James Bond: Are these pictures live?
M: Unlike the American government, we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN.
M: You don't like me, Bond. You don't like my methods. You think I'm an accountant, a bean counter more interested in my numbers than your instincts.
James Bond: The thought had occurred to me.
M: Good, because I think you're a sexist, misogynist dinosaur. A relic of the Cold War, whose boyish charms, though wasted on me, obviously appealed to that young woman I sent out to evaluate you.
James Bond: Point taken.
Alec Trevelyan: We're both orphans, James. But while your parents had the luxury of dying in a climbing accident, mine survived the British betrayal and Stalin's execution squads. My father couldn't let himself or my mother live with the shame. MI6 figured I was too young to remember. And in one of life's little ironies, the son went to work for the government whose betrayal caused the father to kill himself and his wife.
James Bond: Hence Janus. The two-faced Roman god come to life.
Alec Trevelyan: It wasn't God who gave me this face! It was you, setting the timers for three minutes instead of six.
James Bond: Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?
Alec Trevelyan: No. You were supposed to die for me.
Alec Trevelyan: And, by the way, I did think about asking you to join my little scheme but somehow I knew, 007's loyalty was always to the mission, never to his friend.
Alec Trevelyan: Closing time, James! Last call.
[Bond raises his gun to kill Alec but is tranquilized by a sniper]
Alec Trevelyan: [walks towards Bond and looks down on him] For England, James.
[Q has blown up a dummy with an explosive pen]
Q: Don't say it...
James Bond: The writing is on the wall.
Q: Along with the rest of him.
[Bond and Natalya are trying to escape from the train when Trevelyan talks to them on the loudspeaker]
Alec Trevelyan: Good luck with the floor James. I've set the timers for six minutes, the same six minutes you gave me. It was the least I could do for a "friend".
Natalya Simonova: What does he mean?
James Bond: We've got three minutes.
[Bond picks up a sandwich roll, studying it like a gadget]
Q: Don't touch that! It's my lunch!
Bill Tanner: Seems your hunch was right, 007. It's too bad the Evil Queen of Numbers wouldn't let you play it...
[M walks in]
M: You were saying?
Bill Tanner: No, no, I was just... just um...
M: Good. Because if I want sarcasm, Mr Tanner, I'll talk to my children, thank you very much.
James Bond: Who is the competition?
Jack Wade: Ah, an ex-KGB guy. Tough mother. Got a limp in his right leg. Name's Zukovsky.
James Bond: Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky?
Jack Wade: Yeah, you know him?
James Bond: I gave him the limp.
Dimitri Mishkin: Good morning, Mr. Bond. Sit. I'm Defense Minister Dimitri Mishkin. So, by what means shall we execute you, Commander Bond?
James Bond: What, no small-talk? No chit-chat? That's the trouble with the world today. No one takes the time to do a really sinister interrogation anymore. It's a lost art.
Dimitri Mishkin: Your sense of humour does not sway me, Commander, I'm sorry. Where is the GoldenEye?
James Bond: I assumed you had it.
Dimitri Mishkin: I have an English spy, a Severnaya programmer and a helicopter stolen...
James Bond: ...or at least that's what some traitor in your government wanted it to look like.
Dimitri Mishkin: Who was behind your attack on Severnaya?
James Bond: WHO HAD THE AUTHORIZATION CODES?
Dimitri Mishkin: RUSSIA MAY HAVE CHANGED BUT THE PENALTY FOR TERRORISM IS STILL DEATH!
James Bond: AND WHAT'S THE PENALTY FOR TREASON?
Natalya Simonova: Oh, stop it, both of you! Stop it! You're like boys with toys!
Alec Trevelyan: [hanging from his foot held by Bond's hands] For England, James?
James Bond: No. For me.
[lets Trevelyan go]
James Bond: Governments change... the lies stay the same.
Xenia Onatopp: You don't need the gun, Commander.
James Bond: Well, that depends on your definition of safe sex.
Alec Trevelyan: In 16 minutes and 43 sec - in 42 seconds, the United Kingdom will reenter the stone age.
James Bond: A worldwide financial meltdown. And all so mad little Alec can settle a score with the world, 50 years on.
Alec Trevelyan: Oh, please James, spare me the Freud. I might as well ask you for the vodka martinis that have silenced the screams of all the men you've killed... or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women, for all the dead ones you failed to protect.
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: He wants *me* to do him a favor! My knee aches every single day! Twice as bad when it is cold. Do you have any idea how long the winter lasts in this country? Tell him, Dmitri.
Bodyguard: Well, it depends...
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: SILENCE!
Anna: He wouldn't know a woman if one came up and sat on his head.
Q: A pen. This is a Class 4 grenade. Three clicks arms the four-second fuse, another three disarms it.
[Bond takes the pen, clicks three times]
James Bond: How long did you say the fuse was?
[Q takes the pen back and disarms it]
Q: Oh grow up, 007.
James Bond: They always said the pen was mightier than the sword.
Q: Thanks to me they were right!
[Q appears, wheelchair-bound with his leg in a cast]
James Bond: Morning Q. Sorry about the leg. Skiing?
[Q's leg "cast" fires a rocket across the room]
James Bond: [while talking about the incident at Savernaya] They're not just criminals Valentin, they're traitors.
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: Well, what do you expect from a Lienz Cossack?
James Bond: What?
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: This Janus, I've never met the man, but I know that he is a Lienz Cossack.
James Bond: Group that worked for the Nazis against the Russians. Second World War.
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: You know your history, Mr. Bond. At the end of the war, they surrendered to the British, thinking they would help in waging war against the Communists. But, the British betrayed them, sent them back to Stalin, who promptly had them all shot. Women, children, entire families.
James Bond: Not exactly our finest hour.
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: Still, ruthless people. They got what they deserved.
Alec Trevelyan: [grabs a machine gun that's on the ground but Bond puts his foot on it first] Why can't you just be a good boy and die?
James Bond: You first.
[looks at Xenia]
James Bond: You, second. UP!
Natalya Simonova: Do you destroy every vehicle you get into?
James Bond: Standard operating procedure. Boys with toys.
Caroline: James, is it really necessary to drive quite so fast?
James Bond: More often than you'd think.
General Ourumov: This is Colonel Ourumov. Come out with your hands above your head.
James Bond: How original.
James Bond: Alec?
Alec Trevelyan: Back from the dead. No longer just an anonymous star on the memorial wall at MI6. What's the matter, James? No glib remark? No pithy comeback?
Alec Trevelyan: [arms the Goldeneye to fire at London] God save the Queen.
Caroline: I enjoy a spirited ride as much as the next girl, but...
[a woman, Xenia Onatopp, pulls up alongside and smiles]
Caroline: Who's that?
James Bond: The next girl.
James Bond: Banco. It appears we share the same passions: three, anyway.
Xenia Onatopp: I count two: motoring and, uh, baccarat.
[James reveals a losing hand]
Xenia Onatopp: I hope the third is where your real talent lies.
James Bond: One rises to meet a challenge.
James Bond: Vodka martini - shaken, not stirred. And for you?
Xenia Onatopp: The same.
James Bond: How do you take it?
Xenia Onatopp: Straight up - with a twist.
Q: Right. Now pay attention 007. First, your new car. BMW Agile 54 with gears. All points radar. Self destruct system. And, naturally, all the usual refinements. Now, this I'm particularly proud of - behind the headlights, stinger missiles!
James Bond: Excellent, just the thing for unwinding after a rough day at the office.
Q: Need I remind you, 007, that you have a licence to kill, not to break the traffic laws.
Natalya Simonova: He was a friend, Trevelyan?
James Bond: Yes.
Natalya Simonova: Now he's your enemy and you will kill him. It is that simple?
James Bond: In a word, yes.
Natalya Simonova: Unless he kills you first?
James Bond: Natalya...
Natalya Simonova: You think I'm impressed? All of you with your guns, your killing, your death. For what? So you can be a hero? All the heroes I know are dead. How can you act like this? How can you be so cold?
James Bond: It's what keeps me alive.
Natalya Simonova: No. It's what keeps you alone.
Alec Trevelyan: So, what's the choice, James? Two targets - time enough for one shot: the girl or the mission?
James Bond: It's too easy.
Alec Trevelyan: Half of everything is luck, James.
James Bond: And the other half?
[alarms begin to go off]
Alec Trevelyan: Fate!
Xenia Onatopp: Thank you, Mister...
James Bond: The name's Bond. James Bond.
Xenia Onatopp: Xenia Sergeyevna Onatopp.
James Bond: Onatopp?
Xenia Onatopp: Onatopp.
Caroline: I know what you're doing.
James Bond: Really? What's that, dear?
Caroline: You are just trying to show off the size of your... your um...
James Bond: Engine?
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: [as Bond draws a gun to his head] Walther PPK, 7.65 millimeter. Only three men I know use such a gun. I believe I've killed two of them.
James Bond: Lucky me.
[a gun is pointed at the back of Bond's head]
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: I think not.
[Russian in toilet cubicle looks around his newspaper to see Bond hanging from the ceiling]
James Bond: Beg your pardon, forgot to knock.
Xenia Onatopp: [whistles] Shh. I have a small surprise from your friends back at the barracks.
Helicopter pilot: I think I've gone to heaven.
Xenia Onatopp: Not yet.
[She shoots him]
James Bond: Why?
Alec Trevelyan: Hilarious question, particularly from you. Did you ever ask why? Why we toppled all those dictators, undermined all those regimes, only to come home: "Well done, good job, but sorry, old boy, everything you risked your life and limb for has changed."
James Bond: It was the job we were chosen for.
Alec Trevelyan: Of course you'd say that, James Bond, her majesty's loyal terrier, defender of the so-called faith.
Xenia Onatopp: This time, Mr. Bond, the pleasure will be all mine.
Miss Moneypenny: M authorizes you to observe Miss Onatopp but stipulates no - contact without prior approval. End transmission, Moneypenny. Good night, James. I trust you'll stay - Onatopp of things.
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: So why did you not kill me?
James Bond: Call it professional courtesy.
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: [Drawing a gun] Then I should extend you the same courtesy.
Natalya Simonova: On the train, when you told him to kill me, and that I meant nothing to you, did you mean it?
James Bond: Yes. Basic rule: always call their bluff.
M: [to Bond] If you think for one moment I don't have the balls to send a man out to die, your instincts are dead wrong. I have no compunction about sending you to your death. But, I won't do it on a whim. Even with your cavalier attitude towards life.
Jack Wade: Come on, my car's over there.
James Bond: After you.
Jack Wade: Thank you.
[comes up after Jack Wade and traps him with the car door and draws his gun on him]
James Bond: Like you said, "Drop it".
Jack Wade: All right, in London April is a spring month, whereas in St. Petersburg we're freezing our butts off. Is that close enough for government work?
James Bond: No. Show me the rose.
Jack Wade: Please, no.
[Bonds shoves his gun into Wade]
Jack Wade: Alright, alright, alright.
[Wade unbuckles his pants and shows him his rose tattoo with the name "Muffy"]
James Bond: Muffy?
Jack Wade: Third wife.
James Bond: [as soldiers blow up a door] Shut the door Alec! There's a draft!
Miss Moneypenny: You know, this sort of behaviour could qualify as sexual harassment.
James Bond: Really. What's the penalty for that?
Miss Moneypenny: Someday, you'll have to make good on your innuendos.
[Ourumov's car has just entered a crowded marketplace]
General Ourumov: Use the bumper! That's what it's for!
James Bond: In London, April's a spring month.
Jack Wade: Oh yeah? And what are you, the weatherman? I mean, for crying out loud... another stiff-ass Brit, with your secret codes and your passwords. One of these days you guys are gonna learn just to drop it.
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: James Bond. Charming, sophisticated secret agent. "Shaken, but not disturbed."
[Zukovsky and his men laugh]
James Bond: I see you haven't lost your delicate sense of humour, Valentin.
[nods toward the stage]
James Bond: Or your need for an audience. Who's strangling the cat?
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: [looks towards the stage] Strangling a cat?
[Zukovsky looks over at Irina, who singing out of tune, then takes out his gun and shoots right between Bond's legs]
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: That is Irina, my mistress.
James Bond: Very talented girl. Tell her to go.
[Zukovsky looks to the stage]
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: Irina, take a hike!
James Bond: Hmm, never seen you after hours, Moneypenny... lovely.
Miss Moneypenny: Thank you, James.
James Bond: Out on some kind of fashion assignment, dressing to kill?
Miss Moneypenny: I know you'll find this crushing, 007, but I don't sit at home every night praying for some international incident so I can run down here all dressed up to impress James Bond. I was on a date, if you must know, with a gentlemen. We went to the theater together.
James Bond: Moneypenny, I'm devastated.
Natalya Simonova: What is it with you and moving vehicles?
Alec Trevelyan: You're late, 007.
James Bond: I had to stop in the bathroom.
Alec Trevelyan: Ready to save the world again?
James Bond: After you, 006.
Alec Trevelyan: James, for England.
James Bond: For England, Alec.
Caroline: James, I want you to stop this car!
James Bond: Really?
Caroline: Stop this car at once!
[Bond yanks the handbrake up and the car skids to a complete stop and moves in close to Caoline]
James Bond: As you can see, I have no problem with female authority.
[Opens a box of Bollinger Grand Annee Champagne 1988]
Caroline: James, you're incorrigible. What am I going to do with you?
James Bond: Well, let's toast to your evaluation, shall we?
James Bond: A very - thorough - evaluation.
Natalya Simonova: Who are you?
James Bond: I work for the British government. The more you tell me the more I can help you.
Jack Wade: Now, let me get this straight Jimmy - you shot him in the leg, you stole his car, you took his girl. And now you want Valentin Zukovsky to set you up with Janus?
James Bond: Yes
Jack Wade: Well what are you going to do, appeal to his heart?
James Bond: No, his wallet.
Jack Wade: Oh, that might work.
[Farrell struggles to breathe while he has sex with Xenia]
Admiral Chuck Farrell: Xenia, I can't breathe!
[gasps for air]
James Bond: [after leading her to Janus at gunpoint] Well, I've had a lovely evening, you?
Xenia Onatopp: Once again, Mr. Bond, the pleasure was all yours.
James Bond: You'll understand if I don't call.
Xenia Onatopp: I won't lose sleep over it.
James Bond: [Karate-chops her neck, knocking her unconscious] Sweet dreams.
James Bond: [Bond throws Onatopp off himself] No, no, no. No more foreplay. Take me to Janus.
Xenia Onatopp: BULIATCH!
Natalya Simonova: [Kissing in a field] I suppose there's someone watching.
James Bond: There's no-one within twenty-five miles, believe me.
Jack Wade: [Out of nowhere] Yo, Jimbo!
James Bond: Well, I must say, I've had a lovely evening. You?
Xenia Onatopp: Once again the pleasure was all yours.
[Natalya is trying to find Boris' location while Bond cuts a hole in the floor of the train]
Natalya Simonova: [referring to Boris' password] What else do you call your bottom?
James Bond: What?
Natalya Simonova: It's Boris' password, he plays word games. It's what I sit on but I don't take it with me.
James Bond: Chair.
Natalya Simonova: Like I said.
[Starts tracing Boris' location]
James Bond: [breaking a hole in the train with his foot] Thirty seconds!
Natalya Simonova: He's not in Russia, Germany, Paris, London, Madrid.
James Bond: Twenty-five seconds!
Natalya Simonova: New York, Toronto, Chicago, San Francisco.
James Bond: Twenty seconds!
Natalya Simonova: Mexico City, Rio, Miami.
[Bond breaks a hole in the floor of the train and grabs Natalya by the arm]
James Bond: Come on!
Natalya Simonova: Wait, he's in Cuba. Havana...
[the trace is terminated]
Natalya Simonova: ...No!
James Bond: Now!
[Bond and Natalya escape from the train with seconds to spare before the train explodes]
[Ourumov storms into the interrogation room where Bond and Natalya are being held]
General Ourumov: Defence minister, I must protest! This is my investigation! You're out of order!
[Mishkin speaks to Ourumov in Russian]
Dimitri Mishkin: From what I'm hearing it is you who is out of order!
General Ourumov: [picking up Bond's PPK] I've seen this gun before...
Dimitri Mishkin: Put it down!
General Ourumov: In the hand of our enemy!
Dimitri Mishkin: Put it down, General!
General Ourumov: Do you know even who the enemy is, Dimitri? DO YOU?
Dimitri Mishkin: [getting up from his chair] GUARD!
[firing Bond's PPK, Ourumov shoots the guard and Mishkin. Bond and Natalya fall to the floor]
General Ourumov: Defence Minister Dimitri Mishkin murdered by British agent James Bond...
[Ourumov throws Bond his empty PPK and takes out his own pistol]
General Ourumov: ...himself shot while he was trying to escape. GUARDS!
Alec Trevelyan: [to Natalia] Take a seat, my dear. You know, James and I shared everything. Absolutely everything... to the victor go the spoils.
Alec Trevelyan: Bond is alive?
General Ourumov: He escaped.
Alec Trevelyan: Good for Bond. Bad for you.
Valentin Dmitrovitch Zukovsky: So Mr. Bond, what is it that brings you to my neighborhood? Still working for MI6, or have you decided to join the 21st century? I hear the new M is a lady!
Q: Now, a typical leather belt... male, size 34 buckle, notch.
[Bond is playing with a computer]
Q: Are you finished?
[Bond closes the laptop]
James Bond: Yes.
Q: Good. A typical leather belt...
[Trevelyan and Ourumov are holding Natalya hostage on the train]
James Bond: Ourumov, what has this Cossack promised you? You knew, didn't you? He's a Lienz Cossack.
Alec Trevelyan: It's in the past.
James Bond: He'll betray you! Just like everyone else.
General Ourumov: Is this true?
Alec Trevelyan: What's true is that in 48 hours you and I will have more money than God. And Mr. Bond here will have a small memorial service with only Moneypenny and a few tearful restaurateurs in attendance.
Jack Wade: Maybe you two would like to finish debriefing each other at Guantanamo, hmm?
James Bond: You ready?
Natalya Simonova: I'm not going on a helicopter with you. No plane. No train. Nothing that moves.
James Bond: Darling, what could possibly go wrong, eh?
[after 006 kisses Natalya]
Alec Trevelyan: Lovely girl. Tastes like... like strawberries.
James Bond: I wouldn't know.
Alec Trevelyan: I would.
Jack Wade: Are you sure you want to do this? The last guy who dropped in uninvited went home air freight, in very small boxes.
James Bond: Make sure they send me home first class.
Natalya Simonova: This is not one of your games, Boris. Real people will die, you pathetic little worm!
Alec Trevelyan: She was in the mainframe. Check the computer.
Boris Grishenko: She's a moron. A second level programmer.
Boris Grishenko: She works on the guidance system. She doesn't even have access to the filing codes.
[Alarm starts buzzing]
Boris Grishenko: [shaking a malfunctioning computer monitor vigorously] Speak to me!
James Bond: What would I ever do without you?
Miss Moneypenny: As far as I can remember, James, you've never had me.
James Bond: Hope springs eternal.
Natalya Simonova: So, tell me. Are there any other standard operating procedures I should be aware of?
James Bond: A thousand. But I only pay them...
[Natalia and James kiss]
James Bond: ...lip service.
[Bond draws his gun]
Alec Trevelyan: Oh, please, James, put it away. It's insulting to think I haven't anticipated your every move.
James Bond: You break into the Bank of England via computer, and transfer the money electronically. Just minutes before you set off the GoldenEye, which erases any trace of the transactions. Ingenious.
Alec Trevelyan: Thank you, James.
James Bond: But still, it boils down to petty theft. In the end, you're just a bank robber. Nothing more than a common thief.
Boris Grishenko: Natalya! Shh, shh, it's me! It's Boris. It's Boris. It's Boris. Hello.
James Bond: What words do you live by?
Xenia Onatopp: The trick is to quit while you're still ahead.
James Bond: That's one trick I've never learned. Perhaps you'll show me how it's done.
James Bond: Your accent, Georgian?
Xenia Onatopp: Very good, Mr. Bond. You've been to Russia?
James Bond: Not recently. I used to drop in occasionally. Shoot in and out.
Natalya Simonova: Boris!
Boris Grishenko: What? I thought I'd post it on the internet, no?
Natalya Simonova: What's the password?
Boris Grishenko: I made it easy this time. Even you should be able to break it - borscht for brains. Alright. Alright. I'll give you a hint. They're right in front of you and can open very large doors.
Natalya Simonova: [Types in: Knockers] You're such a geek.
Boris Grishenko: The Americans are slugheads! They'll never detect me.
[Computer flashes: Unauthorized Access Detected]
Natalya Simonova: You were saying, slughead.
Boris Grishenko: Nobody screws with Boris Grishenko!
Boris Grishenko: Was it good for you too?
Natalya Simonova: I'm getting some coffee.
Boris Grishenko: I'm going for a cigarette.
Severnaya Duty Officer: General, if I'd known...
General Ourumov: You'd have been ready. This is an unscheduled test of the Severnaya facility, Major. War simulation. You're going to test fire GoldenEye. Report the status.
M: What else do we know about the Janus syndicate?
James Bond: Top flight arms dealers headquartered in St. Petersburg. First outfit to restock the Iraqis during the Gulf War. The head man's unreliably described. No photographs. The woman - Onatopp - is our only confirmed contact.
M: Would you care for a drink?
James Bond: Thank you. Your predecessor kept some cognac on the top...
M: I prefer bourbon. Ice?
James Bond: Yes.
M: I want you to find GoldenEye. Find who took it, what they plan to do with it, and stop it.
Jack Wade: Will you hand me that wrench, Jimmy?
James Bond: So, what do you know about Janus?
Jack Wade: Zilch!
Jack Wade: Rumor has it, he lives on one of those old Soviet missile trains. That armored stuff they used to run around the country so we couldn't target 'em. You want to hand me that hammer, Jimbo. No, the bigger one. The sledge. Anyways, to tell the truth, you don't find this guy, he finds you.
Alec Trevelyan: [From his private train, sees a tank blocking the railroad tracks ahead] Bond. Only Bond.
Xenia Onatopp: [excitedly] He's going to derail us.
Alec Trevelyan: Full speed! Full speed!
Alec Trevelyan: Situation analysis: hopeless. You have no backup. No escape route. And I - have the only bargaining chip.
James Bond: Where is she?
Alec Trevelyan: Ah, yes. Your fatal weakness.
[On a Walkie Talkie]
Alec Trevelyan: Ourumov, bring her in.
Natalya Simonova: Maybe I should take care of the transportation for our trip to Cuba.
James Bond: Our trip?
Natalya Simonova: Do you know how to disarm the weapon?
James Bond: I suppose that depends on what kind of weapon you're talking about disarming.
Boris Grishenko: [after hacking into an FBI database and blocking their trace scan] Better luck next time... Slugheads!
[Jack Wade borrows Bond's BMW]
James Bond: Don't push any of the buttons in that car.
Jack Wade: I'm just gonna go bombing around in it.
James Bond: Exactly.
[Xenia Onatopp approaches James Bond]
James Bond: That's close enough.
Xenia Onatopp: Not for what I have in mind.
James Bond: I like a woman who enjoys pulling rank.
Xenia Onatopp: Nice to meet you - Mr. Bond.
James Bond: The pleasure, I'm sure, was all mine.