Memorable quotes for
Die Hard: With a Vengeance (1995)

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Simon: As I was going to St. Ives, / I met a man with seven wives. / Every wife had seven sacks, / Every sack had seven cats, / Every cat had seven kittens. / Kittens, cats, sacks, wives, / How many were going to St. Ives?

---

John McClane: Look, I fail you cover my ass. You fail I cover your ass!
Zeus: And if we both fail?
John McClane: Then we're both fucked!

---

John McClane: I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me because you're a racist!
Zeus: What?
John McClane: You're a racist! You don't like me because I'm white!
Zeus: I don't like you because you're going to get me *killed*!

---

Zeus: Didn't I hear you say you didn't even like your brother?
Simon: There's a difference between not liking one's brother and not caring when some dumb Irish flatfoot drops him out of a window.

---

Zeus: Ain't no riddle gonna solve this motherfucker?
Simon: No riddle, no code, no fancy little countdown.

---

Zeus: So what's up with that L.A. thing? You famous or something?
John McClane: Yeah, for about five minutes.
Zeus: Don't tell me. Rodney King, right?
John McClane: Fuck you.

---

[McClane hands Zeus a gun]
John McClane: You know how to fire one of these?
Zeus: No.
John McClane: No?
Zeus: Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist motherfucker.

---

[McClane and Zeus are speeding through Central Park]
Zeus: Are you aiming for these people?
John McClane: No.
[pauses]
John McClane: Well, maybe that mime.

---

FBI agent: Have you been followed at all during the last few days? Any suspicious phone calls? Any kind of surveillance at all? Anything?
John McClane: Well, now that you mention it, I have, sort of, been feeling this burning sensation between my toes.

---

Simon: [talking to police on speaker phone] Well, is the ebony samaritan there?
Zeus: You got a problem with ebony?
Simon: No, no. My only problem is that I went to some trouble preparing that game for McClane. You interfered with a well-laid plan.
Zeus: Well, you can stick your well-laid plan up your well-laid ass.

---

Zeus: Now, where you goin'?
Dexter: School.
Zeus: Why?
Raymond: To get educated.
Zeus: *Why*?
Dexter: So we can go to college.
Zeus: And why is that important?
Dexter: To get es-pect.
Zeus: RE-spect. Now, who's the bad guys?
Dexter: Guys who sell drugs.
Raymond: Guys who have guns.
Zeus: And who's the good guys?
Dexter: We're the good guys.
Zeus: Who's gonna help you?
Raymond: Nobody.
Zeus: *So who's gonna help you*?
Dexter: We're gonna help ourselves.
Zeus: And who do we not want to help us?
Dexter, Raymond: White people.
Zeus: That's right. Now get on outta here. Go to school.

---

[John drives a taxicab through Central Park]
Zeus: McClane. McClane!
John McClane: What?
[jumps the taxi over a hill towards Central Park South]
Zeus: [shouts] McClane!

---

Simon: Is there a lieutenant named McClane there?
Inspector Cobb: He's on suspension.
Simon: No, Walter, he's not. Not today.
Inspector Cobb: Who is this?
Simon: Call me Simon. I want to play a game.
Inspector Cobb: What kind of game?
Simon: "Simon Says". Simon is going to tell Lt. McClane what to do, and Lt. McClane is going to do it. Noncompliance will result in a penalty.
Inspector Cobb: What kind of penalty?
Simon: Another big bang in a very public place.

---

Zeus: Don’t fucking move.
Simon: [turns around] Oh, the samaritan.
Zeus: Gimme the goddamn code.
Simon: Code?
[realizing what Zeus is talking about]
Simon: Oh, you mean for the school. Sorry, I can't do that.
Zeus: You call in that code right now. Or I'll blow your sick ass into the next world.
Simon: If it's that's what you're gonna do.
[Zeus pulls the trigger on his gun and nothing happens, Simon takes the gun from Zeus]
Simon: You forgot to take the safety catch off.
[shoots Zeus in the leg]
Simon: Now, where's McClane?

---

Charles Weiss: [coming in] A nut who knows a lot about bombs. We found this in a playground. Professional. Very cool stuff.
[places the bomb on Cobb's desk]
Inspector Cobb: You shouldn't throw it around like that.
Charles Weiss: Do'nt worry. It's unmixed. You can't hurt it. This stuff is cutting edge. A binary liquid.
Inspector Cobb: What?
Charles Weiss: Like epoxi. It's 2 liquids.
[puts a dab of the clear liquid on Cobb's desk]
Charles Weiss: Now, either one by itself,
[takes his shoe off and slams it onto the desk]
Charles Weiss: you get nothing. But, mix them,
[takes a paper clip and tkes a dab of red liquid and mixes it with the clear and throws the paper clip which vaporizes from the 2 liquids]
Charles Weiss: Like I said really cool stuff. Now, with this package, you get a warning, the bomb has to arm itself. You can see the red pump into the clear before it detonates.

---

John McClane: How long before?
Charles Weiss: 10 seconds, 2 minutes, it could be anything. But, once it's mixed, be somewhere else.

---

Zeus: [Seeing McClane with his sign] Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I hate Niggers" has some serious personal issues, or not all of his dogs are barking.

---

Zeus: [John drives a taxicab through Central Park] McClane. McClane!
John McClane: What?
Zeus: [jumps a hill towards Central Park South]
[shouts]
Zeus: McClane!

---

Zeus: What the hell does this all have to do with killing McClane?
Simon: Life has its little bonuses.

---

Helicopter Pilot: Hang on, we're going down.
John McClane: Do you see those high-tension wires?
Zeus: Hey, McClane, what the fuck!

---

John McClane: Why me? What he's got to do with me?
Inspector Cobb: I have no idea, he just said it had to be you.
John McClane: It's nice to be needed.

---

Zeus: Oh, boy... am I glad you talked me out of jumping.

---

John McClane: Does this shit have airbags?
Zeus: Your side does, I don't know about mine...
Zeus: [shouts] McClane!

---

Zeus: Who was the 21st President?
John McClane: I don't know.
Zeus: You don't know?
John McClane: No, I don't know! Do you know?
Zeus: No!

---

John McClane: Listen to me. Hang the fuck on, all right?

---

Ivan: [talking to Simon on the phone] He's here.
Simon: Perhaps you could be a little more specific.

---

Zeus: Excuse me, I need to use that phone.
Businessman: Use the other one.
Zeus: Sir, please. I need to use that phone.
Businessman: Hey, listen, bro, I was here first.
Zeus: Bro? Get away from the goddamn phone!

---

[pay phone rings]
Zeus: I have to answer... that phone.
Transit cop: Get 'em up!
Zeus: Look, if you have to shoot me, then you go ahead and you shoot me! But I have to answer this phone, all right?
Zeus: [picks up the receiver] I'm here.
Simon: [on the other line] And McClane?
Zeus: He's on his way. He's a little slow. He's out of shape.
Simon: The rules applied to the both of you. I'm afraid this is non-compliance. Goodbye.
[hangs up]
Zeus: Trust me guys. Duck.

---

Transit cop: [draws a gun on Zeus] Freeze! Hands up!
Zeus: [payphone nearby rings] Look, man, I just wanna answer the...
Transit cop: [interrupting him] Don't move!
Zeus: Look, if you wanna shoot me, then you go ahead and you SHOOT ME! BUT I HAVE TO ANSWER THIS PHONE!

---

Inspector Cobb: Simon, I can appreciate your feelings for McClane. But believe me, the jerk isn't worth it. He's stepped on so many toes in this department, by next month he's gonna be a security guard. His own wife wants nothing to do with him, and he's about two steps shy of becoming a full-blown alcoholic.
John McClane: [whispering] *One* step, one step.

---

Zeus: What the fuck are you doin'?
John McClane: Interrogatin' him.
Zeus: Well, what's he gonna tell you, "I'm dead"?
John McClane: Well, I ain't gonna know 'til I ask him, am I?

---

John McClane: They told me to stay on the line.
Simon: Ha! God I love this country!
John McClane: You know, your brother was an asshole.
Simon: [pauses and smiles] He was. He was an asshole. You... you got his number.

---

John McClane: Hey, partner!
Zeus: I ain't your partner. I ain't your neighbor, your brother, or your friend. I'm your total stranger.

---

Simon: I'm a soldier, not a monster. Though I sometimes work for monsters.

---

[Zeus and McClane have just stolen a man's car on the highway]
Zeus: [to man] Hey! Who was the 21st President?
Man: Go fuck yourself!

---

Simon: Simon says, McClane and the Samaritan are to go to the corner of 72nd and Broadway in fifteen minutes. No Police. Failiure to answer will cost you to non-complience. Do you understand me John?
John McClane: Oh yes, I understand. I understand that you're a fucking wacko who likes to play kids' games. That's what I understand
Simon: Hahdly.
John McClane: [imitating Simon] Hahdly? Who are you then, someone I set up? What did you do? Shoplifting? Purse-snatching?
[pauses and puts hand over the receiver]
John McClane: Cross-dressing? What?
Simon: You c-c-c- couldn't catch me if I stole your ch-ch-ch-ch chair with you in it!
John McClane: My ch-ch-ch-ch chair with me in it? Well, this is very interesting. Let me ask you a question bone head. Why did you try to k-k-k-k-k kill me?

---

Dr. Schiller: They want you to know who's doing it to you, so this name Simon is probably not an alias. It's probably Simon or some variation.
Joe Lambert: [reading a rap sheet] Simon, Robert E. Convicted of kidnapping and extortion, 10 to 15. Served 7 years on good behavior. Released on parole two months ago.
John McClane: Bob Simon is a bankrupt businessman who kidnapped his partner's daughter. He's a fuck-up, not a psycho. The guy we're looking for is nuts.

---

John McClane: You know this guy Simon we're talking to?
Zeus: Yeah.
John McClane: I threw his little brother off the thirty-second floor of Nakatomi Towers out in L.A. I guess he's a little pissed at me.
Zeus: You mean to tell me that I'm caught up in all this shit because some white cop threw some white asshole's brother off a roof?

---

[McClane and Zeus are arguing over how to solve the problem]
John McClane: You can't do it that way you dumb, motherfucking...!
Zeus: Say it! Say it!
John McClane: Say what?
Zeus: You were going to call me a nigger, weren't you?
John McClane: No I wasn't!
Zeus: Yes you were! What were you gonna call me?
John McClane: Asshole! How's that, asshole!

---

Simon: Said Simple Simon to the pieman going to the fair, "Give me your pies... or I'll cave your head in."

---

Simon: I think he's dead my dear.

---

John McClane: Hey, can you pick locks?
Zeus: Is this one of those black things again?

---

[McClane removes his shirt and pants]
John McClane: You know, you're the first woman since Holly to see me do this.
Connie Kowalski: I'm honored...
John McClane: Yeah, so was she.

---

John McClane: Hot in here, or am I just scared to death?

---

[trying to get to one of Simon's destinations on time]
Zeus: Park Drive is always jammed!
John McClane: I didn't say "Park Drive."
[McClane turns the cab and drives through the park]
John McClane: I said "the park."

---

Zeus: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm not going anywhere.
Inspector Cobb: Simon says you got to go.
Zeus: I'm not jumping through hoops for some psycho! That's a white man, with white problems. You deal with him. Call me when he crosses 110th Street.

---

[after dropping McClane off in Harlem with a sign that says "I hate niggers"]
Inspector Cobb: We'll be back to pick you up in fifteen minutes.
John McClane: Take your time. I expect to be dead in four.

---

Simon: Money means shit to me. I would not give up McClane for all the gold in your Fort Knox.

---

Simon: Where are my pigeons now?
Inspector Cobb: Pigeons?
Simon: I had two pigeons, bright and gay, fly from me the other day. Why is it they did go? You cannot tell, you do not know.
Inspector Cobb: You mean McClane?
Simon: No, I mean Santa Claus.

---

[Simon is in one of the dumptrucks driving gold through the unfinished aqueduct]
Simon: [on a phone] Rear guard, you can close up now.
[pauses, not getting an answer]
Simon: We've reached the dam, you can come up now...
[pauses again, no answer]
Simon: Nils? You can close in now. Nils?
John McClane: [on the guard's phone] Attention! Attention! Nils is dead! I repeat, Nils is dead, fuck-head. So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars, your boys at the bank? They're gonna be a little late.
Simon: [on the phone] John... in the back of the truck you're driving, there's 13 billon dollars worth in gold bullion. I wonder would a deal be out of the question?
John McClane: [on the phone] Yeah, I got a deal for you. Come out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.
Simon: [on the phone] How colorful.

---

Zeus: Well, at least I'm gonna die rich.
John McClane: I've got bad news for ya, you're only dying with me.
Zeus: How the hell do you know?
John McClane: I know the man, I know the family. The only thing better than blowing up $100 billion worth of gold is making people think you did.

---

[McClane and Zeus break into a car]
John McClane: You know how to hot-wire this thing?
Zeus: Of course I can, I'm an electrician. Only problem is...
[Zeus starts the ignition with his pliers]
Zeus: ...it takes too fuckin' long.

---

Simon: Yesterday we were an army with no country, tomorrow we must decide which country we want to buy!

---

[Referring to The Sign of the Cross]
Zeus: How do Catholics do their thing?
John McClane: North, South, West, East.

---

John McClane: Say hello to your brother.

---

Ricky Walsh: Next, fourteen dumptrucks stolen from a yard in Staten Island. Fourteen! Jesus! Somebody starting a construction company?
Joe Lambert: No, it's John's landlady - gonna clean up his apartment.

---

FBI Agent: Does the name Gruber mean anything to you, lieutenant?
[Flashback to Hans Gruber falling from Nakatomi Towers]
John McClane: It rings a bell, yeah.

---

Zeus: Damn McClane, you know I was just starting to like you.
John McClane: Yeah well don't, I'm an asshole.
Zeus: What are you talking about now?
John McClane: I lied to you, Zeus.
Zeus: About what?
John McClane: You remember I said Weiss found that bomb up in Harlem?
Zeus: Yeah.
John McClane: They found it down in Chinatown.
Zeus: Oh. Oh now that's low, even for a white motherfucker like you.
John McClane: I told you I was an asshole.

---

[about to call Simon with the answer to another riddle]
Zeus: Wait a minute, wait a minute, it's a trick! I forgot about the man.
John McClane: Man? What man? Fuck the man! I got ten seconds here!
Zeus: The riddle begins, "As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives!"
John McClane: So?
Zeus: So, the guy and his wives aren't going anywhere.
John McClane: What are they doing?
Zeus: Sitting in the fucking road! Waiting on the moors! How the hell should I know?

---

Zeus: Morning.
John McClane: Good morning.
Zeus: You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I hate niggers" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.
John McClane: [yawns]
Zeus: Hey! I'm talking to you! Now you've got about ten seconds before those guys see you, and when they do they will kill you. Do you understand? You're about to have a very bad day.
John McClane: Tell me about it.

---

[Officer Jane is tending to McClane's wounds]
Inspector Cobb: How is that?
Officer Jane: Nothing wrong with him a shower wouldn't cure. Beer is normally taken internally, John.

---

Dr. Schiller: Yes I was saying that we're dealing with a megalomaniacal personality with possible paranoid schizo...
John McClane: Hey, hey! How 'bout you just skip down to the part where you tell me what the fuck this has to do with me.

---

Joe Lambert: Bonwit Teller. Who'd want to blow up a department store?
Connie Kowalski: Ever seen a woman miss a shoe sale?

---

John McClane: [to terrorists in a tunnel] Hi, Mickey O'Brien, aqueduct security. We've had a report of a guy coming through here with, uh, eight reindeer.
[McClane shoots the terrorists]
John McClane: Yeah, they said he was a jolly old fat guy with a snowy white beard. Cute red clothes. I'm surprised you didn't see him.

---

Zeus: Is this a black-shit again?
John McClane: Hey will you stop that racial shit? Are you a fuckin' locksmith or not?

---

Zeus: Call 911. Someone's about to get killed. And afterwards you go to school, okay?
Raymond, Dexter: [casually] Okay.

---

John McClane: Hey dickhead! Did I come at a bad time?

---

Federal Reserve Guard 2: [on phone] Listen, front desk, I need help I'm completely surrounded...
Simon Gruber: Hey just relax mate, maybe you'll live through this.

---

John McClane: Yippie-kay-yay motherfucker

---

John McClane: I never knew Canada could be this much fun.

---

John McClane: [to Zeus] This guy doesn't care about skin color. Even if you do.

---

Simon: [addressing his troops] And remember. This was all made possible thanks to the g-g-g-g-gullibility of the New York Police Department!

---

Zeus: [helicopter being shot at by Simon] Oh, shit!
Helicopter Pilot: Oh, shit!
John McClane: What do you mean, "Oh, shit"?

---

Simon: [Simon, disguised as a City Engineer, surveying the damage caused by one of his bombs] Holy Toledo! Somebody had fun.

---

John McClane: [Opens door of dump truck] You're a truck driver?
Jerry Parks: No I'm a beautician... Of course I'm a truck driver

---

Zeus: Why do you keep calling me Jésus? Do I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane: Guy back there called you Jésus.
Zeus: He didn't say Jésus. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.
John McClane: Zeus?
Zeus: Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mt. Olympus? Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?
John McClane: No, I don't have a problem with that.

---

[Simon and Targo have just learned that McClane killed two of their henchmen at the aqueduct]
Mathias Targo: I told you not to toy with him!
Simon: Thank you, that's very helpful.

---

Charles Weiss: No guts. No glory.

---

[McClane and Targo are fighting]
Mathias Targo: I see you all day, little man, policeman...
[Targo kicks McClane, who is on the ground]
Mathias Targo: ...and you don't go away.
John McClane: Yeah, I'm that fucking Energizer bunny.

---

[Weiss is hardwiring the bomb in Chester A. Arthur Elementary School]
Charles Weiss: Six booby traps, four dead ends, "and a Partridge in a pear tree." Okay, honey. Let's dance.

---

Simon: [on the phone] Is there a detective named McClane there?.
Inspector Cobb: He's on suspension
Simon: No Walter, he's not. Not today.
Inspector Cobb: Who is this?
Simon: Call me Simon.
Inspector Cobb: What do you want?
Simon: I want to play a game.
Inspector Cobb: What kind of game?
Simon: Simon says
[pauses]
Simon: Simon's going to tell Lieutenant McClane what to do, and Lieutenant McClane is going to do it. No compliance will result in a penalty.
Inspector Cobb: What penalty?
Simon: Another big bang in a very public place

---

Zeus: What the hell's it doing now?
John McClane: It's mixing.

---

Simon: [Simon has just broken into the Federal Reserve] One hundred and forty billion dollars! That's ten times more than what's in Kentucky. Fort Knox? Ha! Fort Knox is for tourists.

---

Kid #1: It's like Christmas. You could steal City Hall.
[Zeus and John take the kids' bikes]
Kid #1: My bike? Hey, my bike!
Zeus: Yeah, it's Christmas!

---

Mathias Targo: [throws and slams John McClane wildly around ship room]
John McClane: [hits the floor hard and stunned]
Mathias Targo: [menacingly] You going to do something? You going to arrest me? Hmm?
John McClane: [sees chain on ground and says weakly] No, I don't think I'm gonna arrest you.
[grabs a chain on ground]
John McClane: I'm gonna fuckin' -
[uses chain to knock Targo out]

---

Raymond: Yo, uncle!
Dexter: Come look at this!
Zeus: [looks at watch] It's ten after nine. Why aren't you in school?
Raymond: Tony wants to sell you this.
Zeus: Tony? That no-neck dude they call "Bad T"?
Dexter: He says he found it in a dumpster.
Zeus: He keeps stealing from people, they're gonna find him in a dumpster.
Raymond: No, he didn't steal it. He says his uncle gave it to him.
Zeus: Mm-hm? Hand me that newspaper over there.
Raymond: [does]
Zeus: [takes it, and whaps his nephews' heads lightly] Don't *ever* let people use you. I don't know how many times I've got to say that to you all. You're running all over town with stolen property; if you get caught, you get in trouble while he gets to deny the whole thing and walk away.
Dexter: You mean, you want us to take it back to Tony?
Zeus: No, I'll take it back to Tony... with a message.

---

Principal Martinez: Hi kids. Now I know you all have assemblies on Friday, but today's special. Mr. Lambert here is from the fire department and today he wants us to practice a brand new fire drill.
Raymond: [seeing Joe Lambert's police badge] Yeah right. Fire drill? That guy's not from the fire department.
Dexter: [sees police badge too and stutters] Maybe it's because of the radio.
Raymond: You mean like they're after us?
Dexter: Tony squealed on us!
Raymond: No he didn't.

---

Zeus: Boy, is he pissed.
John McClane: Maybe he'll feel better when he looks in the back seat.
Zeus: DAMN! That was MY gold bar!

---

Simon: Why was the phone busy? Who were you calling?
John McClane: Psychic Hotline!

---

Gang Member: [in German] Nicht schiessen!
John McClane: [shoots him] What was that?
Mathias Targo: [kicks McClane] He said "Don't shoot!"

---

[first lines]
Inspector Cobb: Alan, Bomb Squad, Special Services, State Police and the F.B.I. Lt. Jurgensen, you, Plummer, go to St. John's Emergency in case we got any walk-ins from the street. Kramer, get the City Engineer. I got to find out our damage report.

---

[last lines]
John McClane: Oh shit.
Zeus: What? WHAT?
John McClane: I left Holly hanging on the phone.
Zeus: Ah, call her back.
John McClane: Uhh, she's going to be pissed.
Zeus: She'll get over it.
John McClane: I don't know, Zeus. Like I said, she's a very stubborn woman.
Zeus: She'd have to be to stay married to you.

---

John McClane: You think we should call a fire truck?
Zeus: Fuck 'em, just let 'em cook!

---

Inspector Cobb: John, have you been drinking?
John McClane: No, not since this morning.

---

Zeus: Watch it! Watch it!
John McClane: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing.
Zeus: Not even God knows what you're doing, McClane!

---

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