Memorable quotes for
Batman Forever (1995) More at IMDbPro »

The Riddler: Joygasm!

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Dr. Chase Meridian: Hot entrance!

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[Two-Face decides a victim's fate with a coin toss]
Two-Face: Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!

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Two-Face: One man is born a hero, his brother a coward. Babies starve, politicians grow fat. Holy men are martyred, and junkies grow legion. Why? Why, why, why, why, why? Luck! Blind, stupid, simple, doo-dah, clueless luck!

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[Two-Face cries on seeing a newspaper report of Batman's latest escape]
The Riddler: That's what I said. Then I learned a new trick: how to map the human mind.
[he plugs in the disk with Bruce Wayne's memory; on the screen they see the image of the giant bat. Two-Face starts laughing]
The Riddler: Riddle me this, what sort of a man has bats on the brain? Go ahead, you can say it.
Two-Face: You're a genius!
The Riddler: Oh, stop!

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The Riddler: Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's afraid of the big, black bat?

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Batman: Commissioner Gordon?
Dr. Chase Meridian: He's at home. I sent the signal.
Batman: What's wrong?
Dr. Chase Meridian: Last night, at the bank, I noticed something about Two-Face. His coin. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited.
Batman: I know. You called me here for this? The Batsignal is not a beeper.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Well I wish I could say that my interest in you was... purely professional.
Batman: You trying to get under my cape, doctor?
Dr. Chase Meridian: A girl can't live by psychoses alone.
Batman: It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.
Dr. Chase Meridian: What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College, motorcycles, leather jackets. Now, *oh*, black rubber.
Batman: Try firemen, less to take off.
Dr. Chase Meridian: I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask.
Batman: We all wear masks.
Dr. Chase Meridian: My life's an open book. You read?
Batman: I don't blend in at a family picnic.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche.
Batman: Direct aren't you?
Dr. Chase Meridian: You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip?
Batman: I haven't had that much luck with women.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Maybe you just haven't met the right woman.

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Dick Grayson: I need a name! Batboy, Nightwing, I dunno. What's a good sidekick name?
Bruce Wayne: How about Dick Grayson, college student?
Dick Grayson: Screw you!

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Alfred Pennyworth: [Bruce is with Chase when he contacts him] I'm sorry to bother you, sir. But I have some rather distressing news about Master Dick.
Bruce Wayne: What, is he all right?
Alfred Pennyworth: I'm afraid Master Dick has... gone traveling.
Bruce Wayne: He ran away?
Alfred Pennyworth: Actually, he took the car.
Bruce Wayne: He boosted the Jag?
Alfred Pennyworth: Not the Jaguar. The other car.
Bruce Wayne: The Bentley?
Alfred Pennyworth: No, sir. The *other* car.

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[first lines]
Alfred Pennyworth: Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir?
Batman: I'll get drive-thru.

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The Riddler: For if knowledge is power, then a GOD AM *I*!
[pauses]
The Riddler: Was that over the top? I can never tell.

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The Riddler: You're ruining my big party! Are you *insane*?
Two-Face: Just waiting for you to deliver the Batman, dear boy.
The Riddler: Patience, O Bifurcated One!
Two-Face: Patience is hell! We want him dead!
The Riddler: Well, you could have let me in on the caper. We could have organized this, planned it... pre-sold the movie rights.
[Batman enters through the skylight, and begins to fit Two-Face's thugs]
The Riddler: You're entrance was good. His was better.
[Batman continues to fit thugs]
The Riddler: The difference: showmanship!

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Robin: Ju want to take a ride in my love machine, bay-bay?

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Two-Face: Why can't you just die?

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[upon reaching Claw Island]
Robin: Holey rusted metal, Batman!
Batman: Huh?
Robin: The ground, it's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey.
Batman: Oh.

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Dick Grayson: All I can think about every second of the day is getting Two-Face. He took my whole life. And when I was out there tonight, I imagined it was him that I was fighting, even when I was fighting you. And all the pain went away. Do you understand?
Bruce Wayne: Yes, I do.
Dick Grayson: Good, cause you gotta help me find him. And when we do, I'm the one who kills him.
Bruce Wayne: So, you're willing to take a life.
Dick Grayson: Long as it's Two-Face.
Bruce Wayne: Then it will happen this way: You make the kill, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why.
Dick Grayson: You can't understand. Your family wasn't killed by a maniac.
Bruce Wayne: Yes, they were. We're the same.

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Bruce Wayne: [Edward extends his had to shake Bruce's] Mister...?
Edward Nygma: Ohhhhh... Bruce Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: No, that's uh, my name. And you are?
Edward Nygma: Oh! Nygma. Edward... Edward Nygma. You hired me personally. We've never actually met, but you signed the employment form yourself. I have it.
Bruce Wayne: I'm gonna need that hand back, Ed.
Edward Nygma: Oh! Yes, of course! I'm sorry. It's just that... you're my idol.
Fred Stickley: [reaches for Nygma's arm] Back to work Edward.
Edward Nygma: [yanks arm away] And *some* people have been trying to keep us apart.
Fred Stickley: Back to work Edward!
Bruce Wayne: It's okay. So, Mr. Nygma, what's on your mind?
Edward Nygma: Precisely! What's on all our minds? Brainwaves.
[giggles]
Edward Nygma: The future of Wayne Enterprises is brainwaves.
[runs into his cubicle]
Fred Stickley: You'll have to forgive this Mr. Wayne. I personally terminated this project this morning!
Bruce Wayne: It's okay.
Edward Nygma: [pops out with a high-tech contraption] I have it! Voila! Huh? My invention beams any TV signal directly into the human brain. By stimulating the neurons, manipulating brainwaves if you will, this device makes the viewer feel like they're actually inside the show! Why be brutalized by an uncaring world?
Bruce Wayne: Did you say manipulating brainwaves?
Edward Nygma: Well... uh... yes.
Bruce Wayne: Hmmm.
Edward Nygma: Not that someone like you would need this. Someone so... sophisticated... and intelligent. I just need additional funds and time for human testing. Let me show you, *please!*
Bruce Wayne: Now look Ed, I'm going to need a full set of technical schematics on this, alright?
Edward Nygma: I want you to know we're gonna be full partners on this Bruce! Look at us! Two of a kind!
Bruce Wayne: You call my assistant Margaret, she'll set something up.
Edward Nygma: [grabs Wayne by the arm] Uhhhhhh... that's not gonna be good for me. I need an answer now. I think I deserve it.
Bruce Wayne: Well I'm sorry Ed, then the answer's no. Stimulating neurons... tampering with people's brainwaves... it just raises too many questions. I'm sorry. Thanks everybody, factory looks great. Keep up the good work.
Fred Stickley: Alright, everyone. Back to work.
[in Nygma's ear]
Fred Stickley: We'll discuss this later!
Edward Nygma: [watching Wayne leave] You were supposed to understand!
[pause]
Edward Nygma: I'll *make* you understand...

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Alfred Pennyworth: Master Bruce. Master Bruce. How are you, young man?
Bruce Wayne: You haven't called me that for a long time.
Alfred Pennyworth: Old habits die hard. Are you all right?
Bruce Wayne: Where's Chase?
Alfred Pennyworth: I'm afraid they've already taken Dr. Meridian. Master Dick has run away. The cave has been destroyed. And there is another riddle.

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Bruce Wayne: "We're 5 little items of an everyday sort. You'll find us all in a tennis court". In... A-E-I-O-U. Vowels.
Alfred Pennyworth: Not entirely unclever, sir, but what do a clock, a match, chess pawns, and vowels have in common? What do these riddles mean?
Bruce Wayne: Every riddle has a number in the question and they arrived at this order: 13, 1, 8, and 5.
Alfred Pennyworth: 13, 1, 8, and 5. What do they mean?
Bruce Wayne: Perhaps letters of the alphabet?
Alfred Pennyworth: Of course, 13 is M.
Bruce Wayne: 1 would be A, 8 would be H, and 5 would be E.
Alfred Pennyworth: M-A-H-E.
Bruce Wayne: Perhaps 1 and 8 are 18.
Alfred Pennyworth: 18 is R. M-R-E.
Bruce Wayne: How about Mr. E.?
Alfred Pennyworth: Mystery.
Bruce Wayne: And another name for mystery?
Alfred Pennyworth: Enigma.
Bruce Wayne: Mr. E. Nygma. Edward Nygma. Stickley's suicide was obviously a computer-generated forgery.
Alfred Pennyworth: You really are quite bright, despite what people say.

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The Riddler: Why? Why can't I kill you? Too many questions. Too many questions.
Batman: Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman, not because I have to be, now, because I choose to be.

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Two-Face: What?
The Riddler: I hope you made extra.
Two-Face: Who the hell are you?
The Riddler: Just a friend. But you can call me... the Riddler.

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Batman: I read your work. Insightful. Naive, but insightful.
Dr. Chase Meridian: I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a superhero's night table.

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Dr. Chase Meridian: He'll slaughter them without thinking twice.
Batman: Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim...
Dr. Chase Meridian: - in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply.
Batman: Exactly.
Dr. Chase Meridian: Like you. - Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent.
Batman: Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian.

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Dr. Chase Meridian: By the way, do you have a first name, or do I just call you Bat?

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The Riddler: Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly coexist? We'll find out today! But first, let's meet our contestants! Behind curtain number one...
[the Riddler reveals Chase Meridian tied up and hung in a container high up in the room]
The Riddler: The absolute fabulous Dr. Chase Meridian. She enjoys hiking, getting her nails done, and foolisihly hopes to be the love of Bruce's life! And behind curtain number two...
[the Riddler reveals an identical container nearby Chase's. This one has Robin tied up]
The Riddler: Batman's one and only partner. This acrobat-turned orphan likes Saturday morning cartoons and one day dreams being...
The Riddler: [whispers] ... bare naked with a girl!
The Riddler: And below these contestants... my personal favorite. A watery grave!
[the Riddler reveals two holes in the floor leading into a dark pit. Both are underneath the two containers]
The Riddler: [points to his scepter] Just one little touch, and you're two friends are *gull feed* on the rocks below. Not enough time to save them both. Which will it be, Batman? Bruce's love or the Dark Knight's junior partner?
[the Riddler imitates a game show timer while Batman ponders in thought]
Batman: There is no way for me to save them or myself. This is all one giant death trap.
The Riddler: Judges?
The Riddler: [makes a buzzer noise] I'm sorry. Your answer must be in the form of a question. But thank you for playing.
[the Riddler begins to push the button on his scepter]
Batman: Wait! I have a riddle for you!
The Riddler: For me? Really? Tell me.
Batman: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
The Riddler: Please! You're as blind as a bat!
Batman: Exactly.
[throws a batarang at his throne]

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Batman: I see without seeing. To me, darkness is as clear as daylight. What am I?
The Riddler: Please! You're as blind as a bat!
Batman: Exactly.
[throws a batarang at his throne]

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[Dick tries to open a door in Wayne Manor, but it won't budge]
Alfred Pennyworth: May I help you, Master Grayson?
Dick Grayson: How come this is the only locked door in this museum? What do you have back here?
Alfred Pennyworth: Master Wayne's dead wives. The silver closet on your way.

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The Riddler: Hey Two-Face, teach me how to punch a guy!
Two-Face: Oh, it's dead simple my boy.
Two-Face: [demonstrates] You make a fist, pull back, and assert yourself.
[knocks guard out with one punch]
The Riddler: Oh, let me try! Make a fist, pull back, and assert yourself
[no effect on guard, Riddler is holding his hand screaming in agony]

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The Riddler: Tell the fat lady she's on in five.

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Two-Face: You have broken into our hideout. You have violated the sanctity of our lair. For this we should crush your bones into POWDER. However, you do pose a very interesting proposition: therefore, heads, we accept, and tails, we blow your damned head off!

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The Riddler: Now the real game begins!

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The Riddler: [to Two Face after Batman shows up] Your entrance was good... his was better. The difference: showmanship.

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The Riddler: This is your brain on the box. This is my brain on the box. Does anybody else feel like a fried egg?

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The Riddler: [shows him his Box wand] This is how I found you.
[turns on the other Boxes for Sugar and Spice, then puts the wand on Two-Face's head]
The Riddler: This is your brain on the Box.
[takes the wand off of Two-Face's head]
The Riddler: This is my brain on the Box.
[puts the wand on his own head]
The Riddler: Does anybody else feel like a fried egg?
Two-Face: I would like some more.
The Riddler: Oh, there's more. Here's the bargain: you will help me steal production capital, so I can put a Box on every TV in town. Then I will be Gotham's, cleverest carbon-based life-form. And in return, I will help you solve the riddle on everyone's mind: "Who is Batman?"

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Gang Leader: Who the hell are you?
Dick Grayson: I'm Batman.
[the gang laughs]
Dick Grayson: Hey, so I forgot my suit alright?

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The Riddler: [while raiding a jewelry store and looking at a diamond through a hand-held microscope] Here's a good one.
Two-Face: No, no, no.
[shows the Riddler a bigger diamond]
Two-Face: Now, here's a good one

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Edward Nygma: [during his introduction of "The Box"] Now, you can be a part of the action. Witness the entertainment in your living room.
[presents "The Box"]
Edward Nygma: The Box, in every home in America, and one day, the world.

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The Riddler: Soon my little "Box" will be on countless TVs around the world. Feeding me, credit card numbers, bank codes, sexual fantasies, and little white lies. Into my head they'll go. Victory is inevitable.

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The Riddler: [after being defeated] Why? Why can't I kill you? Too many questions. Too many questions.
Batman: Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman. Not because I have to be. Now... because I choose to be.
[holds out his hand. The Riddler backs away as he sees a bat]
The Riddler: AAAAHHH! AHHHHGH! AAAAGH!

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[Stops Two Face killing Batman]
The Riddler: Don't kill him! If you kill him, he won't learn nothin'!

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[after shooting down the Batplane]
The Riddler: I hope they can find the little black box.

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The Riddler: Like the jacket? It keeps me safe when I'm... jogging at night!

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[Chase has told the Riddler that Batman will come for her]
The Riddler: [immitating Cesar Romero's Joker] Batman? Batman, you say? Coming for you? I'm...
[shouting]
The Riddler: counting on it!

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Two-Face: You're counting on the winged avenger to deliver you from evil, aren't you my friend?
Bank Guard: Are you going to kill me?
Two-Face: Maybe, maybe not. You could say we're of two minds on the subject.

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[Two-Face's Lair]
The Riddler: I simply love what you've done with the place. Heavy Metal meets House and Garden.

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[Edward is hiding in the shadows of his cell in Arkham Asylum]
Dr. Chase Meridian: Edward?
Edward Nygma: Who is it?
Dr. Chase Meridian: It's Dr. Meridian. Chase. Do you remember me?
Edward Nygma: How can I forget?
Dr. Chase Meridian: Dr. Burton tells me that you know who Batman is.
Edward Nygma: I can't tell you if you don't say "please".
Dr. Chase Meridian: Edward, please. Who is Batman?
Edward Nygma: [leaps out from the shadows with his outfit in the shape of a bat costume] I'm Batman!

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[are trying to sink Robin's boat]
Two Face: B12!
The Riddler: Hit! And my favorite vitamin might I add.

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[hit boss on head with coffee canister]
Edward Nygma: Caffeine will KILL YA!

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The Riddler: [to Two-Face, who has just blown a hole in the ceiling of his lair] Has anybody ever told you you have a SERIOUS IMPULSE CONTROL PROBLEM?

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Bruce Wayne: I was scared at first, but only at first.

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[Two-Face destroys Robin's boat]
The Riddler: YOU SUNK MY BATTLE SHIP!

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Alfred Pennyworth: Broken wings mend in time. One day Robin will fly again. I promise.

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Batman: I guess we're all two people.

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Robin: I can't promise I won't kill Harvey.
Batman: A man's got to go his own way. A friend taught me that.
Robin: Not just a friend.
[extends his hand]
Batman: A partner.
[shakes it]

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Gang Leader: Who the hell are you?
Dick Grayson: I'm Batman.
[the whole gang starts laughing]
Dick Grayson: Okay, so I forgot my suit!

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Edward Nygma: [as Fred dangles at the edge of the broken window over the water chasim] Fred, Babe, you are fired, or should I say: Terminated!
[lets Fred fall to his death]
Edward Nygma: Surfs up, Big Kahona!
[splash]
Edward Nygma: Ooooo, nice form, but a little rough on the landing. He may have to settle for the bronze.
[laughs]

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Two-Face: Don't worry people, no need for alarm, it's just a good-old fashioned, low-tech stick up! We're interested in the basics: cash, jewelry, cellular telephones. Just hand them over nicely, and no one will be hurt.

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[to the annoying Riddler, Two-Face jams a gun into his cheek]
Two-Face: Let's see if you bleed green.

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Fred Stickley: Bruce Wayne was right! You demented, bizarre, unethical toad! It is mind manipulation! You are going up on charges, and then to prison, and then to a mental institution for the rest of your twisted little life! But first and foremost, Nygma, you are fired! Do you hear me? FIRED!

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[Two-Face and the Riddler enter Wayne Manor]
The Riddler: Search-and-capture...
Two-Face: [sighs, to his thugs] No killing.
[Riddler leans in]
The Riddler: That goes *double* for you.

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[last lines]
Dr. Chase Meridian: Don't work too late.

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Two Face: Let's start this party with a bang.

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[the elevator beeps]
Two-Face: Very punctual, even to his own funeral! Boys, kill the Bat!

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The Riddler: This is your captain speaking. Please remain in your seats, we will be experiencing... turbulence!
[he presses a button, the tower fires an energy blast that shoots down the Batplane]

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[as "The Box" is used on Strickley]
The Riddler: [imitating game show host] Edward Nygma, come on down! You're the next contestant on "Brain Drain"!
[imitating shy game show contestant]
The Riddler: Um, gee, ooh, uh, I'll take what's inside Thick Skull #1!
[imitating game show host]
The Riddler: What have we got for him, Johnny?
[laughs]
The Riddler: Stickley! I'm having a breakthrough! And a breakdown? Maybe! Nevertheless, I'm smarter. I'm a genius. No, several geniuses! A gaggle! A swarm! A flock of freakin' Freuds! Riddle me this, Fred! What is everything to someone and nothing to everyone else? Your mind, baby! And now mine pumps with the power of yours!
[singing]
The Riddler: I'm sucking up your I.Q., vacuuming your cortex, feeding off your brain!

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Two Face: Who the hell are you?
The Riddler: Just a friend, but you can call me, the Riddler!

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Two-Face: The bat's stubborn refusal to expire... is driving us INSANE!

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