David Levinson: We're hit! We took a hit!
Captain Steven Hiller: [yelling] We're not hit! We're not hit! Stop side-seat driving!
David Levinson: [trying to make a break for the exit] Left! Left! Tunnel! Tunnel! Exit! Exit! Left!
Captain Steven Hiller: Where the hell do you think I'm going?
David Levinson: Ok, ok. We're we're we're uh...
David Levinson: Uh oh, they're closing up on us... they're closing...
Captain Steven Hiller: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
David Levinson: Must go faster. Must go faster! Must go faster! Go, go, go, go!
Captain Steven Hiller: [escapes from the alien ship]
Captain Steven Hiller: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Captain Steven Hiller: Oh! Elvis has left the building!
David Levinson: [in Elvis voice] Oh, thank you very much.
[in his own voice]
David Levinson: Oh, I love you man!
Captain Steven Hiller: [walking toward crashed alien plane] THAT'S RIGHT! THAT'S RIGHT! That's what you get! Look at you, ship all *banged* up! Who's the man? Huh? Who's the man? Wait till I get another plane! I'm-a line all your friends up right beside you!
Captain Steven Hiller: [climbs on top of alien plane] Where you at, huh? Huh? Where you at?
Captain Steven Hiller: [Hiller opens the spaceship. An alien pops up, and Hiller punches it in the head, knocking it back into the ship]
Captain Steven Hiller: Welcome to earth!
Captain Steven Hiller: [sits on alien plane and puts cigar in mouth] Now that's what *I* call a close encounter.
Julius Levinson: If I had known I was gonna meet the president, I would've worn a tie. I mean, look at me. I look like a schliemiel.
Gen. Gray: Are you all right?
President Thomas Whitmore: I saw... its thoughts. I saw what they're planning to do. They're like locusts. They're moving from planet to planet... their whole civilization. After they've consumed every natural resource they move on... and we're next. Nuke 'em. Let's nuke the bastards.
Julius Levinson: Everyone's trying to get out of Washington, and we're the only schmucks trying to get in.
Julius Levinson: If you're so smart, tell me something, how come you go to M.I.T. for 8 years to become a cable repairman?
Captain Steven Hiller: [after reversing into the rear wall] Oops.
David Levinson: W-what do you mean, oops?
Captain Steven Hiller: Some jerk put this...
[Turns the piece of paper round]
Captain Steven Hiller: the wrong way round.
David Levinson: Don't say "oops".
Captain Steven Hiller: What do you say we try that again?
David Levinson: Yes, yes. Yes. Without the "oops". Thataway.
[Connie left David to pursue a career]
Constance: Haven't you ever wanted to be part of something special?
David Levinson: I was part of something special
Captain Steven Hiller: I ain't heard no fat lady!
David Levinson: Forget the fat lady. You're obsessed with fat lady. Just get us out of here!
David Levinson: You really think you can fly that thing?
Captain Steven Hiller: You really think you can do all that bullshit you just said?
Russel Casse: I picked a hell of a day to quit drinkin'.
President Thomas Whitmore: The only mistake I ever made was to appoint a sniveling little weasel like you Secretary of Defense. However, that is a mistake, I am happy to say, that I don't have to live with. Mr. Nimzicki... you're fired.
Julius Levinson: All you need is love. John Lennon. Smart man. Shot in the back, very sad.
Russel Casse: All right, you alien assholes! In the words of my generation: Up Yours!
President Thomas Whitmore: Good luck, buddy!
Russel Casse: Ha-ha-ha! Hello, boys! I'm back!
[His plane explodes, destroying the alien ship]
David Levinson: [holding cigar] It's funny, I always thought these things were gonna kill me.
[Dr. Oaken meets President Whitmore]
Dr. Okun: Mr. President! Wow! This is... what a pleasure. As you can imagine, they... they don't let us out much.
Philip: This could be our last night on Earth. You don't want to die a virgin, do you?
Captain Steven Hiller: No, you did NOT shoot that green shit at me!
Russel Casse: Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
[Julius discards a styrofoam cup]
David Levinson: Hey, you have any idea how long it takes for those cups to decompose?
Julius Levinson: If you don't move soon, I'm gonna start to decompose.
Capt. Jimmy Wilder: Let's kick the tires and light the fires, big daddy!
Captain Steven Hiller: Is that an earthquake?
Jasmine Dubrow: Not even a four pointer. Go back to sleep.
[people have gathered to welcome the aliens]
Elvis Fanatic: Oh god, I hope they bring back Elvis.
Capt. Jimmy Wilder: You scared, man?
Captain Steven Hiller: No. You?
Capt. Jimmy Wilder: No. Hold me.
Captain Steven Hiller: Hey, pay attention!
Lt. Colonel Watson: Something you want to add to this briefing, Captain Hiller?
Captain Steven Hiller: No, sir, just a little anxious to get up there and whoop E.T.'s ass, that's all!
Captain Steven Hiller: [taking a leak] A little shake and they all runnin...
Gen. Gray: Mr. President, I'd sure like to know what you're doing.
President Thomas Whitmore: I'm a combat pilot, Will. I belong in the air.
[the President briefs the pilots before the final attack]
President Thomas Whitmore: Good morning.
[PA doesn't work. Turns it on]
President Thomas Whitmore: Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!
David Levinson: A toast, to the end of the world.
Captain Steven Hiller: [talking to the unconscious alien he's dragging] Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, actin' all big and bad...
Captain Steven Hiller: and what the hell is that smell?
[starts kicking the alien, yelling]
Captain Steven Hiller: I could've been at a barbecue!
[kicks the alien one last time and calms down]
Captain Steven Hiller: But I ain't mad.
Albert Nimzicki: [Levinson has invited him to pray] I'm not Jewish.
Julius Levinson: Heh, nobody's perfect.
Captain Steven Hiller: Look, I really don't think they flew 90 billion light years to come down here and start a fight. Get all rowdy.
Jasmine Dubrow: There you go, thinking you're all that. But you are not as charming as you think you are, sir.
Captain Steven Hiller: Yes, I am.
David Levinson: They're bringing us in.
Captain Steven Hiller: When the hell was you gonna tell me?
David Levinson: Oops.
Captain Steven Hiller: We're gonna have to work on our communication.
Reporter: Los Angeles, New York, and Washington D.C. have been left in ruins...
Russel Casse: Good God! I've been sayin' it. I've been sayin' it for ten damn years. Ain't I been sayin' it, Miguel? Yeah, I've been sayin' it.
[after starting up alien ship]
Captain Steven Hiller: I have got to get me one of these!
Marty Gilbert: A countdown... wait, a countdown to what David?
David Levinson: It's like in chess: First, you strategically position your pieces and when the timing is right you strike. They're using this signal to syncronize their efforts and in 5 hours the countdown will be over.
Marty Gilbert: And then what?
David Levinson: Checkmate.
Marty Gilbert: Oh, my God. I gotta call my brother, my housekeeper, my lawyer. Nah, forget my lawyer.
[Hiller and Levinson are about to launch the bomb, knowing they can't escape. They both wave to the alien watching them]
David Levinson: Hey, take a look at the Earthlings. Goodbye!
Captain Steven Hiller: Y'all take care, all right? Nothing but love for ya. Nothing by love for ya.
Captain Steven Hiller: [to David] You think they have any idea what's about to happen to them?
David Levinson: Not a chance in hell. Goodnight!
[launches the bomb]
Captain Steven Hiller: PEACE!
[David Levinson is getting air sick]
Julius Levinson: It's Air Force One, for crying out loud, and still he gets sick!
Julius Levinson: David! What the hell are you doing?
David Levinson: Making a mess!
Julius Levinson: Yes, this I can see.
Constance: Now what do we do?
President Thomas Whitmore: Address the nation. There's gonna be a lot of frightened people out there.
Constance: Yeah? I'm one of 'em.
Monica Soloway: The 3 choppers are steadily approaching what has unanimously agreed to be the front of these spaceships, a parabolic indentation 9 city blocks in diameter.
[Connie whispers in the Presidents ear. He gets up and follows her out]
Albert Nimzicki: You're leaving now?
[Russell Casse needs an opening to attack during the final battle]
President Thomas Whitmore: Okay, boys, let's give Mr. Casse some cover. Gentlemen, let's plow the road!
Capt. Jimmy Wilder: [knows Hiller is worried about Jasmine] Don't worry about it, Big Man. I'm sure she got out before it happened. Or, as the Good Reverend would say:
[switches to southern preacher voice]
Capt. Jimmy Wilder: Why we are on this particular mission, we'll never know. But I do know, here today, that the Black Knights will emerge victorious once again.
Area 51 Guard: I'm sorry, Captain. This is a restricted area. I can't let you pass without clearance.
Captain Steven Hiller: Okay. Come here. You wanna see my clearance?
[shows the guard the alien wrapped up in a parachute. Guard jumps back]
Captain Steven Hiller: Maybe I'll just leave this here with you.
Area 51 Guard: [to other guard blocking entrance] Let them pass! Let them pass!
Captain Steven Hiller: [to other guard blocking entrance] Get the hell out the way!
Area 51 Guard: [to the other guard, freaked out] Did you see that?
Julius Levinson: Hey, hey, hey, don't you tell him to shut up! You'd all be dead now if it weren't for my David! None of you did anything to prevent this!
Gen. Gray: There was nothing we could do! We were totally unprepared for...
Julius Levinson: Oh, don't give me umprepared! You knew about this for years! What with that spaceship you found in New Mexico! What was it called... Roswell, New Mexico! And that other place... uh... Area 51, Area 51! You knew then! And you did nothing!
President Thomas Whitmore: Mr. Levinson, contrary to what you may have read in the tabloids, there is no Area 51. There is no spaceship...
Albert Nimzicki: Uh... excuse me, Mr. President? That's not entirely accurate.
David Levinson: What, which part?
Patricia Whitmore: [speaking to her mother on the telephone] Daddy let me watch Letterman.
President Thomas Whitmore: Traitor.
Marty Gilbert: [on the phone] Ma, I know, just try and stay calm.
David Levinson: Tell her to pack up and leave town.
Marty Gilbert: What?
David Levinson: Just do it!
Marty Gilbert: Ma, listen, pack your stuff and head for Aunt Esther's. Don't argue with me; just go.
Marty Gilbert: David, why did I just send my mother to Atlanta?
Dr. Okun: [before showing the aliens to the President Whitmore] This is the vault. Or as some of us like to call it: The Freak Show.
President Thomas Whitmore: Atlanta, Chicago, Philadelphia, destroyed.
Gen. Gray: We have also learned that NORAD and our top commandos were the first to be taken out. At this rate, we could be looking at the worldwide destruction of every major city in the next 36 hours.
President Thomas Whitmore: Then we're being exterminated.
SETI Chief: [answering telephone] If this isn't an insanely beautiful woman, I'm hangin' up.
SETI technician: Sir, I - I- I think you should listen to this.
Video Newscaster: [TV news anchor reporting] Once again, the L.A.P.D. is asking Los Angelenos not to fire their guns at the visitor spacecraft. You may inadvertently trigger an interstellar war.
Albert Nimzicki: If we don't act now, we may not have much of an America left to defend.
David Levinson: Time's up.
Julius Levinson: [as David is inspired with the idea for a computer virus] What's the matter with you?
David Levinson: Genius. My dad. Total genius.
Gen. Gray: Get on the wire, tell them how to bring those sons of bitches down.
Marty Gilbert: [seeing the approaching explosion] Oh, crap.
President Thomas Whitmore: [addressing the nation] If you feel compelled to leave these cities, please do so, in an orderly fashion.
[shot moves to very chaotic city street]
Street Preacher: [Jasmine is driving around the ruins of downtown Los Angeles with hurt people in the back of a dump truck and sees a preacher holding up a cross and a Bible. He is wearing a cardboard sign around his neck that says "The Time Has Come To Repent While You Can."] The end has come! He speaketh His Word and the end hast come!
Jasmine Dubrow: Hop on! We're headed out to El Toro.
Street Preacher: You cannot defy what has come. It is the end!
Dr. Okun: [showing David the inside of the captured alien ship] This is connected...
[accidentally breaks something]
Dr. Okun: was... connected to the engine.
Radio newsman: Angelenos are advised to avoid the highways wherever possible.
Jasmine Dubrow: Oh, yeah, great. *Now* he tells me.
Julius Levinson: [pointing to David's cigar] Oh, so *this* is healthy?
David Levinson: I could get used to it!
Gen. Gray: [indicating the glass panel in front of the alien] Is that glass bulletproof?
Major Mitchell: No, Sir!
[pulls out his gun and starts blasting the alien through the glass]
[after Russell crashes his plane into a ship, destroying it and killing himself:]
Major Mitchell: What your father did was very brave. You should be proud of him.
Miguel Casse: I am.
President Thomas Whitmore: It's a fine line between standing behind a principle and hiding behind one. You can tolerate a little compromise, if you're actually managing to get something accomplished.
Captain Steven Hiller: [holds out cigar] This is our victory dance. Not until the fat lady sings.
David Levinson: Oh. Yes, OK.
Captain Steven Hiller: [holds onto cigar] This is important.
David Levinson: Mm. Fat lady. I gotcha.
President Thomas Whitmore: I don't understand, where does all this come from? How do you get funding for something like this?
Julius Levinson: You don't actually think they spend $20,000 on a hammer, $30,000 on a toilet seat, do you?
President Thomas Whitmore: Doesn't anybody have any missiles left?
Julius Levinson: It's the White House, for crying out loud. You can't just go up and ring the doorbell.
Capt. Jimmy Wilder: Man, you know I really like Jasmine. You know that, right? Man, you are never gonna get to fly the space shuttle if you marry a stripper.