Quotes

[about Harry's daughter]

Gib: Do you think she's still a virgin?

Harry: Dont be ridiculous, she's only - -what is she now?

Gib: She's fourteen!

Harry: She's fourteen years old!

Gib: Yeah, and her little hormones are going off like a car alarm.

[Harry is under the influence of a truth serum]

Samir: Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?

Harry: Yeah. I'm going to kill you pretty soon.

Samir: I see. How, exactly?

Harry: First I'm going to use you as a human shield. Then I'm going to kill this guard over here with the Patterson trocar on the table. And then I was thinking about breaking your neck.

Samir: And what makes you think you can do all that?

Harry: You know my handcuffs?

Samir: Mmm-hmm.

Harry: [holds up his hands] I picked them.

[Samir gasps. Harry springs up from his chair and grabs Samir, using him as a shield while he kills the guard, then breaks Samir's neck]

Faisil: They call him the Sand Spider.

Spencer Trilby: Why?

Faisil: Probably because it sounds scary.

Harry: [holding Simon at the edge of an aquaduct] Son of a bitch, Did you think you can elude us forever, Carlos, huh?

Simon: Hey, you got the wrong guy! My name's Simon! Just let me go. There's no need to kill me. I haven't seen your...

[Harry and Gib remove their masks]

Simon: face. No, no, no I didn't see it, I didn't see it!

[realizes that it is Harry]

Simon: Oh, it's you! Hey, you still interested in that 'Vette at all?

Gib: Hey, Carlos? Game's over. Your career as an international terrorist is well documented.

Simon: No...

Gib: -Oh, yeah.

Simon: No...

Gib: Oh, yeah!

Simon: No!

Gib: OH, YEAH!

Simon: No, I sell cars! That's all! C'mon, I'm not a terrorist. I'm actually a complete coward, if I ever saw a gun, I'd...

Harry: [Harry takes his gun out and points it in Simon's face]

Simon: [Whining and pleading] Oh God, no, please don't kill me. I'm not a spy. I'm nothing. I'm navel lint! I have to lie to women to get laid, and I don't score much. I got a little dick, it's pathetic!

[Harry and Gib gave Simon a weird look, then Simon pees his pants]

Simon: Wha, uh, oh God. Would a spy pee himself, huh? Please, I'm not worth a bullet. Oh, mercy sir!

Harry: [Disgusted] Get the fuck out of here. Just go, just beat it.

Simon: No, no, as soon as I turn, you're gonna shoot me! You're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me, you're gonna shoot me!

Gib: [Gib and Harry get into their van] Get lost, dipshit.

[fires a few rounds into the ground near Simon]

Harry: [trying to translate for Helen what Aziz is saying] In 90 minutes, the holy fire, will light up the skies.

[the terrorists are covering the nuclear warhead with an american flag and cement]

Harry: We will tell the the whole world, that we speak, the truth. No force can stop us now, we're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah.

Helen Tasker: Honey, if we're on an island, why are they using trucks?

Harry: We must be in the Florida Keys. These are the islands that have highways that connect the islands to the mainland.

Helen Tasker: There's no borders, no customs. They can go anywhere in the U.S. They're will be no one to stop them.

Harry: But, us. Here take this

[hands Helen an Uzi]

Helen Tasker: Oh, shit.

Harry: [Loopy from the truth serum he's been given] Ask me a question I would normally lie to.

Helen Tasker: Are we gonna die?

Harry: Yep!

Helen Tasker: I'd say it's working.

Harry: They're gonna shoot us in the head or they gonna torture us to death or they gonna leave us here when the bomb blows up...

Helen Tasker: Harry!

Helen Tasker: Have you ever killed anyone?

Harry: Yeah, but they were all bad.

Simon: I have to lie to women to get laid. Even then I don't score much. I got a little dick, it's pathetic!

Harry: There *is* no us, you psychopathic bitch!

[after watching her husband kill dozens of men]

Helen Tasker: I married Rambo!

Simon: Men want this car for only one reason: pussy.

Harry: You tell on me, I tell on you.

Gib: What are you talking about, I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm as clean as...

Harry: What about that time you blew a six-week operation because you were too busy getting a blow job?

Gib: You knew about that?

Harry: Uh-huh.

[talking about Harry Tasker's wife, in a car with Simon]

Helicopter Pilot: Oh yeah, she's got her head in the guy's lap all right. Yahoo.

[to Harry Tasker]

Gib: Maybe she's sleepy.

[Harry becomes angered when he discovers that Helen may be having an affair]

Gib: What did you expect, Harry? Helen's a flesh and blood woman and you're never there. It was only a matter of time.

Gib: So your life's in the crapper. So you wife is banging a used car salesman - it's humiliating, I know. But goddamnit, Harry, take it like a man!

Harry: The code name of your assignment will be... Boris. And your code name will be...

Helen Tasker: [hopeful] Natasha?

Harry: No... Doris.

Faisil: [Hacking into a computer] Yes! Files are unlocked! Fast Faisil strikes again. I'm doing, man! I've got my hand up her skirt, and I AM GOIN...

Gib: Just copy the goddam files, OK?

[Harry returns to the van after escaping the castle]

Harry: Hi guys.

Gib: Well that worked real good. Right out the old front gate.

Harry: Can you lean back a second...

[Harry shoots two remaining pursuers]

[Salim Abu Aziz reveals a nuclear weapon]

Salim Abu Aziz: Do you know what this is?

Harry: I know what this is...

[Salim smiles]

Harry: This is an espresso machine.

[Salim frowns]

Harry: No, no wait. It's a snow cone maker.

[Salim approaches Harry]

Harry: Is it a water heater?

Gib: It's called ice and it gets a little slick.

Spencer Trilby: Sweet Jesus, Harry, you surely screwed the pooch last night, didn't you?

Spencer Trilby: So far, this is not blowing my skirt up, gentlemen.

[Harry sticks an unconscious terrorist's head in a bathroom urinal and flushes it]

Harry Tasker: Cool off.

Faisil: It's a scale really, with a perfect mission at one end and a total pooch screw at the other, and we're right about in the middle.

Spencer Trilby: You're new on Harry's team, aren't you?

Faisil: Yes.

Spencer Trilby: So what makes you think that the slack I cut him in anyway translates to you?

Harry: [Harry is reading the tapped phone conversations from Helen, notices something, and quickly pulls the car over to the side of the road and up onto the curb]

Gib: My turn to drive?

Harry: Give me the page!

Gib: What?

Harry: This jumps from page 9 to page 11.

Gib: [looks at paper] Must be a typo.

Harry: [shouts] Give me the goddamn page!

Harry: [smashes passenger side window with his bare fist]

Gib: [Gib looks at the window, and quickly grabs page 10 from his coat] OK.

Harry: [translating the terrorist celebrations for Helen] ... We're cool, we're badasses, blah, blah, blah.

Harry: What can I say? I'm a spy.

Helen Tasker: [confessing on why she wants to go with Simon to Paris] I wanted to do something outrageous, and it felt really good, to be needed, and to be trusted. It's just there's so much I want to do with this life and it fells that I haven't done any of it. You know, the sand is running out of the hourglass, ao I want to look back and say, see, I did that, that was me, I was wreckless and I was wild, and I fucking did it.

Salim Abu Aziz: [filming his video when the cameraman abruptly lowers the camera] What's the problem?

Jihad Cameraman: Batter-Aziz!

Gib: Federal officer! Get down now! Duck or Die!