Vampire Killer Barbys
(1996)
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Vampire Killer Barbys
(1996)
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Santiago Segura | ... |
Baltasar
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Mariangela Giordano | ... |
Condesa (Countess)
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| Aldo Sambrell | ... |
Arkan
(as Aldo Sanbrell)
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Charlie S. Chaplin | ... |
Mario
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Silvia Superstar | ... |
Flavia
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Carlos Subterfuge | ... |
Rafa
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Angie Barea | ... |
Sharon
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Billy King | ... |
Billy
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Pepa López | ... |
Pipa
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Alberto Martínez | ... |
Pipo
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Enrique López Lavigne |
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Javier Bonilla |
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While driving on tour late night through a lonely road in the countryside of Spain, the van of the punk band "Killer Barbys" has an accident and breaks down. A creepy old man invites the group to spend the night in the castle of Countess Von Fledermaus and presents himself as her secretary Arkan. Arkan explains that the mechanic is located 62 km far from the location and he tells that the Countess loves youths. Flavia, Rafa and Mario accept the invitation but Billy and Sharon stay shagging in the van. When the musicians meet the Countess, they find that she is the ancient artist Olga Luchan and they question how she could keep so young. But sooner they discover that the Countess needs blood of young people to keep her beauty. Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
People who say this is the worst Jess franco movie obviously haven't seen too many Jess Franco movies. This has the same liabilities of many Franco flicks--the story is formulaic, the budget is non-existent, the film-making is borderline incompetent, the acting is terrible and the English dubbing is even worse. This movie is basically an extended promo for "the Killer Barbies", a less-talented, Spanish version of The Cramps with a sexy female lead singer, "Sylvia Superstar", who makes Britney Spears appear conservatively dressed by comparison. Fortunately, their music is a lot better than Britney Spears'. Unfortunately, it seems to consist of only two songs that they play over and over again, first in a live concert, then on the tape deck of their Scooby Doo-style tour van, and then non-diegetically on the soundtrack.
After their van breaks down in the remote countryside, the band members take refuge in a creepy old castle (except for one couple who remain in the van to have sex for a ridiculously long time, before getting chased naked through the woods and summarily slaughtered). The surviving Barbies prove pretty tepid heroes actually, but the villains are pretty good--they include long-time character actor Aldo Sambrell, actor/producer Santiago Segura (unknown in America, but a cult figure today in Spain) and two creepy-ass midgets. Most impressive though is the infamous Mariangela Giordano as a Countess Bathory type who needs the blood of. . . well, obviously not virgins, but young people, in order to restore her own youth. Giordano has a very long, blood-soaked, butt-naked nude scene, which is pretty damn impressive considering she was almost 60 at the time! Of course, if you're watching this to "flip one off the wrist" as it were, you might not want to witness an actress a few years shy of collecting a pension in the altogether (no matter how good she still looks), but this kind of polymorphous perversity is what I find most interesting about Franco. Maybe it isn't very sexy, but it's a lot more interesting than watching your usual silicone-enhanced bimbos going through the motions of tediously choreographed softcore sex scenes. Call me crazy.
"Sylvia Superstar" also has brief nude scenes (which is more than you'll get from a Britney Spear's movie and you'll suffer a lot less for the privilege). Ditto with the ridiculously horny female back-up singer (at least before she is regrettably "decapitated" and replaced with what is obviously a headless department store mannequin). The special effects are laughable as usual. This is hardly "the most violent Jess Franco movie" as is claimed in the intro, but it's far from the worst one either