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Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead (1995) Poster

Quotes

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Dagney? That's your name? Tremendous name. My name's Jimmy and I have just one single impulsive question. Are you in love?

Dagney: What?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: At the present time, are you in love?

Dagney: Why?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Because if you are, then I won't waste your time. I'm really not the type of man to impede another man's happiness. However, if you're not presently in love then I will continue my rhapsody, because if I may say so, Dagney, you are most definitely the bees' knees.

Dagney: Does this rap ever work?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Alas, in the old days. Now I rarely get a chance to try it. But you haven't answered my question.

Dagney: I forgot it.

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Are you in love?

Dagney: Well there is someone...

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: But?

Dagney: We date... I have memorized his phone number, but I won't use his toothbrush... We're somewhere in between and he's crazy about me.

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: As he should be. You glide.

Dagney: I glide?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: You glide. It's a very attactive quality. Most girls, they merely plod along. You, on the other hand, you glide... Tell me about it. What's his name? Chip?

Dagney: Alex...

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Same thing. Does he make you thump?

Dagney: Define "thump".

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Thump. When you think about him, you can't eat You can't sleep. You forget about man's inhumanity to man. Does he do that for you?

Dagney: That's a ridiculous concept. No one can do that.

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Girls who glide need guys who make them thump. Have dinner with me.

Dagney: Aren't we the sultan of segue?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: It's a beautiful month. Just have dinner with me.

Dagney: Are you going to make me thump?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: Or die trying.

Easy Wind: Remember when you was a kid and you would spend the whole year waiting for summer vacation and when it finally came it would fly by just like that? It's funny, Jimmy, life has a way of flying by faster than any old summer vacation really fucking does.

Critical Bill: I am Godzilla! You are Japan!

Critical Bill: I been wantin' to apologize to you, Jimmy, about that... what happened out on the highway the other night? You know, man, I just... Well, I kinda lost my shit out there, ya know? But, damn, Jimmy, it was kind of irresponsible of you to put me out on point in the first place, ya know? When you think about it, it really was sorta your fault. I mean, everybody knows... I'm out of my tits!

The Man With The Plan: Look at you. You got a lady?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: No.

The Man With The Plan: That's 'cause you're hangin' out with the virus breeders, Jimmy: VB's. You in that yet? Bitin' the pillow?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: No.

The Man With The Plan: You will. It's a liberal thing. One day you're saving the rain forest, the next, you're chuggin' cock. Am I wrong?

Critical Bill: Your reputation FAR exceeds your skills, mammy rammer!

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[Critical Bill is using a corpse as a punching bag]

Franchise: Critical Bill, man, what the fuck are you doing?

Critical Bill: Working out, it's not bothering him much.

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Mister Shhh: You have a choice; you can tell me where Earl Denton is, or you can tell it to the worms.

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The Man With The Plan: She's a 10, Jimmy. She's a world unto herself. She can't nurse worth shit, but I keep her on, because even though I can't feel it, I know I get erections in her presence.

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[repeated line]

Franchise: It is what it is.

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[repeated line]

Franchise: Give it a name.

[recurring line]

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Easy Wind: Franchise, my brother from another mother!

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The Man With The Plan: Be gone Jimmy... Fuckin' gone!

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Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: You gave me your word!

The Man With The Plan: I'm a criminal; my word don't mean dick!

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Joe Heff: The blood runs when the time comes.

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Critical Bill: My new motto: Fuck the head!

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Mister Shhh: I'm looking for Earl Denton.

Rooster: [repeating] He's lookin' for Earl Denton.

Baby Sinister: Earl Denton ?

Mister Shhh: AKA Easy Wind.

Baby Sinister: AKA Easy Wind ? - What the fuck you here this, boy ? - AKA My dick, Uncle Salty!

Rooster: [repeating] AKA His dick, Uncle Salty!

Mister Shhh: I need to find Earl Denton.

Baby Sinister: What you think, - huh? - You think we just give him up - like I was your house nigger?

Rooster: [repeating] Yeah, does he look like your house nigger, punk?

Baby Sinister: Will you shut the fuck up for eleven seconds?

Rooster: It's cool.

Mister Shhh: Please, tell me where he is just co-operate and no-o-o one gets hurt.

Baby Sinister: Say good bye, bitch.

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The Man With The Plan: Beg me, or I let you suck my dead dick in return for your life, BEG!

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: NO!

Lt. Atwater: BEG, ASSHOLE!

The Man With The Plan: Take out my dick. Atwater! Take it out. TAKE IT OUT!

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70 Year Old Man: Life is like a mustard burp, momentarily tangy and then forgotten in the air

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[last lines]

Franchise: Gentlemen, we have boat drinks.

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Joe Heff: Jimmy the Saint Tosnia. He went to seminary school but lost the calling. But in his day... the bitches' bastard!

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Baby Sinister: The fact of the matter is by the year 2000 every city will be black. Thanks to the fax, the modem, conference call, federal-f**king express, the beast will be able to conduct his business from his home in the white suburb leaving the city a great wide warzone full of nuclear brothers.

Rooster: That's what I'm saying man, the fax, modem, FTD...

Baby Sinister: What the f**k you talking about, FTD?

Rooster: You got to have flowers in the warzone, Baby.

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Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: What's your name?

Dagney: Dagney

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: That's a beautiful name. Can I ask you one single, impulsive question? Are you in love at the present moment? I'm not the type of guy to impede on another man's happiness but if the answer is "No" I'd like to continue with my rhapsody. Has anybody ever told you that you glide?

Dagney: What?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: It's a very special quality, every other girl in this place merely plods along but you glide, girls who glide need guys who make them thump.

Dagney: What's Thump?

Jimmy 'The Saint' Tosnia: You think about him, you can't eat, you can't sleep, you watch the phone waiting for it to ring. Girls who glide need guys who make them thump, I can make you thump. Have dinner with me.

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The Man With The Plan: One day you're saving the rainforest, the next you're chugging cock. Am I right?

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The Man With The Plan: She's a ten. Jimmy, she's a planet unto herself. She can't nurse worth shit, but I keep her on 'cause... although I can't feel it, I know I have erections in her presence.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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