Joanne:
You're calling me a freak?
Tommy:
No, I'm calling you a product of baboon lovin'. There's a distinction.
Tommy:
Well, that was absurd, let's eat dead bird!
Adele:
I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.
Claudia:
Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. You know that. That's what the day's supposed to be all about, right? Torture.
Claudia:
You don't know the first thing about me.
Joanne:
Likewise, I'm sure. If I just met you on the street... if you gave me your phone number... I'd throw it away.
Claudia:
Well, we don't have to like each other, Jo. We're family.
Leo:
Walter, when you say "cash is king," what's that mean?
Walter:
Cash is the fossil fuel that keeps our economic pistons pumping.
Tommy:
She flashed me Claud, she flashed me.
Claudia:
Welcome home!
Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
I'm just lettin' the guys have the day off, you know, so they can visit their families, since I'm all alone this year.
Tommy:
(to Leo) This is the saddest sack in the universe.
Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Yeah, I don't have anybody anymore, my brother and sister got canned and they left town, and then my parents went and died on me.
Claudia 'Clyde' Larson:
I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Yeah, well, you know - it was a car wreck, last summer, drunk driver, cut right across the, uh what was it, you know - meridian, pow - pow! Head on.
Claudia 'Clyde' Larson:
Didn't you have a girlfriend, or...
Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Yeah, she went and married my best buddy Ray.
Claudia 'Clyde' Larson:
You know, maybe next year will be better for you.
Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Hey, yeah - or worse.
Russell 'Sad Sack' Terziak:
Well, duty calls. Merry Christmas, if I don't ever see you again. You have a nice life, Claudia. (leaves. Claudia walks past Tommy and Leo, nearly in tears)
Tommy:
She'll bounce back. Trust me on this.
Adele:
Henry! A car full of Larsons almost died there!
Aunt Gladys:
How fast can you go Tommy?
Tommy:
Like the wind, honey.
Leo:
[
to Claudia, when he gets into the car with some difficulty, as he is trying to stuff a lamp in as well] It's mine; you can't have it. She gave it to me.
Henry Larson:
Joanne, look at your sister. Doesn't she look snazzy?
Joanne:
Spectacular. New diet?
Adele:
[
Answers the phone] Hello... who?... I never heard of him, consult your directory.
[
Hangs up]
Tommy:
Where ya been? We ate already.
Henry Larson:
Well, opinions are like assholes, honey. Everybody's got one and everybody thinks everybody else's stinks.
Leo:
Par, par, bogey, bogey, par, par.
Aunt Gladys:
My safety light's on again. Magic!
Henry Larson:
[
answering phone] Herro, Rarson Lesidence.
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