Charlie: My whole life is passing before my eyes, and we don't even have children yet.
Kate: Spasm! Spasm! Oh, God, here it comes... lactose intolerance!
Kate: Do you speak English?
Concierge: Of course, Madam. This is the Georges V, not some backpacker's hovel.
Kate: Why weren't you the one, Charlie? The one who turned on this big shiny Kate-light that burns so bright?
Kate: Did you know that there are four hundred and fifty-two official government cheeses in this country? Don't you think that's incredible? To come up with four hundred and fifty-two ways of classifying what is basically a bacterial process?
Luc: You would prefer one cheese? One cheeseburger to put it on and one restaurant to eat it in?
Kate: I'm saying I *like* the cheese. God!
Luc: For me, bullshit is like breathing.
Luc: [in French] I love the sea. So beautiful, so mysterious... so full of fish.
Luc: And I am thinking, you should not be flying anywhere.
Kate: I shouldn't?
Luc: No, in fact, I am sure of it. I am thinking, I want you.
Kate: You want me?
Luc: That's all. I want you.
Kate: A healthy person is someone who expresses what they're feeling inside. Express, not repress.
Luc: In that case, you must be one of the healthiest people in the world.
Luc: [about Luc's brother, Antoine] One night, he got me very drunk. You must understand, I owed him a lot of money. But he knew what he was doing.
Kate: What was he doing?
Luc: I lost all of it. One hand of poker.
[starts to laugh]
Kate: You lost your birthright... in one hand of poker.
Luc: I'm an asshole, what can I tell you?
Kate: Uh-huh. So that's why he hates you and you hate him.
Luc: Oui... that and I slept with his wife.
Luc: You know, I am feeling some very strange emotions right now. Guilt, remorse, my self-esteem is rock bottom. I am trying to think, what can I possibly do to say I'm sorry?
Kate: Shut up! You haven't spent sixty seconds with me when you weren't after something, so what is it this time? Buy, sell, or trade?
Luc: Oui, it is so true. I used you... a lot. You helped me to get my vine and I left you with nothing. So now, I ask myself what I can possibly do to make it up to you.
[sees the police waiting for him]
Luc: And so now, I am here for you.
Luc: First, you must take some wine. Can you describe it, the taste?
Kate: It's a nice red wine.
Luc: I think you can do better.
Kate: A bold wine with a hint of sophistication and lacking in pretension.
Kate: Actually, I was just talking about myself.
Kate: [hopefully] Yes?
Luc: You are not afraid to fly any more? You are thinking of your little stone cottage?
Kate: It's on a hillside next to a beautiful vineyard. But that's not really what I'm thinking about.
Luc: What are you thinking about?
Kate: Of course you know him. All you bastards know each other.
Kate: So, who is this guy?
Luc: No, no, Bob. You know, like, uh, Bob Dylan?
Kate: Oh, Bob.
Luc: Oui, Bahb.
Luc: Meanwhile, his lover...
Kate: Don't ever use that word again.
Luc: All right, this bastard woman...
Kate: [about Charlie] We were happy. I've never been so happy.
Luc: When people tell me they are happy, my ass begins to twitch.
Kate: Do you believe in love? The kind that lasts forever?
Luc: I loved my mother.
Kate: No, everybody loves their mother. Even people who hate their mothers love their mothers. The question is, one man meant for one woman. That is the question.
Luc: But it is not an interesting question. It is the question of a little girl who believes in fairy tales.
Kate: Do you think you could urinate with someone standing behind you?
Con-man: I think I could manage it. Are you going to be the someone?
Kate: Those French. They hate us, they smoke, they have a whole relationship with dairy products I don't understand.
Charlie: I met this woman, this apparition, this goddesse.
Charlie: It's French - for goddess.
Kate: [singing] I hate Paris in the springtime/I hate Paris in the fall/I hate Paris in the summer when it sizzles/I hate Paris in the winter when it drizzles/I hate Paris, oh why oh why do I hate Paris?/Because my love is there... with his SLUT girlfriend.
Luc: [on Kate's fear of flying] I'm curious how you got around your whole life, or do you just stay in your house with the doors locked?
Kate: I get around as nature intended: in a car.
Charlie: What does he do?
Kate: Besides what we do together? I don't think he does anything at all... huh.
Kate: Happy - smile. Sad - frown. Use the corresponding face for the corresponding emotion.
Kate: Happy, smile. Sad, frown. Use the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion. But no. You want this mysterious...
Luc: Non. No no no. It is not me who wants it. I don't want it.
Kate: Well what do you want?
Luc: I want you... I want you...
Kate: You want me...
Luc: I want you... to... make Charlie suffer. To make him feel like even though you are right there in front of him, he can't have you.
[he realizes then that he is talking about himself]
Kate: Fester, fester, fester. Rot, rot, rot.
Kate: No matter what I might seem like tonight, it's still the same old me from yesterday you wind up with tomorrow.
Kate: You know what, Charlie? No matter what I might seem like tonight, it's still the same old me from yesterday you'll wind up with tomorrow. The same old me, who wants the home and the family, who wants to plant some roots and see them grow.
Charlie: You want to be a farmer?
Kate: There's just one thing I don't want anymore.
[Charlie nods, points at himself]
Kate: Sorry, Charlie.
Kate: [to Luc] You'll become one of those hunchbacked, lonely old men, sitting in the corner of a crowded cafe, mumbling to yourself, "My ass is twitching. You people make my ass twitch."
Kate: [to Luke] Donnez-moi un break, you can't make a vineyard out of one vine.
Luc: That's all? You have no strategy, no armor, no bullshit?
Luc: You were how old when you lost it?
Kate: It? What "it"?
Luc: You know, *it*. Your, uh, flower.
Kate: My flow... oh!
Kate: My flower is none of your business!
Luc: I ask you because some people, they rush towards that fateful moment, their bodies bursting to discover. Others, they guard it like some precious gift.
Kate: And you, I suppose, rushed.
Luc: Like a bull.
Kate: Yeah, I have a picture in my mind. It's very clear.
Luc: I like you. But I don't like the way you say with your face all scrunched up, "you're French, aren't you?" And then I don't like how you say, with your eyes all squinty, "all men are bastards."
[after meeting Kate]
Claire: I'm very impressed.
Luc: She's a friend, just a friend.
Claire: Since when are women just your friends?
Luc: Since I met her.
Kate: I don't know what they taught you in France, but rude and interesting are not the same things.
Kate: The key to French waiters: If you're nice to them, they treat you like shit. Treat them like shit, they love you.
Kate: You know, all men are bastards.
Luc: Well, not all. I mean, some are just trying to help.
Kate: You know, I never thought I'd be the kind of woman to say this, but it's true. All men are bastards.
Luc: The guy who was talking to you, he was...
Kate: A bastard. A Eurotrash-in-Armani kind of bastard.
Luc: He was wearing a black suit? With a yellow shirt?
[Luc groans, then pulls Kate up from the sofa]
Kate: You know him?
Luc: Come on.
Kate: Of course you know him. All you bastards know each other.
[Luc pulls Kate toward the hotel exit]
Kate: [to the conierge] Bastard!
Luc: [looking at a photo of Charlie] How did you meet?
Kate: At a party. I'd just come to Toronto on a teaching exchange. We started talking. I had this feeling about him, same for him. It wasn't exactly a thunderclap or a lightning bolt, it was more like a...
Luc: Light drizzle?
Kate: [rolls her eyes] You really, honestly never had that feeling about anybody in your whole entire life, honestly?
Luc: If I did, I would not admit it. His chin looks a little weak, if you ask me.
Kate: It doesn't, and I didn't, and why wouldn't you admit a feeling like that?
Luc: Why should I? Look where it has got you.
Kate: Maybe if you did, you wouldn't have that little problem we're not supposed to talk about.
Luc: It's not a problem, it's just a temporary...
Kate: Didn't your mother ever teach you about staring?
Kate: I mean the kind of love between one man and one woman.
Luc: It is not a very interesting question. It is a question of a little girl who still believes in fairy tales.
Luc: What do you think, the plane is going to crash and we are all on the ground in a thousand pieces dead? I promise you, if it happens, you won't feel a thing.
Kate: You're French, aren't you?
[an announcement is made in French]
Kate: What was that? That sounded important.
Luc: The pilot said there is a crack in the engine, but not to worry, he'll take off anyway.
Kate: Let me ask you something. If you know so much about men and women, how come there was no one waiting for you at the airport?
Luc: Oh, please! I'm finished with women.
Kate: Oh, so you're afraid of commitment.
Luc: I'm not afraid of anything.
Kate: You know what your problem is? You have no staying power.
Luc: What do you mean?
Kate: You can't stick it out.
Luc: [nervously] What are you talking about?
Kate: It's obvious.
Luc: It is?
Kate: You are afraid of commitment.
Luc: [relieved] Commitment! Oh, sorry. I thought you meant...
Kate: What? What did you think I meant?
[crooks her finger]
Kate: *This* problem.
Luc: It's not a problem!
Luc: Why are you chasing after him after what he's done to you?
Kate: Because I love him! And I'm afraid that if he doesn't come back that I'll... it'll hurt so much that I'll just shrivel up and I'll never be able to love anyone ever again.
Luc: You say that now, but... after a time, you would forget. First, you would forget his chin, and then his nose, and after a while, you would struggle to remember the exact color of his eyes, and one day you wake up and, pfft, he's gone: his voice, his smell, his face. He will have left you. And then you can begin again.
[Luc and Juliette fall onto the bed, making out. Suddenly Luc pauses]
Juliette: Is something wrong?
Luc: No, in fact everything is fine.
Kate: I had this feeling about him, same for him. It wasn't exactly a thunderclap, or a lightning-bolt, it was more like a...
Luc: Light drizzle?
Inspector Jean-Paul Cardon: I must come to Canada someday. You are a very sympathetic people.
Kate: Well, actually, I'm not really a Canadian. In fact, I'm... currently without country.
Concierge: Thank you, Madame, for that fascinating lesson in our cultural differences. I'm sure it would not betray my duty as concierge to inform you that your fiance and his "friend" are no longer our guests.
Kate: Well, whose guests would they be now?
[the Concierge hesitates. Kate raises her hand over the bell, and the Concierge snatches it off the desk, becoming all politeness and helpfulness]
Concierge: The Carleton Hotel will have that privilege when they arrive in Cannes this evening. If Madam wishes to catch the last train out of Paris, it will be departing from the station in one hour. I could arrange for a taxi very quickly, Madame.
Kate: [sweetly] Yes, thank you.
Kate: What about my suitcase, my clothes? Ask him about my vitamins.
Luc: [in French] Her clothes?
Bob: [in French] I gave them to Monique.
Luc: [in French] Monique?
Kate: What? What did he say?
Luc: He... he threw them away.
[Kate has just awakened from a faint]
Kate: Hey... you said you'd give me ride. You said... wait a minute, where are we?
Luc: In your hotel. Come, I take you to your room.
Kate: I don't have a room. Someone has taken my room... someone in four-inch heels and a red dress.
Luc: Okay, so I try to understand. He tells you he has met this women... no, no, this goddess. He breaks your heart, he...
Kate: Hurts me. Humbles me.
Luc: Humiliates you.
Kate: Humiliates me!
Luc: Okay, and then, so you come here to Paris so that he can do it again, but this time, right in your face.
Kate: And we had plans together, okay? We had plans for a home and a family. I would remind him of that, too.
Luc: He was obviously very attached to them.
Kate: And if all else failed...
Luc: You would get down on your knees and beg?
Kate: It's possible.
Luc: Oh ho! Now I can see it: There is the goddess, standing next to Charlie in her negligee, and you are there on your knees, begging. Poor Charlie - tough decision!
[looking at a photo of Charlie]
Luc: There is something in his eyes... vain. It is a word, no?
Kate: It is a word. He has beautiful eyes.
Luc: Oh, he knows it. You can see it in his smile... not even a smile, a smirk. It is a word?
Kate: Shut up. Is it a word?
Luc: Two words.
Kate: So you'd risk everything for this?
Kate: Do anything to have it?
Kate: Get down on your knees and beg?
Luc: [with feeling] Oui.
Kate: Then what makes you so different from me?
Kate: Hi there. C'est moi.
Concierge: [coolly] Welcome back, Madame, to the Georges V.
Kate: Huh... it's incredible how you do that. The words come out - "Welcome back" - but the meaning is completely different. What's the deal, is that a French thing or a concierge thing?
Concierge: As Madame wishes.
Kate: You did it again. Tell me something, because I just... I don't get it. Do you enjoy being that rude? Because when you do that, it just gets underneath my skin, and it makes me... completely... INSANE!
Kate: [describing her first sexual encounter] I didn't rush, you were right. But I didn't hide from it, either. I wanted everything to be perfect. I was 18. Jeff the Jock, my basement, Valentine's Day, "Jeopardy!" on in the background. It's a game show on TV.
Luc: Oui, "Le Jeopardie". We have it.
Kate: Jeff said it would last longer with the show on to distract him. Got all the answers wrong except for sports. By Double Jeopardy!, he was done; by Final Jeopardy!, he was on his way home.