

Mr. Swackhammer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't know Dan Aykroyd was in this picture!

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[Stan prepares to take a picture of Michael after the hole in one]

Stan Podalak: Let me get a picture of this. All right, here we go, you want to smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball and then you smile. OK?

Michael Jordan: Yes.

Stan Podalak: And you think this is good.

Michael Jordan: Just take the picture!

Stan Podalak: All right.

[a rope comes out of the hole and pulls Michael in]

Bill Murray: [after a pause] What kind of camera is that?

Stan Podalak: It's just a

Bill Murray: [interrupts] Would you not point it at me please and close the lens cap?

Stan Podalak: I didn't do anything! I just took...

Larry Bird: Where'd he go?

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[first lines]

James Jordan: Michael? What are you doin', son? It's after midnight.

Michael Jordan at 10: I can't sleep, Paps.

James Jordan: Well, neither can we with all that noise you're making. C'mon, let's go inside.

Michael Jordan at 10: Just one more shot?

James Jordan: All right, just one.

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Michael Jordan: Let's do some drills.

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Lola Bunny: [Bugs has just been squashed after pushing Lola out of the way] Are you okay?

Bugs: Me? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?

Lola Bunny: Oh Bugs, thank you.

Bugs: Aww, it was nothin'.

Lola Bunny: That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

[she gives him a long kiss, then leaves]

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Michael Jordan: Bugs?

Bugs: Yeah, Mike?

Michael Jordan: Stay out of trouble.

[he leaves]

Bugs: [to Lola] You know I will.

[Lola laughs]

Bugs: [grabbing her arms] Come here!

[he gives her a long kiss, she howls and then quickly changes to the next scene by pulling it down over them like a window shade]

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[last lines]

Larry Bird: What's the matter, Bill?

Bill Murray: [after seeing Michael's fancy return to the NBA] Larry, that could have been me.

Larry Bird: Would you get over it? It's over. It's done with. You can't play.

Bill Murray: Okay.

[voice breaking with emotion]

Bill Murray: Let's go, Bulls!

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Bill Murray: Okay, here's how I see it. Duck?

Daffy Duck: Yes.

Bill Murray: You kick it in to the girl bunny. Down in the post. Then you dish it back out to the guy bunny.

Lola Bunny: Got it.

Bill Murray: Swing it around to Mike, over here. You go to the hole and dominate!

Michael Jordan: Bill! We're on defense!

Bill Murray: Whoa ho ho! I don't play defense. Okay, you're gonna have to listen to Mike on this guys, listen up.

Michael Jordan: Okay, somebody steal the ball, give it to me, and I'll score before time runs out.

Bill Murray: Don't lose that confidence, okay, paws and wings in here, all right!

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Daffy Duck: But Mommy, I don't want to go to school today. I wanna stay home and bake cookies with you!

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Female Seer: [while the Nerdlucks are hiding in a trench coat at a basketball game] Sweetheart?

Male Fan: What?

Female Seer: Thought you were gonna get better seats this year.

Male Fan: This is as good as I could get.

Female Seer: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.

Male Fan: Honey, will you just let me watch the game? Barkley's killing us!

Nerdluck Bang: Hey, someone's killing someone.

Nerdluck Blanko: Nah... seriously?

Nerdluck Pound: A killer? Let me see...

[Gets a closer look]

Nerdluck Bupkus: [Points to Charles Barkley as he's playing] That's him, the killer! He's big!

Nerdluck Blanko: He's good.

Nerdluck Bang: He's *mine*!

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Daffy Duck: Very funny. Leth's all laugh at the duck.

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Nerdluck Bang: We seek the one they call Bugs Bunny.

Nerdluck Nawt: Yeah, Bugs Bunny.

Nerdluck Bupkus: Have you seen him?

Nerdluck Blanko: Is he around?

Bugs: Hmmm... Bugs Bunny... Bugs Bunny... Say, don't he have, uh, great big long ears...

[pulls his ears]

Bugs: like this?

Nerdlucks: Yeah.

Bugs: And does he hop around like this?

[hops around the forrest]

Nerdlucks: Uh-huh.

Bugs: And does he say, "What's up, doc?" like this?

[chomps carrot]

Bugs: Eh, what's up, doc?

Nerdlucks: [excited] YEAH!

Bugs: [leaves] Nope, never heard of him.

Nerdlucks: Aw...

Bugs: [to the audience] Y'know, maybe there *is* no intelligent life out there in the univoise after all.

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Daffy Duck: Oh, fear clutches my breast!

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Muggsy Bogues: What are you saying? That I'm trying to disobey my mama?

Psychiatrist: I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.

Muggsy Bogues: But I love my mama.

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Bill Murray: It is alive!

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Larry Johnson: I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-Rayed, Laser beamed...

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Stan Podalak: C'mon, Michael! It's game time! Get your Hanes on, lace up your Nikes, grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade, and we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.

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Jeffrey Jordan: Does everyone get mad at you?

Michael Jordan: No. Worse. Everyone's real nice about it.

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Player: That was a strike-out, Mike. But that was a good-looking strike-out. Real good.

Player: I mean, you look good when you strike out, man. When I strike out, it looks nasty, man. But at least you look good, man.

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Woman Fan: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.

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[the Monstars arrive at the gym]

Monstar Bupkus: I'm here!

Monstar Blanko: Me too.

[he hits his head on a backboard, then puts his hands over most of his face]

Monstar Blanko: That hurt!

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Nerdluck Pound: You ever heard of the Dream Team? Well, we're the Mean Team, wussy man.

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Stan Podalak: [after all of his attempts to dig to find Michael have failed] This is it! THIS IS IT! I don't know where you are, Michael! But wherever you are, you obviously enjoy bein' there more than spendin' time with me!

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Daffy Duck: [after Stan enters the Toon Squad dressing room burned to a crisp by the Monstars] Looks like Stan just had a close encounter with a bug zapper.

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Mr. Swackhammer: [after the Monstars have lost] Losers!

Monstars: Sorry.

Mr. Swackhammer: Choke artists!

Monstars: Sorry again.

Mr. Swackhammer: Wait'll I get you back on Moron Mountain!

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Michael Jordan: Someone has to go to my house and pick up my basketball gear.

Daffy: To your house? In 3-D land?

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Mr. Swackhammer: [after berating them for losing to the Looney Tunes] Alright, the party's over! Get in the spaceship!

Michael Jordan: [to the Monstars] Why are you taking from this guy?

Monstar Bupkus: Because he's bigger!

Monstar Pound: He's bigger?

Monstar Bang: Then, we *used* to be...

Mr. Swackhammer: [the Monstars realize they are now bigger than Swackhammer and look at him menacingly] What are you doing?

[They seize him and stuff him on a rocket and blasts it off into space to crash onto the Moon]

Michael Jordan: Had it in you all the time, didn't ya?

[the Monstars look embarrassed for a moment]

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Psychiatrist: Are there any other areas, besides basketball, that you find yourself...

Barry White's voice: Yeah?

Psychiatrist: ...unable to perform?

Barry White's voice: Yeah, yeah...

Patrick Ewing: [irritated] No!

Psychiatrist: I'm just asking.

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Larry Johnson: [after a while trying to find out why they suddenly can't play basketball after their talent was unknown to them, stolen by the Nerdlucks] Y'know, maybe there is nothin' wrong with us, maybe it's just in our heads.

Muggsy Bogues: Yeah, we're all right. It's just some psychosomatic deal, or something to do with the alignment of the Moon or another planet.

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Daffy Duck: [On the court opposite of Monstar Bupkus as he's about to pass it to Monstar Pound with a football helmet on] It's gut-check time!

[His legs quickly jerk back and forth with the sound of a gun cocking, then once it's passed to Monstar Pound, he charges headfirst into his gut, making him drop the ball and it bounces towards Bill Murray]

Bill Murray: This must be mine!

[Picks it up and heads up court as Monstar Nawt goes in front of him]

Bill Murray: This belongs to me. I'm going left! I'm going left! I'm going left!

[Quickly passes the ball to the right where Michael Jordan catches it]

Bill Murray: Don't ever trust an Earthling!

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Bugs: Okay, okay, which one of you maroons has ever played basketball?

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Bugs: Yeah, Sure, let the little pipsqueaks knock themselves out,

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Bugs: These little pipsqueaks just turned into superstars!

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Daffy Duck: l have, Coach. And there's an important question l must ask you.

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Bugs: You expected the Easter Bunny?

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Daffy Duck: Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys.

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Bugs: Look out for that first step, doc, it's a real lulu.

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Bugs: Not real? lf l weren't real, could l do this?

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Bugs: Let the doctor take a look. A little high. Going down!

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Daffy Duck: So, what do you say we go for a little spin? Let's see what we got inside here.

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Bugs: You know, maybe there is no intelligent life out in the universe after all.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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