Santa with Muscles (1996)

User Rating:

2.0/10   

Director:

John Murlowski

Writers:

Jonathan Bond (writer)
Fred Mata (writer)

Release Date:

8 November 1996 (USA)

Genre:

Family | Comedy

Tagline:

He's naughty, He's nice, and He's coming to save Christmas.

Plot:

An evil millionaire (Hulk Hogan) gets amnesia and then belives that he is Santa Claus. |

Plot Keywords:

Santa Claus | Amnesia | Paintball | Shopping Mall | Humvee

Cast

Hulk Hogan	...	Blake
Don Stark	...	Lenny
Robin Curtis	...	Leslie
Garrett Morris	...	Clayton
Aria Noelle Curzon	...	Elizabeth
Adam Wylie	...	Taylor
Mila Kunis	...	Sarah
Jennifer Paz	...	Helen Chu
Clint Howard	...	Hinkley
William Newman	...	Chas
Robert Apisa	...	Franco
Pierre Dulat	...	Pierre
Steve Valentine	...	Dr. Blight
Ed Begley Jr.	...	Ebner Frost
Kai Ephron	...	Dr. Vial

MPAA:

Rated PG for action violence and brief mild language.

Runtime:

97 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Sound Mix:

Dolby SR

Certification:

USA:PG (certificate #34715)

Filming Locations:

Fillmore, California, USA

Company:

Cabin Fever Entertainment

Trivia:

The original author's draft was changed so much that he sued to have his writing credit removed.

Quotes:

Background Voice: Watch out, he's got a candy cane!

Movie Connections:

References The Karate Kid (1984)

What a revolting development

Okay, first things first. Upon renting or viewing any Hulk Hogan movie, one should never set their sights very high. You have the constants of bad acting, senseless and cartoonish violence, and groan-worthy puns. You can also pretty much expect a super-contrived happy ending. However, even taking these aspects for granted, Santa with Muscles still will leave you stunned. It isn't quite the worst movie I've ever seen (Manos, Hootch County, and Ninja Wars beat it there) but it's definitely down there.

The Hulkster stars as Blake Thorne, a big dumb prig with more money than he knows what to do with, so he spends his days playfully tormenting his house-servants. (The 'Stop and smell the roses!' line is a hoot!) Through a ludicrous turn of events, Blake gets amnesia and is convinced by a jerk named Lenny that he is the real Santa Claus. Hijinks, fistfights and eye-rolling sappiness ensue. Watch for two-count 'em-TWO instances of giant candy canes being used as weapons, a horrible song by Hulk and the little whiny girl, the equally stupid 'Blake's rules' and 'Santa's rules', and what is perhaps the most ridiculous McGuffin I've ever seen-but I'll leave that for you to discover.

I can only recommend Santa with Muscles if you happen to have great patience and a high threshold of pain. I wondered about half-way through, "Has this been over 2 hours yet?"...but despite what you may feel it is only a bit over 1 1/2. Not a very merry way to spend your Christmas.