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The Steve Harvey Show (TV Series 1996–2002) Poster

(1996–2002)

Quotes

[a student has lost weight]

Steve: Damn, girl! You look like Luther two albums ago.

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Steve: Regina, Lovita... you gotta help me with my niece. She just don't act like a normal teenager. She don't talk back, she don't roll her eyes... the poor girl thinks that Snoop Doggy Dog is Charlie Brown's pet!

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Steve: Lovita, you want raffle tickets? In English, "no"; In Spanish, "no"; in Russian, "nyet", and in Ebonics, HECK no!

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Steve: Lemme tell you, I would put hot sauce on my ears and fight Tyson for that girl.

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Regina: You only get one shot and you cannot miss.

Romeo: Man, Romeo don't miss! Now, I want the twenty dollars in three un-marked five-dollar bills.

Regina: Remind me to speak to Mr. Wilson, the math teacher.

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Bullethead: I'm sorry, my religion does not allow me to work on the sabbath.

Steve: The sabbath, for you, is on a wednesday? Boy, your ignorance is dazzling.

Bullethead: Thank you.

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Steve: Regina, I teach six classes, three different subjects, I got study hall and a room full of teenagers with their hormones just ragin'. Couple of them are hotter than a Porsche in the projects.

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Cedric: Lovita, you can't break Robinson Family Traditions all willy-nilly!

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Bullethead: Say "Velveeta", you love birds!

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Cedric: Oh look, honeybump. Wedding bears! And the bridesbear doesn't seem to mind that the groomsbear is wearing a top hat.

Lovita: Fine. Wear your funky old top hat, and ask this bridesbear to give you some babies!

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Bullethead: Hey guys, let's get going. I gotta meet my date!

Steve: A date?

Romeo: Yeah. I'm as shocked as you are, Mr. Hightower, but it's true! Bullethead's got a chickenhead!

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Steve: You simple crash test dummy.

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[Regina is wearing a neckbrace and walking on crutches]

Steve: Regina, you look like an extra in "E.R.".

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Steve: Ced, when I see that woman, I'm like Shaq doing Shakespeare - I just don't know how to act!

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[to Romeo]

Steve: Boy, you better watch your tone of voice with me! This ain't Michelle Pfeiffer you're talking to.

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[Cedric is dressed in a gold tuxedo]

Steve: Ced, you look like an Oscar from Compton!

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Steve: Your checks do more bouncing than Nell Carter on a pogo stick.

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Regina: Steve, can I see you for a moment?

Steve: [chuckles] Ya know, if I had a nickel for every time a woman approached me with that question...

Regina: [continues] You'd have twelve minutes on a parking meter.

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Steve: Well, how's it going, Eryka Ba-Don't?

Regina: Ok, I will admit that I did freeze up a little on stage.

Steve: A little? Girl, you froze up like a homeless Eskimo.

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[at studio with Teddy Riley]

Romeo: [on phone] Miss Jenkins, I'm at the studio with Teddy Riley right now.

Lovita: [sarcastically] Sure, Romeo... and me and Barry White are here trading perm secrets.

Steve: [talking to himself] I just hope they don't ask that boy to read.

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Steve: Lovita, please. You in the kitchen is like a black man in a horror film - - somebody gonna die!

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Cedric: I took the $2000 and got Lovita a real nice Rolex watch. So I got $1950 left.

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Steve: This boy thinks that Hamlet is something you order with home fries and toast.

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Steve: I haven't seen this much food since I was backstage at an Aretha Franklin concert.

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Cedric: The boy thinks "impeachment" is a fruit-flavored breath mint!

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Steve: I'm gonna work you boys harder than a beeper in the projects.

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Steve's Niece: My mother always told me that beauty comes from within.

Lovita: That's true. It comes from the beauty within the cosmetic counter at the Rite-Aid.

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Steve: [after Regina's failed attempt to stop Romeo from Humiliating Steve, ending up with Regina receiving a Key Lime Pie to the face and Steve is urprised that Regina came up to him] Well, look who's here. Our very own Principal Grier!

Regina: [With pie on her face] I hate you, Steve!

Steve: But I love you though...

[Steve licks his fingers after Regina coughs and starts to wipe the pie filling off]

Steve: That's Key Lime. That's my favorite.

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Lovita: [after hearing about Regina's plan to humiliate Steve] Who are you going to get that's dumb enough to throw a pie in Steve's face?

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Junior: Give me one good reason why you won't dance with me.

Sara: Cause you look like you're 13.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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