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IMDb > "Freakazoid!" (1995) > Memorable quotes

Memorable quotes for
"Freakazoid!" (1995) More at IMDbPro »

Cosgrove: You're not a failure kid. It's just that your ideas are silly and dumb.
Freakazoid: Don't let me fall into nothingness! I won't be happy there!
Freakazoid: If this were an after-school special, ooh, you'd pay a bittersweet price for your little deceit, like getting big oily zits! Or eating off the same plate as David Lee Roth!
Lord Bravery: What kind of superhero would call himself Lord Smoked Meats and Fishes?
Mr. Snarzetti: Ah. One who wants to use the element of surprise.
Freakazoid: Please, please, leave me alone. I'll give you anything, anything you want, if you'll just go away. How about the just-written script of Batman IV?
Fan Boy: Plucked it off the internet last night.
Freakazoid: An autographed picture of Stan Lee?
Fan Boy: Who's that?
Freakazoid: No idea. How about your very own Harlan Ellison?
A Lawn Gnome: We are wise and cunning.
Another Lawn Gnome: We stole man's fire and then tried to hide it in our pockets.
A Lawn Gnome: That was painful and dumb. So we became even more cunning.
[Left alone at a "Gulliver" show]
Professor Jones: Freakazoid? Where are you?
[pause]
Professor Jones: Oh, the pain, the pain.
[c.f. "Lost in Space" (1965)]
Freakazoid: [on the phone] Guess where I am. I'm at your prison. Me and my friends are gonna rescue the Douglas family and a mime and escape YOU BIG FATHEAD! FATTY FATTY CHUNKY CHUNKY LARDFACE!
Russian Security Minister: Your death will be very painful.
[hangs up]
Russian Security Minister: Notify the prison authorities. I want to deal with Freakazoid personally!
Steph: Freakazoid, you just insulted the security minister and gave him our exact location!
Roddy MacStew: What was the point, lad? What's your plan?
Freakazoid: [thinks a moment] OK, I know you're gonna be mad but I forgot the rest of my plan.
Guitierrez: [Guitierrez tries to find Freakazoid's weakness, he pulls a green rock out of his cloak] Behold, the purest Kryptonite. Are you feeling weak, my friend, oh so weak?
Freakazoid: That's Superman's weakness, not mine!
Guitierrez: Really?
Freakazoid: Yeah, duuuuuuhhh!
Guitierrez: [pulls out a yellow pad of paper, and holds it in front of Freakazoid's face] Oh, that stupid man at the store! Then how about this! Does the yellow hurt your eyes, my friend? Feeling weak, oh so very weak?
Freakazoid: That's Green Lantern!
Guitierrez: Oh, shoot!
[throws it down, picks up a glass of water and throws it in Freakazoid's face]
Guitierrez: Then how 'bout some... water in your face! Are you meling, melting, my friend?
Freakazoid: That's the Wicked Witch!
Guitierrez: Oh, we're wasting time. What is your weakness?
Freakazoid: Well...
[quick cut to Freakazoid in a cage]
Freakazoid: [to self] Dumb, dumb, dumb! Never tell the villian how to trap you in a cage!
Guitierrez: You probably shouldn't have helped us build it, either.
Freakazoid: I know. Dumb!
Guitierrez: So... graphite bars charged with negative ions. That is your weakness, eh?
Freakazoid: That, or poo gas.
Guitierrez: You know, it's a funny thing. Nobody likes poo gas, my friend. Blagh!
The Lobe: When they make me into an Orangu-man, I hope they don't put me in a tutu. I'd hate that.
The Lobe: I went to all the trouble to think up this brilliant plan, the least you can do is chase me around.
Dr. Mystico: I'll build a private army of super-apes and take over Cleveland!
Cosgrove: Don't you mean the world?
Dr. Mystico: I meant the world, yes. What did I say? Cleveland? Oh, I *always* do that!
Freakazoid: Now, now, ladies, there's plenty of me for everybody - if not, I'll just have 'em draw me bigger.
Dexter Douglas: I wish I were home reading funny stories in binary.
Announcer: We interrupt this program to increase dramatic tension.
Douglas Douglas: You know, Duncan, you're the only one who ever *sees* this blue guy.
Duncan Douglas: He's *real*!
Debbie Douglas: Well, of course he's real to *you* dear, but that's because you're probably insane.
Roddy MacStew: At least let the boy go!
Gutierrez: No.
Roddy MacStew: Why not?
Gutierrez: Because he tasks me! He *tasks* me! Around the moons of Vega, I chuckle at thee. Around the suns of Andromeda, I chuckle more at thee. Revenge is a dish best served with pinto beans and muffins! Kirk, oh, friend, I... Oh!
[fixes tie]
Gutierrez: I'm sorry...
Guitierrez: How did you activate the flaw?
Dexter Douglas: I... I don't know! Th... the cat did it!
Guitierrez: [cut to Mr. Chubbikins tied up with them] Bring in the animal psychologist!
[he enters]
Guitierrez: Ask him how he activated the flaw!
Animal Psychologist: Meow, meow, meow?
Mr. Chubbikins: Mrrow... mrrow...
Animal Psychologist: Meow, meow?
Mr. Chubbikins: Mrrow... mrrow...
Animal Psychologist: He says he's very sad.
Guitierrez: Oh, go away!
Hans: Now, come. We mustn't linger. It is not safe here at night.
Freakazoid: It's day.
Hans: Well, then, I suppose we can linger for a moment.
[after a long, passionate kiss]
Freakazoid: That was shallow, cheap, and based solely on hormones. Works for me!
Freakazoid: Aw, nut bunnies.
Freakazoid: I don't want to go down into the sewer. It smells like poo gas.
Hans: She is a beautiful mountain, yes? But in the Cloud lurk... (dramatic pause) spooky things.
Dr. Mystico: They called me mad! Insane! Wendell!
[Guitierrez is issuing a challenge to Freakazoid through the TV]
Guitierrez: Why don't you come and see me Freakazoid? It has been too long since we have exchanges... cordialities face to face.
Professor Jones: (off camera) That's not a word!
Guitierrez: I am stronger than you, faster than you, and better than you.
Freakazoid: Yes, but can you dance?
Guitierrez: [does a short step dance] Yes.
Freakazoid: [hushed whisper] Wow.
Freakazoid: Cosgrove, how come you never got married?
Cosgrove: Because I like meat too much.
Freakazoid: You can get married and still eat a lot of meat.
Cosgrove: ...I didn't know that.
Guitierrez: Now, I shall have my revenge on you because of what you did to my face!
[pulls off hood to reveal a horribly mishappen and discolered face]
Freakazoid: [gasps] EEEEEEWWWWWWW
Guitierrez: Yes, my friend. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW
Debbie Douglas: You spend far too much time on that computer. It's not healthy.
Dexter Douglas: It's my life.
Debbie Douglas: That's so very, very sad.
Freakazoid: [in tough guy voice] Nothing will stand in my way!
Cosgrove: Hey, Freakazoid! Wanna get a mint?
Freakazoid: [in normal voice] Ok!
[after some of his dialogue is poorly lyp-synced]
Freakazoid: Ugh! Let's watch the lip-sync, okay?
[shot of a giant pair of lips sinking into the ocean]
Freakazoid: [with poor lip-sync] Ah, thank you!
Freakazoid: The scariest thing in the world would be if they gave Sinbad another TV show.
Kids: Aaaah!
Alien: [alien ship lands at the White House and alien walks out] I have traveled many millions of lightyears across forty billion galaxies to come here for the answer to a vital question that concerns the entire universe.
Celebrity: Bill Clinton: And what is that question?
Alien: Please tell us, that doll Barbie, what's the name of her little sister?
Celebrity: [Bill Clinton whipers] Oh, I think it was Pebbles.
Freakazoid: [whispers] Let me handle this.
[confidently]
Freakazoid: It's Skipper!
Alien: Skipper. Huh.
[alien walks back into the ship]
Alien: Hey, everyone! It's Skipper!
[aliens cheer]
Freakazoid: [skips into frame] What am I supposed to do again?
Jack Valenti: Find Guitierrez!
Freakazoid: Oh, yeah!
[starts shouting]
Freakazoid: Mr. Guitierrez? Yoo-hoo! Oli-oli-oxen-free! Mr. Guiterrez! Hey, Guiterrez!
Cosgrove: [walking through sewers] What do they call "poo-gas" in Scotland?
Roddy MacStew: "Crud-vapors".
Freakazoid: Come on, Cosgrove!
Cosgrove: I'm not goin' down there. It smells like poo-gas down there.
[moments before a bomb explodes]
Freakazoid: Allow me to be the first to say, "Ouch!".
The Lobe: [watching Seinfeld] The key to the whole show is Newman.
Cosgrove: How come you don't say anything useful?
Professor Jones: How come you have the IQ of a biscuit?
Cosgrove: [raising his fist] How would you like me to twist your body into funny balloon animal shapes?
Professor Jones: [laughs nervous] Perhaps I misspoke.
Jack Valenti: We've put together a little motion picture about Freakazoid's origin. It's filled with action and adventure and even features a scene with a man wrestling a bear for no reason.
Announcer: [if the show hypothetically ended short] Since this week's episode ended early, I'll recite some of my favorite naughty limericks. I'm sure you'll find them pleasing and saucy. There once was a woman from Bristow...
Steph: Maybe we should catch a movie.
Cosgrove: Good idea. I want to see "Babeheart."
Freakazoid: What's that?
Cosgrove: It's about a cute little pig that slaughters the English.
Soldier: [Movie starts] I say. Look at that little pig over there.
Babeheart: La, La, La! You dumbheads better get out of Scotland!
Soldier: And if we don't?
[Carnage ensues on screen]
Steph: This sure is a gory movie.
Cosgrove: Yeah, but that's one mighty cute pig.
Freakazoid: I think he deserves some kind of cute pig award!

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