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Jerry Maguire (1996) Poster

(1996)

Quotes

[Rod has just told Jerry he will keep him as his agent]

Jerry Maguire: That's, that's great. I'm very... happy.

Rod Tidwell: Are you listenin'?

Jerry Maguire: Yes!

Rod Tidwell: That's what I'm gonna do for you: God bless you, Jerry. But this is what you gonna do for me. You listenin', Jerry?

Jerry Maguire: Yeah, what, what, what can I do for you, Rod? You just tell me what can I do for you?

Rod Tidwell: It's a very personal, a very important thing. Hell, it's a family motto. Are you ready, Jerry?

Jerry Maguire: I'm ready.

Rod Tidwell: I wanna make sure you're ready, brother. Here it is: Show me the money. Oh-ho-ho! SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY! A-ha-ha! Jerry, doesn't it make you feel good just to say that! Say it with me one time, Jerry.

Jerry Maguire: Show you the money.

Rod Tidwell: Oh, no, no. You can do better than that, Jerry! I want you to say it with you, with meaning, brother! Hey, I got Bob Sugar on the other line; I bet you he can say it!

Jerry Maguire: Yeah, yeah, no, no, no. Show you the money.

Rod Tidwell: No! Not show you! Show me the money!

Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell: Yeah! Louder!

Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell: Yes, but, brother, you got to yell that shit!

Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell: I need to feel you, Jerry!

Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell: Jerry, you got to yell!

Jerry Maguire: [screaming] Show me the money! Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell: Do you love this black man!

Jerry Maguire: I love the black man! Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell: I love black people.

Jerry Maguire: I love black people!

Rod Tidwell: Who's your motherfucker, Jerry?

Jerry Maguire: You're my motherfucker!

Rod Tidwell: Whatcha gonna do, Jerry?

Jerry Maguire: Show me the money!

Rod Tidwell: Unh! Congratulations, you're still my agent.

Jerry Maguire: [babbling and struggling] I love you. You... you complete me. And I just...

Dorothy: Shut up,

[pause]

Dorothy: just shut up.

[Pause]

Dorothy: You had me at "hello". You had me at "hello".

Dicky Fox: If this

[points to heart]

Dicky Fox: is empty, this

[points to head]

Dicky Fox: doesn't matter.

Dorothy: I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is.

Sign in Locker Room: Success consists of simply getting up one more time than you fall.

Jerry Maguire: The fuckin zoo is closed, Ray.

Ray: You said fuck.

Jerry Maguire: Uh... yeah... I...

Ray: Don't worry. I won't tell.

Jerry Maguire: [to Rod] I am out here for you. You don't know what it's like to be ME out here for YOU. It is an up-at-dawn, pride-swallowing siege that I will never fully tell you about, ok?

Ray: [while in the backseat of their car] Did you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?

Jerry Maguire: Did you know that Troy Aikman, in only six years, has passed for 16,303 yards?

Ray: D'you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?

Jerry Maguire: Did you know that the career record for hits is 4,256 by Pete Rose who is NOT in the Hall of Fame?

Ray: D'you know that my next door neighbor has three rabbits?

Jerry Maguire: I... I can't compete with that!

[last lines]

Dicky Fox: Hey, I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.

Jerry Maguire: What do you want from me? My soul?

Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.

Jerry Maguire: [pleading to Rod] Help me... help you. Help me, help you.

Rod Tidwell: [while leaving the stadium after a game] Maybe you don't. Because it's not just the money I deserve. It's not just the "coin." It's the... - "the kwan".

Jerry Maguire: That's your word?

Rod Tidwell: Yeah, man, it means love, respect, community... and the dollars too. The package. The kwan.

Jerry Maguire: But how did you get "kwan?"

Rod Tidwell: I got there from "coin," dude. Coin, coin... kwaaaan.

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[after Tidwell makes a good play on TV with his family watching]

Tyson Tidwell: Yeah! That's my mo-fo!

Marcee Tidwell: [gasps]

Tyson Tidwell: [suddenly guilty] Oops.

Marcee Tidwell: Uh-uh. Come here.

Tyson Tidwell: [does, a bit scared]

Marcee Tidwell: How about you be the first man in the family to stop using that phrase, and then maybe we'll let you live.

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Jerry Maguire: [after having been fired] But if anybody else wants to come with me, this moment will be the ground floor of something real and fun and inspiring and true in this godforsaken business and we will do it together! Who's coming with me besides... "Flipper" here?

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Jerry Maguire: [over the phone] I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

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Dorothy: I just want to be inspired.

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Rod Tidwell: I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.

Jerry Maguire: I didn't shoplift the pootie.

[Rod gives him a long Look]

Jerry Maguire: All right. I shoplifted the pootie.

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Sign in Locker Room: Dig the well before you are thirsty.

Dicky Fox: The key to this business is personal relationships.

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Jerry Maguire: [while on a plane] What are you doing with me, Rod?

Rod Tidwell: Why?

Jerry Maguire: I'm finished, I'm fucked. Twenty-four hours ago, man, I was hot! Now... I'm a cautionary tale. You see this jacket I'm wearing, you like it? Because I don't really need it. Because I'm cloaked in failure! I lost the number one draft picked the night before the draft! Why? Let's recap: Because a hockey player's kid made me feel like a superficial jerk. I ate two slices of bad pizza, went to bed and grew a conscience!

Rod Tidwell: Well, boo-fucking-hoo

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Laurel: [after Marrying her sister without considering it thoroughly] You fuck this up, I'll kill you!

Jerry Maguire: I'm glad we had this talk.

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Jerry Maguire: Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?

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Jerry Maguire: This is going to change everything.

Dorothy: Promise?

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Marcee Tidwell: [shouting at Jerry in his office] What do you stand for?

Dorothy: How about a little piece of integrity in this world that is so full of greed and a lack of honorability that I don't know what to tell my son! Except, "Here. Have a look at a guy who isn't yelling 'Show me the money." Did you know he's broke? He is broke and working for you for free! Broke. Broke, broke, broke. I'm sorry I'm just not as good at the insults as she is.

Marcee Tidwell: No, that was pretty good.

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Rod Tidwell: [over the phone] I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself "Get killed. Catch the ball!' BOO YA! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!

Jerry Maguire: Rod...

Rod Tidwell: I'm from Arizona, Jerry! I broke Arizona records! I went to Arizona State! I'm a Sun Devil, man!

Jerry Maguire: And now you want Arizona dollars?

Rod Tidwell: Exaaaacctly!

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Jerry Maguire: [after having been fired] Don't worry, I'm not gonna do what you all think I'm gonna do, which is, you know, FLIP OUT!

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Sign in Locker Room: A positive anything is better than a negative nothing.

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Rod Tidwell: [while on a plane] Anyone else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money.

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Jerry Maguire: [to Matt Cushman] I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing.

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Rod Tidwell: You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!

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Jesus of CopyMat: [to Jerry] That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!

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Dorothy: Maybe love shouldn't be such hard work.

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Jerry Maguire: [to Avery] Jump in my nightmare, the water's warm!

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Jerry Maguire: [to Dorothy] I won't let you get rid of me.

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Jerry Maguire: [Narrating] I hated myself... no, I hated my place in the world.

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Jerry Maguire: [Jerry Maguire is lying in bed one morning when suddenly the radio comes on and wakes him up with a jolt after having slept with Dorothy the night before]

[flash to Dickey Fox in his office]

Dicky Fox: I love the mornings! I clap my hands every morning and say, 'This is gonna be a great day!'

[flash back to Jerry Maguire who accidentally steps on a toy]

Jerry Maguire: [mutters] I don't believe this. How'd I get myself into this?

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Jerry Maguire: [over the phone] I don't like black people? I am Mister black people.

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Jerry Maguire: [to Dorothy] We live in a cynical world. A cynical world. And we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You... complete me.

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Laurel: [to Dorothy] Don't cry at the beginning of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.

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Dorothy: On the surface, everything seems fine. I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built.

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Rod Tidwell: [while on a plane] I got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My next contract's gotta bring me the dollars that'll last me and mine a long time. Shit, I'm out of this sport in 5 years. What's my family gonna live on? Huh?

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Marcee Tidwell: [upon seeing the fax sent to Jerry's office] 1.5 million? Man, we owe more than that!

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Jerry Maguire: [while leaving the stadium after a game] How's your head?

Rod Tidwell: Bubblicious.

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Avery Bishop: [to Jerry] There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don't have it. I don't cry at movies, I don't gush over babies, I don't buy Christmas presents 5 months early, and I DON'T tell the guy who just ruined both our lives, "Oh, poor baby." But I do love you.

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Avery Bishop: There is no real loyalty, and the first person who taught me that was you.

Jerry Maguire: I figure I was trying to sleep with you at the time.

Avery Bishop: Well, it worked.

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[Dorothy enters kitchen, catching Laurel eavesdropping]

Laurel: I heard.

Dorothy: No kidding. I looked over and saw the shadow of two curious shoes under the kitchen door.

Laurel: Dorothy, this guy would go home with a gardening tool if it showed interest.

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Dorothy: [referring to Jerry] He's coming over.

Laurel: Tonight?

Dorothy: He just lost his best client. I invited the guy over.

Laurel: Dorothy, this is not a guy. It's a syndrome. Early mid-life. Hanging on to the bottom rung. "Dear God, don't let me be alone or I call my newly-long-suffering-assistant-without-medical for company settlement." If now all you still want is him to come over, I'm not saying anything.

Dorothy: Honey, he's engaged.

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Jerry Maguire: [Looking over an inadequate contract sent by fax to his office]

Jerry Maguire: I'll go back to them.

Marcee Tidwell: And say what? "Please remove your dick from my ass"?

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Marcee Tidwell: I'm sorry, I'm just a little pregnant here.

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Dorothy: I was inspired, and I'm an accountant.

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Matt Cushman: [to Jerry] What you do have is my whole word, and it's stronger than oak.

[shakes Jerry's hand]

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Rod Tidwell: [over the phone] Jerry Maguire... How'm I doing? I'm sweating, dude! I'm sweatin' my contract! I'm sweating Bob Sugar calling me, telling me I'm missing the big endorsements by being with you! THAT'S how I'm doing - I'm sweating, dude!

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[Jerry and Dorothy are in the elevator and a hearing impaired couple gets on. The man of the couple starts talking with his hands, then they get off]

Jerry Maguire: I wonder what he just said.

Dorothy: My favorite aunt is hearing impaired. He just said "You complete me".

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Jerry Maguire: I started talking to Dennis Wilburn about your re-negotiation this morning.

Rod Tidwell: [after stepping out of the shower] Talking. Jerry Rice, Andre Reed, Chris Carter... I smell all these fools. They are making the big sweet dollars. They are making the... quan, and you are talking.

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Rod Tidwell: [to Jerry] You tell me to eat lima beans, I'll eat lima beans

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Rod Tidwell: [to Jerry] Quit using that word. "Quan", that's my word!

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Rod Tidwell: [to Jerry] You bet on me like I bet on you.

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[narrating first lines]

Jerry Maguire: So this is the world, and there are almost six billion people on it. When I was a kid, there were three. It's hard to keep up.

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Ethan: [to Jerry at his bachelors party] Everybody loves you. Pisses me off.

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Jerry Maguire: [after breaking up with Avery] I'm not trying to make history here.

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Laurel: I'm incapable of small talk.

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Dorothy: I have this great guy. And he loves my son. And he sure does like me a lot.

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Rod Tidwell: Jerry Maguire, my agent. You're my ambassador of Kwan.

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Rod Tidwell: [sarcastically to Jerry] Is it my imagination or, didn't we arrive in a limo?

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Jerry Maguire: [Over the phone] Tell me you got lost on your way to the restaurant because I know you wouldn't stand up a friend

Dennis Wilburn: Something came up

Jerry Maguire: [Referring to Rod's contract] ten million dollars for four years

Dennis Wilburn: It's early, your still dreaming

Jerry Maguire: Ten for four and it's a deal

Dennis Wilburn: The guy's got an attitude problem

Jerry Maguire: I can help you with that he listens to me

Dennis Wilburn: His a shrimp

Jerry Maguire: He broke every receiving record you had last year

Dennis Wilburn: I want a prototypical wide receiver I want someone who is six foot three inches tall, two thundered twenty pounds not someone who's five ten and bitches in the locker room

Jerry Maguire: I'm asking you for a favor I introduced you to your wife, we've spent Christmases together

Dennis Wilburn: You're reaching

Jerry Maguire: Don't do this, we have history

Dennis Wilburn: Yeah we have history, you've drove up the prices on me for years and now it's time for you to spend some time at the back of the line.

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Jerry Maguire: Rod, think about back when you were a little kid. It wasn't about the money, was it? Was it?

[Questionably]

Jerry Maguire: Was it?

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Rod Tidwell: [to Jerry] No, I air-dry.

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Ray: [after overhearing how Jerry proposed to his fiancé] What's wrong, Mommy?

Dorothy: First class, that's what's wrong. It used to be a better meal, now it's a better life.

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Jerry Maguire: [to Dorothy before their date] That's more than a dress. That's an Audrey Hepburn movie.

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Rod Tidwell: [after showing up late to his game] Thanks for coming.

Jerry Maguire: I missed ya. What can I say? You're all I've got.

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Jerry Maguire: [to Rod] I'll tell you why you don't have your ten million dollars. Because right now, you are a paycheck player, you play with your head and not your heart, your personal life is all heart but when you get on the field, it's all about what you didn't get, who's to blame, who under threw the pass, who's got the contracts you don't, who's not giving you your love. That's not what inspires people. Just shut up and play the game with your heart.

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Avery Bishop: [to Jerry] If you ever want me to be with another woman for you, I'd do it. It's not something I'm interested in. Once, yeah, it seemed normal, but it was just a phase, a college thing, like torn Levi's or law school for you. Would you like something from the kitchen? I'm gonna get some fruit.

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Dorothy: [to Laurel] I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.

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[Having sex with Jerry Maguire]

Avery Bishop: Don't ever stop fucking me!

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Bob Sugar: [over the phone] It's not "show friends." It's show *business*.

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Dorothy: Look at me Laurel, I'm the oldest 26 year old in the world.

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Rod Tidwell: [while on a plane] Ya know! Ya know! We're together on this one! Ya know! Ya know!

Jerry Maguire: Oh my god.

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Jerry Maguire: [Narrating] America still sets the tone for the world of sports, in Indiana I signed Clark Hodd, his only thirteen years old and is considered the best point guard in the country and last week he scored a hundred points: in a single game. I also signed Erica Sorgi, you'll see her in the next Olympics. In Seattle I signed Dallas Malloy, she's sixteen years old and her lawsuit helped paved the way for women boxers everywhere, whenever she fights she thinks about her ex-boyfriend. In Indio, California I signed Art Stallings he plays the sport with what pure joy. In Odessa, Texas I signed the great Frank Cushman this April twenty six teams will be falling all over themselves in order to sign him in the next NFL draft his my client, my most important client, believe me there's genius everywhere but until they turn pro it's like popcorn in the pan some pop, some don't

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Jerry Maguire: [Narrating] I'm the guy you don't usually see. I'm the one behind the scenes. I'm the sports agent, you those photos where the new player holds the team jersey and poses with the owner? Inside that building, that's where I work: S.M.I.,Sports Management International, thirty three out of shape agents, guiding the careers of one thousand five hundred eighty five of the most finely tuned athletes alive. I handle the lives and dreams of seventy two clients and I get an average of two hundred sixty four phone calls a day, that's what I do, this is what I do best, but I'll be honest with you. I started noticing a few years ago and I didn't say a word but the quest for the big dollars and a lot of the little things were going wrong, but lately, it's gotten worse who did I become? Just another shark in a suit?

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Jerry Maguire: [after having sex, while lying on their bed by himself] I don't think we need to do the thing where we tell each other everything

Avery Bishop: This is what intimacy is, don't forget tomorrow we have the dinner with Wade Cooksey

Jerry Maguire: I know about the bachelor party

Avery Bishop: Your buddy Dooler worked his ass off to make the tribute film all those guys from your office are coming, everybody loves you just calm down relax and act surprised and have an amazing time

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Jerry Maguire: [Narrating] two days later at our corporate conference in Miami a break through, a breakdown? No a breakthrough. I had so much to say and no one to listen and then it happened an unexpected thing: I began writing what they call a "mission statement" not a memo, a "mission statement", a suggestion for the future of our company a night like this doesn't come around very often. I seized it. What started out as one page slowly became twenty five, suddenly, I was my father's son again I was remembering the simple pleasures of this job: how I ended up here out of law school, the way a stadium sounds when one of my players performs well on the field the way we are meant to protect them in health and in injury with so many clients we've forgotten what's important I wrote, and wrote and wrote and I'm not even a writer I was even remembering the original words of my mentor the late great Dicky Fox, suddenly it was all clear: the answer was fewer clients and less money giving more attention to them, caring for them caring for ourselves. I'll be the first to admit it what I was writing was somewhat "touchy feely", I didn't care I had lost the ability to bullshit, it was the me I always wanted to be. I put the mission statement into a bag and took it to a copy mat in the middle of the night, printed a hundred and ten copies even the cover looked like The Catcher in the Rye. I entitled it:The things we think and do not say, The Future of our Business.

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Dorothy: [to Jerry at the airport with Ray] I'm sure giving a ride would just make your day to drive us all the way out to Manhattan Beach making that left a little tiny wider than the street playing chicken with the oncoming traffic, your life flashing before your eyes I've obviously had too much coffee

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Marcee Tidwell: [while waiting impatiently for him in his office] I'm glad to see you finally made it Rod is very upset

Jerry Maguire: How can I make your life better?

Marcee Tidwell: This is humiliating and I'm pregnant and incapable of bullshit, where is our offer from Arizona? I don't know what you do for your four percent but my husband has a whole plan, an image and when you put him in a waterbed warehouse commercial you're making him common when you know he deserves the big four: shoes, cars, clothing line, soft drink I know about the four jewels of the celebrity endorsement dollar I majored in marketing and so did my husband we came to play

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Jerry Maguire: [During lunch] what's up?

Bob Sugar: I came here to let you go

Jerry Maguire: Pardon?

Bob Sugar: I came here to fire you it's real, you should say something

Jerry Maguire: In a crowded restaurant so I won't make a scene you ungrateful...

Bob Sugar: [interrupts him] You should see yourself you said "fewer clients" and put it all down on paper what about me? What I had to go through, knowing I had to fire my mentor? Carrying that all in my head for a week, can you get past yourself for a minute?

Jerry Maguire: You'll lose

Bob Sugar: You wanted it smaller

Jerry Maguire: I'm over it and I want all my clients and yours too

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Roy Firestone: [On his talk show] your father leaves on Christmas Eve and leaves your family all alone. Your mother had to sweep out the steps of the prison just to earn enough money for tuition for you, your brother loses his leg in a tragic bass fishing accident: there's been a list of horrific things that have happened to you

Rod Tidwell: You're not going to make me cry

Roy Firestone: We have some very good news. This has just been handed to me, it's a memo that's signed it's a contract guaranteed to the Arizona Cardinals for four years $11.2 million.

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Jerry Maguire: What'd you know about dating a single mother?

Rod Tidwell: [after filming a commercial] Plenty, I was raised by a single mother.

Jerry Maguire: Tell me everything because after this I think she's going to have to take that job in San Diego.

Rod Tidwell: Single mothers don't date they've been to the circus they've been to the puppet shows and they've seen the strings do you love her?

Jerry Maguire: How do I know?

Rod Tidwell: What'd you mean? How do you know? You know when you know.

Jerry Maguire: I don't want her to go, we hang out at her place a lot

Rod Tidwell: Wait a minute that's bullshit you have to be fair to her a single mother is a scared thing you've got to have the talk, she loves you, if you don't love her you've got to tell her.

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Jerry Maguire: [Over the phone] I hear what you're saying and that's why I'm calling.

Rod Tidwell: I hear that you hear what I'm saying, but do you truly "hear" what I'm saying? Didn't you tell my wife more "personal attention"? Did you not tell my wife more "personal attention"?

Jerry Maguire: I said more "personal attention".

Rod Tidwell: We need to get started on my list of things you need to know: you can take notes if you want to, I'm sitting here with an ant problem I got ants going up and down my hallway my brother's room has a flood. My house is falling apart, nobody's looking out for me, we don't know where we'll be living in a year and I'm supposed to be a superstar. I am a role model, I have a family to support I like you, my wife likes you your good to my wife I will stay with you.

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Bob Sugar: [Over the phone with different clients] I'm calling you first because you're most important person in sports and I just want to know one thing: how does that make you feel? I will kill for you, I will mane for you, I will rape and pillage for you. I just want to be the first to tell you that I was talking to Doritos about you and they're interested, I just need to know are you in? Or are you out? You'll be so happy you stayed with me because I am the fucking terminator, I don't want to say if it was drug induced or whatever but the fact is he completely fucking freaked out. I don't know if you want a guy like that representing you going to the draft, there I said my peace, how's your mom?

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Jerry Maguire: [Over the phone with different clients] Right now you're paying twenty five percent to SMI. I would cut my commission by seven percent, I'm going to make this choice easy for you: what does your heart tell you?

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Jerry Maguire: [to his friends and colleagues after having been fired eventually leaving with Dorothy] let me just say as I ease out of the office I helped build. I'm sorry but that's a fact that there's such a thing as "manners," the way of treating people: these fish have manners, in fact I'm taking them with me, call me "sentimental" but I'm taking because they have manners, we'll see you all again, sleep tight.

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Jerry Maguire: [over the phone with a client, after declining his offer to have him represent them independently and cut ties with their current sports agency firm] I'm sorry to hear that. I think you're making a big mistake. I'm concerned about you, your family and your future and if you stay here, I don't know what's going to happen.

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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