Celtic Pride (1996)
[Nick the landlord wants the rent]
Mike O'Hara: Write a check.
Jimmy Flaherty: It'll bounce.
Mike O'Hara: Write it anyway.
Lewis Scott: What is this, a black thing?
Mike O'Hara: Oh please. If the Orioles were in the pennant race with the Red Sox, we'd tie up Cal Ripken, Jr. And he's as white as they come.
Mike O'Hara: Hey Scott! I heard Manute Bol is banging your mom!
Jimmy Flaherty: Manute Bol! Your mom!
Lewis Scott: Oh, that's whitty, whitey.
Jimmy Flaherty: [playing Invent-A-Drink] This one is called Jimmy's Dick. It's short
[sets down shot glass]
Jimmy Flaherty: fat
[sets another shot glass to the right]
Jimmy Flaherty: but it fills the gap.
[sets down one in the middle]
Suzy: [handing Jimmy a hotdog] ...I toasted it just the way you like.
Jimmy Flaherty: How'd you do that? There's no toaster around here.
Suzy: I used my curling iron.
Mike O'Hara: [after hearing Marv Albert mention talking about him and Jimmy on the radio] ...Jimmy! Marv Albert's talking about us on the radio... Ohhh I could die now!
Mike O'Hara: [having been embarrassed in front of Larry Bird] Where are our drinks?
Lurch: Yo, coach, I'll play. Just give me a chance. I can handle the rock.
Coach Kimball: I'll call you if I need you, Lurch.
Lurch: Don't dog me, coach. I've got the bad crap.
Coach Kimball: Well, I'll tell you what, you take the bad crap and this basketball and DO THE DRILLS! Now!
[Lurch misses a sure slam dunk]
Coach Kimball: I hate my life.
Lewis Scott: Who are you man? Some bitter ex-high school player who never really made it? You sit around, watching sports, criticizing professional athletes 'cause you wish it was you out there.
Mike O'Hara: [Scoffs] You are so far off. It's sad.