Smokey: I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do.
Craig Jones: We ain't got no sugar.
Smokey: No sugar? Damn. Y'all ain't never got two things that match. Either y'all got Kool-aid, no sugar. Peanut butter, no jelly. Ham, no burger. Daaamn.
Smokey: Weed is from the earth. God put this here for me and you. Take advantage man, take advantage.
Smokey: I got mind control over Deebo. He be like "shut the fuck up." I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.
Smokey: Remember it ,Write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck.
Smokey: Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You fuckin' up the rotation.
Smokey: Damn! Mrs. Parker finer than a motherfucker.
Mrs. Parker: Hi, boys.
Smokey: [quieter, but still audible] When you gonna let me *fuck* Mrs. Parker?
Mrs. Parker: What you say, honey?
Smokey: Huh? Nothing.
Old Lady: Are you prepared for Jehovah's return? 'Cause if you're not, we've got a pam...
[Craig slams the door in their faces]
Old Lady: Well fuck you. Half-dead motherfucker. Come on, sister.
Pastor Clever: [at Smokey] Excuse me brother, what we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins.
Smokey: Well round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen...
Craig Jones: Right...
Pastor Clever: Give me a little for my cataracts.
Smokey: You didn't put in on this man.
[Smokey taking a crap outside]
Smokey: You better not tell anybody man.
Ezal: Man, I'm not, man.
Smokey: Keep it on the down low.
Ezal: Alright brother. Damn.
[Looks around and yells]
Ezal: Hey, Smokey back here taking a shit!
Ezal: Well, I won't tell anybody else.
Smokey: Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Craig Jones: Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Smokey: Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too.
Smokey: [after Craig knocks out Deebo] You got knocked the fuck out, man! Give me my goddamn money...
[Smokey takes $200 from a knocked-out Deebo]
Smokey: Payback's a motherfucker, ain't it? Nigga!
Smokey: Pow! Pow, Pow, POW!
Red: [punches Deebo as he's getting up and takes chain back] My grandmama gave me this chain!
Ezal: [slowly walks to Deebo] Deebo? DEEBO! Man, you shoulda been bobbin' and weavin'! Look 'it at ya! GET UP! Since you ain't, maybe I'll take these shoes!
[struggling to take Deebo's shoe off]
Ezal: Big... foot... motherfucker, you can *have* ya knife! 'Cause I *STEAL*, I don't *KILL*.
Joi: [Mrs. Jones hand Craig phone] Hello?
Joi: Who the fuck you go to the show with last night?
Craig Jones: I didn't go to the show last night.
Joi: You ain't got to lie Craig, you ain't got to lie...
Craig Jones: Ain't nobody lyin, I didn't go to the show.
Joi: Yes you did. Cause my sister-in-law's baby cousin Tracy. She told me that she saw you at the show all hugged up wit some tramp. Now tell me who she was.
Craig Jones: Yo sister-in-law's baby cousin Tracy is a goddamn...
[Craig realzes his mom is still in the room]
Craig Jones: ... Yea, she a liar. She ain't see me in no show hugged up wit nobody.
Joi: Mmm-hmm well let me tell you what. You just tell the bitch, whoeva she is, when I catch her, Imma beat her ass!
Mr. Jones: Every time I come in the kitchen, you in the kitchen. In the goddamn refrigerator. Eatin' up all the food. All the chitlins... All the pigs' feet... All the collard greens... All the hog maws. I wanna eat them chitlins... I like pigs' feet.
Craig Jones: [points across the street to Mrs. Parker] Look, look, she's bendin' over!
Pastor Clever: Lord have mercy! God is my shepherd, and he knows what I want!
Pastor Clever: [running across the street] Excuse me, Mrs. Parker? Mrs. Parker!
Smokey: [on phone] What's up Big Perm?... I mean Big Worm.
Mrs. Jones: Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game.
Craig Jones: What do you know about game? I got ALL the game.
Mrs. Jones: Now your father... he has game.
Mr. Jones: [coming out of the bathroom] Don't nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open up a window.
Craig Jones: You call that game?
Ezal: Smokey, you know I ain't the smartest man in the world, but, from back here it look like you're takin a shit.
Smokey: [after breaking into Stanley's house] We got about two hundred dollars.
Deebo: *I* got about two hundred dollars.
Ezal: Aw, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. God. Oh, I'm hurt. Oh, my neck, my back, my neck and my back. Oh, I want $150,000, but we can settle out of court right now for twenty bucks.
Janitor: Man, get your punk ass up. It ain't even wet over here. Damn.
Red: [after having his necklace snatched by Deebo] Hey, man, why didn't y'all help me!
Smokey: [slouching in his chair] Man, I'm high.
Red: Man, that's fucked up. If it was y'all, I would've helped y'all.
Craig Jones: What about the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?
Red: [pause, thinks about it] Oh, that was different.
Craig Jones: Mom, loan me 200 dollars.
Mrs. Jones: Craig, I wouldn't feel comfortable lending you money without a job.
Craig Jones: If I had a job, I wouldn't need to borrow any money.
Mrs. Jones: Exactly.
Smokey: [sees Big Worm drives away] Florida Evans-looking motherfucker.
Smokey: Why don't you tell your daddy to comb his damn hair, look like some spiders is having a meetin' on his head.
Craig Jones: I ain't trying to be no dog-catcher!
Mr. Jones: Why not?
Craig Jones: I don't even like dogs!
Mr. Jones: That's the beauty of it! I grab a dog, and I choke him, and I kick the shit out of him! All day long, my foot up a dog's ass! Just bang-bang-bang up his ass! That's my pleasure.
Craig Jones: No, thanks.
Mr. Jones: Well, I'll tell you one thing: round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month, the rent is due. If you ain't got nothin' on the table, you ain't gotta worry about catchin' a dog - You gotta worry about a dog catchin' YOUR ass!
Craig Jones: For most people, Friday's just the day before the weekend. But after this Friday, the neighborhood'll never be the same.
Smokey: Why you not goin' to work?
Craig Jones: I got fired yesterday.
Smokey: No shit? I thought you had the day off yesterday.
Craig Jones: I did. I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes.
Smokey: The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?
Craig Jones: Hell, no, ain't got me on tape. But they said they did. Fired me on the spot. Talkin' about pressin' charges.
Smokey: Goddamn! You've got to be one stupid motherfucker to get fired on your day off.
Red: My pops told me to ask for my bike back... you know I wouldn't trip.
[Craig's father catches him with a handgun]
Mr. Jones: What's that for?
Craig Jones: Protection.
Mr. Jones: Protection from who?
Craig Jones: Me and Smoke... I've got to walk Smokey down to his house.
Mr. Jones: Aw, man. Your mother and I never would've moved to this neighborhood if we'd known you need a gun to walk down the damn street.
Craig Jones: You know how it is 'round here...
Mr. Jones: Oh, no, son. That's not the way it is. You kids have been nothin' but punks. Sissified. So quick to pick up a gun. Too scared to take an ass-whipping.
[holds up his fists]
Mr. Jones: This is what makes you a man. When I was growing up, this was all the protection we needed. You win some, you lose some, but you live. You live to fight another day. Now you think you're a man with that gun in your hand, don't you?
Craig Jones: I'm a man without it!
Mr. Jones: Put the gun down.
Mr. Jones: C'mon, put up your dukes.
[Craig raises his fists]
Mr. Jones: NOW you're a man. Your uncle picked up a gun, too. He found out the hard way. 22 years old. You've got a choice. This is all you need, alright?
Craig Jones: What I'm trippin on, is how you gonna sell bud, when you smoke it?
Smokey: I don't know. That's my only problem.
Craig Jones: Big Worm gonna fuck you up.
Smokey: Big Worm ain't gonna do a goddamn thing, man.
Craig Jones: All right...
Mr. Jones: [Mr. Jones snoring and talking in his sleep] Give me the two piece special. Lots of hotsauce and all the fries you can give me. Thank you, thank you.
Mr. Jones: Now when I went to bed last night. Didn't I tell you take out the trash?
Craig Jones: Yeah.
Mr. Jones: So, why didn't you do it?
Craig Jones: I fell asleep.
Mr. Jones: I wish you was sleeping right now, I knock you upside your head with a left hook make your ass wake up and take out that damn trash.
Craig Jones: [Craig goes to the trash can to dump out his cereal]
Mr. Jones: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?
Craig Jones: I'm throwing this away. We ain't even got no milk.
Mr. Jones: You better put some water on that damn shit!
Craig Jones: Alright, I'll eat it.
Mr. Jones: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Take the garbage out front son!
Craig Jones: I felt sorry for Smokey, 'cause peer pressure is a motherfucker.
Mr. Jones: [in toilet] Boy, bring your ass up in here. What you talkin' 'bout, you wait 'til I come out? I smelled your shit for 22 years, now you can smell mine for five minutes.
Craig Jones: Baby you got some money?
Joi: Some huh! Umm... Nigga how much you need?
Craig Jones: About $200.
Joi: mm... I guess... What you gon give me?
Felisha: , Craig
Craig Jones: What!
Felisha: Can I borrow y'all VCR? I need to dub a tape...
Craig Jones: Hell Naw
Felisha: Its "The Mack"!
Joi: Um... who the fuck is that bitch... fuck u mothafucka... u think u slick... gon come ova here and ask me for some money... well ask that bitch for some money
[scurrrrrrrrr goes the car]
Craig Jones: [Pushes Deebo] Deebo man you trippin!
Deebo: [Evil Look] Whatchu say little nigga
Craig Jones: Man thats a female!
Deebo: Shut the fuck up you little punk before I drop you like I did this bitch!
[Takes out long knife]
Craig Jones: I ain't even tryin to fight you Deebo.
Deebo: [Deebo presumes to give evil look then smiles] Ezal!
[Gives knife to Ezal]
Deebo: you ain't gonna fight me because your nothing but a BITCH TOO!
Craig Jones: [Craig pulls out gun]
Smokey: Man that fool just playin' man, I ain't trippin.
Craig Jones: That's yo problem. Aint' nobody playin' but you. You walk up and down the street all day playin'. He aint' playin' you think he playin' 'bout his money? He know where my momma stay know where you momma stay. He say he had a gun when you seen him right?
Craig Jones: Well name one person in the hood that play like that!
Smokey's mom: Smokey, get me some cigarettes.
Smokey: Well, give me some money.
[Smokey's mom gives Smokey a dollar]
Smokey: Wait, this isn't enough.
Smokey's mom: Make it enough.
Big Worm: Can't have shit I'm closed, Fat Boy.
Kid #1: Then give me my money back.
Big Worm: My money.
Kid #1: Mama.
Joann: Damn, Smoke, don't be banging on the door like you the damn po-lice.
Smokey: [tearing through Craig's open bedroom window curtain] Break yo' self Fool!
Craig Jones: Man, look what you did to my curtain. You better watch that window you climbing in fool 'fo you get blasted on.
Smokey: With what? You ain't got nothin' man.
Craig Jones: With this!
[pointing his Glock at Smokey]
Smokey: Man, Where you get that from?
Craig Jones: Yo Mama.
Smokey: Fuck you!
Craig Jones: Fuck you! He he he
Smokey: Come on outside man, and stop playing.
Craig Jones: Gotta get dressed.
Smokey: Hurry Up!
Craig Jones: Don't tell me to hurry up!
Smokey: [calling Big Worm on his phone] Hey um, did somebody... page Smokey?
Big Worm: [v.o. on phone] Don't play dumb nigger, you know who the is! You got my money?
Smokey: I ain't got it, but I'm gonna get it.
[Big Worm hangs up]
Craig Jones: What happened?
Smokey: Man he just hung up... I think we better stay in the house.
Hector: [while smoking with Smokey] Hey, hey, hey! Take it easy, holmes!
Smokey: I know what I'm doin', man! Shut the fuck up!
[Hector and his friend laugh at him]
Smokey: [on phone] Yeah, I got your money. And I don't appreciate you sendin' your punk ass, busta ass, Jheri curl wearin' ass friends come down here to shoot at me and my homie. They'd like to got dealt with.
Big Worm: First of all, don't be callin' here like you some straight up "G", 'cause I'll cut your balls off and hand 'em to you, partner. I had to warn you too many times about my money, Smokey. You see, it's the principle of the whole thing. There's principalities in this.
Smokey: Yeah, well... I got your money anyways. And you sell that shit yourself next time, 'cause I'm goin' to rehab. I'm through with this shit.
[hangs up, then lights a joint]
Smokey: [to the viewer] I was just bullshittin'! And you know this, man!
Craig Jones: You better get your ass off your shoulders and make that money.
Big Worm: Playing with my money is like playing with my emotions, Smokey.
Deebo: Come on Smoke, Stanley left his window open.
Smokey: I can't I'm on probation.
Deebo: Stop being a bitch and come on.
Big Worm: [as Craig halluncinates seeing Big Worm's head in the kitchen cabinet] You smoking my weed too? I gonna kill you and Smokey because you playin' with my emotions...
[as Craig slams his cabinet door shut]
Big Worm: You heard? Hey!
Smokey: [after smoking marijuana in the car with Hector and his friend, he finds himself running down the street in his white A-shirt and white briefs] The next thing I know, I was runnin' down the street in my damn drawers!
Mrs. Jones: [looks at Ms. Parker in a disgusted way and says to herself] Look at her... She know she ought to be ashamed of herself comin' out here lookin' like that.
[Yells and Waves]
Mrs. Jones: HEY GIRL!
Mrs. Parker: [Waves back] Hey, how you doin'?
Mrs. Jones: Fine I'm on my way to work.
Mrs. Parker: Call me when you get home...
Mrs. Jones: [fakely] OK...
Joann: Smokey, I need you to go to the store and get me some cigarettes
Smokey: Give me the money
Joann: [she hands smokey one dollar]
Smokey: Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait a minute, what's this? This ain't enough
Joann: Make it enough
Felisha: I need to borrow your car right quick.
Smokey: What kinda shit is that? Most people wanna borrow sugar. Or even ketchup. You wanna borrow my car? Hell naw! Get the hell on.
Felisha: Well, let me borrow a joint.
Smokey: You need to borrow a job. With yo' broke ass. Always trying to smoke up somebody's shit. Get the hell on, Felisha.
Felisha: I'ma remember that.
Smokey: Remember it. Write it down, take a picture, I don't give a fuck!
[realizes she can try her luck with Craig]
Craig Jones: [not bothering to look at her] Bye, Felisha.
Felisha: Damn. Y'all stingy.