Salesman: Remember, this is what people want: big tits and big hits! Big tits and big hits!
[Show opening voiceover]
Arliss Michaels: For most of us the dream of becoming a champion remains a fantasy. But for a special few it is very much a reality. We cheer them. We live through them. Athletes are our last warriors. My job is to make their dreams come true. My name is Arliss Michaels. I represent athletes. These are my stories.
Giselle: Perhaps I underestimated you.
Arliss Michaels: Oh I hope so. I make my living off of people that underestimate me.
Drew: No more commercials for creamed corn, which I had to eat mercilessly over and over and over again. Like giving a tablespoon a blow job swallowing that gunk.
[Arliss and some clients are playing poker]
Jerome "The Bus" Bettis: Yeah, Arliss got me $4.6 million up front. What's the bet?
Arliss Michaels: $2.
Jerome "The Bus" Bettis: That's too rich for my blood.
Arliss Michaels: I guess the bus stops here.
Rita Wu: [Arliss is wondering why one of his clients, a black quarterback can't get on a team] I told you the reason why. It's as clear as black and white.
Arliss Michaels: More like black and puce. I just picked up a rumor that Theo Holt is gay.
Kirby Carlisle: Gay? No way. Theo Holt doesn't sing from the mike... We've chased tail together. He's been my wingman for a dozen missions.
Arliss Michaels: Has he ever shot down any planes?
Rita Wu: [Rita has been called into work so early, rollers are still in her hair] Even Katie Couric doesn't get up this early.
[During a radio show]
Jim Rome: Well guess who just grabbed a vine? The maestro of manipulation himself, Arliss Michaels.