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Day of the Warrior marks the triumphant return of a true auteur whose
years-absence from the director's chair has been sorely missed. For he is a
man who singlehandedly created a new genre of film that forever changed
cinema. His oft-imitated yet ne'er-duplicated style remains unmatched to
this day. No, not George Lucas -- Andy Sidaris.
In the T&A&G king's triumphant return to cinema since 1993's Fit to Kill, all his usual elements are here: the rock-video montages, the breasts, the explosions, the breasts, the boats, the breasts, the double entendrés, the double-breasted heroines, the computer espionage, the breasts, the dramatic clothes-changing scenes, the breasts, the huge weapons, the huge breasts, the corny dialogue, the breasts, the pair of bumbling comic-relief idjits, many pairs of bouncing narrative-relief breasts, the cue-card line readings, the breasts, the sex involving the breasts and, lastly, the occasional rear end.
Warrior -- subtitled A L.E.T.H.A.L. Force Adventure -- is his most complex film yet, as his L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony and Law) ladies team up against the titular, muscular Warrior, an Olympic gold medalist/ex-CIA agent/pro wrestler/fine art dealer/pimp/diamond smuggler/porno bootlegger, for reasons I can't remember because I was so distracted by the breasts.
From frame one, the film bears Sidaris' unmistakable print: We see former Penthouse slut Julie K. Smith undercover, naturally, as a stripper, and she shakes her unlawfully large bosoms in slo-mo. This is followed by the on-screen credit, "Written and Directed by Andy Sidaris" and Smith's comely purr to the viewer, "You can own me...if you just call me...Cobra!" Brilliant!
Sidaris' logic apparently hasn't waned during his hiatus, either. One of the evil guy's surfer sidekicks asks a sunbathing Stanford grad what her GPA was, so she stands, yanks off her bikini top and says, "38-24-34." Genius! Like that other master of suspense Alfred Hitchcock, Sidaris is self-referential, with posters of his earlier opuses gracing the walls of a condo. Furthermore, Sidaris seeks not only to entertain, but educate. For example, did you know Smith has a bat tattoo right above her butt crack? Me neither!
Aiding Cobra in this epic battle are Cmdr. Willow Bay (Penthouse vet Julie Strain) and Tiger (former Playboy playmate Shae Marks). When we first see Strain hard at work in the spy office, she's in a leopard-print swimusuit on the stair-stepping machine, trying to work off some buttock cellulite. In two separate instances, Strain knocks men to the floor by socking them in the face with her rock-solid breasts. Meanwhile, Marks makes mayhem with a pistol, a crossbow and two bazookas -- the latter being her newly enlarged breasts, impressive feats, yet so grossly overdone that her upper chest is already showing severe stretch marks. I give her a year before her body buckles under the pressure and gives way. And that's too bad; she's a welcome addition to Sidaris' regular roster of players.
Interwoven within the intricate illegal diamond and skin-flick rings are American Gladiator Zap as a double-crossing villainess who shotguns an animatronic owl; Elvis Fu, an Asian King of Rock and Roll impersonator ("Sank you, sank you very much!"); and Smith singing her own song, the smartly titled "Psychic Rape." In between, the line "I have to get something off my chest" is spoken by three different people, most notably by Marks, who is referring to her clingy, cumbersome top.
As with all Sidaris films, Warrior ends happily as all the sultry spies and their respective bedmates clink their celebratory champagne glasses together. But to prove he's not one to merely recycle old ideas, Sidaris lets Elvis Fu return for an encore performance during this toast. Bravo! A masterpiece!
Easily a terrible movie, but also extremely funny. This has become a
among me and my friends because it is so bad. There are moments when you
can't help bursting out with awkward dialogue and gratuitous clothes
changing. Elvis Fu is a virtual bevy of ethnic jokes.
The dialogue is so bad it's entertaining. I quote:
"Back in Kansas, it's so flat, when your dog runs away you can see him for THREE DAYS." "Wow, that's flat." End of scene. Just one of many awful exchanges. I recommend it.
This is a great movie if you love T&A. The L.E.T.H.A.L. ladies have out done themselves. The action isn't the greatest, but who cares? Pay special attention to the beautiful Shae Marks in her role as Tiger. She is three of the best things on screen
This is a great movie to watch if you're not concerned with plot and like to watch all the main characters have sex. It wouldn't be a good idea to watch this movie alone, unless you like to laugh to yourself. If you want to take a break from movies that are obsessed with either winning awards or a large box office take, this might be what you're looking for. I found myself constantly wondering how this movie was able to get funding, but I had to keep in mind that there are people like me who rent this kind of stuff. What's great about it is that the cover of the video box for this movie gives you a pretty good expectation of what this "film" is about. That's so rare these days.
This movie begins in California and Vegas. Agents have to work under cover, they must be sure they do not attract anyone's attention. Therefore - they go on stage: Fu as the worst ever Elvis impersonator, Cobra as a dancer in a topless bar. Maybe that doesn't make any sense so far, but wait for it, you haven't seen yet what Julie Strain wears on a normal day in the office: a leopard stringy thing (the director dryly commented "works for me", quoted from the book "Bullets, Bombs And Babes"). She's one of the good guys this time. Anyhow, the story is about gangsters led by a wrestler named Warrior who smuggles diamonds from Russia and much more. The good guys guess they have a traitor among them, because a computer access code is passed on and the cover of 4 agents is blown. They now have to fight to survive. A lot of action in this Sidaris movie (this is the 11th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order), beautiful women and a special sense of humor as always. Shae Marks, an "actress with a figure that would make a grown man cry", as Andy Sidaris truthfully wrote in his above-mentioned book, had her first appearance in the series here.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
prequel almost,....if you like RTSB, you should see this. Although the
order doesn't matter as it's not like the story lines are too awful
important. Basically, it's just an excuse to see Shae Marks and Julie
K. Smith dress in tight tops and look hot as they and their secret
agents buddies(again with Julie Strain, although in this one she doesn
a lot more than RTSB) fight against a wrestler whose a good guy in
RTSB. Confused? Don't be. None of this matters. Again, the main male
lead, the Brazillian guy is such a bad actor that it's great. So bad,
gag, hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Seriously awful dialog and delivery.
But it's got the goods.
Best part is the fake porn shoot where nobody gets naked and then the parking lot shoot-out where the shooters hide behind cars about 20 feet away and nothing seems to get hit.
Some direct-to-video action films aren't half bad. Some are so bad they've given DTVs the reputation they've developed. DAY OF THE WARRIOR falls in the latter category. I was working at Blockbuster Video in 1997 when this movie hit the shelves. As soon as I saw the cover (featuring two girls whose outfits looked like it could barely contain them while they each held some big automatic weapons), I knew I had to see it. Forget about a story. Heck, forget about intelligence. This film is about some of the most physically-endowed girls I've ever seen trying to stop a terrorist (who looks like a WWF reject) from doing some evil plot. I don't even remember what the guy was up to, and it's probably just as well. This film has nothing going for it with the exception of a good dose of flesh and gunfire. Shae Marks is hot, and deserves a special award for being not one, not two, but three of the best things about this movie.
After a break of two movies, Andy Sidaris takes back the directorial reigns from his son Christian, but by this point his "Bullets, Bombs and Babes" series has devolved into complete camp (the climax is a private pro-wrestling match: Julie Strain and Gerald Okamura vs. Marcus "Buff" Bagwell). Undeniably there are some funny lines and situations in this film (the Asian Elvis impersonator, the owl that gets blasted with a shotgun, etc.), but some of the action scenes are embarrassingly bad, and the padding to stretch the movie to 90 minutes is all-too-obvious (Sidaris spends about half the running time showing us how the characters travel from point A to point B). The new member of the female cast, Shae Marks, has a gorgeous face, a beautiful smile, and breasts so enormous they are more distracting than erotic. The only woman who shows some action potential is Raye Hollitt - but Sidaris drops the ball again when he sets up a catfight between her and Julie K. Smith and then has her defeated with a single punch! What a shame. If you take this film as a comedy it may get ** out of 4, but if you're looking for action subtract one star.
Some people (not Robert Bresson) proclaim a basic law of cinema:
"whatever the movie is about, it will be better with breasts and
zombies". Well, in "The day of the warrior" there are no zombies.
There is little to add to Sickcritik's brilliant dissertation on this movie. If you enjoy watching "apparently" bad movies, this is a good option. You will enjoy with Andy Sidaris' master subtlety to include scenes with naked breasts. The special effects (those explosions, those weapons...) will fascinate you, the thrilling acting will carry you away (the comic couple, the hispano, the Shakespearian actresses...), you will fear the extraordinary evilness of the villains, as the owl-killer blonde or the Warrior, a psychopath who loves to kill his victims with wrestling techniques, you will be surprised by a soundtrack that it's maybe the worst thing of the movie (and that's a merit!) and finally you will meet the mythical Elvis Fu: I think everybody should meet Elvis Fu before death.
So enjoy it!, but remember, don't expose to this movie's quality more than ten minutes every time: more is dangerous for your health.
Julie Strain returns for her fourth Sidaris flick, this time playing
one of the goodies, government agency boss Willow Black, who must try
to prevent her undercover pals from being bumped off after a computer
hacker known as Hard Drive reveals their true identities to ruthless,
musclebound, ex-wrestler crime boss The Warrior (Marcus Bagwell). Among
those whose lives are in mortal danger: top heavy blonde Cobra (Julie
K. Smith), working undercover as a pole dancer; macho hunk Doc (Kevin
Light) who has infiltrated The Warrior's smuggling gang, run by Manuel
(Sidaris regular Rodrigo Obregón, sporting mutton chops); Shark and
Scorpion (Darren Wise and Tammy Parks), who are posing as porn stars,
making skin flicks for The Warrior's adult movie business; and a
Chinese Las Vegas Elvis impersonator called....you guessed it.... Elvis
Fu (Gerald Okamura)!
I can hardly believe I'm typing this, but I'm actually glad that Andy Sidaris decided to return to directing for Day Of The Warrior, the penultimate film in my 'Girls, Guns and G-Strings' box set: he's no Spielberg, but at least he's a better film-maker than his son Drew, whose attempts at emulating his father's formula resulted in two of the dullest films of the whole series. For his return to the world of sex-mad government agents and power-mad criminals, Andy really ramps up the camp, delivering a cheesier, more tongue-in-cheek movie than ever before; silly it most certainly is, but it's also lots of fun. There's bumbling assassins, big explosions, diabolical dialogue ("Delicious. Bring me more!"), fast cars, even faster women, big guns, tiny outfits, soft-core sex, a nifty theme song for Cobra ("She's a lethal lady, yeah she's the Cobra!"), owl death, and a plot that gets more and more daft as matters progress, culminating in a ridiculous wrestling match between The Warrior and Willow & Fu; the only thing that's missing is some gratuitous remote control model action, but I can live without that.
6.5 out of 10, rounded up to 7 for all the gloriously trashy hooker gear that Sidaris makes his 'actresses' wear.
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