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Jeffrey (1995) Poster

(1995)

Quotes

[Regarding his brush with Mother Theresa]

Jeffrey: She looked good.

Sterling: Please, she's had work done.

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Darius: Just think of AIDS as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: Hey! It's still our party.

Jeffrey: But Darius is a dancer. He's in "Cats."

Sterling: Exactly. I said you needed a boyfriend, not a person.

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Sterling: You know, Darius once said you were the saddest person he knew.

Jeffrey: Why did he say that?

Sterling: Because he was sick. He had a fatal disease. And he was a million times happier than you.

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Jeffrey: I will find a substitute for sex. Sex Lite. Sex Helper. I Can't Believe It's Not Sex!

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Acolyte: I can walk!

Jeffrey: You could always walk.

Acolyte: Shut up.

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Darius: Who's Martha Stewart?

Sterling: She writes picture books about gracious living. Martha says that nothing else matters if you can do a nice dried floral arrangement. I worship her.

Darius: And, um, who's Ann Miller?

Sterling: Leave this house.

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Sterling: [putting on a red shawl] Can I do this, or will I look like some sort of gay superhero?

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[Father Dan has just tried to kiss Jeffrey]

Jeffrey: Wait! You're really a priest?

Father Dan: Of course.

Jeffrey: But... I mean, aren't you supposed to be straight and celibate?

Father Dan: Maybe you didn't hear me. I'm a CATHOLIC priest. Historically, that falls somewhere between chorus boy and florist.

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Mom: Sweetheart, are you a top or a bottom?

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Dave: Hi, my name is Dave and I am sexually compulsive.

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Jeffrey: Dad, I am not going to have phone sex with you and mom!

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Sterling: Two cappuccinos. Thank you, darling. Big kiss. The earring - fun... last year.

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Barney's Waiter: BI-SEXUAL!

Sterling: Oh, me too...

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Skip Winkley: Who is your biggest sexual fantasy?

Barney's Waiter: [wipes the side of his mouth seductively] Den-ZEL Washington.

Jeffrey: The guy at the gym.

Sterling: Yoko Ono.

[everyone looks at Sterling with a suprised look]

Sterling: To see the apartment!

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Darius: Yes, I am in CATS. Now and forever. The way I see it, I was too young for Chorus Line, and too "happy" for Les Mis. I never did get that show. It's about a guy, who steals a loaf of bread, and then suffers for the rest of his life. For toast! Get over it.

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Darius: I love the Nutcracker. You know when I was a kid I was always afraid of the dancing mice. Now I'm a cat.

Sterling: His therapist is ecstatic.

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Debra Moorhouse: It all goes back to mother, doesn't it? Did you love your mother?

Acolyte: Yes.

Debra Moorhouse: Don't lie to me. I'll call her.

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TV Reporter: So what happens after today's parade?

Sterling: Angelique is going to remove her penis!

Mrs. Marcangelo: It's coming *right* off!

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Church Lady #1: How dare you give up sex when there are children in Europe who can't get a date?

Church Lady #2: There is only one real blasphemy - the refusal of joy! Of a corsage and a kiss!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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