Monique: Russell, there's beer cans in the trash in the kitchen. There's beer cans in the trash in the bathroom. There's beer cans in the trash in the basement. What does that say?
Russell: We're out of beer?
Doyle: First Frisky now this! All I know is someone's goin' down!
Bud: Whoa Doyle! Put the gun down, put the gun down stubs! We don't need evil right now, evil is not good!
Bud: Shaved-down pool nazis oiling up our women and swimming with them in an olympic-sized toilet.
Doyle: Hi, I'm Doyle.
Bud: And I'm Bud.
Bud: 'Scuse me miss. Are you tired?
Bud: Are you tired?
Mimi: No. Why?
Bud: 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day.
Bud: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute! You guys aren't one of those freaky cults are you? Y'know, who dance naked and you want us to take off our clothes and feed us special punch?
Bud: Damn! We were so close.
Bud: Alright people, stay with the group and remember here at the bio we're dependent on keeping homos balanced within the system!
Bud: I propose that we plant these seeds and I know what your thinkin' "Illegal! Illegal!" but the value of purple sticky punch goes way beyond just tokin' it!
Doyle: I've never quit anything in my life except for Chinese calligraphy, my thesis: "Tuna and You - The Early Years", Kangaroo Anatomy, Toe Photography, booger sculpture and masturbation. Well, maybe not masturbation but give me a break it's the only thing I'm good at.
Computer voice: Warning. All hell is breaking loose.
Monique: [yelling] Mom! Can you please tell your love slave that if he's not part of the solution, he's part of the problem.
Russell: The only problem I have is that I've run out of Depends.
Monique: You know, Russell, there is a bathroom right around the corner.
Russell: I can't go to the bathroom. I hurt my bladder rollerblading.
Bud: Russel! How'd you get a job?
Russell: Fucking President Clinton.
Doyle: You had sex with President Clinton?
Bud: We have chippies, We have chippies, we got lots of stuff to eat!
Doyle: Miss? If you were yogurt, would you be fruit at the bottom or stirred?
Mimi: By the way Doyle, I've been thinking about that yoghurt thing. Fruit at the bottom, waiting to be stirred.
Bud: Excuse me, miss? Did it hurt?
Mimi: Did WHAT hurt?
Bud: When you fell from heaven. Did it hurt?
[flash back of Bud And Doyle shaving a dog]
Bud: SHAVE THE POOCHIE POOCHIE! SHAVE THE POOCHIE POOCHIE!
Young Bud: Fly Mary Poppins, Fly! Supercalafragilisticexpialidocious!
Young Doyle: Can we do it again Squirrely?
Monique: What about hands across America?
Bud: I had arthritis!
Monique: Farm aide?
Doyle: I had fleas!
Monique: The Save the Whales Campaign?
Bud: Salt water makes Doyle bloat...?
Young Doyle: Leave Bud alone, mom!
Doyle's Mother: [holding Bud's head underwater] I'm teaching Bud how to hold his breath underwater.
[pulls Bud's head out]
Doyle's Mother: Much better, Bud! Now let's try for three minutes.
Bud: Dennis Hopper Blue Velvet, Oh I'm slutty Oh I'm slutty