Chili Palmer: Rough business, this movie business. I'm gonna have to go back to loan-sharking just to take a rest.
Limo Driver With Sign: Mr. Barbone? Welcome to L.A., I'm Bobby, your driver. I hope you had a pleasant flight.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Yeah well, I hope you drive better than you fucking spell, jack-off. My name is Barboni, not Barbone, okay!
Ray "Bones" Barboni: I'm from Miami-fuckin'-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?
Limo Driver With Sign: They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: That's what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin bullshit.
Bo Catlett: You broke into my house, and I have a witness to it.
Chili Palmer: What?
Bo Catlett: Only this time it ain't no John Wayne and Dean Martin shooting bad guys in "El Dorado."
Chili Palmer: That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne.
Bo Catlett: Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: [after punching Leo's wife Faye in the face] I want us to be friends, Faye. And we all know that friends don't hit each other... unless they have to.
Bo Catlett: Yayo! You gonna smoke, then you get the hell off my six-hundred-dollars-a-yard carpet. Now, I told you where the money is, all you have to do is go and get it.
Yayo Portillo: No! No, I tell you something. I go to the airport, man, I open that locker and they bust me? I tell them I come to get something for you! That's all I know.
Bo Catlett: That's all you know, huh?
Yayo Portillo: That's all I know.
Bo Catlett: Wait a minute here, Yayo, I'll be back directly.
Bo Catlett: Keep an eye on Yahoo for me.
[he leaves, Bear comes out to watch Yayo]
Yayo Portillo: That's the way you get things done.
[Bo comes back with a gun]
Yayo Portillo: What the fuck you gonna do with that?
Bo Catlett: I'm taking you out, Yahoo.
Chili Palmer: Look at me.
Chili Palmer: Now I've been shot at three times before. Twice on purpose and once by accident. And I'm still here. And I'm gonna be here for as long as I want to be.
Chili Palmer: Harry Zimm.
Harry Zimm: Jesus Christ!
Chili Palmer: How you doing? I'm Chili Palmer.
Harry Zimm: Jesus, if I have a heart attack, I hope you know what to do.
Karen Flores: I think you could be an actor.
Chili Palmer: Well, I could see myself in the parts that Robert De Niro plays. Or maybe even, an Al Pacino movie, you know, playing a real hard-on. But I couldn't see myself in those movies where three grown-up guys get left with a baby, and so they act like three grown-up assholes, acting all cute...
Karen Flores: Chili, Chili, look at me.
Chili Palmer: If you're gonna set somebody up, it's gotta be a surprise, you got that?
Bear: You spotted them, huh?
Chili Palmer: What, did you see that work in some movie you got beat up in?
Bo Catlett: I'd like to introduce my associate, The Bear. Movie stuntman, champion bodybuilder. Throws out things I don't want.
Bear: I think you ought to turn around and head back to Miami.
Chili Palmer: So you're a stuntman, huh?
Chili Palmer: You any good?
Bear: Am I any good?
[He turns to Bo, laughing. Chili grabs him by the balls, then throws him down the stairs]
Chili Palmer: That's not bad for a guy his size.
[after Chili beats up Bear]
Chili Palmer: Bear, look at me. You tell your boss I don't ever want to see him again. And that means he's got to be nowhere near me, Karen, or Harry. You understand?
Chili Palmer: Okay, get up. What are you hanging around that guy for, anyway? I mean, you were in the movies, right? You were a stuntman. What's he ever done that he can talk about? You okay?
Bear: Not too bad.
Chili Palmer: How about when you fell down the stairs?
Bear: Pulled my quadriceps.
Chili Palmer: So how many movies you been in, anyway?
Bear: About sixty.
Chili Palmer: No shit. What were some of them?
Bo Catlett: You see how he just went over the rail like that? Maybe I could get Chili Palmer up here, and you could fix my balcony to give way like they do in the movies. I invite him to take a look at my view, he leans over the rail, pitches off the balcony into the sweet by-and-by...
Bear: Cat, that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.
[after Bo's balcony rail gives way, pitching Bo over the side to the bottom of the canyon]
Chili Palmer: How do you think that happened?
[Bear holds up a handful of screws and nuts]
Bear: Beats the shit out of me.
Bo Catlett: You understand, I knew Harry was lying, saying this wasn't any good, but holding on it, man, you'd have to break his fingers to get it away from him.
Chili Palmer: That's funny, because I was just thinking what I'd have to break of yours to get it away from you.
Bo Catlett: Now I'm explaining to you what I'm doing here, in case you thought I came to rob the place, rip off any of this dusty old shit that the man has.
Chili Palmer: I wouldn't make you out to be a burglar, not in that outfit.
Bo Catlett: Harry called you his associate. What exactly does that mean? I mean, I never heard your name, or read it in Variety, or The Star, or anyplace.
Chili Palmer: It's what he said, I'm his associate.
Bo Catlett: You must bring something heavy to the deal.
Chili Palmer: I do: me.
Bo Catlett: It says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy?
Chili Palmer: That's right, we're getting Martin.
Bo Catlett: Come on, how you gonna do that?
Chili Palmer: I'm gonna take a gun, I'm gonna put it to his head, and say, "sign the fucking papers, Martin, or you're dead." That's it.
Bo Catlett: I wonder, would that work?
Chili Palmer: I can't believe the way you do business out here. I can't believe how fucked-up your organization is.
Bo Catlett: I tell you what. How about I count to three, and I organize your fucking brain all over the wall back there. How 'bout that?
Chili Palmer: Leo, sit down. I don't know how you got this far, you're so fucking dumb. But you're through now, and let me explain why. Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now, and when Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him. Now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I'm gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that's left over, I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.
Leo: Wait, you take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?
Chili Palmer: At eighteen percent. Now don't ask another fucking question, I'm leaving.
Bo Catlett: Mr. Escobar, maybe your nephew panicked and took off.
Mr. Escobar: Why are you talking to me this bullshit? I think maybe I have Ramon and Cesar staple your tongue to your chin! What do you think?
Bo Catlett: I think you speak very good English, Mr. Escobar.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Where's Chili Palmer, where's Leo DeVoe... *where's* my fuckin' money?
Ronnie Wingate: Excuse me bro', but who the fuck are you?
Chili Palmer: I'm the one tellin' you how it is...
Mr. Escobar: [speaking about Yayo] He's my sister's kid, no father, not too bright... personally, I think he's a retard. I only gave him the job as a favor to my sister, you understand.
Bo Catlett: [nervously] Yeah, family... I know how that is.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: [noticing Ronnie likes to flash his gun a lot] You must be one of those quick-draw artists, the way you've got your gun down on your belt like that.
Ronnie Wingate: Whatta you got there, a Wop 9? Fuckin' Fiat of guns, always jammin' on you at the wrong time.
[Bones nods, smiles and shoots him 4 times]
Chili Palmer: Harry, look at me. You're trying to tell me you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do.
Chili Palmer: You had a bad day, huh?
Karen Flores: I spent all day crawling out of a grave. The director said that I was incapable of reaching the emotional core of the character.
Chili Palmer: What? Well, obviously he didn't see you in "Bride of the Mutant."
Karen Flores: You saw that one?
Chili Palmer: When you turn to the alien mother, and you tell her that her time on earth is finished, Joan Crawford, on her best day, wishes that she had, in her day, the emotion and the intensity that you brought to that scene.
Karen Flores: I know I'm better than what I've been doing all these years, walking around in fuck-me pumps and a tank-top, waiting until it was time to scream.
Chili Palmer: Yeah, but what a scream.
Karen Flores: Oh yeah, it's a real talent. Look, all I'm saying is, what I wouldn't give for the chance to say one really great line. You know, like in that great Bette Davis movie where she says, "I'd kiss you... "
Chili Palmer: "But I just washed my hair."
Harry Zimm: The guy's been in town two days, and already he thinks he's David O. Fucking Selznick.
Bo Catlett: I'm gonna get up, soon as I'm gone, you get up and move over to this same seat I'm in. You feel something under your ass, that's a key to a locker where your half-million is, along with some product we're returning. Powder's been stepped on so many times it's baby food.
Leo: But you won't know where I am. I mean, I don't even know where I'll be!
Chili Palmer: I'll find you, Leo. You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar.
Martin: And I'm wondering: how did it all slip away?
Karen: Well, it didn't slip away, Martin. You did, when you went off to fuck Nicky at my birthday party.
Martin: Yeah, that was a good party.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: [sitting in a toilet reading a magazine, the phone rings] Fuck!
[continues sitting in the toilet, the phone rings again and he gets up]
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
[after kissing Harry]
Doris: Well, aren't you gonna offer me whatever it is you taste like?
Chili Palmer: How did you get in here?
Ray Bones: It was easy. I told 'em I was you, I acted real stupid and they believed me.
Karen: "I'll think about it" means nothing in L.A...
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Let me explain something to you. Momo is dead. Which means that everything he had now belongs to Jimmy Cap, including you. Which also means, that when I speak, I speak for Jimmy. E.g., from now on, you start showing me the proper fucking respect.
Chili Palmer: "E.g." means "for example". What I think you want to say is "I.e.".
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Bullshit! That's short for "ergo".
Chili Palmer: Ask your man.
Bodyguard: To the best of my knowledge, "e.g." means "for example".
Ray "Bones" Barboni: E.g., i.e., fuck you! The point is this: is that, When I say "jump", you say "OK", okay?
Karen Flores: Weren't you scared back there?
Chili Palmer: You bet.
Karen Flores: You don't act like it.
Chili Palmer: Well, I was scared then, but I'm not scared now. How long do you want me to be scared?
Bo Catlett: You think we watch any of your movies, Harry? I've seen better film on teeth.
Chili Palmer: I'm the guy who's telling you the way it is.
[Harry Zimm calls Ray Bones on the phone]
Harry Zimm: Ray Barboni?
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Who is this?
Harry Zimm: Are you the guy they called Ray Bones?
Ray "Bones" Barboni: It depends. Who is this?
Harry Zimm: I'm the one telling you the way it is, okay, asshole? That's who I am. Now you want your three hundred grand or don't you?
Ray "Bones" Barboni: What three hundred grand?
Harry Zimm: The three hundred grand a guy named Leo Devoe scammed off an airline. The three hundred grand Chili Palmer now has in his possession.
Harry Zimm: [after a brief pause] Hello. Are you there?
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Yeah, I'm here. I just don't like the anonymous crap. It means your either chickenshit or not for real.
Harry Zimm: Well, trust me, I'm very for real.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Okay, so who are you?
Harry Zimm: I work for Harry Zimm, all right?
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Who?
Harry Zimm: Harry Zimm. The man happens to be a major Hollywood player.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Never heard of him.
Harry Zimm: Maybe that's because you've never been out've fuckin' Miami, dipshit. Maybe it's time you got on a plane, flew out to L.A. and took a meeting with Mr. Zimm.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: So, what, this Zimm guy asking for some kinda finders fee, that what we're talking about here?
Harry Zimm: Hey, Zimm doesn't ask for dick. Zimm tells you the way it is... or else.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Or else what?
Harry Zimm: Or else use your fucking imagination!
Chili Palmer: That's Martin Weir! He's the one who played the mob guy-turned snitch in "Cyclone!"
Harry Zimm: One of his best parts.
Chili Palmer: No, his best part was when he played the crippled gay guy who climbed Mt. Whitney.
Harry Zimm: "Ride the Clouds." Good picture.
Tommy Carlo: It's fucking cold outside.
Chili Palmer: Hey, Karen, how you doing?
Karen Flores: What are you doing here?
Chili Palmer: Listen, I wanted to come by and apologize for breaking in the way I did last night.
Karen Flores: So, let me get this straight. You broke in again to apologize for breaking in before?
Chili Palmer: No, no. Your patio door was open. And you shouldn't do that because you got a lot of nice things in this house.
Karen Flores: Well, make sure you lock it on your way out.
Martin: [to Harry] I'm really glad you rejected me ten years ago when I auditioned for the part of Eddie Solomon, the pedophile clown in "Birthday Boy". If I'd have gotten that part, I might have been typecast.
Ray Bones: Fuck you, fuckball.
Chili Palmer: Martin, look at me.
Martin Weir: I'm looking at you
Chili Palmer: No, look at me the way I'm looking at you.
Ray Bones: They say the fucking smog is the fucking reason you have such beautiful fucking sunsets.
Chili Palmer: I'm not gonna say any more than I have to, if that.
Harry Zimm: I once asked this literary agent, uh, what kind of writing paid the best... he said, "Ransom notes."
Bo Catlett: What is the point of living in L.A. if you're not in the movie business?
Chili Palmer: What is that?
Rental Car Attendant: It's an Oldsmobile Silhouette.
Chili Palmer: I ordered a Cadillac.
Rental Car Attendant: Oh, well, you got the Cadillac of minivans.
Harry Zimm: I said I'd think about it. In this town, what does that mean? Nothing!
Chili Palmer: Well, that's the difference between you and me, Harry. I say what I mean. I want Martin Weir? I go out and get Martin Weir. I don't fuck around with this bullshit with the trainer's shrink.
Chili Palmer: I got an idea for a movie.
[to the driver, as he gets into a cab]
Ray "Bones" Barboni: The fuckin' airport.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: Chili Palmer. It's chilly outside and it's Chili inside. It's a regular fuckin' chili-fest!
Bo Catlett: Now, be looking. The man over to your right in the blue wool shirt?
[Yayo looks to his left]
Bo Catlett: The other way. Derecho! That's a federal officer, most likely DEA. He moves his leg, you look for the bulge. You savvy bulge?
Bo Catlett: Good, that's his backup piece.
[Yayo stares at the fed very hard]
Bo Catlett: Hey! Try and do it without looking at him, if you can.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: [after being shot by Chilli Palmer] Somebody call 9-fucking-1-1-1! Somebody call 9-fucking-1-1-1! Somebody call 9-fucking-1-1-1!
Harry Zimm: Wrap. It's a wrap. Come back tomorrow. Fuck!
Doris: Harry, what are you doing? You should have gone into overtime to get that shot. This is only the second day, and were already two weeks behind. And do me a favor, alright, Harry. Next time...
Doris: What can I tell you? I stopped by his office to see if he wanted to take me to Le Dome for dinner, when I see Harry and some other man lying on the floor.
[to the policemen]
Doris: Goodnight, Todd. Goodnight Lewis.
Chili Palmer: Oh, man. Oh, Jesus.
Karen Flores: Harry, my God.
Doris: [to Harry] Harry, my God.
Doris: He can't talk. He's full of Demorol.
Chili Palmer: What happened?
Doris: Well, according to Todd, Sergeant Randall, a man named Ronnie came by Harry's office to collect on a debt. He got rough and Harry shot him.
Doris: [on the phone] Hi, Karen, it's Doris. Listen doll, you might want to come by and visit Harry. He's in the Emergency Room.
Karen Flores: I think you could be an actor. I know you're acting sometimes but you don't show it.
Chili Palmer: You thought I was faking?
Karen Flores: Anyway, what about your story? You thought of a title yet?
Chili Palmer: How about "Get Shorty"?
Ray "Bones" Barboni: [to Harry] Don't you puke on my shoes Harry.
Harry Zimm: [as Doris is kissing him] Doris, I don't know how I feel about this.
Doris: [feels him up] You seem to feel fine about it.
Harry Zimm: I mean, morally, you know. Murray was a friend.
Doris: Murray's dead.
[begins kissing him again]
Harry Zimm: Does this mean that you're gonna reconsider our deal on "Mr. Lovejoy"?
Doris: No, but now that you mention it I did talk to a gorgeous young executive at Paramount the other day, who just happened to get his hands on the script.
Harry Zimm: What did he say?
Doris: He said that if Martin's interested, I can get half a million for it. Easy. Oh, don't worry, Harry. I'm still gonna give you 'till Friday.
Harry Zimm: How honorable of you.
Doris: Harry, you want me to go, just say so.
[opens the raincoat again]
Harry Zimm: [pulls her to him] Ahhh, what the fuck.
Doris: [looking at the room] My favorite color! Putty.
Harry Zimm: What do you want, Doris?
Doris: I miss Murray, Harry.
Harry Zimm: Yeah, I miss him, too. Hell of a good writer, you know. I should know, I discovered him. Made him what he was.
Doris: What he was, was a hack. He couldn't get a job writing for anybody but you. I'm being honest. He was a lousy writer, but he was a good husband. I just didn't know until it was too late.
Harry Zimm: Yeah, well, twenty/twenty hindsight and all that. You know what they say.
Doris: I hate being alone. The house is so quiet, so lonely. It needs a man's touch.
[opens her raincoat to show the lingerie she's wearing]
Harry Zimm: Nice necklace, Doris.
Harry Zimm: [there is a knock on the door] Who is it?
Harry Zimm: Oh, fuck!
Doris: [behind the door] I heard that.
Harry Zimm: [opens the door] Hello Doris.
Doris: Harry Zimm. You look like a wet kiss.
Nicky: [to Martin] Chili's a gangster, ran a club I used to play at for another gangster back in Miami.
Karen Flores: Yesterday you were a loan shark.
Chili Palmer: Yeah, but I was never into it and especially that bullshit about having respect. Forget about it, it's bad enough treating these guys like their your heroes, you know, smiling those stupid comments, they think are so funny.
Karen Flores: You think the movie business is any different?
Ray "Bones" Barboni: [to Fay] Have you spoken to Mr. Palmer since your husband blew up?
Karen Flores: [to Chilli] Harry's dreaming of a forty million dollar production he'll never get off the ground, with a star he'll never sign with or without my help.
Harry Zimm: He's got a major star interested and would I produce it?
Chili Palmer: Which star?
Harry Zimm: Two time Academy Award nominee Martin Weir.
Harry Zimm: [to Chili] A blockbuster but quality. No mutants or maniacs. This is gonna be my "Driving Miss Daisy".
Harry Zimm: I guess in your line of work, there's times you gotta get rough, huh? In case one of your customers don't pay.
Chili Palmer: They always pay.
Harry Zimm: You pack a gun?
Chili Palmer: Not really.
Fay Devoe: Oh, my Leo! My Leo!
Harry Zimm: Have we met? I don't recall.
Chili Palmer: We just did. I told you, my name is Chili Palmer.
Ray "Bones" Barboni: [to Jimmy] Jimmy, you gotta do something about this guy, and he's got no fucking respect for none of us.
Jimmy Cap: [Jabs a finger at Bones] No, he's got no respect for *YOU*!
Chili Palmer: [to the waiter] Well do you see a black leather jacket, fingertip length like the one Pacino wore in "Serpico"? 'Cause if you don't you owe me three hundred and seventy nine dollars.
Chili Palmer: [to Karen about Martin] You can't make a Martin Weir into a Mel Gibson. Where do you want to go? You want to go to Dan Tana's?
Chili Palmer: Let me help you. Go ahead. Suck on it.
Harvey Keitel: [to Martin] Fuck you, fuck ball!
Chili Palmer: Tommo? Chili.
Tommy Carlo: Where you been? I been calling all over for you. Ray Bones is looking for you. Where the hell are you?
Chili Palmer: I'm in L.A. now.
Tommy Carlo: What are you doing out there?
Chili Palmer: Going into the movie business. I'm thinking about producing.
Tommy Carlo: What the fuck do you know about making movies?
Chili Palmer: I don't think the producer has to know much.
Tommy Carlo: I think you're full of shit.
Chili Palmer: Hey, Bones, that's quite a scar you got on your head. Why don't you have these guys fit you for a rug, cover it up for you?
Ray "Bones" Barboni: [to the barbers] You two geezers take your game to the park.
[He goes into the back room]
Bodyguard: [menacing] This man is the man, you understand what I'm saying, motherfucker? He's *Mister* Bones. And you speak to Mister Bones from now on.
Chili Palmer: [quietly] Come on, you can do better than him, can't you?
Bodyguard: [lowers voice] Not these days. Not unless you speak Spanish.
Chili Palmer: Martin, look at me.
Martin: I'm looking at you.
Chili Palmer: No, I want you to look at me the way I'm looking at you. Put it in your eyes, 'You're mine, asshole,' without saying it.
Martin: Like this?
[heavy lidded eyes]
Chili Palmer: What you're telling me, you're tired? You wanna go to bed?
Martin: Wait. How about this?
Chili Palmer: Now you're squinting like you need glasses.
Martin: Well, what are you getting...
Chili Palmer: Look at me. What I'm thinking is, 'You're mine. I fuckin' own you.' But what I'm not doing is feeling anything about it one way or the other. You understand? You're not a person to me, you're a name in my collection book, a guy owes me money, that's all.
[Martin does the look once again]
Chili Palmer: Whoah.
Karen Flores: He's... he's good.
Chili Palmer: You nailed it.
Martin: [guttural] That's what I think of you, asshole. Nothing.
Chili Palmer: That's why you're Martin Weir.
Chili Palmer: Look, I didn't come down to sunny Florida to freeze my ass. You follow me? You get the coat back or you give me the three seventy-nine dollars my ex-wife paid for it at Alexander's.
Chili Palmer: You know, Welles didn't even want to do this movie. But he had some studio contract he couldn't get out of. Sometimes you do your best work when you got a gun to your head.