Casey Schuler: How many brain cells did I kill?
Sam Daniels: How many? About a billion.
Casey Schuler: Oh, now I'm only as smart as you.
Sam Daniels: What can we give him to kill his sense of humor?
Casey Schuler: I hate this bug.
Sam Daniels: Oh, come on, Casey. You have to admire its simplicity. It's one billionth our size and it's beating us.
Casey Schuler: So, what do you want to do, take it to dinner?
Sam Daniels: No.
Casey Schuler: What, then?
Sam Daniels: Kill it.
General Donald McClintock: With all due respect, Colonel Daniels, if you do not follow us to Travis Air Force Base, I will blow you out of the sky.
Sam Daniels: General, with all due respect, fuck you, sir.
Chief of Staff: Alright, alright, please. Please. The president's ETA from the East Asian Economic Summit is about 20 hours from now. He wants a recommendation by then from this group. Now, as I understand it, you want to firebomb the town of Cedar Creek, California, population 2,600, with something called a fuel air bomb, the most powerful non-nuclear weapon in our arsenal. The way it works: it explodes, sucks in all available oxygen to the core, vaporizes everything within a mile of ground zero, men, women, children, and one airborne virus. Destruction complete, case closed, crisis over.
[Takes a copy of the Constitution from his pocket]
Chief of Staff: This is the Constitution of the United States. I've read it cover to cover. I don't find anything in it about vaporizing 2,600 American citizens. But it does say, several times, that no person shall be deprived of life, liberty or property without due process. So, a couple of things before Clean Sweep is even considered. One: unanimous, unwavering support for the president on this. And I mean, public. You're going to stand there shoulder to shoulder with him. He goes down, you go down. And the second thing is, I want an army of experts citing hundreds and thousands of lab experiments telling any idiot with a camera that there was no other way! Got that? Hmm? No member of this government is going to go sneaking off to the Washington Post, telling them how they were the "sole voice of opposition". If there is a voice of opposition out there, I want him in here, now!
[Throws photos of virus victims on the table]
Chief of Staff: Those are the citizens of Cedar Creek. Go on, look at them. These are not statistics, ladies and gentlemen. They're flesh and blood! And I want you to burn those into your memories. Because those images should haunt us until the day we die.
Mrs. Pananides: I have a friend in the Coast Guard, all I have to do is call...
Sam Daniels: How close a friend?
Mrs. Pananides: Closer than his wife would like.
Sam Daniels: If you think I'm lying, drop the bomb. If you think I'm crazy, drop the bomb. But don't drop the bomb just because you're following orders!
Sam Daniels: Sir, what did I ever do to make your life miserable?
General Billy Ford: You got up this morning, didn't you?
Sam Daniels: You know Salt, fear gets a bad rap. I don't want anybody in my outfit that doesn't get scared.
Major Salt: Then I'm your man sir.
Sam Daniels: If one of them have it then ten of them will have it and if one of them leave Cedar Creek then we're in deep fucking shit... we're already in deep fucking shit!
[George isn't cooperating with Daniels]
Sam Daniels: George, you've heard about this virus?... Shall I cough on you, George?
Sam Daniels: Why don't you just for once take a chance?
Robby Keough: You know what, Sam, I did, I married you.
Sam Daniels: [after his ex-wife's just hung up on him] First we're fighting over the dogs now a virus. I can't believe this!
Sergeant Wolf: This could mean my stripes, sir.
Sam Daniels: It'll mean your ass if you don't get your finger on the phone. Finger it!
General Donald McClintock: You silly, sentimental son of a bitch. Nobody puts me under arrest. Nobody.
General Donald McClintock: [last lines as Col. Briggs bars his path with a sidearm] Colonel Briggs. What a wonderful moment this must be for you!
[Briggs grins as he leads him away]
Sam Daniels: We are fugitives of the law. Idiocy is our only option.
Casey Schuler: [to Daniels] Allow me, sir.
Casey Schuler: Major!
Major Salt: Yes... Major?
Casey Schuler: I hate them willies, they ought to call them the Sams don't you think?