Memorable quotes for
The Nutty Professor (1996) More at IMDbPro »

[sitting with three beautiful women at the Ritz club]
Buddy Love: Is this the "nice-ass" section?
Share this quote

Buddy Love: Oh you mean rich dummy terms? I'll break it down. All the rich dummies in the room, listen up! If you gonna eat nasty stuff like this.
[Picks up a porkchop]
Buddy Love: I know it looks good and I know how many of here like porkchop. But this greasy, nasty porkchop, you know there's a gene in your DNA that routes this straight to your fat cells, and it causes all sorts of sightly conditions. Case in point, this woman has what I like to call jello arms...
[shakes a fat lady's arm]
Buddy Love: ...you notice the arm has taken on a gelatin sort of vibe. Quite nasty.
[moves to a man at another table]
Buddy Love: And to my left, this gentleman has turkey neck,
[Moves to the woman next to him]
Buddy Love: to my immediate left, this young lady is suffering from what we like to call saddlebag syndrome
[moves to the woman next to her]
Buddy Love: and to my extreme left, this lady is suffering from what we like to call... tank ass.
[the woman's husband gets up]
Buddy Love: Yo not tonight man.
[escorts him back into his seat]
Buddy Love: I'm your brother, I'm your brother. Like I was saying, ladies and gentlemen, where there's a will, there's a way, and there is a way we can turn these genes off, and I don't mean by using exercise or diet, I'm talking about by taking a simple solution, which helps reconstruct your metabolic cellular strands, thus giving you the appearance of,
[picks a nice lady]
Buddy Love: as they say in medical terms... gluteus minimus, or in laymans terms, an extremely tight, wonderful ass. Let's give it up for the woman with the nice ass.
[a bit of the other people applaud]
Buddy Love: She's worked so hard don't you agree? Have a seat have a seat. Wow, everybody has a nice ass at this table, is this the nice ass section?
Share this quote

Buddy Love: [to Reggie] Ok, fat jokes! You wanna do fat jokes?
[Buddy stands up]
Buddy Love: Alright!
[Buddy claps his hands once]
Buddy Love: Your mother's so fat, the bitch needs Thomas Guide to find her asshole!
[everyone in the room, except Reggie, roars with laughter]
Buddy Love: Alright! Wait, wait, wait, your mother's so fat, after sex I roll over twice, and I'm still on the bitch!
[everyone, except Reggie, laughs louder]
Buddy Love: [to Reggie] Your mother is so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
[everyone, except Reggie, laughs even louder]
Buddy Love: Reggie's mother's so fat, that the bitch gets her toenails painted at Earl Scheib!
[everyone in the room, except Reggie, loudly roars with laughter. Buddy climbs onto the stage]
Buddy Love: [walking past Reggie] Earl Scheib! At Earl Scheib!
[laughs]
Share this quote

Papa Klump: [When Sherman is 'fighting' Buddy on the stage] Someone had better go and call the exorcist!
Share this quote

Papa Klump: You talkin' 'bout puttin' the tubes up somebody's ass, And i can't break wind?
Mama Klump: I said nothing about puttin' holes up nobody's ass! Cletus i said...
Papa Klump: Well how do you think they clean it? You think they run their assholes by the car wash?
Share this quote

Mama Klump: When the good Lord made you, He made you beautiful inside and out.
Share this quote

Sherman Klump: Daddy, all I'm saying is that scientific breakthroughs are occurring all the time.
Ernie Klump: The only thing that's 'bout to break through is your ass 'bout to break through the seat of your pants.
Share this quote

Mama Klump: I think I do remember hearing somethin' on TV about colon cleansin'. They say everyone should have one. I'm thinkin' about gettin' me an appointment and go down and get my colon cleansed thoroughly.
Papa Klump: You want your colon cleansed? Fine, I'm gonna clean mine!
[Farts]
Papa Klump: There, my colon is clean. My colon is squeaky clean!
Share this quote

[Professor Sherman Klump grunts and groans trying to fit his obese frame into an office chair; he finally gets comfortable and sighs with relief]
Dean Richmond: Comfy?
Sherman Klump: Quite.
Dean Richmond: Anything I can get for you? Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?
Sherman Klump: No, sir, I'm fine.
Share this quote

Cletus "Papa" Klump: You can sew up your stomach and your asshole and you will always be fat.
Share this quote

Mama Klump: Cletus, the dog has ripped the garbage bag open again.
Papa Klump: Well, shoot the damn dog!
Mama Klump: I ain't shootin' no dog!
Papa Klump: I'm tryin' to watch "Roseanne."
Share this quote

Mama Klump: Cletus, come clean this garbage up.
Papa Klump: Man, I'm watchin' TV!
Grandma Klump: I'll kick your lazy ass up.
Papa Klump: I told you, none of your damn business!
Grandma Klump: You lazy mother...!
Share this quote

Grandma Klump: Come on Cletus! It aint nuthin' but a short walk. You might walk over, but you limpin' back! I aint no easy win, nigga!
Share this quote

Reggie Warrington: Women be shoppin'! You cannot stop a woman from shoppin'!
Share this quote

Grandma Jensen: Don't give me none o' dem mashed potatoes, you know mashed potatoes give me gas.
Share this quote

Sherman Klump: I assure you, I will not let you down.
Dean Richmond: You won't. I know you won't. As a matter of fact, I know you're going to be perfect! Do you know how I know all these things? I know them because if you're *not* perfect, nevermind the yelling, the screaming and the firing. If anything goes wrong, for any reason
[pause]
Dean Richmond: I'm going to kill you. And I don't mean that as a euphemism, I am going to literally kill you. I'm going to strangle you and choke off your air supply until you pass away.
Share this quote

Buddy Love: What's wrong with that breath? I can smell it over her Reggie, Your breath is so stinky people look forward to your farts. Do you smell shit?
[sniffs]
Buddy Love: I SMELL SHIT!
Share this quote

Buddy Love: [to Carla] Are you ready to go upstairs?
[Carla slaps him]
Buddy Love: I guess not.
Share this quote

Mama Klump: Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!
Share this quote

Buddy Love: Who you think you talkin' to, Sherman Klump? Man, if you ever talk to me like that again, I'll kill you. And I don't mean it as euphemism, I'm gonna literally kill you. I'm gonna *strangle* you and cut off *your* air supply until *you* pass away.
Share this quote

Buddy Love: Someone has to tend to Chunky Butt's sex life. Chunky Butt is extremely horny.
Share this quote

Buddy Love: Tank ass!
Sherman Klump: Tinkerbell!
Buddy Love: Blubber butt!
Sherman Klump: Featherweight!
Share this quote

Buddy Love: [making fun of Reggie's hair] I heard of dreadlocks, but shitlocks?
Share this quote

Grandma Klump: Not tonight, Cletus. I kick yo ass.
Share this quote

Grandma Klump: [starts coughing heavily]
Cletus "Papa" Klump: Everybody better cover your plate
Mama Klump: Here, momma, have some water
Grandma Klump: Whatcha talking' about cover your plate? Not tonight, Cletus, I'll kick your ass.
Share this quote

Grandma Klump: I know a good church down there on Main Street, but they won't marry you if you're a lesbian.
Share this quote

Buddy Love: That ain't your hair, man. Take that pile of shit off your head.
Share this quote

[Sherman has bloated back into himself after being Buddy Love at the banquet]
Sherman Klump: If you give me a moment, I can explain. My research is, um... Well, when I started out, I wanted to help people. But then I became desperate and selfish. And what I did was wrong. Buddy's who I thought the whole world wanted me to be. He's who I thought I wanted to be. And sometimes when you want something so so bad, you'll do just about anything to get it. But I learned one thing from Buddy. Life isn't about being happy with how much you weigh, but just being happy with yourself. I'm terribly sorry about all of this, I hope I haven't ruined everybody's evening. Please excuse me.
[to Carla]
Sherman Klump: Sorry.
Share this quote

Sherman Klump: The truth is, Carla, I'm a big man. Now I will lose weight, but I'm always gonna be big no matter what I do. So anyone I end up with is just going to have to accept me for who I am. More importantly, I'm going to have to accept *myself* for who I am.
Share this quote

Professor Carla Purty: I just had to come over and introduce myself because I've been following your work for many years and I'm a big fan!
Sherman Klump: Well, thank you very much! I'm fatter, er, *flattered* that you've been following my work the way you have.
Share this quote

Buddy Love: Spandex! All spandex!
Share this quote

Lance: You're not pathetic! People! Pounds do not lose themselves! You have to work! Work! Work! Everybody up! Get up! You, too, at home. Everybody up and say...
[w/audience]
Lance: Yes, I can!
[alone]
Lance: Say it again.
[w/audience]
Lance: Yes, I can!
Sherman Klump: [determined] Yes, I can!
[stomps on the floor]
Sherman Klump: Yes, I can! Yes...!
Mr. Wilson: Quiet down, damn it!
Sherman Klump: Sorry 'bout that down there, Mr. Wilson!
Mr. Wilson: Klump, shut up!
Sherman Klump: [sets to work] I can!
Share this quote

Buddy Love: [touches her sexually] Is that a test tube in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you?
Wellman College Alumni: [pushes away] Ugh! How dare you!
Buddy Love: Oh, you know you love it. I felt your percolating.
Share this quote

Reggie Warrington: Run for the hills it's Fatzilla.Brother here looks like King Kong with titties.
Share this quote

Reggie Warrington: Boy's so fat, when he goes outside with a red shirt on, all the kids in the neighbourhood shout Kool Aid!
Share this quote

Reggie Warrington: Boy's so fat when they cut his ass open with a pen-knife it bleed chocolate milk,what would you do for a klondike bar?
Share this quote

Reggie Warrington: Boy's ass is so fat he's got more crack than Harlem.
Share this quote

Buddy Love: Reggie's momma is so fat... the bitches belt size is equator.
Share this quote

Papa Klump: As long as I pay the bills, I do what I want at this table. Case in point:
[farts]
Grandma Klump: Who that called my name?
Papa Klump: Yeah, I called you if your name is...
[farts]
Share this quote

Papa Klump: Oops. Now see what you made me do? Damn it, I messed up my pants.
Share this quote