Jake's Progress (1995– )
Alex Halliwell: You are Universally HATED, Grace! Loathed and despised by anyone who crosses your path. And none more so, in the end, than by me! I should have married Betty Montgomery!
[Dies of a cardiac arrest]
Jake Diadoni: Does My Friend Flicker die at the end?
Jamie Diadoni: Jake, everybody dies at the end.
Jake Diadoni: [Hides under covers] Don't WANT to die! I want everyone else to die! Everyone else 'cept me and me Daddy!
Julie Diadoni: I can't BE like you, Jamie! I just love you, you shitehook!
Monica: And this is your Mining Play?
Playwright: No, this is the one about Anal Penetration among Ethnic Minorities.
Monica: How deeply fascinating...
Jamie Diadoni: If you're in trouble, if you're in doubt; the Cisco Kid will help you out.
Grace Halliwell: He was not a homosexual! He just loved his mother.
Monica: You've been bang at it with the juvenile lead since the read-through!
Monica: A two-week run at the Edinburgh Fringe in a Space the size of a TOILET, and you think you're bloody *Chekov!*
Monica: Who do you think I am? What do you think I do with my life? I'll tell you what I do, I work for a living, I teach a bunch of masturbators English Literature - who think A Room with a View is a Chalet at Butlins and that a Gingerman is a biscuit - and I feed and clothe my children. Ha! My children! Have you seen my children? Have you? And I put on plays in Town Halls that nobody comes to see. And I put on plays in Town Halls that nobody comes to see in the faint hope that I will meet someone who might find me desirable and give me a damn good seeing-to!
Playwright: I don't have to take this! I have CONTACTS at the Royal Shakespeare Company!
Mr. Eliot: All I ever wanted was that land!
Kate Eliot: What a shame you never wanted something more. Like the love of a good family. Because when he'd finished with her, he started on me. And I don't think he'd finished with her, actually.
Julie Diadoni: At least someone knows we're here. Welcome to Nursing.
Julie Diadoni: But he mixes, doesn't he?
Headmistress: Well, he doesn't sit all alone in the corner and cry!
Julie Diadoni: You never once found the joke funny. So I decided it wasn't a joke.
Monica: And I read palms at parties because when I was young and impressionable I read a BOOK on how to read palms and impress people.
Jamie Diadoni: But the Good don't die Young. The Young die Good.
Julie Diadoni: Jamie is not a violent man, and I know that like I know the sun will rise.
Beth (Auxiliary Nurse): I got tired of fighting the good fight and losing.
Julie Diadoni: And I've seen so many of them! Perfectly formed and clinically dead...
Julie Diadoni: [doesn't know Jake can hear her] But I want to have a child... that's better than Jake!
Playwright: Where's the pause? That pause was my homage to Pinter!
Monica: You do know that this is an awful play you've written, don't you?