Doug Kinney #4: [to Doug Kinney] Hey Steve, did ya bring me any pizza Steve?
Doug Kinney #4: [after having sex with Doug #1's wife] She touched my pepe, Steve!
Doug Kinney #3: You know how when you make a copy of a copy, it's not as sharp as... well... the original.
[Doug's rule for his clones]
Doug Kinney: Nobody has sex with my wife but me.
Doug Kinney: I've been working since I was twelve; it's break time.
Ted: Hey Kinney, I know you think you're hot shit. I'm not falling for this whole go-go attitude. I see through you, my friend.
Doug Kinney #4: We're gonna eat a dolphin!
Doug Kinney #2: Hey! Lenny. You're not gonna eat a dolphin pal, you're gonna pet one.
Doug Kinney #1: [to#4] I'm gonna buy you something...
Doug Kinney #4: [to#1] A chainsaw?
Doug Kinney #1: [to#4] ... Or a book...
Doug Kinney #4: I like pizza. I *like* it!
Doug Kinney: We're gonna need a cage.
Doug Kinney #4: Bye, Steve! I like Steve.
Doug Kinney #2: [not happy about appearance of clone #3. Doug has promised to make it up to him] And you can start by cloning Laura!
Doug Kinney #1: [to his children, Zack and Jennifer who are fighting] You're both doodie-heads! Go up to your rooms and don't come out until you're married!
Ted: We'll have to put in more hours. This isn't just a nine-to-five job. There is a saying where I worked last. "If you don't come in on Saturday, don't bother coming in on Sunday."
Doug Kinney #4: [Doug #2 is laying in bed with the flu and Doug #3 has left him alone with Doug #4] Sorry Steve...
[Doug #2 looks up and sees Doug #4 standing at the foot of his bed with a rubber boot over his head and moves a wood saw back and forth in the air in a sawing motion]
Doug Kinney #4: That leg's gonna have to come off.
Laura Kinney: [to Doug#4 thinking he's her husband] Please, just tell me what it is that you want.
Doug Kinney #4: I want Pizza.
Doug Kinney: As long as we're both rowing the same boat we'll be fine.