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Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (TV Series 1996–2003) Poster

Quotes

Salem: Dogs guard; cats watch... and judge.

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[a spell turns Salem blonde]

Salem: I'm blonde! My IQ just dropped 20 points!

Zelda: [pointing to each of the Spellman women] Blonde, blonde, blonde.

[points at Salem]

Zelda: Dead.

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Zelda: Welcome home, sunshine! How was your day?

Sabrina: Here's a quick recap: There was boredom followed by dullness with a dash of echh!

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Sabrina: It can take years to develop a craft. Look at my aunts Hilda and Zelda.

Josh: Which craft were they involved in? Which craft were they involved in?

Sabrina: Witchcraft? Who said anything about witchcraft?

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Zelda: What's the matter?

Sabrina: What's the matter? I have to be a witch, I have to be a mortal, I have to be a teenager and I have to be a girl all at the same time. That's what's the matter.

Salem: At least you still have your thumbs... and a door on your bathroom!

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Sabrina: [trying to fix a broken radio]

[hits it and it starts working]

Sabrina: It works! And they say violence doesn't solve anything.

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Salem: Hello, this is your guard speaking. Harvey is at the front door, and send me a sandwich!

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Valerie: Gordy, are you even aware that there's a dance on Friday?

Salem: I'll pick you up at 8. What kind of flowers do you like?

Valerie: Surprise me!

Salem: That means roses.

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Salem: Finally! I'm free! I have no place to go.

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Sabrina: You are so weird!

Salem: [nodding] It helps break up the day.

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Miles Goodman: Up 'til now we've known each other only as roomates, but I'm open to other avenues.

Roxie King: Take a U-turn.

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Hilda: A cat is doing an imitation of me kissing my niece's vice-principal. So this is my lowest point.

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Salem: Let's destroy everything that's dear to him. Let's indoctrinate him into the cathedral of agony.

Zelda: I'm gonna write him a very stern letter.

Salem: You're a regular Mad Max aren't ya?

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Zelda: I think he's too young for me. He's so excited about the turn of the century.

Hilda: I know, really. I partied like it was 1699, 1799, 1899 - in 1999, I'm staying home.

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Hilda: What's my bra doing on the roof?

Salem: Erm, the squirrels needed a nutfeeder...

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Harvey Kinkle: A penny saved is a penny earned.

Salem: Don't eat the yellow snow.

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Zelda: [Sabrina's going on a trip] Wear seat belts! Watch the road! Avoid ice! Don't pass on mountain roads!

Hilda: Have fun?

Zelda: That's implied.

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Sabrina: [Harvey comes to pick her up] Good news, you don't have to loiter uncomfortably in the lobby and make awkward small talk with my aunts while you wait because I am already ready.

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Salem: Earthquake!

Zelda: But we're in Massachusetts.

Sabrina: [Looks out the window] Is that a beanstalk?

Salem: Beanstalk!

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Jenny: You're so lucky your parents are strict! My parents are really relaxed, which makes it hard to rebel!

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Zelda: So that's your plan?

Vesta: Please, I don't plan! I scheme!

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Hilda: I just haven't turned myself into wind in years.

Salem: Would cabbage help?

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[All of Salem's mined magic is used on Sabrina]

Salem: Well, at least I'm young. No, that's Sabrina. Well, at least I have my own magic. No, wait, that's Sabrina. At least I'm a biped, no, no, wait, THAT'S SABRINA!

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Zelda: He just needs to remember his childhood dreams. You know what? I am going out and get him a copy of 'What color is your parachute'

Hilda: Oh what a sweet idea.

[Zelda leaves]

Hilda: [to Sabrina] It will never work. You'd better use magic.

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[a bird is twittering outside the window]

Salem: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Why must you keep tormenting me?

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Sabrina: Having magic and being a witch is great and all, but I can't live without seeing my mother.

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Salem: [playing with a tassel on a cushion] Don't you toy with me you saucy minx!

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[repeated line]

Libby Chessler: Ew.

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Sabrina: [about the Washing Machine engineer, who has a tail] He can't stay! He has a tail!

Salem: What's wrong with having a tail?

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Zelda: Sabrina, you're not a rumpist, are you?

Sabrina: A rumpist? What's a rumpist?

Zelda: Someone who judges others by their rear ends.

Sabrina: No. OK, not usually.

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Harvey Kinkle: [after an accident] Is everybody ok?

Sabrina: Well, I didn't hear a voice say, "Sabrina, step into the light," so I guess I'm ok.

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Miles Goodman: I need you to summarize your being in four words or less.

Hot Girl: Not. Interested. In. You.

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Zelda: So that was a dead end, but I think if we systematically retrace your steps over the last three months...

Hilda: [Interrupting] Sometimes I think you actually work at being annoying.

Zelda: No, not really.

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Valerie: OK, I'll come over to your house...

Sabrina: Ok. NO, PIRATES!

Valerie: Pirates?

Sabrina: I didn't say pirates... I said By gum! By Gum don't come over here!

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Hilda: Ah ha! You were measuring behind my back. You were going to redecorate Sabrina's room without me!

Zelda: I didn't think you'd mind.

Hilda: Why not?

Zelda: Because you're a kind and giving person... And you have no taste.

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Salem: I'm gonna be tossed out into the snow on my nicely rounded buttocks.

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Zelda: Okay... do you know where to call in case of an emergency?

Salem: THE MONEY STORE?

Zelda: Salem!

Salem: Yes... I've got your pager number.

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Salem: [speaking to a dog - subtitles appear at the bottom of the screen which read; go get me the meat of the... ] Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof, oh shoot i forgot the word for floor, oh yeah, woof

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James: I used to be a spy, you know.

[points to the back of his head]

James: Sean Penn got me right here.

[points to his forehead]

James: P. Diddy got me right here.

[points to his chest]

James: Celine Dion got me right here.

Sabrina: She hit you?

James: No. The song she did for "Titanic" always chokes me up.

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[Sabrina does magic]

Brad Johnson: Hey! What was that spark?

Sabrina: Um, static electricity?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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