Rachel: Who's Mistress Eakens? I'm supposed to take this to Mistress Eakens? Do you know who she is? Mistress Eakens? Do you know what I'm talking about?
Rachel: Mistress Eakens, I think he said.
Trish: Mister Seakins?
Rachel: Oh, I thought he said Mistress Eakens. I thought that was an unusual name.
Rachel: I was thinking about how people in movies and books are always getting puppies on Christmas. But you never have to see anyone cleaning up the...
Rachel: ...or get hit by cars. You just see them with a big red bow, and the kids are smiling.
Lloyd: I walked out on a woman with multiple sclerosis and two children. One of them brain damaged because I was too drunk to see him playing in the snow... and I ran over them with the snowblower.
Lloyd: The past is something you wake up to. It's the nightmare you wake up to every single day.
Fast Tim Timko: Who said that you were most like blue cheese? Your mother or your wife?
Lloyd: That's my favorite.
Fast Tim Timko: Nobody's interested in your personal life, Lloyd!
Dr. Maden: I used to drive a school bus. You know that? And how many school bus drivers do you think become doctors? None... Except the ones who do.