Darius: Just think of AIDS as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: Hey! It's still our party.
[Father Dan has just tried to kiss Jeffrey]
Jeffrey: Wait! You're really a priest?
Father Dan: Of course.
Jeffrey: But... I mean, aren't you supposed to be straight and celibate?
Father Dan: Maybe you didn't hear me. I'm a CATHOLIC priest. Historically, that falls somewhere between chorus boy and florist.
Jeffrey: [voice over] I love sex. It's just one of the truly great ideas. I mean, just the fact that our bodies have this built-in capacity for joy, oh it makes me love God. Yes!
Jeffrey: But Darius is a dancer. He's in "Cats."
Sterling: Exactly. I said you needed a boyfriend, not a person.
Sterling: You know, Darius once said you were the saddest person he knew.
Jeffrey: Why did he say that?
Sterling: Because he was sick. He had a fatal disease. And he was a million times happier than you.
Jeffrey: I will find a substitute for sex. Sex Lite. Sex Helper. I Can't Believe It's Not Sex!
[Regarding his brush with Mother Theresa]
Jeffrey: She looked good.
Sterling: Please, she's had work done.
Darius: Who's Martha Stewart?
Sterling: She writes picture books about gracious living. Martha says that nothing else matters if you can do a nice dried floral arrangement. I worship her.
Darius: And, um, who's Ann Miller?
Sterling: Leave this house.
Sterling: [putting on a red shawl] Can I do this, or will I look like some sort of gay superhero?
Jeffrey: Dad, I am not going to have phone sex with you and mom!
Sterling: Two cappuccinos. Thank you, darling. Big kiss. The earring - fun... last year.
Skip Winkley: Who is your biggest sexual fantasy?
Barney's Waiter: [wipes the side of his mouth seductively] Den-ZEL Washington.
Jeffrey: The guy at the gym.
Sterling: Yoko Ono.
[everyone looks at Sterling with a suprised look]
Sterling: To see the apartment!
Darius: Yes, I am in CATS. Now and forever. The way I see it, I was too young for Chorus Line, and too "happy" for Les Mis. I never did get that show. It's about a guy, who steals a loaf of bread, and then suffers for the rest of his life. For toast! Get over it.
Darius: I love the Nutcracker. You know when I was a kid I was always afraid of the dancing mice. Now I'm a cat.
Sterling: His therapist is ecstatic.
Debra Moorhouse: It all goes back to mother, doesn't it? Did you love your mother?
Debra Moorhouse: Don't lie to me. I'll call her.
TV Reporter: So what happens after today's parade?
Sterling: Angelique is going to remove her penis!
Mrs. Marcangelo: It's coming *right* off!
Church Lady #1: How dare you give up sex when there are children in Europe who can't get a date?
Church Lady #2: There is only one real blasphemy - the refusal of joy! Of a corsage and a kiss!