Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995)
Zeus: Why you keep calling me Jésus? I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane: Guy back there called you Jésus.
Zeus: He didn't say Jésus. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.
John McClane: Zeus?
Zeus: Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?
John McClane: No, I don't have a problem with that.
Zeus Carver: Didn't I hear you say you didn't even like your brother?
Simon Gruber: There's a difference, you know, between not liking one's brother and not caring when some dumb Irish flatfoot drops him out of a window.
[about to call Simon with the answer to another riddle]
Zeus: No, wait, wait! It's a trick. It's a trick.
John McClane: What d'you mean?
Zeus: I forgot about the man.
John McClane: What man? Fuck the man! We got ten seconds here!
Zeus: He said, "how many were going to St. Ives," right? The riddle begins, "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!" The guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.
John McClane: What are they doing?
Zeus: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moor! How the hell should I know?
John McClane: I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me 'cause you're a racist!
Zeus Carver: What?
John McClane: You're a racist! You don't like me 'cause I'm white!
Zeus Carver: I don't like you because you're gonna get me *killed*!
John McClane: [hands Zeus a gun] Here take this.
Zeus: How's it work?
John McClane: You don't know how to shoot a gun?
Zeus: Look, all brothers don't know how to shoot guns, you racist motherfucker.
John McClane: Sue me.
John McClane: You know this guy Simon we're talking to?
John McClane: I threw his little brother off the thirty-second floor of Nakatomi Towers out in L.A. I guess he's a little pissed off about it.
Zeus: Wait a minute. You mean to tell me I'm in this shit 'cause some white cop threw some white asshole's brother off a roof?
Zeus: Now, where you goin'?
Raymond: To get educated.
Dexter: So we can go to college.
Zeus: And why is that important?
Dexter: To get es-pect.
Zeus: RE-spect. Now, who's the bad guys?
Dexter: Guys who sell drugs.
Raymond: Guys who have guns.
Zeus: And who's the good guys?
Dexter: We're the good guys.
Zeus: Who's gonna help you?
Zeus: *So who's gonna help you*?
Dexter: We're gonna help ourselves.
Zeus: And who do we not want to help us?
Zeus: That's right. Now get on outta here. Go to school.
Inspector Cobb: [to Simon] I can appreciate your feelings for McClane. But believe me, the jerk isn't worth it. He's stepped on so many toes in this department, by this time next month he's gonna be a security guard. His own wife wants nothing to do with him, and he's about two steps shy of becoming a full-blown alcoholic.
John McClane: [whispering] One step, *one* step.
[Zeus and McClane have just stolen a man's car on the highway]
Zeus: [to man] Hey! Who was the 21st President?
Man: Go fuck yourself!
[McClane and Zeus are arguing over how to solve the problem]
John McClane: I'll put my foot up your ass, you dumb, mother...
Zeus: Say it! Say it!
John McClane: What?
Zeus: You were gonna call me a nigger, weren't you?
John McClane: No I wasn't!
Zeus: Yes you were! What were you gonna call me?
John McClane: Asshole! How's that, asshole!
John McClane: [to terrorists in a tunnel] Hi, fellas. Mickey O'Brien, aqueduct security. Hey, listen, we got a report of a guy coming through here with, uh, eight reindeer.
[shoots the terrorists]
John McClane: Yeah, they said he was a jolly, old, fat guy with a snowy, white beard. Cute little red and white suit. I'm surprised you didn't see him.
John McClane: You know how to pick this lock?
Zeus: Is this some black-shit again?
John McClane: Hey will you stop that racial shit? Are you a fuckin' locksmith or not?
John McClane: Listen, you fail I cover your ass. I fail you cover my ass!
Zeus Carver: And if we both fail?
John McClane: Then we're both fucked!
Zeus Carver: No riddle is gonna stop this motherfucker?
Simon Gruber: No code, no riddle, no fancy little countdown.
John McClane: Good morning.
Zeus: You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I hate niggers" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.
Zeus: Hey! I'm talking to you! Now you've got about ten seconds before those guys see you, and when they do they will kill you, you understand? You are about to have a very bad day.
John McClane: Tell me about it.
Zeus: That's it!
John McClane: What?
Zeus: Hillary Clinton. The 42nd President.
John McClane: Nah, she'd be the 43rd President.
Zeus: Alright, alright. But who's the 21st President?
John McClane: I don't know.
Zeus: You don't know?
John McClane: No, I don't know! Do you know?
John McClane: Well?
[Zeus rushes into the Wall Street subway station and gets held at gunpoint by a transit cop who saw him jump the turnstiles]
Zeus: [slowly] I have to answer that phone.
Transit cop: Get 'em up!
Zeus: Look, if you have to shoot me, then you go ahead and you shoot me! But I have to answer this phone, all right?
Zeus: [picks up the receiver] I'm here.
Simon: [on the other line] And McClane?
Zeus: He's on his way. Uh, you know, he's a little slow. He's kinda outta shape.
Simon: The rules applied to both of you. I'm afraid this is noncompliance. Goodbye.
[Simon hangs up]
Zeus: Trust me guys. Duck.
[He immediately takes cover, knowing what will happen. As the train enters the station, McClane tries to smash the door on the last car of the train to throw the bomb out onto the track to minimize the amount of damage. As he does that, the wheels on the firts car hit a trip wire on the left rail that is connected to a remote detonator. It activates the bomb as McClane is throwing it out the window, causing the rear car to slide across the island platform, knocking down signs and columns]
Zeus: What the fuck are you doin'?
John McClane: Interrogatin' him.
Zeus: Well, what's he gonna tell you, "I'm dead"?
John McClane: Well, I ain't gonna know 'til I ask him, am I?
Simon: Said Simple Simon to the pieman going to the fair, "Give me your pies... or I'll cave your head in."
[McClane removes his shirt and pants]
John McClane: You know, you're the first woman since Holly to see me do this.
Connie Kowalski: I'm honored.
John McClane: Yeah, so was she.
[after dropping McClane off in Harlem with a sign that says "I hate niggers"]
Inspector Cobb: We'll be back to pick you up in fifteen minutes.
John McClane: Take your time. I expect to be dead in four.
[Referring to The Sign of the Cross]
Zeus: How do Catholics do their thing?
John McClane: North, South, West, East.
John McClane: [opens door of dump truck] You're a truck driver?
Jerry Parks: No I'm a beautician. Of course I'm a truck driver!
Zeus: That guy was pissed.
John McClane: He'll feel better when he looks in the back seat.
Zeus: Shit! That was *my* gold bar!
John McClane: [after realizing that all of the city's cops are busy searching schools for Simon's bomb] What is it that Wall Street doesn't have?
Zeus: What, is this shit catching? You're talking in riddles!
John McClane: No, man, stay with me, what is it that Wall Street doesn't have?
John McClane: Schools. And what is it they've got a shitload of?
Simon Gruber: [as McClane answers the pay phone] "Birds of a feather, flocked together, so do pigs & swine. As nice as their chance as well as I had mine."
John McClane: Nice. Rhymes.
Simon Gruber: Why was the phone busy, who were you calling?
John McClane: [Sarcastically] The psychic hotline.
Simon Gruber: I advise you to take this more seriously.
John McClane: Hey, this is public phone. What do you want me to say?
Simon Gruber: [Slightly annoyed] You can simply say that there was a fat woman on it and it took you a minute to get her off.
[Both McClane and Zeus give shocked faces]
Simon Gruber: Now, there's a significant amount of explosive in the trash receptacle next to you. Try to run, and it goes off now.
John McClane: We're not going to run, but I got a hundred people out here.
Simon Gruber: *That's* the point. Now, do I have your attention? "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with 7 wives, every wife had 7 sacks, every sack had 7 cats, every cat had 7 kittens, kittens, cats sacks and wives. How many were going to St. Ives? My number is...
John McClane: [Interrupting] Woah, whoa wait a minute I didn't get all that. Say it again.
Simon Gruber: Not a chance. My number is 555 and the answer. Call me in 30 seconds or die.
John McClane: Oh, shit.
Zeus: What? *What*?
John McClane: I left Holly hanging on hold.
Zeus: Ah, call her back.
John McClane: Uhh, she's gonna be pissed.
Zeus: She'll get over it.
John McClane: I don't know, Zeus. Like I said, she's a very stubborn woman.
Zeus: She'd have to be to stay married to you.
FBI Agent Andy Cross: [showing pictures] Do you recognize this guy?
John McClane: No.
FBI Agent Andy Cross: How 'bout this one?
John McClane: Mm-mm.
FBI Agent Andy Cross: How 'bout you?
[Zeus shakes head]
FBI Agent Andy Cross: Did you recognize the voice on the phone?
John McClane: No.
FBI Agent Andy Cross: Did you, uh, notice any cars following you?
John McClane: No.
Bill Jarvis, from Another Organization: Anybody following you at all? Any kind of surveillance, telephone, house, anything unusual at all?
John McClane: Well, now that you mention it, I have experienced a, you know, like a burning sensation between my toes. I thought it was just some athlete's foot or something.
Simon: [talking to police on speaker phone] Well, is the ebony Samaritan there, now?
Zeus: You got a problem with ebony?
Simon: No, no. My only problem is that I went to some trouble preparing that game for McClane. You interfered with a well-laid plan.
Zeus: Yeah, well, you can stick your well-laid plan up your well-laid ass.
Zeus: Don't fuckin' move.
Simon: [turns around] Oh, the Samaritan.
Zeus: Gimme the goddamn code.
[realizing what Zeus is talking about]
Simon: Oh, you mean for the school. I'm sorry, I can't do that.
Zeus: You call in that code right now. Or I'll blow your sick ass into the next world.
Simon: If that's what you gotta do.
[Zeus pulls the trigger on his gun and nothing happens, Simon takes the gun from Zeus]
Simon: You forgot to take the safety catch off.
[shoots Zeus in the leg]
Zeus: Oh, God!
Simon: See, that works. Now, where's McClane?
Zeus: Damn McClane, you know I was just starting to like you.
John McClane: Yeah, well don't, I'm an asshole.
Zeus: What are you talking about, now?
John McClane: I lied to you, Zeus.
Zeus: About what?
John McClane: You remember, I said Weiss found that bomb up in Harlem?
John McClane: They found it down in Chinatown.
Zeus: Oh. Oh, now that's low, even for a white motherfucker like you. That's low.
John McClane: I told you I was an asshole.
[trying to get to one of Simon's destinations on time]
Zeus: I told you the Park Drive is always jammed.
John McClane: I didn't say "Park Drive."
[McClane turns the cab and drives through the park]
John McClane: I said "through the park."
Zeus: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not going anywhere.
Inspector Cobb: Simon says you got to go.
Zeus: I'm not jumping through hoops for some psycho! That's a white man, with white problems. You deal with him. Call me when he crosses 110th Street.
Zeus: If I hadn't've saved your fuckin' ass, I wouldn't be sittin' here with you about to blow up with 100 billion dollars in fuckin' gold.
John McClane: Yeah, well, I got some bad news, you're only gonna blow up with me.
John McClane: No gold on this boat.
Zeus: How do you know that?
John McClane: Cuz I know the man, I know the family. The only thing better than blowing up 100 billion dollars worth of gold is making people think you did.
FBI Agent: The name Gruber mean anything to you, lieutenant?
[flashback to Hans Gruber falling from Nakatomi Towers]
John McClane: It rings a bell, yeah.
Simon: Simon says, McClane and the Samaritan will go to the subway station at 72nd and Broadway. I will call you in 15 minutes on the payphone outside the station. No Police. Failure to answer will constitute noncompliance. Do you understand me, John?
John McClane: Oh, yes, I understand. I understand that you're a fuckin' wacko who likes to play kids' games. That's what I understand.
John McClane: [imitating Simon] Hahdly? Well, then, who are you? Somebody I sent up? What'd you do? Shoplifting? Purse-snatching?
[pauses and puts hand over the receiver]
John McClane: Cross-dressing? What?
Simon: You c-c-c-couldn't catch me if I stole your ch-ch-chair with you in it!
John McClane: My ch-ch-ch-chair with me in it? That's very exciting. Let me ask you a question, bonehead. Why are you trying to k-k-k-k-kill me?
Simon: Is there a detective named McClane there?
Inspector Cobb: He's on suspension.
Simon: No, Walter, he's not. Not today.
Inspector Cobb: Who is this?
Simon: Call me Simon.
Inspector Cobb: What do you want?
Simon: I want to play a game.
Inspector Cobb: What kind of game?
Simon: "Simon Says". Simon's going to tell Lt. McClane what to do, and Lt. McClane is going to do it. Noncompliance will result in a penalty.
Inspector Cobb: What penalty?
Simon: Another big bang in a very public place.
Zeus: I told you 9th Avenue is the quickest way south.
John McClane: Stop all the goddamn yellin'! I know what I'm doing.
Zeus: Not even God knows what you're doing!
Charles Weiss: [coming in] A nut who knows a lot about bombs. We found this in a playground. Professional. Very cool stuff. You know...
[thuds the bomb on Cobb's desk]
Charles Weiss: Boom!
Inspector Cobb: You think you should slam it around like that, Charlie?
Charles Weiss: It's unmixed. You can't hurt it. This stuff is cutting edge. It's a binary liquid.
Inspector Cobb: A what?
Charles Weiss: Like epoxi. Two liquids.
[puts a dab of the clear liquid on Cobb's desk]
Charles Weiss: Now, either one by itself,
[hits it with his shoe]
Charles Weiss: you got nothing. But, mix them...
[swirls a paper clip in both liquids and throws it at a chair, the mixture explodes violently knocking the chair across the room]
Connie Kowalski: [yelling] Charlie, you're gonna be wearin' that chair up your ass!
Inspector Cobb: [yelling] Christ almighty, Charlie!
Charles Weiss: Like I said very cool stuff. Now, with a package like this, you get a warning. Now, the bomb has to arm itself. You'll see the red liquid pump into the clear before it detonates.
John McClane: How long before?
Charles Weiss: Ten seconds, two minutes, it could be anything. But, once it's mixed, be somewhere else.
John McClane: Why me? What does he got to do with me?
Inspector Cobb: I have no idea, he just said it had to be you.
John McClane: It's nice to be needed.
Zeus: Oh, boy... am I glad you talked me out of jumping.
John McClane: This thing got airbags?
Zeus: Your side does, I don't know about mi-
Ivan: [talking to Simon on the phone] He's here.
Simon: Perhaps you could be a little more specific.
Zeus: Excuse me, sir, but I'm expecting a call. I need that phone.
Businessman: Why don't you use the other phone?
Zeus: Sir, please. I need to use that phone.
Businessman: Hey, listen, bro, I was here first.
Zeus: Bro? Get away from the goddamn phone!
John McClane: She told me to stay on the line.
Simon: [laughs] Oh, God, I love this country!
John McClane: You know, your brother was an asshole.
Simon: [pauses] Ha!
John McClane: Yeah, he really was an asshole.
Simon: He was. He was an arsehole. You... you got his number.
John McClane: Yo, partner! Wait up.
Zeus: Hey, hey, hey, hey, I ain't your partner. I ain't your neighbor, your brother, or your friend. I'm your total stranger.
Simon: I'm a soldier, not a monster. Even though I sometimes work for monsters.
Dr. Schiller: They want you to know who's doing it to you. So this name Simon is probably not an alias. It's probably Simon or some variation.
Joe Lambert: [reading a rap sheet] Simon, Robert E. Busted in '86. Extortion. Kidnapping. 10 to 15. Did 7 years for good behavior. Released on a state work furlough two months ago.
Inspector Cobb: Check it.
John McClane: [Rick tosses something to John] Thanks, Rick. Bob Simon was a bankrupt businessman who kidnapped his partner's daughter. He's a fuck-up, not a psycho. The guy we're looking for is nuts.
[Simon is in one of the dumptrucks driving gold through the unfinished aqueduct]
Simon: [on a phone] Rear guard, you can close up now.
[pauses, not getting an answer]
Simon: We've reached the dam, you can come up now.
Simon: Nils? You can close in now. Nils?
John McClane: [on the guard's phone] Attention! Attention! Nils is dead! I repeat, Nils is dead, fuck-head. So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars, your boys down at the bank? They're gonna be a little late.
Simon: [on the phone] John... in the back of the truck you're driving, there's 13 billon dollars worth in gold bullion. I wonder would a deal be out of the question?
John McClane: [on the phone] Yeah, I got a deal for you. Crawl out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.
Simon: [on the phone] How colorful.
[McClane and Zeus break into a car]
John McClane: You know how to hot-wire this thing?
Zeus: Of course I can, I'm an electrician. Only problem is...
[Zeus starts the ignition with his pliers]
Zeus: it takes too fuckin' long.
Simon: Yesterday we were an army with no country, tomorrow, we have to decide which country we want to buy!
Ricky Walsh: Next, fourteen dumptrucks stolen from a yard in Staten Island. Fourteen! Jesus! Somebody starting a construction company?
Joe Lambert: No, it was John's landlady, gonna clean his apartment.
Joe Lambert: Bonwit Teller. Who the hell would wanna blow up a department store?
Connie Kowalski: Did ya ever seen a woman miss a shoe sale?
John McClane: I had no idea Canada could be this much fun.
Simon: [addressing his troops] And remember, this is all due to the g-g-g-g-g-g-gullibility of the New York Police Department!
Simon: [Simon, disguised as a City Engineer, surveying the damage caused by one of his bombs] Holy Toledo! Somebody had fun.
[McClane and Targo are fighting]
Mathias Targo: I see you all day, little man. Policeman.
[Targo kicks McClane, who is on the ground]
Mathias Targo: And you don't go away.
John McClane: Yeah, I'm that fucking Energizer bunny.
[Weiss is hardwiring the bomb in Chester A. Arthur Elementary School]
Charles Weiss: Six booby traps, four dead ends, "and a Partridge in a pear tree." Okay, honey. Let's dance.
Kid #1: It's Christmas. You could steal City Hall.
John McClane: Come on.
[Zeus and John take the kids' bikes]
Kid #1: My bike?
John McClane: Let's go. Come on.
Kid #1: That's my bike!
Zeus: Yeah, it's Christmas!
[Targo's beaten John up, he scrambles away]
Mathias Targo: Where are you going, now? You going to arrest me, bunny? Huh?
John McClane: [sees chain on ground] I don't think I'm gonna arrest-
John McClane: I'm gonna fuckin'-
[uses chain to knock Targo out]
Raymond: Yo, uncle!
Dexter: Come look at this!
Zeus: [looks at watch] It's ten after nine. Why aren't you in school?
Raymond: Tony wants to sell you this.
Zeus: Tony? That no-neck dude they call "Bad T"?
Dexter: He says he found it in a dumpster.
Zeus: He keeps stealing from people, they're gonna find him in a dumpster.
Raymond: No, he didn't steal it. He says his uncle gave it to him.
Zeus: Mm-hm? Hand me that newspaper over there.
[Raymond hands Zeus the paper, and he whaps his nephews' heads lightly]
Zeus: Don't *ever* let people use you. You're running all over town with stolen property; if you get caught, you get in trouble while he gets to deny the whole thing and walk away.
Dexter: Y-You mean, you want us to take it back to Tony?
Zeus: No, I'll take it back to Tony... with a message.
Gang Member: [in German] Nicht schiessen!
John McClane: [shoots him] What was that?
Mathias Targo: [kicks McClane] He said "Don't shoot!"
[about to jump onto a subway train]
John McClane: This is a bad idea.
Businessman in Taxi: 112 Wall Street.
Zeus Carver: No wait. This isn't a taxi.
Businessman in Taxi: Your lights are on. Look, I'll make this very simple. 112 Wall Street, or I'll have your medallion suspended. What you don't like white people?
Zeus Carver: 112 Wall Street? Got it.
Karl: [disgusted, upon seeing McClane's torn and bloodied clothing] Are you all right?
John McClane: Yeah, it's laundry day.
[McClane and Zeus are speeding through Central Park]
Zeus: Are you aiming for these people?
John McClane: No. Well, maybe that mime.
Simon Gruber: As I was going to St. Ives, / I met a man with seven wives. / Every wife had seven sacks, / Every sack had seven cats, / Every cat had seven kittens. / Kittens, cats, sacks, wives, / How many were going to St. Ives?
Zeus: So what's up with this L.A. thing? You famous or something?
John McClane: Yeah, for about five minutes.
Zeus: Don't tell me. Rodney King, right?
John McClane: Fuck you.
Helicopter Pilot: Hang on, we're going down.
John McClane: Do you see those high-tension wires?
Zeus: Hey, McClane, what the fuck!
Simon: Money is shit to me. I would not give up McClane for all the gold in your Fort Knox.
Simon: Where are my pigeons now?
Inspector Cobb: Pigeons?
Simon: I had two pigeons, bright and gay, fly from me the other day. Why was it they did go? You cannot tell, you do not know.
Inspector Cobb: You mean McClane?
Simon: No, I mean Santa Claus.
Dr. Schiller: Yes, I was saying that we're dealing with a megalomaniacal personality with possible paranoid schizo...
John McClane: Hey, hey! How 'bout we just skip down to the part where you tell me what the fuck this has to do with me, huh?
Zeus: Dial 911. Tell the police to get up here quick. Somebody's about to get killed. And get your butts to school, you hear me?
Raymond: [casually] Yeah.
Mischa: [the second guard tries to reach the front desk but instead reaches Simon's henchman who has replaced the real guard] Front desk.
Federal Reserve Guard #2: Yes, call the police, get your ass down here right now! I'm under attack!
Mischa: Hey, just relax mate, maybe you'll live through this.
[Not believing this, the guard promptly grabs a shotgun and fires relentlessly at the door. He doesn't see Katya creep up behind him with a knife. She slashes through his neck twice, then stabs him in the chest, causing him to double over. As he doubles over, she stabs him in the back, at which point Simon grabs her, twists her hand and pins her against the wall, restraining her. He glowers disapprovingly at her]
Simon Gruber: I think he's dead, my dear.
John McClane: [to Zeus] This guy doesn't care about skin color. Even if you do.
Zeus: [helicopter being shot at by Simon] Oh, shit!
Helicopter Pilot: Oh, shit!
John McClane: What do you mean, "Oh, shit"?
[Simon and Targo have just learned that McClane killed two of their henchmen at the aqueduct]
Mathias Targo: I told you not to toy with him!
Simon: Thank you, that's very helpful.
Simon: [Simon has just broken into the Federal Reserve] One hundred and forty billion dollars! Ten times what's in Kentucky. Fort Knox? Ha! It's for tourists.
Principal Martinez: Hi kids. I know you usually have assembly on Fridays, but today's special. Mr. Lambert here is from the fire department and today he wants us to practice a brand new fire drill. So, I want you to divide in half, and I want half of you to go over here - teachers will help them - and line up against the wall. The other half will go in this direction. Please do it very quietly and very quickly, alright? Everybody up please. Teachers, please help them.
Raymond: Fire drill, my ass. That guy ain't from the fire department.
Dexter: Maybe it's cuz of the radio.
Raymond: You mean, like, they're after us? Nah.
Dexter: Tony squealed on us!
Raymond: No he didn't.
John McClane: [Zeus has picked up a stray gold ingot and attempts to carry it out with him] Put that shit down.
Zeus: No fuckin' way.
John McClane: They ain't gonna let you keep it.
Zeus: Yeah, yeah, we'll see.