Muppets Tonight (1996–1998)
Polly: I hear you've been having some problems.
Clueless: It's my wife's sister. She's eating me out of house and home.
Polly: Ate all the groceries, huh?
Clueless: No, she ate my house which of course is my home!
[Clifford gets into the supply cabinet instead of going through the doors onto the set]
Kermit the Frog: Clifford, that's the supply cabinet!
Clifford: I know that, it's a nice supply cabinet too. Nice and quiet. Let's cue the announcer shall we.
Kermit the Frog: Cue the announcer.
Nigel: Go Go Go Go Go Go Go!
[supply cabinet is pushed on set]
Announcer: And now it's time for "Muppets Tonight" and here's the host of our show - Clifford!
[Rizzo knocks on supply cabinet door]
Rizzo the rat: You're on, Clifford!
The Great Gonzo: Clifford, your problems are solved, I've got an act thats gonna knock your socks off!
Clifford: Well, put them on, man.
The Great Gonzo: Your socks?
Clifford: No, the act!
Clifford: The only thing that's gonna save us now, Rizzo, is if a world famous superstar walks through that door...
[door closes on Clifford]
Rizzo the rat: Or that door.
John Goodman: I think the igpays are a little upidstay.
Andy Pig: He speaks the ancient tongue!
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: [Pierce Brosnan and Kermit the Frog are in Bunsen's lab, Pierce Brosnan is cleaning his ear with a cotton swab] Now, where did I put my Super Ray of Death Cotton Swab?
Kermit the Frog: Say, what?
Bobo the Bear: [a red ray comes out of his opposite ear and blows a hole in the wall, seen through the hole, Bobo the Bear is taking a bath] Hey! This is the reason I moved out of the Y!
[Garth Brooks is singing a number from Fiddler on the Roof]
Studio manager: I thought he was going to sing a country song.
Rizzo the rat: Yeah, but he didn't say which country.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: [driving a speedboat] Look, no hands!
[takes off his glasses and tosses them]
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: No eyes!
Andy Pig: Cindy, if you're a supermodel, what are your super powers?
Cindy Crawford: Well? I can do this.
[Lasers come from her eyes and Andy flashes and gets vaporized]
Randy Pig: Cool! oh Cindy! Cindy! Do me! Do me! Please Cindy!
Clifford: Man, you cats are stupid!
Randy Pig: Oh, well, you are the stupid one because we are not even cats.
Andy Pig: Yes we're... dogs.
Randy Pig: Look a fire hydrant!
Carl: [eating Bunsen's experimental Nice/Evil Biscotti/Chimichengas] I like this biscotti.
[eats a chimichenga]
Carl: But I hate this chimichangas!
[eats a biscotti]
Carl: And I love this biscotti.
[eats a chimichenga]
Carl: And I hate these chimichengas!
[eats a nearby lamp]
Carl: I love this lamp.
[eats an alarm clock]
Carl: Oh, I hate this alarm clock!
[the clock he just ate rings and he vibrates for a second]
Carl: Thank you!