After a jewelry theft Tommy Lane can hardly free. His girlfriend Kristen has less luck and is arrested. She's sentenced to jail in an ill-reputed female prison in Oklahoma. Tommy doesn't ... See full summary »
New area deputy Jack Gales arrives on the island to find that a girl at the local Catholic girls' school has been found dead. After investigating, he finds that students have been ... See full summary »
Terry David Mulligan
A child is traumatized when his father, a stuntman, dies in an attempt to go over Niagara Falls. Later, his mother meets and marries a truck driver, and things seem to be going OK. Then the... See full summary »
A woman is stalked and eventually kidnapped by her psychotic ex-husband. Her present husband, who wasn't even aware that his wife had been previously married, is initially caught in a ... See full summary »
Katherine Kelly Lang,
John Enos III
"Guy in Row Five" is a comedy about a dreamer named Thess who moves to Hollywood to become a star. He lands a job as an extra on the hit TV series "Rodeo Nights". After pestering his way in... See full summary »
You have been found guilty on the charge of being a dreadful movie, and are hereby condemned to obscurity and widespread, justified hatred
If this is not heavily featured on every list of "what not to watch", it should only be because those keeping that particular list are not aware of its existence, which, as long as that remains so, is the acceptable alternative. I'm not kidding you, this is a *bad* "movie". Joseph Meeker returns from the dead, with various vague, undefined supernatural powers, the most employed of which would seem to be appearing in new, increasingly comical-looking and ridiculous(and never scary or creepy... in general, when this goes for the latter of those, it winds up just being bizarre, and attempts at the former just don't work, period) outfits and stereotypes/archetypes, and he is portrayed by David Keith(whom I respect in... well, at least Daredevil), doing a more often than not terribly inconsistent(which could also have to do with script) and often over the top performance. A character or two have personalities so unbelievably irritating that they're painful to watch. The editing thinks it's considerably more clever than it really is(and what on Earth was with the red tint for the flashbacks?). Cinematography... oh, dear. Framing, coverage, effective use of angle(that one could be attributed some to editing, too, perhaps), please, guys, stop me when I say something you've ever heard about the existence of. As far as the technical side goes, this is a pretty lousy excuse for something more worthwhile to put in the projector than unexposed film. But why stop there? The plot is just poor. The basic idea's been done, and it's been done so much better than this(The Crow would be one). The way it's told is gimmicky, and while there is some explanation behind the flashbacks, it still doesn't satisfy. Pacing is about non-existent. The lead is distinctly unlikeable, and there's more personality in a barn door, not to mention that those are also considerably less wooden. Kelly Perine and Thomas Ian Nicholas? What in the name of all that is good and just(pun intended) are you doing in this? Perine, you were already funny before this, on The Drew Carey Show, Nicholas, well, I haven't seen you in anything preceding American Pie, but if nothing else, you *were* funny later on, and in those productions, the amusement was intentional. Dialog is... the less said, the better. Language is unrestrained, and tends to be stupid. The violence is shoddily done, and they don't even seem to care to try to hide it(hinting at it might have been the smarter strategy). Characters, don't get me started. Why spend so much energy on portraying unexciting, at times utterly illogical, events? The more you think about this, the worse it gets. It's not even passable as a "bad horror flick", or a B movie(it may very well pass through the rest of the alphabet, and go further still), it couldn't scare you on the scariest day of your life if it had an electrified scaring machine. I recommend this only to people who want to disprove how bad this is, and don't say I didn't warn ya. 1/10
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