Before he died, Dar's father gave a mysterious amulet to Tal, Dar's younger brother who is now king. Dar, while wandering with his animal companions, chances to meet and rescue a family who... See full summary »
Before he died, Dar's father gave a mysterious amulet to Tal, Dar's younger brother who is now king. Dar, while wandering with his animal companions, chances to meet and rescue a family who seek the help of King Tal against Lord Agon, a sorcerer who has conquered their land. Dar obtains an audience for them with Tal, who rallies his troops to march against Agon in the morning. Alas, the young king is captured by Agon's crimson warriors during the night. It is the amulet -- the Eye of the imprisoned god Braxus -- that Agon really wants. But Dar now carries half of it, and is nowhere to be found. Will he fall into Lord Agon's clutches when he comes to free his brother? Written by
Christopher P. Winter <email@example.com>
I remember, as a child, our local off-licence that also housed a collection of crappy videos. They were, in descending order of greatness: "Highlander", "Maniac Cop", "Mac & Me" and any one of the Beastmaster series. Having viewed the latest (and hopefully last) in the series, I wished I had rented them out sooner because this would have cheered me up no end. For all the wrong reasons, I might add.
You know the score. In a faraway land, the evil Lord Evilus Maximus (actually Lord Agon, played by David "Rent-A-Baddie" Warner) has kidnapped the hero's wussy brother and recovered one half of the legendary Eye Of Braxus. He needs the other half to open a tomb that contains an evil so terrifying that something really bad will happen. But who has the other half? Only the legendary (or should that be infamous) Beastmaster, played with enthusiasm by Shaun Michaels-lookalike Marc Singer. Our hero has something of the Conan-look about him, being clad in loincloth and heroically beating the baddies and getting the girl. As he sets off for revenge, we witness the hero using his animal companions - a lion, an eagle and a couple of ferrets. Not sure when ferrets were described as beasts but there you go.
You know that very fine line between "so bad, it's good" and "just plain bad"? Well, this is one that covers the line with sand and pretends it isn't there. At times, this is just awful. I know it's a TVM (a sure-fire sign of crapness) but that cannot justify this mess. The effects are dreadful, the plot is muddled and boring, the action is sub-"Xena: Warrior Princess" and the production values are less than the crew's catering. Only the actors deserve any kind of credit, somehow managing to keep a straight face during dialogue that is just laughable. "Where are the prisoners?" asks the Beastmaster. "In the dungeons!" answers the fair maiden, as if the prisoners were actually sunning themselves on the Costa Del Sol. Surprisingly, only Tony "Candyman" Todd lets himself down but he has that "just-paying-the-bills" look of disinterest in proceedings.
There is no reason why anybody should watch this. Come to think of it, there is no reason why anybody should make this besides Mr Singer. Looking back, there is a hint that this is all about him and how great he is. Though how a barbarian with ferrets is even remotely heroic is a concept that is simply beyond me. "Beastmaster 3: The Eye Of Braxus" is so undemanding of your attention, I would stake money on the fact that you had a better time reading this review that you did watching this movie. Unless you get your kicks watching the very worst of the worst, stay away.
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