Overnight Delivery (1998)
Ivy: Slut? Oh, oh, no. If I wanna bag a professor from one of my classes, I will, but nobody, and I mean nobody, calls me a slut, so the next time you feel like casting aspersions on my character, try remembering that this quote unquote slut is driving your judgmental ass all the way to Des Moines. So a little decency would be in order. Got it? Good.
Ivy: Extra, Extra. Read all about it. Kim can shake her pom-poms but she won't go at it! Extraaa. Extraaa.
Ivy: You know it's funny I thought you had a girlfriend.
Wyatt: Me? No... well yeah, but I was just killing time.
Ivy: Killing time?
Wyatt: Yeah, killing time until I met you.
Ivy: Boy, never thought I'd fall for a line like that.
Wyatt: I'll have some celery... some toast... and some water... just some water.
Snake: It's a fact, College girls have three times more sexual partners than a regular girl.
Raditch: I don't want to tell you 'I told you so', but, I told you so!
Ivy: I'm sorry, were you sleeping?
Wyatt: Did my closed eyes and peaceful demeanor tip you off?
Ivy: You know, as bad as a situation ever gets, there's always time to get dressed.
Ivy: Why don't you draw some more attention to the stolen vehicle by dancing on it?
Turran: Given you don't have the bribe money or shipping number, the only way we can cancel your package is by the computer.
[deletes the file]
Turran: Oops. How's that for a reality check?
[in Ivy's nightmare]
Kimberly: Give me a T, give me an R, give me an I-P-S. What does it spell? Trips! Ivy, if you touch him I will tear you to bits!
Ivy: Try this! Kim you snotty little pig I was delighted to learn of your infidelity. Your puritanical attitudes towards sex were just childish and insecure.
Wyatt: Ooh insecure give me something about her weight. She's one of those five eight, hundred pound girls that always gonna say "I'm fat I'm fat"!
Ivy: Ok! My stomach turned the last time we made out & your gut flapped against me; those cellulite packed cactuses you call thighs with the razor sharp stubble called to mind a fifth rate porno actress that I once jerked off to during the tenure of our sorry marriage of convenience. Now I can finally tell all my friends how nauseating you are to mate with. Rot in Hell! Trips.
Kimberly: Cellulite packed cactuses I call thighs? I AM NOT FAT!... WYATT!
Ivy: You're friend doesn't look so good!
Wyatt: No? Well how the hell am I supposed to look? My girlfriend is cheating on me with a guy named "The Ricker".
Wyatt: Dear God, I promise i'll never send anything overnight delivery again.
Wyatt: You are...
Wyatt: An asshole.
Ivy: ...An adorable asshole?
Wyatt: Just a little good-for-nothing stripper!
Ivy: Screw you!
Wyatt: SC-REWWW YOU!
Wyatt: You are an incubus. A hell-spawned incubus.
Ivy: Only a male can be an incubus, if anything, I'm a sucubus.
Wyatt: Yeah, you got the "suck" part right.
Wyatt: I'm gonna be late to the airport.
Ivy: I'll drive you!
Ivy: Yeah, I do have a heart, occasionally.
Wyatt: Do you have a car?
Ivy: [sarcastic] No, I have a rickshaw!
Wyatt: [Global Express truck pull up] How about that?
Ivy: Its no Jesus walking on water, I give it a six.
Wyatt: That's a nine!
Ivy: [their delivery man gets out] Okay, 8.5