Buzz: [Woody, scared, walks backwards and he gets startled by Buzz. Buzz keeps talking to his "mission log"] And according to my navi-computer, the...
Woody: [whispering] SHUT UP! Just, SHUT UP, you idiot!
Buzz: Sheriff, this is no time to panic.
Woody: This is a perfect time to panic! I'm lost, Andy is gone, they're gonna move to their new house in two days, AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
Buzz: Mine? My fault? If you hadn't pushed me out of the window in the first place...
Woody: Oh yeah? Well, if *you* hadn't shown up with your stupid little cardboard spaceship and taken away everything that was important to me...
Buzz: Don't talk to me about importance! Because of *you*, the future of this entire universe is in jeopardy!
Woody: WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
Buzz: Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals this weapon's only weakness. And *you*, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
Woody: [pauses and looks incredulous] YOU! ARE! A! TOYYYYY! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're - you're an action figure!
[holds hand up to eyes indicating something small]
Woody: You are a child's play thing!
Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.
[waves in military fashion]
[starts to walk away]
Woody: Oh, yeah? Well, good riddance, ya loony!
Sid Phillips: [Reading warning on rocket] "Extremely dangerous. Keep out of reach of children." Cool! What am I gonna blow?
Rex: What if Andy gets another dinosaur? A mean one? I just don't think I can take that kind of rejection!
Mr. Potato Head: Hey, a laser! How come *you* don't have a laser, Woody?
Woody: It's not a laser! It's a...
[sighs in frustration]
Woody: It's a little light bulb that blinks.
Hamm: What's with him?
Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.
[Mr. Potato Head rearranges his facial features crazily]
Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso!
Hamm: I don't get it.
Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured swine! What're you lookin' at, ya hockey puck?
Buzz: I've set my laser from stun to kill.
Woody: Oh, great. If anyone attacks we can blink em' to death.
Buzz: To infinity, and beyond!
[Mr. Potato Head watches hopefully as Andy open birthday presents]
Mr. Potato Head: Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato Head... hey, I can dream, can't I?
Mr. Potato Head: Did you all take stupid pills this morning? Have you forgotten what he did to Buzz?
[Preparing for the toy mutiny]
Woody: Wind the frog!
Woody: Wait a minute, I just lit a rocket... Rockets explode!
Woody: Tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting, was I think, a big success. We'd like to thank Mr. Spell for putting that on for us. Thank you Mr. Spell.
Mr. Spell: [mechanically] You're. Welcome.
Hamm: Yes, sir, we're next month's garage sale fodder for sure.
Woody: All right, that's enough! Look, we're all very impressed with Andy's new toy.
Woody: T-O-Y, Toy!
Buzz: Excuse me, I think the word you're searching for is "Space Ranger".
Woody: The word I'm searching for I can't say because there's preschool toys present.
Buzz: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
Woody: Oh. Well, that's good.
Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we?
Woody: No. Daaaah-oof!
Buzz: [he attacks Woody]
Woody: Okay, come on. You want a piece of me?
Buzz: [gets knocked down by Woody, he closes his helmet on Woody's hand]
Woody: What chance does a toy like me have against a Buzz Lightyear action figure?
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, really? I'm from Playskool.
Rex: And I'm from Mattel. Well, I'm not really from Mattel, I'm actually from a smaller company that was purchased by Mattel in a leveraged buyout.
Buzz: [lands on the bed after his lucky acrobatic maneuver] Can!
Rex: [the toys applaud and whistle] Whoooa! Oh wow, you flew magnificently!
Bo Peep: I've found my moving buddy!
Buzz: [proudly] Thank... th-thank you all, thank you!
Woody: That wasn't flying! That was... falling with style!
Sergeant: Molly's first present is... Mrs. Potato Head! Repeat, a Mrs. Potato Head!
Hamm: Way to go, Ida-ho!
Mr. Potato Head: Gee, I'd better shave!
[pulls off his moustache]
Woody: I think you've had enough tea for today, let's get you outta here, Buzz.
Woody: Buzz, you've got wings! You glow in the dark! You talk! Your helmet does that, that... *whoosh* thing! You are a cool toy!
Woody: As a matter of fact, you're *too* cool.
Mr. Potato Head: Son of a building block! It's Woody!
Buzz: Terrain seems a bit unstable. No readout yet if the air is breathable. And there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.
Woody: [sneaks up on Buzz] Hello!
[Buzz yells. Woody screams. Buzz fires his "laser" at Woody]
Woody: Hey hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Did I frighten you? Didn't mean to. Sorry. Howdy. My name... is Woody... and this... is Andy's room. That's all I wanted to say. And also, there has been a bit of a mix-up. This is my spot, see... the bed here.
Buzz: [sees Woody's "Sheriff" star badge] Local law enforcement! It's about time you got here. I'm Buzz Lightyear, Space Ranger, Universe Protection Unit. My ship has crash-landed here by mistake.
Woody: Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot.
Buzz: I need to repair my turbo boosters. Are you still using fossil fuels, or have you discovered crystallic fusion?
Woody: Well, let's see, we got double-A's.
Buzz: How dare you open a space man's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could have been sucked from their sockets!
[closes his helmet]
Woody: Sergeant, establish a recon post downstairs. Code Red. You know what to do.
Sergeant: Yes, sir!
Sergeant: All right, men, you heard him! Code Red, repeat: we're at Code Red! Recon plan Charlie: Execute! Let's move, move, move, move, move!
Buzz: What's going on?
Woody: Nothing that concerns you space man, just us toys.
Buzz: I'd better have a look anyway.
[he looks through Lenny the binoculars]
Buzz: Why is that soldier strapped to an explosive device?
Woody: [moves Lenny] That's why. Sid.
Buzz: [seeing a dog] Sure is a hairy fella...
Woody: [re-moving the binoculars] No, no, that's Scud, you idiot. *That* is Sid.
Buzz: [Sid is laughing maniacally] You mean that happy child?
Mr. Potato Head: That ain't no happy child!
Rex: He tortures toys - just for fun!
Buzz: I am Buzz Lightyear; I come in peace.
Rex: [shaking Buzz's hand] Oh, I'm so glad you're not a dinosaur!
Buzz: This is an intergalactic emergency. I need to commandeer your vessel to Sector 12. Who's in charge here?
All Aliens: [pointing up] The clawwwwwwwww!
Alien #1: The claw is our master.
Alien #2: The claw chooses who will go and who will stay.
Woody: This is ludicrous.
Woody: [trying to get Buzz into Molly's stroller] It's a special spaceship, I just saw it.
Buzz: You mean it has hyperdrive?
Woody: Hyperactive hyperdrive, and astro... uh... turf.
Sid Phillips: No-one has ever attempted a double bypass brain transplant before.
Woody: Listen, lightsnack, you stay away from Andy. He's mine, and no one is taking him away from me.
Buzz: What are you talking about? Where's that bonding strip?
[slides under his ship with a skateboard]
Woody: [pulls him back out] And another thing, *stop* with this *spaceman* thing! It's getting on my nerves.
Buzz: Are you saying you want to lodge a complaint with Star Command?
Woody: Oh-ho! O-okay, ooh, well, so you wanna do it the hard way, huh?
Buzz: [gets out from under his ship] Don't even think about it, cowboy.
Woody: Oh yeah, tough guy?
Woody: [pushes Buzz. Buzz's helmet opens. Buzz chokes gags]
Rex: Great! Now I have guilt!
Woody: Pull my string! The birthday party's today? Okay everybody, the coast is clear!
Mr. Potato Head: Ages three and up! It's on my box! Ages three and up! I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool!
Woody: Hey, Etch... Draw!
[Etch draws a picture of a gun]
Woody: D'oh! Got me again! Etch, you've been working on that draw. Fastest knobs in the west.
Woody: Now, guys, it was an accident. C'mon, you-you've gotta believe me.
Slinky Dog: We believe you, Woody. Right, Rex?
Rex: Well, I mean, uh, I don't like confrontations!
Slinky Dog: It's Sid!
Rex: I thought he was at summer camp!
Hamm: They must've kicked him out early this year.
Buzz: [in Sid's backpack, approaching his home] Sheriff, I can see your indwelling from here. You're almost home.
Alien: Nirvana is coming, the mystic portal awaits.
Woody: Will you be quiet? You guys don't get it, do you? Once we go into Sid's house, we won't be coming out!
Mr. Potato Head: That's *Mister* Potato Head to you, you back stabbing murderer!
Sergeant: [about the second present Andy opens ] It's... it's bedsheets!
Mr. Potato Head: Who invited that kid?
Buzz: Years of Academy training wasted.
[Woody finds Buzz dressed up as "Mrs. Nesbitt" and in the company of two headless dolls]
Woody: What happened to you?
Buzz: One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down darjeeling with Marie Antoinette... and her little sister.
Woody: Hey, who's got my hat?
Mr. Shark: Look, I'm Woody! Howdy, howdy, howdy!
Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha...
[snatches his hat away]
Woody: Gimme that!
Alien: [after being selected by The Claw] I have been chosen! Farewell, my friends. I go on to a better place.
Bo Peep: What would you say if I get someone else to watch the sheep for me tonight?
Woody: [blushing and giggling] Oh-ho yeah. Thought so.
Rex: Mr. Lightyear, now I'm curious... what does a space ranger actually do?
Woody: He's not a space ran-*ger*! He doesn't fight evil or, or... shoot lasers or fly.
Buzz: Excuse me.
Buzz: [Buzz deploys his wings; all exclaim in excitement]
Hamm: Wow. Impressive wingspan. Very good.
Woody: Oh, what? What? These are plastic. He can't fly.
Buzz: They are a terillium-carbonic alloy, and I *can* fly.
Woody: No, you can't.
Buzz: [scoffs] Yes, I can.
Woody: Can't, can't, ca-an't!
Buzz: I tell you, I could fly around this room with my eyes closed!
Woody: Okay, Mr. Lightbeer, prove it.
Buzz: All right then, I will.
[watching guests arrive for Andy's party]
Rex: Any dinosaur-shaped ones?
Hamm: Oh, for crying out loud, they're all in *boxes*, you idiot.
Rex: They're getting bigger...
Slinky Dog: Wait, there's a nice little one over there.
[boy turns around, revealing the full length of the box he's carrying]
Woody: Has everybody picked a moving buddy?
Hamm: Moving buddy? You can't be serious!
Rex: I didn't know we were supposed to have one already!
Mr. Potato Head: [holding his left arm in his right hand] Do we have to hold hands?
Woody: You actually think you're *the* Buzz Lightyear? Hey, look, everybody! It's the *real* Buzz Lightyear!
Buzz: You're mocking me, aren't you?
Woody: Oh no, no no no, no. - Buzz look, an alien!
Woody: [slaps knee and laughs hoarsely]
Slinky Dog: I knew you were right all along, Woody. Never doubted you for a second.
Woody: [through his voice box] Reach for the sky!
Sid Phillips: Huh?
Woody: This town ain't big enough for the two of us!
Sid Phillips: What?
Woody: Somebody's poisoned the waterhole!
Sid Phillips: It's busted.
Woody: Who are you calling busted, Buster?
Sid Phillips: Huh?
Woody: That's right! I'm talking to you, Sid Philips! We don't like being blown up, Sid. Or smashed, or torn apart.
Sid Phillips: [hyperventilating] W-we?
Woody: That's right, your toys!
[Toys get up and surround the terrified Sid]
Woody: From now on, you must take good care of your toys, because if you don't, we'll find out, Sid!
Woody: [while turning head around slowly] We toys can see EVERYTHING!
Woody: [speaking and moving] So play nice!
[Sid screams and runs inside]
Woody: Hey, how ya doin', Rex.
Rex: [stops roaring] Were you scared? Tell me honestly.
Woody: I was close to being scared that time.
Rex: I'm going for fearsome here, but I just don't feel it! I'm think I'm just coming off as annoying.
Buzz: [marveling at the interior of Pizza Planet] What a spaceport!
[Woody punches him in the shoulder]
Buzz: Good work, Woody.
Announcer on Intercom at Pizza Planet: [At Pizza Planet] Before your space journey, re-energize yourself with a slice of pepperoni, now boarding at counter three.
Woody: [thinks Buzz has gone crazy] Let's get you out of here Buzz...
Buzz: Don't you get it?
[points to a doll's hat on his head]
Buzz: You see the hat? I am Mrs. Nesbitt!
Woody: Snap out of it, Buzz!
[opens Buzz's helmet, slaps Buzz across the face with his detached arm, then closes the helmet]
Buzz: [calmly] I-I-I... you're right. I'm sorry, I am just a little depressed, that's all. I can get through this.
[breaks down again]
Buzz: Oh, I'm a sham!
Sid Phillips: [talking in his sleep] I wanna ride the pony...
Woody: Buzz, will you get up here and gimme a hand?
[Buzz throws his broken-off arm to Woody]
Woody: Ha-ha, ha-ha. That's real funny. THIS IS SERIOUS!
Buzz: [about Sid] I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school!
Woody: Buzz? Buzz Lightyear? You're not worried, are you?
Buzz: Me? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Are you?
[camera pans out]
Woody: Now Buzz, what could Andy possibly get that is worse than you?
Andy: [from downstairs] Oh, oh, what is it? What is it? Wow, a puppy!
[camera zooms back in]
Sergeant: [he can't see what Andy is holding up] It's a...
Rex: It's A WHAT? WHAT IS IIIITTTTT?
[Rex shakes the table, inadvertently knocking off the TalkBoy and causing the batteries to fall out]
Mr. Potato Head: Oh, ya big lizard! Now we'll never know what it is!
Hamm: Way to go, Rex!
Woody: [as the toys struggle to put the batteries back in the TalkBoy] No, no, turn 'em around! Turn 'em around!
Hamm: He's putting them in backward!
Hamm: Hey, you're putting 'em in backwards!
Woody: PLUS IS POSITIVE! MINUS IS NEGATIVE! Oh, let me!
Sergeant: [downstairs, into the Baby Monitor] Red alert! Red alert! Andy is coming upstairs!
[Woody puts the batteries back in properly and picks the Talkboy up]
Sergeant: ...juvenile intrusion, repeat! Assume your positions now!
Woody: ANDY'S COMING! Everybody back to your places! Hurry!
[mayhem breaks out]
Mr. Potato Head: [in a panic] Where's my ear? Who's seen my ear? Did you see my ear?
[Andy and his mom stop at the gas station]
Andy: Can I help you fill up?
Andy's Mom: Sure, I'll even let you drive.
Andy's Mom: Yeah, when you're 16.
Andy: Yup, yup. Very funny, Mom.
Woody: Buzz! Go away, you disgusting freaks!
Mutant Toys: [one of them grab Buzz's arm from Woody]
Woody: All back! Back, you cannibals!
[the mutant toys sent him flying to the wall, he wakes up and attacks the mutant toys]
Woody: He's still alive and you're not getting him, you monsters.
Mutant Toys: [they fix Buzz and his arm is attached]
Woody: Hey, they fixed you? But... but they're cannibals, we saw them eat other toys. Uh, sorry. We thought you're gonna... you know... eat my friend.
Mutant Toys: [they were scared away]
Woody: No, no, no, no, wait. What's wrong?
Sid's Mom: Sid?
Sid Phillips: Not right now, Mom. I'm busy!
Woody: Sid! Buzz, get up! Use our legs! Fine, let Sid trash but don't blame me!
Sid Phillips: [torturing Woody with a magnifying glass] Where are your rebel friends now?
Sid's Mom: [offscreen, downstairs] Sid! Your Pop-Tarts are ready!
Sid Phillips: [running off] All right!
Woody: [mocking Buzz as they split-up] "Rendezvous with Star Command."
[sees a delivery truck with a "Pizza Planet" logo on it]
Woody: Pizza Planet?
Woody: Andy! Oh, no! I can't show my face in that room without Buzz.
[yelling to Buzz]
Woody: Buzz! Buzz, come back!
Buzz: [walking out from under the truck, annoyed] Go away!
Woody: No! Buzz, you gotta come back! I...
[Woody looks at the Pizza Planet delivery truck, and notices a miniture spaceship on the top]
Woody: [calling] I found a spaceship!
[Buzz stops and looks at the delivery truck]
Woody: [calling] It's a spaceship, Buzz!
Buzz: [as the driver asks for directions] Now, you're sure this space freighter will return to its point of origin once it jettisons its food supply?
Woody: [nodding his head] Uh-huh. And when we get there, we'll find a way to transport you home.
Buzz: Well, then, let's climb aboard.
[Buzz runs towards the truck]
Woody: No, no, no, wait, Buzz! Buzz! Let's get in the back. No one will see us there.
Buzz: Negative. There are no restraining harnesses in the cargo area. We'll be much safer in the cockpit.
[Buzz climbs through the open window and jumps into the seat]
Woody: [whispering] Yeah, bu... Buzz! Buzz! Buzz!
[the Pizza Planet truck's engine starts, Woody climbs into the back, and sees Buzz attaching a seat belt]
Woody: It's safer safer in the cockpit than the cargo bay. What an idiot.
[the Pizza Planet truck moves forwards sharply, Woody is tossed and thrown by the extreme motion of the truck as it speeds down the road and up a hill. Items start in the back of the truck start to tumble towards Woody, one of them being a heavy tool box]
Woody: [asking a Magic 8 ball] Will Andy pick me?
[Shakes the ball and flips to see the answer:]
Woody: 'Don't count on it'? Awwww! Arrrgh!
[throws the ball down, then it falls down a crack between the table and the wall]
Mr. Potato Head: [while playing Battleship] Ah, ha. B-3.
Hamm: Miss. G-6.
Mr. Potato Head: Aw, you sunk it!
Mr. Potato Head: Are you peeking?
Hamm: Hey, quit your whining and pay up.
[Mr. Potato Head plls off one of his ears]
Hamm: No, no, not the ear. Gimme the nose.
Mr. Potato Head: [pulls off his nose] How 'bout 3 out of 5?
Lenny the Binoculars: [Sid lights the rocket on Combat Carl] He's lighting it! He's lighting it!
Lenny the Binoculars: [toys start to duck] Hit the dirt!
Lenny the Binoculars: [Lenny spots RC Car rocketing toward the open moving van] Hey, look! It's Woody and Buzz, comin' up fast!
Slinky Dog: [while the toys try to extend a chain of toy monkeys to Buzz, who's fallen in the bushes, but catches up to Andy, his mom, and Woody, who are driving to Pizza Planet] It's too short. We need more monkeys!
Rex: There aren't any more! That's the whole barrel!
[tosses to barrel aside, then calls down]
Rex: Buzz, the monkeys aren't working! We're formulating another plan, so stay calm!
Rex: Where could he be?
Woody: Hey uh, Slinky?
Slinky Dog: [with a checker board] Right here, Woody. I'm red this time.
Woody: No, Slink...
Slinky Dog: All right, you can be red if you want.
Woody: Not now, Slink. I've got some bad news.
Slinky Dog: [shouts] Bad news?
[all the toys freeze]
Woody: Gather everyone for a staff meeting and be happy.
Slinky Dog: Got it.
[walks away slowly with his head down]
Woody: Be happy!
Slinky Dog: [laughs hysterically]
Woody: [while everyone else is scared by the long, thin present one of Andy's guests is bringing] All right, all right! If I send out the troops, will you all come down?
Rex: [yells] Yes, yes, we promise!
Woody: O-KAY! Save your batteries.
Sid Phillips: Hannah! Hey, Hannah!
Sid Phillips: Did I get my package in the mail?
Hannah: [shrugs] I don't know.
Sid Phillips: [demanding] What do you mean, you don't know?
Hannah: I DON'T KNOW.
Minesweeper soldier: [after Andy's mom has stepped on one of the soldiers, they get up and make their way to a plant, but the stepped-on one struggles and is crippled] Just... just go on without me!
Sergeant: [goes over to him and helps him up] A good soldier never leaves a man behind!
Hannah: [after Buzz falls to the floor while trying to fly out the window; his arm has fallen as a result] Mom! Mom, have you seen my Sally doll?
Sid's Mom: [as Hannah picks up Buzz and his arm] What, dear? What was that?
Hannah: Never mind.
Andy: [playing with and mimicking the voices of his toys; holding Mr. Potato Head] All right, everyone! This... is a stick-up. Don't anybody move! Now empty that safe!
[empties Hamm the piggy bank and coins fall out]
Andy: Ooh, hoo hoo! Money, money, money!
[has Potato Head "kiss" the money; as Bo Peep]
Andy: Stop it! Stop it, you mean old potato!
[as Potato Head]
Andy: Quiet, Bo Peep! Or your sheep get run over!
[as the sheep, on a toy car track]
Andy: Help! Baaa! Help us!
[as Bo Peep]
Andy: Oh no! Not my sheep! Somebody do something!
[brings Woody into view on his bed. In front of the other toys, he pulls Woody's string]
Woody: [voice box] Reach for the sky!
Andy: [as Mr. Potato Head] Oh no! Sheriff Woody!
Andy: I'm here to stop you, One-eyed Bart!
[pops off Mr. Potato Head's right eye; as Mr. Potato Head]
Andy: D'oh! How'd you know it was me?
Andy: Are you gonna come quietly?
[as Mr. Potato Head]
Andy: Ya can't touch me, Sheriff! I brought my Attack Dog,
[Andy places down Slinky Dog]
Andy: with a built-in force field!
Andy: Well, I brought my dinosaur!
[brings out Rex]
Andy: Who eats force field dogs!
[making sound effects first as Rex then as Slinky whom he drags away]
Andy: Arr rawr rawr! Yipe, yipe-yipe-yipe!
Andy: You're going to jail, Bart. Say goodbye to the wife and tater tots.
[Andy places Mr. Potato Head in Molly's crib; she laughs and picks up Mr. Potato Head, and drools on him. His ear and arm fall near Woody]
Andy: You saved the day again, Woody!
[pulls Woody's string]
Woody: [voice box] You're my favorite deputy!