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"Screen One" Wide-Eyed and Legless (TV Episode 1993) Poster

(TV Series)

(1993)

Quotes

[Andy Fairweather-Low's "Wide-Eyed and Legless" is playing on the car radio]

Diana Longden: They're playing my song. Turn it up.

[Deric and Diana sing enthusiastically but raucously]

Diana Longden: I'd like you to play this at my funeral.

Deric Longden: I don't trust you - you'd get up and start singing the bugger.

Diana Longden: Think many people'll come?

Deric Longden: Not with your voice.

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[Diana and Deric have gone to visit Aileen. Aileen is leaning over the bannister as Diana clumsily climbs the stairs backwards, sitting on her bottom]

Aileen Armitage: Climbing upstairs on her what?

Deric Longden: Er, on her own volition.

Diana Longden: That is *not* what I said!

Aileen Armitage: No, I thought it wasn't.

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Deric's Mother: Ten minutes of this rain will do more good in half an hour than a fortnight of ordinary rain would do in a month.

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Deric's Mother: Hello Lawrence.

Deric Longden: It's Kenneth.

Deric's Mother: Oh, I knew it was something of Arabia.

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[Deric is smoking a very smelly pipe]

Joan: What are you smoking, lad?

Deric Longden: Three Nuns.

Joan: Well I think one of them's just farted. Put it out, Deric. Never fools anyone, anyway.

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[Deric is sitting with Diana in hospital]

Diana Longden: Go and have a smoke.

Deric Longden: I don't want one.

Diana Longden: You're not missing much.

Deric Longden: [kisses Diana] Oh, I don't know.

Diana Longden: Well go and have a beer then.

Deric Longden: I don't want a beer either.

Diana Longden: Well screw one of the nurses.

Deric Longden: Oh, all right (!)

Diana Longden: Only the one, mind - you've a train to catch.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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