A Goofy Movie (1995)
Goofy: [Half awake] How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?
Max: Uh... three and a half?
Max: Now look where you got us, Dad!
Goofy: Where *I* got us?
Max: You should've let me stay at home!
Goofy: Why? So you'd end up in prison?
Max: Prison? What are you talking about?
Goofy: Your principal called me!
Max: It's not what you think, Dad!
Goofy: You even lied to me!
Max: I had to! You were ruining my life!
Goofy: I was only tryin' to take my boy fishin', okay?
Max: I'm not your little boy anymore, Dad! I've grown up! I've got my own life now!
Goofy: I know that! I just wanted to be part of it.
Goofy: You're my son, Max. No matter how big you get, you'll always be my son.
Goofy: Hey, Maxie. Let's play a game. You think of someone and I'll try to guess who it is. Man or woman?
Max: Aw, man.
Goofy: Man? Hmm... That's a toughy... let's see... Walt Disney!
Goofy: Boy, I'm good at this! Now I'll think of one.
Max: [singing] She looked right through me, and who can blame her? I need a new me, plus some positive proof that I'm not just a goof.
[Goofy enters Max's room]
Goofy: Mornin', son!
Max: [in his underwear] Dad!
Goofy: Whoops. I forgot.
[exits, knocks then re-enters]
Goofy: Mornin', son!
Max: [singing] Roxanne, please don't forget me. I will return someday. Though I might be in traction when I do!
Roxanne: Have a great time at the concert, Max. I'll see you on TV.
Max: [to himself] I'm in deep sludge.
Max: [referring to electronic equipment] Wow! All this is for us?
Bobby: Mmm... Slurpish.
Max: [taking the equipment] Oh, this is going to be so great, man!
Bobby: [taking it back] Dude, need fundage, bro.
Max: Oh, your fee. Yeah, right here.
[gives him a can of cheese whiz]
Bobby: [shouts] Cheddar! Aah-ooh! Cheddar whizzy!
Bobby: [hands Max his can of cheese whiz] Max, here. Guard this with your life, dude.
Max: [writing] Dear Roxanne, couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd drop you a line. My dad and I are having a great time. We're only days away from L.A., and I can hardly wait for the big concert!
Goofy: [in his sleep] More "Hi, Dad" soup, please?
Max: [writing] Dear Roxanne, sorry I lied, I'm not really going to the Powerline concert. You may never want to see me again...
Max: Oh, man! I'm dead no matter what I do!
Max: Hey, the car!
Goofy: What? Now you want to drive too?
Max: No, Dad! The car! Look!
Goofy: The car? What did you do now, Max?
Max: I didn't do anything, Dad! I only touched it!
Goofy: You locked it!
Max: *I* locked it? It's your door! *You* locked it!
Goofy: Well, *you* distracted me!
Max: My life's a living...
Lester: HELL-O, little buddy!
[Max turns his back and tries to ignore Lester, who comes around to Max's front]
Lester: Who's your favorite possum?
Max: Don't touch me!
Lester: Aw, why such a long face? You're so sad! Boo hoo hoo! I know! You need a big hug from Lester!
Max: Don't even think about IIIIIITTT...
[Lester gives Max a giant bear hug]
Lester: See? Now you feel all good inside!
Max: [Slaps Lester which turns his false head backwards] BEAT IT, doofus!
[the car is rolling down a hill]
Max: You should've put the brake on!
Goofy: Why didn't you just put it on yourself?
[Pulls brake lever, which breaks off]
Max: See? You ruin everything.
Goofy: Well, you ruined the vacation!
Max: *I* ruined it? I never wanted to go on this stupid VACATION!
Max: [at the top of his rage] Arrrgh! This is the *stupidest* vacation! You drag me from home, jam me into this dumb car, drive me a million miles away to see some stupid rat show!
Max: Call me when the trip's over.
Pete: Since we're all being palsy-walsy, how about letting me hook up the RV?
Pete: Oh, it's just a tiny little extension cord, you won't even notice it.
Goofy: Oh, okay.
Pete: Great. P.J.!
[P.J. comes hauling a huge extension cord]
Pete: Hey, Goof, why don't you order us a pizza? This could take a while.
[Goofy and Pete settle into a hot tub at a motel]
Pete: So, uh, you and your son seem to be getting along just hunky-dorey, huh?
Goofy: Yeah, it's been great. You know, it's funny, but none of your techniques worked for me. The harder I tried the worse it got. Once I eased up, things just clicked.
Pete: Oh, that's swell. So, uh, no problems then, huh?
Goofy: Not a one.
Pete: [sighs] I... I just hate to be the bearer of bad news, but, uh...
Goofy: What is it, Pete?
Pete: Your kid's dupin' ya.
Goofy: What do you mean?
Pete: Well, I heard the little mutant telling PJ that he changed the map so... you're headin' straight to L.A., pal.
Goofy: [shocked] What?
Pete: Oh, you tried, Goof. He's just a bad kid, that's all.
Goofy: I don't believe you.
Goofy: I don't believe you, Pete.
Pete: Well, hey, don't take my word for it. Check your map.
Goofy: I don't need to check the map. I trust my son.
[Goofy climbs out of the tub]
Goofy: You know, maybe Max isn't all the things that you think a son should be, but... he loves me.
Pete: [irritably] Hey, *my* son *respects* me.
Pete: [calling after him] Check the map, Goof!
Goofy: I saved the best for last. It's been handed down from Goof to Goof to Goof, and now, it's yours, son.
Max: A stick?
Goofy: No, silly. A fishing pole!
Max: Fishing? We're going fishing?
Goofy: Yup. Just like my dad and me did - two best buddies fishing on Lake Destiny *away from it all*!
Max: I don't want to be *away from it all*, Dad, I like *it all*.
Goofy: Look, Maxie. We're using the same map me and my dad used. We'll take the same route, make the same stops, see the same sights.
Max: But that trip will take weeks, Dad!
Goofy: Exactly! Getting there is half the fun!
Max: Put the map away, Dad. It's not gonna happen.
Goofy: Careful, son! You'll ruin my past... and our future. What the map says... we will follow.
Max: That's very mystical and everything, Dad, but there's seriously this party I have to...
Goofy: Oh, there will be plenty of time for parties when you're older, Maxie. Why, when I was your age, I've never even been invited to a party. Look at me, now!
Max: Great, Dad.
Pete: Taking a break from the MTV Generation, eh? I can't say I blame you.
[jumps into the spa]
Pete: People are always putting too much water in these things.
Goofy: You're doing the right thing, son.
Max: I know, but she'll probably never talk to me again.
Goofy: Well, if she doesn't, maybe she's just not the one for you.
Max: That's what I'm afraid of.
Goofy: Let's get you on stage!
Max: Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
[a pair of *very* attractive dancers walk past]
Max: Hmmm, then again...
Nerd: Yo, Stacey! Talk to, talk to me, talk to me, baby!
Max: But, Dad, I don't even know how to fish.
Goofy: That's never stopped me. I'm gonna show you a little secret that has been handed down for twelve or thirteen Goof generations: the Perfect Cast.
Max: The perfect what?
Goofy: The Perfect Cast. My dad taught it to me when I was your age, and now I pass it on to you. Watch carefully now. You gotta stay loose, relaxed. Keep your feet apart. Now, ten o'clock, two o'clock, quarter to three, tour jeté, twist, pas de deux, I'm a little teapot, then the windup... and let 'er fly! The Perfect Cast.
Max: Roxanne, I'd like you to meet my dad.
Goofy: [taking Roxanne's hand] Enchantée, mademoiselle.
[he kisses her hand]
Pete: If you keep 'em under your thumb, they'll never end up in the gutter.
Max: [singing] I've got less than an hour and when this is ended, I'll either be famous...
Principal Mazur: [singing] ... Or you'll be suspended!
Goofy: [singing] Do you need a break from modern living? Do you long to shed your weary load? If your nerves are raw and your brain is fried, just grab a friend and take a ride, together upon the open road.
Goofy: C'mon, Maxie!
Max: [singing] All in all, I'd rather have detention. All in all, I'd rather eat a toad. And the old man drives that's such a klutz that I'm about to hurl my guts directly upon the open road.
Goofy: Came to see if you had any dirty clothes.
Max: There they are. Help yourself.
Goofy: Max, I thought we talked about this.
Max: Sorry, Dad. I'll take care of it later.
Goofy: What's the big rush?
Max: I'm running late.
Goofy: I can drive you to school on my way to work.
Max: Oh, no thanks. I need the exercise.
Miss Maples: [dancing with Max] It's not my break, yet.
Bobby: Yeah! Dance with her! Groove with her!
Goofy: [singing] Me and Max relaxing like the old days...
Max: [singing] This is worse than dragon breath and acne.
Goofy: [singing] ... in a buddy-buddy kind of mode.
Max: [singing] I'm so mad, I think I'm may explode!
Goofy: [singing] When I see that highway, I could cry.
Max: [singing] You know, that's funny. So could I.
P.J.: Small wilderness, dude! Didn't expect to see you here!
Max: Apparently not.
P.J.: You're just jealous, man, cos you ain't got the moves!
Max: You can keep the moves, but I wouldn't mind having this R.V. You're so lucky.
P.J.: Me? Oh, come on, man! You're the star. Going to the Powerline concert? Oh, it's unbelievable!
Max: Who told you about that?
P.J.: Hey, come on! Everybody in town knows about it, Max! You are going to be famous, buddy... especially with Roxanne!
Max: There's only one person who doesn't know about it yet, Peej.
Max: My dad.
Max: Dad... listen, about my directions... will you listen to me? I gotta tell you something, Dad.
Goofy: Why bother? I'm probably too stupid to understand anyway, right?
Max: Forget it.
Goofy: Are you okay, Maxie?
[He slaps his face to wake him up]
Max: What did you say?
Goofy: That's right. A vacation, son! We'll spend some real quality time together.
[hugs him tight against his belly]
Max: [traumatically shocked] I think I'm gonna be sick.
Goofy: [talking to Principle Mazur on the phone] Hello.
Principal Mazur: Yes, Mr. Goof. This is Principal Mazur. I'm calling in regard to your son, Maximillian.
Goofy: Max? Oh, my gosh! Is he hurt?
Principal Mazur: No, Mr. Goof. He's in trouble!
Goofy: Trouble? What kind of trouble?
Principal Mazur: Dressed like a gang member...
Goofy: Gang member?
Principal Mazur: ...your son caused the entire student body to break into a riotous frenzy!
Goofy: Riot? It couldn't be my...
Principal Mazur: If I were you, Mr. Goof, I'd seriously re-evaluate the way you're raising your child before he ends up IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR!
Goofy: [getting traumatically shocked] The electric chair?
[sits and hangs up awestruck]
Goofy: What am I going to do?...
Max: It's only Powerline, Dad, the biggest rock star on the planet.
Goofy: Not bigger than Xavier Cugat, the mambo king. Everybody mambo!
Max: [singing] So your jokes are all, let's face it, prehistoric.
Goofy: [singing] And your music sounds like monkeys in a zoo.
Max: [singing] If you're having trouble guessing, here's a clue: though he seems intoxicated, he's just highly animated, and he's nobody else but...
Goofy: [singing] Like we're thrown in the drink...
Max: [singing] Like we're tossed out of town...
[Goofy kisses Max]
Max: [annoyed] Aw, Dad!
Goofy: [after Max slams the car door] All right, then. Guess I'll just have to go... all alone, that's all. Just sit in the boat... all alone. And talk to myself. All alone.
Max: I guess so.
Powerline: [singing] If we listen to each other's hearts we'll find we're never too far apart, and maybe love is the reason why, for the first time ever, we're seeing it eye to eye.
Max: Roxanne, I lied to you. I don't even know Powerline.
Goofy: Well, I think the only thing for us to do now is to get you up on stage with this Powerline feller.
Max: How are we gonna do that?
Goofy: Now, you just leave that up to me.
Max: No, Dad, really. I think we should just forget it.
Goofy: Now, how come you always think I'm gonna lead you into some sort of calamity?
Max: Uh, d-d-d-dad?
Goofy: What's wrong now?
[Max turns Goofy around; he sees that they are headed for a waterfall]
Goofy: Hyuk, a waterfall.
Goofy: A waterfall?
Goofy: Come on, Maxie, let's get this show on the road!
Max: Um, just a minute you... Party... Animal... You!
[having been distracted by Max's inability to decide which direction to go at a junction, Goofy gets mad. Max smiles nervously]
Max: How about a song, Dad?
[Goofy gets madder]
Max: A game? A game! Yeah, yeah, a game. Okay. Uh, man or woman?
[Goofy gets even madder]
Max: Man? Man! Okay. Uh, Walt Disney!
[Goofy and Max are trapped by Bigfoot in their car, and it is about Max's suppertime. They are waiting for his soup to warm up, and Goofy starts chuckling with his mouth closed]
Max: What's so funny?
Goofy: "Hi Dad" soup.
Goofy: Don't tell me you don't remember "Hi Dad" soup? Oh, come on. Sure you do. You used to spell things out using the letters. Like, uh, "Hi Dad", or "Maxie" ,or...
Goofy: Yeah, that's... Huh? Naaa, little words, like, uh...
Max: "Hasta la vista"?
Goofy: Like "bye-bye".
Max: Or "I pledge allegiance"-...
Goofy: A-hyuk, or "I love you."
[They suddenly get a shock of sadness, then turn to face at the windshield]
Max: [happy again] Is it, uh, is it soup yet?
Goofy: Oh, oh. I almost forgot.
[Punches holes on can with buck teeth]
Max: [brooding] Good-bye, hopes... Good-bye, dreams... Good-bye, Roxanne...
Max: Why are you doing this to me, Dad?
Goofy: 'Cause, I don't want you to end up in the electric chair.
Goofy: You really had him fooled, Pete!
Max: Me? You jumped out of your skin!
Goofy: Uh-uh! I was just pretending for your sake!
Max: Oh, right! Sure!
[Goofy and Max have stopped bickering about the car, the vacation and Max's life]
Max: [singing] There are times you drive me, shall we say, bananas, and your mind is missing, no offense, a screw.
Goofy: None taken.
Max: [singing] Still, whatever mess I land in, who is always understandin'? Nobody else but you.
Goofy: [singing] Oh, your moodiness is now and then bewildering, and your values may be, so to speak, askew.
Max: [spoken] Gesundheit.
Goofy: [spoken] Thanks.
Goofy: Who deserves a hero's trophy as we face each catastrophe? Nobody else but you.
Max: Is he gone yet?
Goofy: [Bigfoot does a "Punch and Judy" sock puppet show on the hood] Nope, still here.
Max: [sees Goofy loading the car] Goin' somewhere, Pop?
Max: Cool. Have a good time. If you're gonna be more than a month, drop me a line.
[Goofy pulls the cigarette lighter out of the dashboard to heat soup]
Goofy: It's nice to know this thing's good for somethin'.
Powerline: [Max lip-synching] I watch you watching every move that I make, you gotta believe that I got what it takes.
Max: [trips over a cord] AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Max: [lip syncing to Powerline] Some people settle for the typical things; spendin' all their lives swaying in the winds, it ain't a question of if, just a matter of time; before I move to the front of the line! I watch you watchin' every move that I make! You gotta believe that I got what it takes! To stand out! Above the crowd! Even if I've got to shout out loud! Till mine is the only face you see; I gotta stand out! Till you notice me!
[the first day of Goofy's road trip]
Goofy: [holding a video camera while driving] Day 1: Well, here we are, out on the open road, retracing the steps of my boyhood. And here's...
[he aims the camera toward a brooding Max]
Goofy: Maxie! Say, "Hi", Max!
[Max pays no attention]
Goofy: Well, how about a wave?
Max: [putting his hand in front of the camera lens] Not now, Dad.
Goofy: [laughing] What a kidder.
Max: [Max is about to perform in front of the whole school] I hope this works.
Goofy: [Bigfoot has parked himself on top of the car and fallen asleep] Well, we might as well get some shuteye. I don't think we're going anywhere tonight.
[Goofy curls up to sleep, and Max taps him on the shoulder and hands him the cup of alphabet soup in which he has spelled out "Hi Dad." Max falls asleep, and Goofy tries to hold back tears]
Goofy: Hi, Maxie.